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General Heroin Discussion 20 v. Walking Around in Women's Underwear

nah, living a boring somewhat "sober" life nowadays. doing suboxone daily is not as fun to be told as shooting dope in randoms bathrooms throughout the day.
 
alteknj said:
BL ... is such a trigger for me as well ... I got on the juice. Immediately I got my shit right again within 2-3 months. My health, strength, weight, mind clear. ... I gradually pulled myself away from all this shit.. I got a job, No legal issues -- all cleared up. Not on paper. Getting my license back in mere weeks... Methadone saved my fucking ass... I'm happier than I was during when I was running hard for sure.
Click to expand...

Now that's some hope right there. That's my story in part also. In and out of jail, broke, shitty jobs, broke, sick, and broke. Methadone turned things around for me for a few years. Eventually I went back to using for a minute, and the shitstorm came back fast, but I had a taste of life not being chained to the dope while on the juice, and I quickly decided to go back to detox and get on the juice again. Fortunately (and to my surprise) after I was admitted to the detox floor (after spending 12 hours in the ER) they told me they didn't administer methadone for opiate withdraws. WTF!!!! I wasn't a happy camper, but by then I was 36 hours into cold turkey, 5 hours drive away from the dope spot, and I was broke. It was the first time in months that I was in a real bed with clean sheets. Fuggit. I'm going to white knuckle this thing, get some rest and some food (courtesy of the State of New York - Medicaid) and then figure out a hustle to get some cash and cop. Well, that day didn't come. I went directly to a 30 day rehab and then did a 6 month outpatient gig. After a few brief runs, I stayed clean for 17+ years. This is all to say that in my experience ... methadone was a necessary step for me to turn my life around.

After all those years clean, I had oral surgery and got a Rx for hydros. That woke up the monkey and since then I stopped going to 12 step meetings and I've been chipping here and there for .. oh .. 3 or 4 years now. I have to admit, I miss the camaraderie I felt while attending meetings. While there are plenty of douches in "the rooms," I got tight with a handful of guys (and a few sisters too) and I don't see them hardly at all now that I don't go to meetings.

Keep up the good work alteknj.
 
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Wellp. Due to a ton of super shitty circumstances (i got fired from my job because my manager was stealing, which is shit, my bestfriend/girl i loved told me to leave her alone for ever while she dates my fucking cousin, and my brother is looking at going to jail for a very long time due to false rape charges (long story, total bullshit, but now i just want him back)...ive been using drugs again.

Besides the standard amazing weed/wax, ive been sniffing dope again (but have been limiting my self to 50 dollars a day, and somedays i dont even cop), taking kpins, valium, and xanax when theyre around, abusing tons of adderall for work (now i work at s gas station. Fuck), been taking acid on the weekends (i got a sheet of PHENOMINAL gel tabs before my guy left this weekend for BassLights), coke when i hang out with my friend (who sells coke), and ive been dabbling with methdabs while im nodding on h (meth dab is when you get your dab tool super coated in meth then take the dab as you normally wod)

Needless to say im an emotionally broken person right now and have been coping with drugs.

The only plus side is i might be losing my gay virginity. Ill be the first one to admit thst i am a pansexual (sexually attracted to any person regardless of sexuality or gender),but have never actually sought out male on male sexual interaction aftwr i was raped when i was 18 (especially when i love women as much, if not more, than men, and am veyond happt with them. BUT I like penis but hate whats attatxhed to it (plus, imo, nothing will ever beat a proper women), but my gay friend straight up said that he will let me get as messed up as i needed to to sleep with him as a means of coming to terms with what happened to me since its secretly been a huge trigger for me and overcoming it will greatly reduce my anxiety and lead me to not need drugs to cope as much anymore.

I only bring this anectdote up because ive gotten so sick of the cyxle of addiction and replase that i meed to go to the extreme to solve the cause.

Needless to say, im so sick of my drug abuse that im digging through anything that may be a trigger. Im running out of ideas, people. Im going crazy because of my personal life. I need this because ts my last hope. Ive tried everything else. And no matter what you say, we all have repressed sexual shit. Maybe it effects us more than we think

/ice+h fueled rant. Sorry y'all.

But its kinda sad that everyone knows the way to recovery is to fsce the emotional triggers but it takes years upon years, if ever, to lose the ego of it and embrace it.
 
just think about it real good before you go down that route man

I dont really have an opinion on homosexuality, not for or against it. I just dont want you to exacerbate an already dark period in your life by finding out that you aren't even remotely bi-curious halfway through your experiment and who knows what that would lead to

but if its something you feel comfortable with, who am I to say its right or wrong. Ive always felt that people who use illegal drugs really cant have an agenda on anything relating to morality because that would be hypocritical.

everyone should just do whatever they want, so long as it excludes murder, rape, violence, thievery, you know all the usual frowned upon stuff
 
subotai said:
just think about it real good before you go down that route man

I dont really have an opinion on homosexuality, not for or against it. I just dont want you to exacerbate an already dark period in your life by finding out that you aren't even remotely bi-curious halfway through your experiment and who knows what that would lead to

but if its something you feel comfortable with, who am I to say its right or wrong. Ive always felt that people who use illegal drugs really cant have an agenda on anything relating to morality because that would be hypocritical.

everyone should just do whatever they want, so long as it excludes murder, rape, violence, thievery, you know all the usual frowned upon stuff
Click to expand...

You say that people who use illegal drugs can't take moral positions (why that is doesn't make sense to me, but whatever...), but then you take a moral position in that last sentence.
 
The truth is that morality is embedded in our brain at the....( for lack of better word) top of our brain. In the prefrontal cortex. Our addiction is regulated farther down in our brain. A more primitive brain. Before we have time to think about it we are receiving input that may or may not be a trigger for a particular person. The statement that says an addict cannot be moral is not true. That it is hypocritical to be a moral drug addict. How someone must be willing to purposely account to this is another story. There are
two types of Moral people. 1) the one that go out everyday to get an income to take care of their addiction. The other type is that person who does a bunch of shady stuff like lying to and not to you . When person is growing up u can already tell if they are held to their actions. I also think that the guy would push I
Him back UT both times my dad didn't do anything. I belive that if I want to make us stronger as a people. A one nation, Under Some, sort of god, idevisijsible
 
Burnt Offerings said:
subotai said:
just think about it real good before you go down that route man

I dont really have an opinion on homosexuality, not for or against it. I just dont want you to exacerbate an already dark period in your life by finding out that you aren't even remotely bi-curious halfway through your experiment and who knows what that would lead to

but if its something you feel comfortable with, who am I to say its right or wrong. Ive always felt that people who use illegal drugs really cant have an agenda on anything relating to morality because that would be hypocritical.

everyone should just do whatever they want, so long as it excludes murder, rape, violence, thievery, you know all the usual frowned upon stuff
Click to expand...

You say that people who use illegal drugs can't take moral positions (why that is doesn't make sense to me, but whatever...), but then you take a moral position in that last sentence.
Click to expand...

off topic as fuck but
exactly, offerings
I mean we have some things that in our current society are beyond the pale
paedophilia is a great example, but of course murder, rape, whatever
but not too long ago homosexuality was beyond the pale
now, I'm emphatically not arguing for a moral relativism with respect for paedophiles or rapists or murders
but rather that it is quite too easy to be selective with what we inherit from our ancestors with regards to morality
kind of opens us up to a lot charges of hypocrisy or the equivalent of "cafeteria Catholicism" outside(?) the church
but, as far as drugs go, really, the moral outrage about the use of things like opiates
is a relatively modern innovation
King James VI and I wrote a Counterblaste to Tobacco
and there were some various critiques of opium &c. but the Opium War was fought for access to opium not to eliminate it
at least as far as the West goes
so really, moral outrage at drugs is the innovation
not the occasional indulgence or use to palliate pain, either physical or psychic
even the contemporary Catholic catechism teaches that the use of drugs extra indicationes stricte therapeuticas, gravis est culpa
(CCE 2291) but see, extra indicationes... or less makes the decision a clinical, rather than a moral, one
there's nothing about don't get high, don't enjoy drugs, just don't use them without a therapeutic reason
which IMO leaves open a lot of room for sympathetic treatment of addicts with, e.g. heroin substitution
or again the use of drugs to palliate pain, again, physiologic or psychic
 
my take on morality is anything that does harm to others without their permission is immoral.

you know, like rape, murder, thievery, etc.

its not hard to figure out right from wrong if you arent a fucking idiot

some people argue that homosexuality does harm to their religious beliefs to which Id tell those people to take it up the ass because religion has been the cause of more immoral things throughout history then anything else
 
This website really amazes me when it becomes more than a website. And I know most of the users on BL dont care about open air drug markets, but I have a lot of respect for the few good people you can meet throughout your time getting high.

Id like to think im a good person. If a homeless guy asks me for change, and I have some to spare, I give it to him. If someone asks to buy a cig off me and I have enough left, I just give em one. If I see an old black guy hobbling his way toward the subway with a look of desperation on his face, I stick my ass in the doorway and give him those extra 5 seconds to get in. And ill probably never see these people again, but I just try and act how I was raised regardless of the set or setting im in. I dont see junkies as junkies, I see them as people. Obviously, a lot of them are shysters who will turn on you in a second but that's why you never let them know that you have anything of value for them to try and take from you. But when you meet those few good people caught up in the same lifestyle you are in, there's a weird camaraderie that exists amongst users. Junkies are actually some of the most generous and kind hearted people you will ever meet, so long as they have their fix. But at the end of the day, there's just too many shysters to outweigh the good people so most of us walk this path alone, save for the occasional small talk while waiting for a fix or something. I dont know how long im going to go down this path or how what I could have done with my life by now if I never got started, but at least I can say I walked it as a decent human being.
 
Morality for me is defined by my diehard belief in karma. As long as youre not hurting anyone else in any way (emotionally or physically), theres usually nothing wrong with it. As the kids these days say: "do you, fam."

But shits been going really well for me actually, not that anyone was curious. New job. New side job building quartz coils for a local headshop. New girl. Free tickets to umphreys mcgee in february + i snagged tickets to camp bisco and electric forest. And my buddy gifted me his co2 system for making dabs before he got a real job (lol), so the past month has been a blur of dabs, k, titties, and vape stuff.

Figured id check in with the nod squad since i started back up with this shit. It started with a 3 day bender of shooting k into my thighs and now ive been sorta shooting dope into the muscle in my arm since im still way too much of a bitch to IV (its a traumatic history with me with needles so iv almost isnt an option). But i have a question.

Ive been trying to do what i can but what would you guys recommend to help the harm reduction side if this since im im'ing and not iv'ing?
 
please don't i.m. street drugs
just don't
asking for an abscess
if you must, obviously, wheel filter
also, don't use insulin syringes
use 1-1.5" syringes actually made for IMing
z-track properly
rotate sites
injection into the vastus lateralis (thigh) is dangerous though
near many blood vessels and nerves
dorsogluteal, ventrogluteal, and deltoid are all preferable
although hitting your own glute takes a little practice and contortion
but yeah, i.v. is safer, perhaps counterintuitively
 
I know the abcess risk which is why ive been using wheel filters, the right syringes, certain purification methods, etc. But i didnt think about that stuff for my thigh. Thank you. After your post and reading some other stuff im just ginna stick to putting it up my nose. I would iv but due to some shit in the past i could never hit my self (but im totally cool if someone else does). But i think ill just stick to occasional IM situations with ketamine.

It was pretty fucking decent for the minute i was doing it though lol. I got myself a handful of zubsolvs/dabs/k/lsd for microdosing for the next few days so im just gonna stay away from dope for awhile anyways....hopefully......maybe.....
 
BostonBrownTown said:
theres been no good dope discussion on here in a bit.

anyone got any good stories? I've got shit myself.
Click to expand...

okay here is a good dope story that just happened
today I decided to relapse or chip a little bit, to get a couple of bundles
a friend gives me a number but warns me he hasn't used it in a little while
i text it, we go back and forth, I go out to the projects in brooklyn to cop
get 2 bundles from some kid and start back on my way home
no sooner do I start heading back to the city then I get a call on my phone

"yo, the shit that that kid sold you was bunk.
we just beat the shit out of him and told him to get off our turf.
if you wanna get the real deal, hit me up"

i was skeptical
"how did you get my number?"

"i told you we beat the shit out of that young boy.
we got his phone too so we can get his customers right.
can't have punk niggas giving the M—— a bad name"

"so am I gonna get the dope I paid for?"

"no sorry can't do that"

"can't fuck with you too shady sorry"

"no look I can make it up to you though
we do delivery anywhere in brooklyn or manhattan
you can try before you buy
and I'll throw you a few bags"

"well, OK ..."

not 45 minutes later he is at my door
he is a consummate professional and a chill guy
and his shit is banging
bit spendy but more than worth it for the quality and especially the service
says he or his people delivers 24/7 usually within the hour
now I am scared for my upcoming relapse
but I am mightily pleased with my new plug
tbh was worth being out the $$$ for the initial 2 bundles
 
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^ I'm envious of that kind of service. Although I probably shouldn't be, I'm trying not to do that kind of thing anymore.

But yeah, it would be awesome to come across someone who runs their business like a consummate professional who's running a BUSINESS, rather than the scrubs I usually have to go through. Although my latest connection is pretty damn good...since going through them (father + son duo) I get my dope at about 2/3 of the price I was spending originally. The price just keeps going down, too, while the quality stays the same. I like buying drugs from the older folks around here...the people my age and younger never seem to be on top of their shit
 
subotai said:
This website really amazes me when it becomes more than a website. And I know most of the users on BL dont care about open air drug markets, but I have a lot of respect for the few good people you can meet throughout your time getting high.

Id like to think im a good person. If a homeless guy asks me for change, and I have some to spare, I give it to him. If someone asks to buy a cig off me and I have enough left, I just give em one. If I see an old black guy hobbling his way toward the subway with a look of desperation on his face, I stick my ass in the doorway and give him those extra 5 seconds to get in. And ill probably never see these people again, but I just try and act how I was raised regardless of the set or setting im in. I dont see junkies as junkies, I see them as people. Obviously, a lot of them are shysters who will turn on you in a second but that's why you never let them know that you have anything of value for them to try and take from you. But when you meet those few good people caught up in the same lifestyle you are in, there's a weird camaraderie that exists amongst users. Junkies are actually some of the most generous and kind hearted people you will ever meet, so long as they have their fix. But at the end of the day, there's just too many shysters to outweigh the good people so most of us walk this path alone, save for the occasional small talk while waiting for a fix or something. I dont know how long im going to go down this path or how what I could have done with my life by now if I never got started, but at least I can say I walked it as a decent human being.
Click to expand...

That was refreshing to read. This is exactly how I feel. But I really have yet to meet another user who has that kind of moral integrity... Not that I don't understand where they're coming from; I know how it feels to be so desperate. So I try not to judge where people are at. Still, since entering the world of IV heroin use 8 years ago, there are lines that I haven't crossed simply because I have maintained my sense of empathy for others. There are worse things than being dopesick, even if it may not feel like it at the time.
 
SayingSeven said:
That was refreshing to read. This is exactly how I feel. But I really have yet to meet another user who has that kind of moral integrity... Not that I don't understand where they're coming from; I know how it feels to be so desperate. So I try not to judge where people are at. Still, since entering the world of IV heroin use 8 years ago, there are lines that I haven't crossed simply because I have maintained my sense of empathy for others. There are worse things than being dopesick, even if it may not feel like it at the time.
Click to expand...

Its actually complete bullshit to be honest. Im a nice person when im fucked up, but its an everyday struggle just to maks that happen. So, in actuality, im pretty much a scumbag. Getting high is the only thing that I enjoy anymore, at the expense of my relationship with other people.

I haven't talked to my brother in 2 months, because I get high

I havent talked to my dad in over 2 months, because I get high

My aunt is nothing more than I bank to me now, and Im a delivery service to her, because we get high

But even with all the lows, I've yet to find anything else that can get me that high

So I keep going back because im selfish and dont know what else to do with myself. Ill figure it out eventually, but id be lying if I said that was close to that happening.

Idk what im doing right now except moving from one ten dollar transaction to the next. I dont think in terms of money anymore, If I get 60 dollars for whatever reason I think "there's six bags" instead of "there's sixty dollars"

Its not a disease, im just a piece of shit.

They say the night is darkest before dawn, bur what if you dont wake up before sunrise?

Here's to "figuring it out" one bag at a time
 
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