Thanks! I really think so too. Today was the fourth day, so hopefully I'll see some improvement in the next few days (still rattling a lot of the time). That's a withdrawal term that is my favourite. Rattling jives with me a lot more than being sick. I'm not sick, I am a healthy young man. I'm rattling, it's in my bones man. lol. Seriously though. What drug gets into your fucking bones... my upper arms, it's like every nerve is on fire with pain signals. And not just pain that a bad word for it... profound discomfortI don't like sick as much, because I only ever puke / dry heave / shit myself when I'm in cold turkey withdrawal and I avoid that at all costs. When I'm withdrawing, I'm typically in some way lowering my dose to conserve my supply until I can get more, or intentionally during a tape. I have months of experiencing from tapering last year, and it was working out really well but I wasn't prepared for the post-acute syndrome. I got it really bad but I think I know why.
I'm committed to only dosing once every 12 hours though, and switching to my oxy's when I get them back. I also want to trip out at some point, but I'm not sure of the psychedelic. I'm thinking AL-LAD because I've had great experiences with it. I so want to be done with abusing these.
I also have some ibogaine on hand... microdosing it last year was really effective. I need to incorporate some sort of psychedelic series of trips into this, but not yet.
So I apologize to everyone for sort of bitching like before. I was out of my mind and that's what I think about when I taper and have a craving. What I am really trying to do, is not run out cold turkey because that is when I go crazy like that. I'm staying at 80mg heroin a day right now - no more, no less, and in the coming days I will drop that to 60, and then 40. Once I'm at 40 that is less than half a point. I should be able to switch back to oxy's at that point.
For me, everything needs to be mathematical, logical, organized, and recorded. I have to have precise rules for myself such as ONLY dosing at 7pm and 7am. If I really need a higher dose - sure - but only at 7pm or 7am because otherwise I'll start compulsively redosing very easily. Last night I took 60mg instead of 40 it was a mistake, I was really stressed about something but at least I learned what made me reach for the extra amount (it wasn't withdrawal) and I can include that in my journal of Time / Dose (mg) / Reason (freaked out over whatever that time).
I would prefer to taper with a pharmaceutical but I'm getting really consistent quality H, I have a milligram scale, and it's just cheaper so I can take it easy and go slow - that last part is very important because I was almost completely off last year - fought the entire autumn away - only to relapse from post-acute symptoms. I was taking it too fast, I'm not really in a rush to jump off these drugs completely but of course that is the goal. If I can do all this yoga on heroin, why can't I do it not on heroin? My brain just needs to adjust... my body is fine.
I know I'm going to make a mistake here or there taking an extra dose but the important thing is to never give up and never to use that as an excuse to keep doing it, keep getting high. Taking 80mg cut into two doses is stressful enough for me right now so that's where I'm staying. I have enough to cover me until I get my oxy's back. The ER part of my script will really help with hours 6 to 12 because it peaks around around 5 or 6, those tamper-proof ones.
I've really thought things though this time and I really want to get off. Subs and methadone aren't really for me (yet) ... if I keep failing, then of course I'll take a look. But, I did really well with tapering percocet last year for some time and it's not like that's any less addictive really.
Thanks for your post wrongguy. I totally get what you mean. I'm having constant cravings after the 3rd hour to do more, even though I don't need to. I'm just used to dosing that frequently. I have to remind myself why it's worth it to wait - the wasted money, the escalating tolerance, fucking up my tape plans, etc etc etc ETC... man, I did this for 3 months last year. 12 hour dosing with my oxy's and I always had them on hand and could get more to replace them. In my opinion quitting this way, and I know that I do have the self control once I get going, like after I do this for a solid week or two, it starts to come naturally - I think if someone can manage to do this (and believe me I understand why they couldn't because I can't with weed haha, I love weed too much and it's all or nothing for me with weed, just because it's less of a threat I think) - but my point is I really think that it could help with staying clean. If I'm already used to having a gram around and only using twice a day when mentally I'd love another line in the afternoon, you know? That's going to help me stay clean in the future.
Thanks a lot for these posts. All of them are wonderful and mean a lot to me! : )
I got this, I know I do. And wrongguy I agree with everything you are saying. The reason I taper is because 1. I can do it, I proved to myself last year that I have it in me, that self control, and the last few days have gone smoothly for the most part, 2. I am proving to myself that I am beating the drug, by having it in my possession and choosing to use less than the cravings and withdrawal symptoms are telling me to, 3. My chronic pain and mental illness are pretty severe, and I find that cold turkey really shocks my body, it's really hard on me and leaves me in a lot of pain... this way I will avoid vomiting, shitting myself, all that lovely stuff, 4. I don't have any real priorities right now, I'm in between jobs and it's a good time to make this routine, 5. most importantly, when I tried to quit last year it ended so poorly because my dose cuts were 50%. I wanted off and I wanted off fast, but that was too fast for me... I was torn apart by the opioid PAWS symptoms long after the physical sickness had completely stopped - mainly, I'd be up for days, just could not for the life of me sleep, and I was having constant extreme panic attacks that massive amounts of benzos would not even phase.
So those are just 5 reasons why I'm choosing tapering. It works for me, and I don't want to mess with my medical records unless I keep messing up and really have to. I truly believe I got this. I have a lot of things motivating me, a lot of people rooting for me, and a lot of people in my life who don't even know and who I could potentially really hurt indirectly, or like if I did or started shoooting up daily instead of sniffing. I'd be caught, and my family would flip out if I took it that far. I'm also aware that I could die. I had my fun but it's time to start taking life seriously. I have 1.3 grams left, and I got this. I mean what if I lose this connect for the raw? That's tough to come by. I can't be so dependent on this anymore. Ugh so many reasons.
aha, nice one man. but yeah for real it sounds like you're almost constantly rattling 