What you need to do Evey is address those feelings and thoughts now, while you feel them.. the great opiate sticky plaster just does a fantastic job of papering over the cracks.
I only have to stop the gear for a few days and my emotions come flooding back, yeah its unpleasant and usually ends in me running back to it because i cant cope but everytime im putting a dent in it.. hopefully before long I'll not have to resort to it... dunno where im going with this but...y'know...
Daily opiates or any drug for that matter isnt the answer, numbing feelings and shelving thoughts dont work, they just lead to unhappiness, they have to be dealt with at some point if you truly want to be happy. Imo
Thanks. That really means a lot to me n is very much appreciated. From a small child my emotions have been wrong. I would burst into tears over nothing n my parents would demand to know what was wrong with me. So i'd end up making something up then get a lecture for "feeling sorry for myself," which of course I wasn't doing. I homestly couldn't help it. As I grew older n into my 20s it continued. I remember takinh lots of pro plus (caffeine tablets) to try n stop it.
I met a lady off the Internet n she went on holiday to Blackpool. She was gorgeous n had an interest in katanas (collected them). She was incredibly nice to me n I couldn't stop
Getting emotional over it.
After having my little one i was really angry all the time n would go on Facebook. I couldn't understand why my friends had abandoned me n were all for themselves. They'd brag how they were going clubbing, going on trips out n there was me here, alone. Every day. The days were long, it was like a cold, empty, void n NONE of my friends cared - it was out of sight out of mind.
I'd ask them to meet me for a coffee they said they were too busy. I didn't mind that they were busy but I'd see pics of them clubbing on Facebook etc. I told them all what I thought, dumped them n never looked back! Had it been the other way I'd have been there for them in a heartbeat. But why weren't they there for me???? Surely they knew I was lonely n hurting. Like i said - selfish. Its those times that you find out who your true friends are and I don't have any probably never did.
When I got on codeine it didnt feel so painful anymore to be alone, to not belong n to always be on the outside, looking in. Not wanted by people. I started to love being alone n I started doing the rejecting - not the other way around. It felt lovely n I began to feel that taking codeine was the only way to lead a normal life, free of the negativity, misery n loneliness, empty void.
Sorry about the winge
Oh Urban why bring this up?
I honestly don't know why Raasy puts up with me. I've not exactly been a good friend to him. I get angry with him n block him. He shouldn't put up with that bollox from me. He deserves far better than that as he's a lovely, caring, sensitive n understanding friend (sorry for the compliments, Raas *awaits a Radmonishing :D )
Evey
... Morning snolls. (erm... Urbain - not seen you around much, things ok?)
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