Got money in my bank at weekend and am safe in the knowledge that I cannot spend it on GBL.I could buy a litre today,but it would be far and away the worst decision of my life.
Spent the last 3 days in a state of near suicidal despair,especially last night 3am to 9am.Have been sneaking alcohol here and there to attempt to contain the hideous panic attacks I have been getting every morning.
Had to cancel some things on Friday and today as doing them would be too much for me to bear dealing with.
My concentration has gone out the window eg can't watch dvds for shit,and so far have found reading a very hard task.Also music is starting to annoy me.Usually I go to bed with Radio 3 on very quiet as the classical music helps me when I have insomnia,but the last few nights even that has been too much

I think that things start to get better at the 10 day mark,maybe earlier.Certainly earlier this year I managed to go for more than 24 hours without any medication or alcohol and sleep for 7 or more hours a few times.
I cannot describe how horrific I felt all last night with every piece of shit that I am and have done and the abject failure that is my non-life staring and raping me.I think I was so down that I couldn't even cry.
I added up all the medication I have access to and how much alcohol I could have to function reasonably on,rather then to get pissed and came to the conclusion that I absolutely cannot buy GBL for another fortnight.
I also know for sure that the only way I can realistically do it is a Saturday to Saturday 24/7 job.Whenever I've gone through 125ml that way,coming off it hasn't been that difficult.Starting on Thursdays involved all sorts of mess and usually buying a new bottle to continue through to a time I can come off it properly.
This last time I did 250ml in 12 days and that was obviously too much for my brain and body to handle.