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fuck me if i cant

Good stuff - exercise is so hard for me to commit to but really is an all around great mood booster.

I'm on this celsius energy drink. Tropical vibes. To die for
 
chinup said:
good luck man. don't beat yourself up. it achieves nothing and feeds the types of emotion addiction feeds on.
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I was pounding energy drinks n cigs for months, then one day sneaky snook a beer, half way through made a call. He didn't pick up. Walked to liquor store again, cash in pocket, dealer happened to walk by.

Game over.

But I just got out of the IOP program tonight that I'd been going to, and man, I'm not backing down. I just need to cut compulsive behavior, suppliment with AA, and so much more.
 
mtu mwendawazimu said:
I was pounding energy drinks n cigs for months, then one day sneaky snook a beer, half way through made a call. He didn't pick up. Walked to liquor store again, cash in pocket, dealer happened to walk by.

Game over.

But I just got out of the IOP program tonight that I'd been going to, and man, I'm not backing down. I just need to cut compulsive behavior, suppliment with AA, and so much more.
Click to expand...

i really honestly don't know how people get clean without moving for exactly this sort of reason. where i was living before i went to rehab, i coulda done rehab and had every intention of staying clean. but cravings woulda come eventually and i wouldn't have even had to count on a chance encounter. the girl i bought weight of crack from i'd go to her flat, and there were 2 flats close to me that people often shotted from and even if they weren't at the time i eventually caved i knew the people living there and they'd have sorted me. my parents banned me from returning to that city. and though i somewhat resent being told what to do by anyone, they made the right call. it woulda been too easy to fuck up there.

definitely keep AA up. and i guess this is a lesson that you're not the type who can have 'just one beer.' what else are you planning to do? if i were you i'd try to find everything even tangentially related to recovery that's an option and do all of it.
 
i can't do it on my own I know too many people in this neighborhood and I'm not that strong alone, but every time I'm w my girlfriend I feel so much better so hopefully when we move in together next month I'll be good
 
man i dont think this is helpful worth a shit but you are not alone.
i get we waana reach certain aspirations but so many "ideals" have been sewn into our minds since birth but what the fuck is really worth attaining? what i mean is many (including my dumb ass) has made it to many an acme but after a while it is boring, worthless and meaningless. just my experience.
you sure seem like a rock star (no pun) just being you. no shit. proof is in the pudding.
we grow... we do not become a beautiful iris (or whateva) overnight.
Just give a chance at metamorphosis, yeah? i see you in your cocoon and what i observe is a blessing to this god forsaken planet. :)
<3
 
6am-64-14m said:
man i dont think this is helpful worth a shit but you are not alone.
i get we waana reach certain aspirations but so many "ideals" have been sewn into our minds since birth but what the fuck is really worth attaining? what i mean is many (including my dumb ass) has made it to many an acme but after a while it is boring, worthless and meaningless. just my experience.
you sure seem like a rock star (no pun) just being you. no shit. proof is in the pudding.
we grow... we do not become a beautiful iris (or whateva) overnight.
Just give a chance at metamorphosis, yeah? i see you in your cocoon and what i observe is a blessing to this god forsaken planet. :)
<3
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I don't feel like a rock star. I often wonder if I was even supposed to have a normal prosocial life. Omw to work and I feel like I don't belong
 
Esp ppl who know I don't usually not walk in a perfectly straight like or flail my arms or play w the inside of my mouth.

Ive lost notable weight.
 
mtu mwendawazimu said:
I often wonder if I was even supposed to have a normal prosocial life
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Maybe we all have a right to this but then again everything "good" in our lives is eventually stolen by the kings/queens of parasites so they can live all comfy and shit.
This is not just an opinion of thought but a serious issue with global human growth from thousands of years of evidencial observation.
I have noticed a great fall lately of hopes and dreams that people once professed both here and everywhere else.
I am even seeing no future and tbph will gladly exit stage left.
 
Kitty was following me last night everywhere with these genuinely worried eyes.

I've been slacking at work, told my gf to drive home after 2 hours to see me on Friday, and everything is falling apart.

That known, it took all my willpower to not use the shard I found this morning before work. My whole body is still vibrating.

Ever since I got off my antipsychotic I have gotten a couple of the negative symptoms I never had before (weird body movements and paranoia)
 
I copped from prob 8 different people this past 30 or do days. First black person that wasn't gay I met. Bought right behind a police officer. All they do here is contain it. People shoot up in front of them I'm their biggest problem, moving it out of the contained area
 
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Ya man I am back on bzd (real) though at lower doses. Want to stop poly use as it is undoubtedly causing more harm physically. Most of my morning sickness has passed (for now) and sinusus clearing up.
H ate being dependant but the cost is way more efficient but know there will be a price to pay at a later date.
Coffee and bzd and occasional cig.
Being strong is not always standing alone imo but doing the best we can in our situations. What else can we ask for?
as an example half a hund will keep me covered for maybe 10 yrs? lol whereas before this would only get me a half key of kratom (couple months? )
phenibut is shelved as well as pregabalin, cyclonenzaprine, weed, aleve etc.
Just got to be too much dosing products at different times on different days for me.
So no not sober but workin on it, bro.
 
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