He just broke up with me......

[n3ophy7e]

Some of you may recall a recent thread I posted about my boyfriend and I, when we were having some issues. I thought we worked it out. Apparently not.

We had another more recent conflict, and despite going to couples counselling and despite me trying to implement all the strategies we'd learned in therapy together, nothing worked.

I'm sober, I'm working SO hard on taking care of my emotions and trying to be stable, and I'm getting so much better every day. But after a week of not contacting me at all (which was HELLISH for me, SO fucking difficult to hold back and not contact him, but he specifically requested I not do so, so I honoured him that), I rang him today and he broke up with me.

I just don't understand why he's doing this NOW, when I am getting better, staying sober, and working so hard to make things right. I never even did anything bad to him when I was drunk before (which is now weeks ago). I do not understand why my hard work to fix things has been met with THIS. I don't know why he is doing this. He won't even talk to me. When I rang him to talk about it, I was asking questions like "Why are you doing this?" and "When did you decide this?" and "Why won't you give me a chance to show you I'm getting better?"....but they were all met with complete and utter silence. SILENCE! I have zero clue as to what the fuck is going on.

I love this man so much, I only want him and I only see a future with him. I've worked so hard for our relationship and not only is he not seeing the merit of my efforts but he's totally giving up. What can I do??

 

[Noodle]

You need to try and pick yourself up and move on.

It will take time to know that life is about change. Moving on from loves lost can be the hardest change to endure--and then accept--of all.

 

[n3ophy7e]

It's just so hard to accept, because he was the one person in the world who I thought I could trust the most. We've known each other for 14 years. I honestly thought I was so safe with him. I thought I could show him my true colours and not be rejected. But all of that is wrong. I can't trust him. Which begs the question, can I trust anyone?? Can I rely on anyone to accept me for who I am, faults included??

 

[angeleyes]

I can't tell you why he did that, but I will sit on the couch with the doona with you, watch The Notebook under the covers, eat chocolate all night and have a jolly good bitch session about FUCKING MEN.

Keep your head up

 

[n3ophy7e]

^^ Thank you love

I am so done with men hey. SO fucking done. Men absolutely suck balls. I've been bisexual my whole life but now I think I'm just sticking to women. In my extensive experience, men are fucked.

 

[Animal Mother]

Really sorry to hear this n30,
I thought it was great when you made the thread about getting back together, therapy, self improvement working for you.

In my opinion, you should tough out the need you are feeling, and kick it by yourself for a while. Maybe let resentment harden you a bit? Just ...good luck .

 

[n3ophy7e]

Thanks mate

I just......I really thought I could rely on this guy. I really did. But he's not the man I thought he was.

 

[pofacedhoe]

sorry to hear this- it sounds shit. were you both drinking?

its so annoying when you realise all your invested emotions are just rolling down the drain but sometimes things dont work out and in the long run there are alternative options. the whole thing is harsh

dont let him alter your views- you need to remember that he might be someone you knew for ages but he is just one of many on this planet and there are infinite possibilites for you. it will take time to heal but it will heal like everything does (some things never fully but half healing is better than none)

 

[angeleyes]

dont let him alter your views- you need to remember that he might be someone you knew for ages but he is just one of many on this planet and there are infinite possibilites for you.

dont let him alter your views- you need to remember that he might be someone you knew for ages but he is just one of many on this planet and there are infinite possibilites for you.

FUCKING MEN.

I say this with all jest, I'm not a self-hating male.

But we are dicks. And we cause a lot of shit. Enough said.


He is but one man though, and since you do take an interest in ladies (me too ) there's what, (attractive age factors) there's at least a potential 1 billion+ out there that if they can't captivate you in the way your heart truly desires then at least you can still have a wild time in this life!

YOU GO GIRL. EMBRACE THAT SHIT.

 

[RobotRipping]

hey,

I went through the exact same thing with my gf over the last few weeks. We've broken up 3 times, i drove cross country when we got into a fight last week, lots of other personal terrible stuff happened that i'd rather not talk publically about but we're still working things out. If it's meant to be it's meant to be, if not then you're both better off. That's how we see it as well.

At the same time, i am unreliable as hell, my gf thought she could count on me, i completely blew it due to psychosis as a result of dextroamphetamine abuse. I misread a lot of conversations and text messages and completely blew things up in front of her family who already thinks i'm fucked up! Just a few weeks after i just flat out left the house one day to go overdose on DXM and die due to the stress.

At the end of the day (hell last night) i still didn't want to break up and we're still working on things. Been to couple's therapy, individual therapy, both have our own issues. Try to get him to appeal to reason. I find there's nothing less helpful than to tell someone in a serious relationship that they should just say fuck it and leave cause they deserve better or whatever. It's not that easy and you never know if you're making the worst/best choice of your life. Go with what your instincts tell you cause other than that, there's not a whole hell of a lot to go on.

perhaps he has some actual reasons, reading your posts on here for quite a while now; i highly doubt someone would just randomly drop you for no reason! I personally wouldn't throw in the towel before exhausting all avenues, sometimes things like couples therapy doesn't kick in for the other person in the relationship until much later. Try to reinforce some things you learned from couples therapy to better position yourself to either get some closure or work things out and at the very least communicate.


good luck n3o hope things work out one way or the other and not all guys are assholes, i'm not really an asshole but i've certainly fucked up as bad or worse than the biggest assholes on Earth would but i don't think that takes away from who I am ultimately. That goes both ways in a relationship, when you are that close, sometimes you can see that person's dark side and it's scary but everyone has one.

 

[thujone]

That sucks I did read the related thread so I can't even imagine how much it hurts to have someone you've loved for so long say "sorry, it's over." Given the history, I doubt it was easy for him to make this decision so there's probably no changing his mind about it now. IMHO best thing you can do is grow stronger and become a more stable and reliable person so that your next relationship will benefit from it.

 

[llama112]

I love this man so much, I only want him and I only see a future with him. I've worked so hard for our relationship and not only is he not seeing the merit of my efforts but he's totally giving up. What can I do??

You WILL move on and find someone else in the future.

Some people simply don't see how much you try or how hard you worked. But it just means you guys aren't right for each other.

Cry.... spend time with friends/family, keep yourself distracted, stay busy, etc.

hugs

 

[Maya]

^yep when a door closes a new one opens up and this might be the partner that's meant for you! Whether its a girl or a guy keep your options open I really do hope you yeal faster from this ♡♡♡

 

[Ksa]

I gave you advice in your last thread and you didn't take it into consideration, all I can do is paste it here again and hope you read it this time:

The advice that I can give was given by a very famous man to his son before dying, leaving him with no inheritance but this sentence: "When someone awakens anger in you, wait for 24 hours and then get back to him". Anger is a feeling triggered by an incomplete set of information. Gathering all the necessary information to justify your anger takes time. You cannot feel angry right now and 10 minutes later text him about it. You just cannot do that. It's not how it's done. Remember what I said.

Pneumonia is a serious disease and her mother is a serious family member. You cannot call the man to a party under these circumstances. Postpone the party, go support him and his mother, bring her flowers, be with him, and then go be with your brother. Brain surgeries do not require a per-surgery party. Also remember that you are there to share your happiness with your partner, if you rely on your partner to make you happy the relationship is doomed from the start.

I hope your brother's surgery went well.

 

[lola]

OP, so sorry to hear and it will get better, the wounds will heal with time. But I still think that if you knew each other all this time and took so long to get together it was never meant to be. You were seeking security at a difficult time in your life and turned to him thinking he could give you what you needed, now you are crushed and I would be, too. But ultimately only you can meet your own needs and once you sort yourself out - for your own sake - you will be in a position to meet someone who can be with you shoulder to shoulder as an equal. Sorry he was such a passive aggressive shit to you, you deserve so much better! Hugs

 

[Ksa]

OP, so sorry to hear and it will get better, the wounds will heal with time. But I still think that if you knew each other all this time and took so long to get together it was never meant to be. You were seeking security at a difficult time in your life and turned to him thinking he could give you what you needed, now you are crushed and I would be, too. But ultimately only you can meet your own needs and once you sort yourself out - for your own sake - you will be in a position to meet someone who can be with you shoulder to shoulder as an equal. Sorry he was such a passive aggressive shit to you, you deserve so much better! Hugs

She will do it wrong all over again if you're not straight with her. Requesting her boyfriend to let his mother rot in a hospital by herself so he could go party with her is wrong. God placed both hospital events simultaneously in order to test the couple. If I was her I would have said you know, we both face difficult times, you go take care of your mother, I go take care of my brother and we meet afterwards when there are less problems. But the texts kept coming from her to him, blaming him and it was wrong. Her boyfriend is a blameless lamb, he went take care of his mother.

Ask the OP, if she has a son, that son grows up to be in his 30s, and he leaves her rot in a hospital when she needs him the most, so he can go party? How would she feel?

 

[n3ophy7e]

Ksa you are completely missing the point. Your post is irrelevant to this thread. His mum wasn't left to "rot in a hospital" nor was it merely a "party" that I wanted him to come to. It was a very special and significant family occasion.

Regardless, none of that has anything to do with this.



Thank you all for your kind words. This pain is overwhelming and seemingly endless. I don't know how to make the tears stop.

 

[kytnism]

oh neo im so sorry

i too have left relationships with the silent treatment and no real communication in the past and they have been the most difficult to endure as you dont entirely feel that chapter of your life is completed and was ended abruptly with no great explanation of where things went wrong, and its horrible. the mourning period continues for longer than whats healthy, and i sincerely hope you will find the strength to get through this as gently as humanly possible, and come out of it a stronger, wiser and better you

please dont be a stranger to SLR when you are feeling overwhelmed or are needing a friend/support network. take care of you please

...kytnism...

 

[pofacedhoe]

Thank you all for your kind words. This pain is overwhelming and seemingly endless. I don't know how to make the tears stop.

i've had this before. they do eventually stop and it does hurt but one day you stop thinking about it. its a long way off but you will get over it, but it takes lots of time and shitty emotional states before then.

there is light at the tunnel end

 

[Ksa]

Ksa you are completely missing the point. Your post is irrelevant to this thread. His mum wasn't left to "rot in a hospital" nor was it merely a "party" that I wanted him to come to. It was a very special and significant family occasion.

Regardless, none of that has anything to do with this.



Thank you all for your kind words. This pain is overwhelming and seemingly endless. I don't know how to make the tears stop.

This is very interesting. Revealing the truth about you will make me look like a natzi, and going along with it will only reinforce what makes you post these things.

I got an idea:

1) Open power-point and add a black background to the slide.
2) Select an image of your ideal man and place it on the slide top left, leaving half the right side empty so you may write things there.
3) Open a text box in bold characters size 14, and write in it: "I will always be with you, no matter what". This is the title of the construct.
4) Write an introduction about that man in size 9 calibri, where he addresses you in the first person, portraying himself as the ideal man of your dreams.
5) In a second paragraph, talk about a woman he met, who was heartbroken, and begin a dialogue between them, in calibri font size 9.
6) Go with the flow, making the woman portray all her emotional problems, and her prince charming taking care of all her issues. Write what pleases you.
7) As you go along with the flow, you will notice that certain constructs please you more then others. Develop on these ideas alone. Explore them.

Only you knows what you want to hear. Asking us for what you want to hear is counter-productive, since you only select what pleases you, and discarding what does not angers you. Create a world where it's all about you. Where the man of your dreams, gives you exactly what you want and asks nothing in return. You can do this, trust me. There is no other way to get what you want. It doesn't exist on Earth. You have to create it.