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Greatest drug induced quotes....Trippin/rollin/stoned/doped/dusted LOL's go here!

During a recent trip with a few friends (they were on LSD and I was on 2C-B and aMT) my friend C accidentally disturbed a little colony of beetles. I then turned to her and said "stop breaking up the Beatles, Yoko!"

Laughs were had.
 
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"Why would you want to marry someone? Love? Women are whores."

I slapped the guy, he insulted my fiancee. Not cool. But as far as stupid funny shit. Good play.
 
Tyler and I were stoned out of our minds and driving when we needed to do a u-turn because we were going the wrong way. It was dark and we were on a highway, with no cars in sight, so he flipped around and there was a moment where were completely sideways on the road as he is putting it back into drive, and we started freaking out.
Tyler: "Oh my God, we're totally road fucked! (thinking there is a car coming straight for us but there wasn't)
Me: Oh my God we totally are! (screams)
Haha.
 
On ket in the back of a car, said to the passenger.
"as a friend, can you feel me and tell me i havent pissed myself."
Turns out i hadnt
 
a bunch of us were IV ing Heroin and this girl kept sayin she didnt feel it & she wasnt high while she was standing up nodding out ...i said sit down before you hit the floor... she looks at me through her slits of eyes and says "what i can't dance"
 
Once, before I learned how prone to blackouts when I drink I am, I got tanked at a friends party. I woke up the next morning, and very vaguagly remember my friend texting me. I checked my text messages and had a few incoherent ramblings, the most memorable being in midsentence, "YOU DIE NOW...TO THE AUDOTORIUM!"
 
"ady is all like "lets study!" and then acid is all like "lets trip!" "
- said by me on acid and adderall while describing why the combo was such a terrible idea

"i wanna play the improved wow, but you dont have it" "whats that?" "acid"
- same acid trip when i first started tripping and was playing wow talking to my friend

"too many people in my head"
- during my hardest/worst trip ever while on shrooms, my friends found it funny along with a lot of the other shit i mumbled
 
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My girlfriend on a combo of zopiclone/alcohol/weed after a 2 day/1 night phet binge..

"do squirrels lay eggs??"
 
Mephedrone epiphany #703: "If I suddenly became Snoop Dogg, I'd be really cool."
 
'Smooth as butter... high as fuck!'

Usually said after every bong rip thats worthy of being labelled 'smooth as butter' :D
 
"it's like a box inside of a box inside of a box. woahh" gotta love shroom logic and how everything seems so deep, i have no idea what we were explaining, but the idea was super intense to imagine things inside of things lol

"were like nasty blobs of happiness" also said on shrooms

"i dont remember the ride back at all" "neither do i" "where are we?" pot heads
 
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Whilst peaking on about 250mgs of MDMA I was asked what I do for a living to which I replied "I sell fibre optics to refugees.... Only red ones.... Because the green ones aren't ripe yet" :)
 
wow some of these are hilarious....

anyways....one night, i had a bunch of people over and EVRYONE (well everyone but me) took epills. it was my boy jakes first time. anyways everyone was sitting in a circle rubbing one anothers backs..i guess it really hit jake hard after awhile bc he got up, went to the bathroom, and came out with a huge bottle of lotion and the other hand in his pants with a HUGE smile on his face...we see him rubbing his dick thru his pants and we were all geekin at him. so he starts beggin every female to come in the bathroom and have sex with him. after about 45mins of nonstop beggin, and all of us saying no, he finally turns to me and says "can you please just jerk me off then?" lol i know it doesnt sound funny, but if u were there it woulda been hilarious considering he's a little younger than the rest of us and was rollin face lol
 
omg guys...here's another funny one.

my aunt patty smokes wet (pcp) occasionally. lately when she smokes it, she starts turning into one of those religious-end is coming-holyroller weirdos. so shes on the couch, stuck. out of nowhere she starts crying saying " i dont wanna die, i dont wanna die.i love you jesus!!!! ohhhhh jeeeesssssusssss i loooovvve youuuu!!!!" im lookin at her like wtf? lol shes sobbing by now. so her grandkids (ages 5 and 3) wake up come into the living room and start laughing saying "mommom, your not gonna die?!" so she starts laughing saying " i am the chosen one!! P-A-T-T-Y!! THE CHOSEN ONE IS P-A-T-T-Y!!!" oh it was a sight..but reallllly funny.
 
me on salvia - "the world is like a bunch of sections about 30 meters long but with different widths"

me on peyote

me:everything just had like a purpleish tint for a second
my friend(sober as a duck): yeah i know

me really drunk :im a little church so imma go to the tipsy to do some run freeing

my friend on speed his first time:

him:imagine if we didnt half to change dirrections at all in our lives and the ground just did that for us because it would be able to read our minds and send us where we should go but not nesiscarly where we want to go.
me:are you sure you took the same pill as me?
 
when i asked my friend how he was feeling

"dude im not highhhh.........im drunk and high =D"
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Playing cod while on coke
"ima fuck his ass" he meant to say "ima fuck his ass up"
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when i was getting complimented on my blunt rolling techniques
"yo man u made that real nice n tight"
i reply (totally spun out) "thats how i roll dog" (no pun intended)
 
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