Ugh I've all these thoughts going on.... and other day I got to thinking about drinking n the point when I was healthy n didn't drink for ages. At that time I did not go on forums (years ago I went on some depression chat rooms n drunk alot but was before I had little one. I had (not joking) became addicted to the internet to the point it overtook my life. While I cannot blame internet forums for drinking I do wonder if I did not have access to them would i continue to do so?
For me, although drinking isn't an addiction it is linked to forums. It goes something like that:
Thought process "Ummm I think there's going to be lots of people on ****, a drink would be nice"
"No it won't. You'll put weight on, you'll argue with people, you'll spend money you don't have."
"But a few drink will make me put weight on, I've just been paid...." etc, etc umtil I talk myself into it.
Then I think "well I'll get myself banned off them problem solved" which never works because then I end up upset with why I was banned, lurk n drink anyway.
Don't get me wrong I'm in no way blaming forums. I'm responsible for my own behaviour n own that. Just explaining some of my weird thought processes.
I sort of get obsessed with things n scared of losing things that matter to me (in a harmless way) this may as well be public seems as i entrusted someone who felt it was their business to go round telling people my private business.
I basically need to break away some of the pattern n I think that by forcing myself off suboxone - will get me half way there. Show me that loss n change are not always bad scarey things.
Sorry for all that rambling on people.
Squirrel away but know if you do, I am there with you and shambles, in spirit... under the bed silently tugging myself off.
Sorry... I woke up in my 'type any shite that comes to mind' mode.
LOL
Evey