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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

Gibberings CLXXVIII - Too skanky for your tastes?

Dont let the past steal your present and future from you. You might not be proud of all the things you've done in the past, but thats okay. The past is not today. The past cannot be changed, forgotten, or erased. It can only be accepted.
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You can't change the past mang.
 
Sigh, I know, I know. I need to learn that when people upser me, losing my temper n telling them never to talk to me again isn't the way to go about things. I don't know the right way to go about things to be honest. I hate conflict so if people upset me I tell them never to talk to me again, to out out of the situation but I just end up regretting things.
I need to find a better way of dealing with issues I really do.
Cause end of the day, the only one I'm hurting is myself :(

Evey
 
foolsgold said:
yeah next thing is quitting smoking chests bad this morning because ive been chain smoking since i stopped
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Yeah quitting smoking can be a right PITA... how many are you smoking a day currently? I was smoking 20-30 a day last year when I gave up. 8)

Eveleivibe said:
Sigh, I know, I know. I need to learn that when people upser me, losing my temper n telling them never to talk to me again isn't the way to go about things. I don't know the right way to go about things to be honest. I hate conflict so if people upset me I tell them never to talk to me again, to out out of the situation but I just end up regretting things.
I need to find a better way of dealing with issues I really do.
Cause end of the day, the only one I'm hurting is myself :(
Click to expand...

The thing is, you avoid the conflict... if someone does something that upsets you, then just take a step back & ignore it. Chances are after cooling off, you'll realise it wasn't as bad as you thought. That's the only thing you can do.
 
Yeah I think that's quite sensible to wait until things have been good for a while before quitting. I notice they say quitting nicotine can increase drug-seeking behaviour, which obviously wouldn't be ideal.

I guess when you quit, it'll probably be best to do so gradually over a long time rather than these 12 week programmes. Will make it a bit easier considering you've smoked for so long. I might actually have had my first puff on a cigarette around 10 but I didn't start smoking, and even then mostly just in joints until I was 15.
 
started properly daily around 12 ish and yeah i think it will most likely affect my progress if i try doing things all at once

thing is i smoke a shit load less on stimulants than i do when sober i am all ready chain smoking again as my chest has noticed these last two days
 
Chatative said:
Yeah quitting smoking can be a right PITA... how many are you smoking a day currently? I was smoking 20-30 a day last year when I gave up. 8)



The thing is, you avoid the conflict... if someone does something that upsets you, then just take a step back & ignore it. Chances are after cooling off, you'll realise it wasn't as bad as you thought. That's the only thing you can do.
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Yea you're right. And I really need to start doing just that insteas of making enemies left , right n centre - and pushing away
The people I really agree about.

You're quite a wise felliw for age, you.

Evey
 
I try my best... there are certainly areas I'm not so wise with... ;)

foolsgold said:
thing is i smoke a shit load less on stimulants than i do when sober i am all ready chain smoking again as my chest has noticed these last two days
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Yeah I found exactly the same... whenever I'm on stims, I'm less likely to smoke. Might well have something to do with raised dopamine levels. I never did enjoy the taste of them either whilst high...
 
i think that and i just get zoned out so i dont think about smoking so much

right just went to help a poor old bee out with a little honey as it was on its last legs

but the was a gust of wind and the honey covered the bee so great help i was poor things wings are now stuck to it
 
foolsgold said:
i think that and i just get zoned out so i dont think about smoking so much

right just went to help a poor old bee out with a little honey as it was on its last legs

but the was a gust of wind and the honey covered the bee so great help i was poor things wings are now stuck to it
Click to expand...
go with sugar water next time.. my daughter and i did it the other day, i felt like such a hero :)
 
Hello EADD! Firstly, sorry for my disappearance. I guess some of you read the old pain thread that Mugz started and know that in the last couple of years I've had 3 major bowel surgeries due to ulcerative colitis effectively destroying my colon. Well, the last 12 months I've been struggling with my new j-pouch, it really hasn't been working well at all.

A couple of months ago I decided that I was no longer well enough to work, thankfully my employer has good insurance so after a trip to their 3rd party occupational health consultant, I got signed off on full pay. I moved back in with my parents, my goal being to gain the 5kg or so the I needed to be a healthy enough weight to have what's called a pouch advancement surgery where they cut out the last bit of rectum that is still giving me grief with colitis.

Well... that didn't happen. I got sicker and sicker and actually lost another 5kg instead of gaining it, despite being on good home cooking and an extra 800kcal of build up drinks to try and put on weight. I eventually started to get fever like symptoms and was worried about infection. I went to see my GP who admitted me to hospital immediately, my surgeon came and had a look and put me on the emergency list for the next days surgery!

So, surgery number 4 and my 7th hospitalisation in under 2 years. They found a fistula tracking from the point where the pouch is sewn to the anal canal (have probably always had a leak there, despite having a load of radioactive dye squirted up there and being xrayed before the takedown surgery). They opened it up and put a seton stitch in. Google image search "anal seton" if you want to know what this is like.

So basically I now have 2 arseholes, one of which is an open wound, connected by an elastic band (only with sharper edges). I can't actually sit upright, only on a recliner or lying down (which is why I haven't been on a computer much). It's pretty uncomfortable. My surgeon also discovered that there was no chance of doing the pouch advancement surgery because there isn't enough room to sew it back on without compromising my sphincter muscles (the biggest risk with that surgery is incontinence anyway).

To make matters worse I can feel another lump which assume is another abscess or fistula, so I'm going in for an MRI scan to try to pinpoint it, I could be having surgery to open that one up soon as well! It's never ending. I think what is likely to happen now, I'm still on infliximab (an immunosuppressant) which haven't been working but I'm going to continue in case they've been restricted by the infection, if the immunosuppressant doesn't work I will have a big 8hr surgery to remove the pouch, sew up my arse and give me a permanent ostomy. Daunting as that sounds (6 month recovery time is recommend because of the magnitude of the arse wound it creates and all the internal veins which connect to the 18" or so of small bowel I'll lose, have to be cauterised) I actually think this is the best option for me now, even if the last 2 years and 3 of the 4 surgeries will have been for nothing.

Anyway, all this means that I'm not really very involved with drugs or drug culture at the moment (aside from the lovely blend of midazolam and fentanyl you get with surgeries these days, which make you skip out of the hospital as if you're completely fixed, only to feel like death that evening when it wears off)... Maybe a single skin spliff and a xanax at night if I can't sleep. Anyway, that and my sporadic access to computers means I've decided to step down as mod here, so keep an eye out for a recruitment thread coming up soon!

Hopefully they'll fix me up eventually and you'll see me back here as a more active member again. Take care y'all!
 
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You poor thing, Josh! :( I really do respect the positive attitude you have.. I know that I'd be insufferably whingey if I were in your position. Hope it works out for the best and it'll be good to see you more active again.. <3
 
<3 welcome back, Josh nothing but admiration for your strength and willpower against that much pain...hold hard.
 
roganjosh said:
Hello EADD! Firstly, sorry for my disappearance. I guess some of you read the old pain thread that Mugz started and know that in the last couple of years I've had 3 major bowel surgeries due to ulcerative colitis effectively destroying my colon. Well, the last 12 months I've been struggling with my new j-pouch, it really hasn't been working well at all.

A couple of months ago I decided that I was no longer well enough to work, thankfully my employer has good insurance so after a trip to their 3rd party occupational health consultant, I got signed off on full pay. I moved back in with my parents, my goal being to gain the 5kg or so the I needed to be a healthy enough weight to have what's called a pouch advancement surgery where they cut out the last bit of rectum that is still giving me grief with colitis.

Well... that didn't happen. I got sicker and sicker and actually lost another 5kg instead of gaining it, despite being on good home cooking and an extra 800kcal of build up drinks to try and put on weight. I eventually started to get fever like symptoms and was worried about infection. I went to see my GP who admitted me to hospital immediately, my surgeon came and had a look and put me on the emergency list for the next days surgery!

So, surgery number 4 and my 7th hospitalisation in under 2 years. They found a fistula tracking from the point where the pouch is sewn to the anal canal (have probably always had a leak there, despite having a load of radioactive dye squirted up there and being xrayed before the takedown surgery). They opened it up and put a seton stitch in. Google image search "anal seton" if you want to know what this is like.

So basically I now have 2 arseholes, one of which is an open wound, connected by an elastic band (only with sharper edges). I can't actually sit upright, only on a recliner or lying down (which is why I haven't been on a computer much). It's pretty uncomfortable. My surgeon also discovered that there was no chance of doing the pouch advancement surgery because there isn't enough room to sew it back on without compromising my sphincter muscles (the biggest risk with that surgery is incontinence anyway).

To make matters worse I can feel another lump which assume is another abscess or fistula, so I'm going in for an MRI scan to try to pinpoint it, I could be having surgery to open that one up soon as well! It's never ending. I think what is likely to happen now, I'm still on infliximab (an immunosuppressant) which haven't been working but I'm going to continue in case they've been restricted by the infection, if the immunosuppressant doesn't work I will have a big 8hr surgery to remove the pouch, sew up my arse and give me a permanent ostomy. Daunting as that sounds (6 month recovery time is recommend because of the magnitude of the arse wound it creates and all the internal veins which connect to the 18" or so of small bowel I'll lose, have to be cauterised) I actually think this is the best option for me now, even if the last 2 years and 3 of the 4 surgeries will have been for nothing.

Anyway, all this means that I'm not really very involved with drugs or drug culture at the moment (aside from the lovely blend of midazolam and fentanyl you get with surgeries these days, which make you skip out of the hospital as if you're completely fixed, only to feel like death that evening when it wears off)... Maybe a single skin spliff and a xanax at night if I can't sleep. Anyway, that and my sporadic access to computers means I've decided to step down as mod here, so keep an eye out for a recruitment thread coming up soon!

Hopefully they'll fix me up eventually and you'll see me back here as a more active member again. Take care y'all!
Click to expand...

WOW. I'm so incredibly sorry, Josh. I sincerely hope that this all ends soon for you. You don't deserve this.

Thinking n praying for you.

Evey
 
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