Gibberings CXXXX: Paranoia Abound

[Shambles]

^ See below. But yeah, basically not wanking enough and now too painful to do the deed cos the jiggling causes so much pain I can't maintain sufficient enthusiasm. A double kick in the balls, as it were

Never heard of that one, or indeed suffered from it.

Twas my understanding that your body re-absorbed excess seamen, for various reasons I have gone without any 'relief' for some weeks at a time and not suffered. I rarely indulge in solo recreation these days but is that not an option ?

Apparently not all fellas suffer with 'em and even those that do suffer to varying degrees. I've always got it baaaaaaaad. Really frikkin bad, in fact. Is fine as long as you keep up an extensive "exercise" regime to keep 'em in tip-top shape. If you let the... exercise slide for whatever reason it all goes a bit tits up

Dunno about the reabsorption thing. Have heard that too but doesn't seem to be the case with me. If I (or perhaps a personal trainer of some description) doesn't get rid of it then it builds up for a few days, hurts like fuck, then makes a bid for freedom overnight if you still haven't taken care of it. Clearly, I haven't been taking care of it enough of late cos is just all the bastard time these last coupla months. Although I have been unusually stimulated one way and another for the exact same period which is probably the root cause of sudden upsurge in able seaman signing up for action (only to be sorely, sorely disappointed at complete absence of action ).

 

[Shambles]

Bake yourself a pie and, yknow, enjoy it not with your mouth

Hahahahahahhahahaa! You actually just gave me an idea there

 

[Allein]

Fek, it's 12:30...how did that happen I only plugged about 150mg of speed at 17:00 and all I've done for the last 4 hours is sit here with the laptop and drink half a can of Diet Coke.

Hmmm more speed or an mg of Xanax

 

[maxalfie]

You will soon be like Buster Gonad Shambles pushing yr balls around in a wheelbarrow.
I must be lucky as never suffered blue balls. Not had sex for 10 years & I don't wank either.

 

[Allein]

You will soon be like Buster Gonad Shambles pushing yr balls around in a wheelbarrow.
I must be lucky as never suffered blue balls. Not had sex for 10 years & I don't wank either.

I kinda got out of the habit, occasionally I'll endulge if I'm on stims and alone but rarely and it's often a disappointment, I am clearly getting old

 

[maxalfie]

I kinda got out of the habit, occasionally I'll endulge if I'm on stims and alone but rarely and it's often a disappointment, I am clearly getting old

Yeah, same here. I just can't be bothered with it at all now. Been so long that I just don't miss it.
Think I have had a few nocturnal emissions in my sleep over the years though.

 

[Shambles]

It does seem to vary a lot between fellas. Consider the haven of peace and serenity y'all have for balls but some of us are all red-blooded and that innit

Meh. Just bad luck or bad genes or bad wanking schedule or summat really. Always had it really bad when I get it. Am taking it as a very clear sign that I've been a single Shambles for far too long now. My own bollocks are revolting

Incidentally, I'm sure y'all being entertained by my predicament will be especially amused to know that I've had a coupla cracks at cracking one off today only to have to abandon due to inability to stay anything beyond "a bit rubbery at best" cos the jiggling involved - even if being reeeeeaaaaaaally careful about it - is just too much at this point. Should've worked out me lil issue yesterday when I sensed trouble brewing but indulged in shonky drugs - shonky drugs wot somewhat acornised the relevant pressure release valve - instead which rather stymied me hence today's painful predicament.

Problem with abortive emergency wanks is that each time you make the attempt you only add fuel to the fire (as it were) making the problem even fekkin worse

Will cause much stickiness whenever I finally get some kip and dream a dreamy dream or two so should be fine tomorrow... for a few days anyway - y'all eunochs and wimminz have such an easy life. Some of us have to pay close attention to the wanking diary or suffer the torments of Hades

 

[Allein]

Do you not find a bit of tasful pornography to be of assistance, I quite enjoy the odd film...tastful...ish of course

On the odd occasion I do bother I almost always report back to Mrs A, only seems fair:D

 

[Allein]

Do you not find a bit of tasful pornography to be of assistance, I quite enjoy the odd film...tasteful...ish of course

On the odd occasion I do bother I almost always report back to Mrs A, only seems fair:D

Edit -- Right more speed

Edit - Edit---double posting for MM

 

[maxalfie]

I hope that u manage to have a sexy-time dream tonight of one of yr fantasy women and may your boxers be sticky when u awaken.
Never said that to someone before.
Oh well, bedtime for me I guess. Have a good night folks and hope yr balls are feeling better tmrw Shambles mate.

 

[Ceres]

congrats shambles you have made me feel slightly better about my own state of misery, and i may not cry myself to sleep tonight.

 

[Shambles]

^ Glad to be of service, Ceres. At least my bollocks did somebody some good tonight :D

I hope that u manage to have a sexy-time dream tonight of one of yr fantasy women and may your boxers be sticky when u awaken.
Never said that to someone before.

Do you not find a bit of tasful pornography to be of assistance, I quite enjoy the odd film...tastful...ish of course

On the odd occasion I do bother I almost always report back to Mrs A, only seems fair:D

It would certainly be of assistance if I was in a fit state to make use of it. This approach was tried earlier - thrice in, fact - and just meant I've made a bit of a rod for me own back due to impossibility of completing the task despite it being really rather vital and very much in my best interests to give it my very best shot. Which, incidentally, I can confirm really is your very best shot if you do manage it. You'd expect distance due to the immense pressures involved but, actually, volume cancels out distance. Not so much the traditional teaspoonful as a ladle full.

And with that, I shall leave y'all to savour that mental image whilst I scuttle back bedwards and see if I can sleep a load of my mind.

Nighty, y'all

(assuming i'm not back shortly cos I can't find anywhere comfy enough to rest me poor aching nadgers so still can't sleep )

 

[Allein]

^^^

Best wishes Sham, all sniggering aside sounds like an uncomfortable situation, hope it improves

 

[Mental Kenny]

Just came back from work, a beer and a bong. Doing good.

How's everyone tonight?

 

[Allein]

Just came back from work, a beer and a bong. Doing good.

How's everyone tonight?

Where you workin till this time of night Kenny ?

 

[Mental Kenny]

Where you workin till this time of night Kenny ?

I was driving a van to nigh visits at a museum, last one was at 10pm and it takes like 2 and a half hours, I then had to drive back to drop the van, get my car and drive home.

 

[Allein]

Ahh that's not so bad, I kinda like driving for work, it can be quite therapeutic compared to the stress of the office.

Way back I used to deliver Pizza for a living, by far the best part time job I had. Later years saw me driving all over Europe before the days of the tunnel and cheap flights.

I still commute in a car and make the best of the down time, comfy seat, aircon, music what more do you need

 

[Ceres]

I was driving a van to nigh visits at a museum, last one was at 10pm and it takes like 2 and a half hours, I then had to drive back to drop the van, get my car and drive home.

 

[parttime crackhead]

I'm not having this. You need a wank so much that you can't have a wank? C'mon to fuck Shambles.

 

[Shambles]

Mornin', all

I'm sure y'all have been waiting with bated breath all night to get the latest bollock update from Chez Sham. And... I can walk properly again!

Always thought that nocturnal emissions are a terrible waste of perfectly good spunk cos you don't even get to wave goodbye to it. However, under the circumstances, I am now eternally grateful for the emergency overflow mechanism. May not be satisfying in quite the same way as helping it on the way, but it is extremely satisfying in other ways. Such a relief

Aaaaaand then the cycle continues. Pain in the arse (well, not quite the arse) having such seemingly overactive orchids. Is a treadmill I tells ya - a bleedin' treadmill. As I explained to a chum of the female persuasion recently when bemoaning my poor aching nads last week: cocks are great, bollocks are just a fukkin chore

I'm not having this. You need a wank so much that you can't have a wank? C'mon to fuck Shambles.

You've clearly got underactive tackle then

Really is too painful when it gets past a certain point. And doesn't help that I'm on bupe at the moment so takes forever to reach a satisfying conclusion anyway. Actually, that is probably contributing to the constant recurrence of the problem. Wanking now takes some serious dedication :D