leet
Bluelighter
FULL HOUSE AT THE HARDCASE GYM
LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!
LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!
Commentator 1:
Good evening and welcome to H.M.P. Bluelight Towers at the HardCase Gym for tonight's boxing match which promises to be a classic in every sense of the word. In the red corner, weighing in at 258 pounds and the undisputed pie eating champion of the prison, the man known as Mark Anderson!
Aaaaaaand in the blue corner weighing in at 180 pounds dead weight... Jason James!
Give it up for tonight's referee The Undefeated Highlands Champion Boxer - Senior Prison Warden Mr. Fulton Mackay!
And tonight's prize?
SMASHING THE LOSER INTO THE MIDDLE OF NEXT WEEK!
Senior Prison Warden Mr. Mackay:
A'm waantin' a guid wash rammy atween youse twa. Na heid butting, na wee blows 'n' na haudin'. We gaed ower th' rules in th' changing rooms lads, sae. Noo titch gloves 'n' back tae yer corners.
(Bell rings)
Commentator 1:
Well, I've got to say that Mark Anderson looks pretty handy tonight. Been convicted and jailed for assault. He's got a record for violence sure, but this is his first time behind bars. Has numerous other convictions, aaaall for violence.
He's been training with the new guys but sound.
Mark is a stone mason by trade, so he's a natural born hard hitter.
Commentator 2:
And that's really starting to show in his early dominance against Jason. Mark's really come out fighting and he's caught Jason totally off guard.
Commentator 1:
What Mark hasn't told the rest of the prison that his convictions for violence are...
Commentator 2:
...Yes?
Commentator 1:
...Are ALL and I mean ALL 14 of them are against his ex-partner and the mother of his two children. For example, last Christmas he battered his ex-partner with a rolling pin. He got a suspended sentence for that one.
As if that wasn't enough, he then attacks her - in public this time, your actual broad daylight in the High Street.
Pushes her against a lamp post and starts punching and slapping her about the face. He pulls her coat off and rips her blouse open and verbally abuses her. She finally manages to escape and when Police find her she was "covered in blood", had a broken nose, a fractured cheek and two black eyes. The judge called Mark a "bully"
Hang on... What's this?
Right now he's receiving a number of telling blows from Jason.
Commentator 2:
Well, Jason has been training with some real dark horses, let me tell you why... WOAH! YES! Jason is having a field day here, he's just laying into Mark left, right and centre, and he's really giving him a right royal boxing lesson.
Commentator 1:
This is seriously bad news for Mark.
Jason is a professional boxer who has multiple previous convictions for violent assaults, he is in the nick yet again, because this time he actually managed to kill a good friend of his with one punch - a deadly knockout blow to the head, the fabled "King Hit"
His judge branded Jason as a "coward." He's not looking that cowardly here tonight.
The "King Hit" that jailed him was modestly described by James to the Police as a "clip to the ear"
This sickening act inspired Danny Green [four times Boxing World Champion] to instigate his STOP THE COWARD'S PUNCH CAMPAIGN
Commentator 2:
Well, I hope history doesn't repeat itself because Jason seems to have hit an early knockout blow...
All action happens in slow motion in background
Commentator 2:
...Aaaaaand Mark hits the canvas! He hits the fucking canvas! I don't believe it!
Still in Slo-Mo
Senior Prison Warden Mr. Mackay:
One-er...two-er?three-er?four-er?.five-er?. (raises hand and hits the ground). .. six-er?.sev -
Commentator 2:
- What's this? What's this? Why is Mr. Mackay is signalling to the physician?
Commentator 1:
OOPS! JASE DID IT AGAIN!!!
TONIGHT'S WINNER IS
JASON JAMES
WITH HIS INFAMOUS KING PUNCH!
YOU HAVE OUR PERMISSION
TO MURDER AND MAIM
JASON JAMES
WITH HIS INFAMOUS KING PUNCH!
YOU HAVE OUR PERMISSION
TO MURDER AND MAIM
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