Getting your dick wet in London.

[ponch]

I think the greater logical explanation is the fact a woman could probably go to a bar and end up going home with someone a lot easier than a man could. Escorts exist as a matter of convenience.

I think Jim Jeffries put it well recently in his stand up routine. Why is it when a man sleeps with loads of women he is a stud but when a woman sleeps with loads of men she is a slut? It's hard to be a stud, it's easy to be a slut. You don't see any fat studs.

 

[Shambles]

Then what would be a more logical explanation? What is your reasoning to it?

As a female would you think anything less if you found a good friend of yours had used escorts in the past. Just out of curiosity.

I'm not a woman but would strongly suspect that social acceptability would be a big factor in why women are less likely to use escorts as well as the fact that women have only recently even come close to achieving equality in any area of life let alone in the sexual arena.

As a male, I wouldn't think any more or any less of anybody who used the services of sex-workers. Would depend on the attitude they had towards it though. Using a service provided and treating the provider with respect (ie not calling them "ho's," "sluts" and the like or looking down on them for their profession) wouldn't make me think any differently about somebody but those who treat and speak of the provider in contemptuous and misogynistic style would likely cease to be friends.

PS: I also tend to agree with Ponch - casual sex without the need for payment is probably much easier for women to find if they want it cos so many men are looking for it. But not all men - I can't deal with casual sex at all and know plenty of other men who avoid it too.

 

[Ghostface]

i think a modern city lifestyle doesnt help either. a gay lifestyle and city lifestyle combined certainly is one of the most liberal your going to come across on your travels thats for sure, but on the same note, its not just black and white either. you cant really pidgeonhole people like that, everyones an individual in there own right

Of course everyone is an individual, but individual with the same lifestyle tend to group together, and thus, a generalisation is then used to describe them.

As this is on topic, how many gay guys do you know who have paid for sex?

 

[dee_dee]

^^^ i dont no tbh as i guess its something most who would pay wouldnt talk about it, or perhaps they would but its not the sort of thing id ask? i certainly have met my fair share of gay male escorts though in clubs. again, they wouldnt think twice about telling you thats what they do for a living, or if they do porn. have met quite a few str8 girls in porn too in my time. as i say liberal, they dont feel the need to hide it it would appear, they can tell a stranger in a club during conversation and not feel phased by it. im usually more phased than them i would imagine, not that id show it. ive always wanted to ask why they do what they do, but ive felt it a bit inappropriate to start prying. ill usually just change the subject onto something i can relate to

ive been offered money for sex a few times, mainly when i was younger but even once a couple of years ago actually. i found it quite amusing tbh the last time. i mean i probally would of been what 37 then. some people are clearly desperate, pmsl. when i was younger i used to hate it, one guy offered me money to beat him up, he just walked upto me in a club complete stranger and asked me point blank, no hello, nothing. was kinda scary.

i wasnt in a sex club or fetish club just some normal raver type house music mixed gay club. i never forget that, id probally only just started going out to gay places then as well, i just rememebr thinking what a freak and walked off

 

[Jblazingphoenix100]

So wait - you'd rather go fuck a prostitute, who wouldn't tell you whether you were good in bed, and would cost you at least 80 quid for a nice not skanky one, over someone who's a lil below your standards, who would probably be a lot easier, and more honest...oh and cheaper for sure.

I don't understand this - I mean, I do...I considered it myself, but I think it would damage your self esteem more than having batting practice with some chubby girl you met somewhere.

No?

 

[ecsplosiv]

As a male, I wouldn't think any more or any less of anybody who used the services of sex-workers. Would depend on the attitude they had towards it though. Using a service provided and treating the provider with respect (ie not calling them "ho's," "sluts" and the like or looking down on them for their profession) wouldn't make me think any differently about somebody but those who treat and speak of the provider in contemptuous and misogynistic style would likely cease to be friends.

Agreed here. The stigma attached to this issue is stronger than that attached to us drug users I think. Everyone can personally relate to it and the pain it could cause to relationships.

Generalisations abound. The causality between possible lack of male escorts and women not being able to separate sex and emotions is nearly as shaky as your assumption that they can't do this whilst men can.

Sorry Wibble I may have made that generalisation without using my brain. It was of course a stupid thing to say. I have never personally met a girl who could separate sex and emotion though myself. I see myself as a guy who could but I am interested to know if I am in the minority. Certainly in my early days I had a few one night stands and somehow compartmentalised them in my mind, detaching myself emotionally. Most of the time this was fine because subconsciously I didn't completely respect them for sleeping with me so soon (was I a hypocrite or what). There were a couple though that were actually really nice girls and I think back with sadness. The more I think about it, I was a bit of a cunt when I was younger. It's only after being in a long term relationship (5 years) that I realise.

Also, I totally disagree with those saying men can easily separate sex from emotion. I certainly can't but my ex-fiance certainly could. She worked as an escort and as a prostitute for a while herself but not for long cos she hated it. She was a complete nymphomaniac but found the reality of being paid for sex with strangers was far more sordid and unpleasant than she expected. Generalisations are kinda general rather than accurate

Well this is really interesting. I had kinda assumed for some reason that most men can separate sex from emotion, because of my personal experiences.

Don't you think now that people in general are exposed to SO much fucking sexual imagery everywhere. Loads of girls dress sexier, it's just a constant bombardment. I honestly think it's harder to lead a faithful life now than ever. One of my new years resolutions has been deactivating facebook and I have found I am far less sexually frustrated now I don't see hundreds of photos of fit girls dolled up to the nines. Is this the same for women too?

 

[ecsplosiv]

I don't understand this - I mean, I do...I considered it myself, but I think it would damage your self esteem more than having batting practice with some chubby girl you met somewhere.

Another take on that.

Having sex once with a girl you met will usually cost more than an escort after you factor in drinks, time, risk, taking them out for a meal etc. And the escort will likely be much better looking and the sex better too. I think it's disingenuous to mislead a girl into thinking you might want a relationship with her just to get sex. Even if you tell them plain that you don't want a relationship it may be misconstrued as soon as you have had sex. And I don't think there is anything to be ashamed of either. Also I think it would increase not decrease your confidence with women allowing you to meet a girl you actually care about and invest all your energy into her.

 

[Shambles]

I suspect that I am likely very much in a minority of menfolk in this area. To be honest, I've never been one to take much notice of how a woman dresses other than to be a bit jealous of their clothes sometimes - not that I'm a tranny but they do have much better choice, nicer material and nicer cuts when it comes to trousers and tops, in my opinion. And on my budget. I've hardly ever looked at a woman and wanted to have sex with her purely on appearance. Really is personality that does it for me. There are obviously certain physical types that I am more drawn to in general but even if the look is my wet dream there's no real sexual thoughts until I get to know them. As far as being surrounded by sexual imagery in the media and so on, it possibly helps that the "classic" blonde hair, blue eyes, big tits look does absolutely zero for me anyway.

Having said that, I have had one or two one-night stands here and there. I am very much a slut in some ways cos I do tend to jump into bed pretty much instantly in the right circumstance. I've felt horrid after the few one-night stands I have had though and wouldn't wish to repeat them. I would actually find it harder to not be faithful than to be faithful - it just fits better with me.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Don't you think now that people in general are exposed to SO much fucking sexual imagery everywhere. Loads of girls dress sexier, it's just a constant bombardment. I honestly think it's harder to lead a faithful life now than ever. One of my new years resolutions has been deactivating facebook and I have found I am far less sexually frustrated now I don't see hundreds of photos of fit girls dolled up to the nines. Is this the same for women too?

the constant bombardment will make you more likely to cheat i think, especially if you're not getting enough from your partner. forcing sex into peoples brains all the time will make them hornier. for me personally thats not enough to make me cheat, i've cheated on my current boyf once and that was after 8 hours of free alcohol and about an hour of talking about sex.

i don't think i'm a representative sample of women when it comes to sex though, i'm a lot more like a man.

 

[Myshkin]

And the escort will likely be much better looking and the sex better too.

Good sex is never casual. Casual sex is never good sex.

I mean that not as a pro-monogamy statement, but that you'll never really have great sex unless there's a special connection with the person(s) you're having sex with. Possibly a good fuck, but not good sex.

I write this primarily for the benefit of the handful of souls who'll understand this. Can't believe I'm keeping this thread alive, but at least it's had the unintended consequences of revealing more about some of the posters than they might imagine.

 

[effie]

Good sex is never casual. Casual sex is never good sex.

I mean that not as a pro-monogamy statement, but that you'll never really have great sex unless there's a special connection with the person(s) you're having sex with. Possibly a good fuck, but not good sex.

I write this primarily for the benefit of the handful of souls who'll understand this. Can't believe I'm keeping this thread alive, but at least it's had the unintended consequences of revealing more about some of the posters than they might imagine.

Agree totally

 

[Shambles]

Thirded.

Although there was one one-nighter after a party that involved a good 12 hours at it like rabbits afterwards that was pretty spectacular. But still left me feeling kinda icky. The best sex I've has has always been when I'm in a relationship.

 

[Sadie]

I totally agree. THere's a trust thing and an intimacy that allows you to be more adventurous and right dirty. It also enables you to appreciate it and savour it all the more. Lets face it, Sex is meant to be appreciated and savoured. For everything else, there's a wank.

 

[Myshkin]

Doesn't even have to be a 'relationship' relationship, like. Just that "I know you" thing.

Or even better, knowing that "I" and "you" are the funniest load of shit ever, if you get what (...) mean.

EDIT: Good slogan, Sadie! Beats a Mastercard, anyway!

 

[ecsplosiv]

Good sex is never casual. Casual sex is never good sex.

I mean that not as a pro-monogamy statement, but that you'll never really have great sex unless there's a special connection with the person(s) you're having sex with. Possibly a good fuck, but not good sex.

I know where you are coming from but the novelty factor plays a huge part here. It's like your first time taking MDMA. There is nothing more exciting than pure lust for someone and acting it out in blazing fashion, especially when both sides are well into it.

Anyway SamhainGrim sorry to hear this thread is upsetting you so much I thought we were delving into a taboo subject with interest. I guess I'll shut up though I've said everything I wanted to

I totally agree. THere's a trust thing and an intimacy that allows you to be more adventurous and right dirty. It also enables you to appreciate it and savour it all the more. Lets face it, Sex is meant to be appreciated and savoured. For everything else, there's a wank.

I agree sex can also be mindblowing (sometimes out of this world!) when you know and love your partner, but it is a completely different thing and sometimes not as exciting or lustful. Adding drugs can bring novelty factor back.

@chinup -- thanks for the honesty dude. Perhaps it's not possible to do this issue justice on this discussion board. Way too much stigma I think some people delude themselves too.

 

[Myshkin]

<sigh>

I know I've possibly come across as a self-righteous, sanctimonious, Andrea-Dworkin-avec-cock type, but some things needed saying.

Let me reiterate - it was not the subject of prostitution which irked me, but the flagrant misogyny expressed by the OP and (regrettably) some others.

That is all.

Right, off to the knocking shop. Must dash...

 

[StoneHappyMonday]

Let me reiterate - it was not the subject of prostitution which irked me, but the flagrant misogyny

The two are linked. You whore/slapper/tart. If you see what I mean.

 

[Shambles]

I actually rather like the way this thread has turned - much more interesting topic now.

I also agree that the relationship thing is not necessary as such - it's the connection and bond with somebody that makes the magic and that can exist outside of a longterm, committed relationship. The novelty factor idea is something I can kinda relate to but, to be honest, I find sex tends to be pretty awkward at first and gets much better with familiarity.

 

[Ghostface]

I find sex tends to be pretty awkward at first and gets much better with familiarity.

I am at the opposite end, sex tends to become awkward and boring for me with familiarity

 

[ecsplosiv]

^ yes same here. It's got nothing to do with my girlfriend either. She loves sex, is up for anything. To top is all off, she is pretty fucking gorgeous. I would probably get bored of having sex with <insert name here>.

My girlfriend is my soul mate, my best friend. We eat and shit together literally. We describe our poos to each other in great detail. We have great banter. It's little wonder the lust is gone.

Every now and then we rekindle it though. When she goes away to visit her parents for a week or so, or I withhold sex for long enough -- you can rekindle some excitement and novelty back!