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Fresh Starts and New Lives. The January 2015 getting and staying sober thread.

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I scored a couple more subs, so that'll last me til the 20th when my main guy re-ups, although it'd be awesomesauce if I actually tapered by then & didn't need it. I kind of want to just bite the bullet & get it over with, the longer it takes the more risk I'm going to use. I'm not thinking about using, but I just hate the no mans land between dope addict and sober - you're doing enough subs not to be sick, but you're trying to do as little as possible so you don't really feel GOOD, just not dopesick... that feeling makes me want to either get high or get clean.

Going to try to just do 1 mg tomorrow, do that for maybe 4 days then half a mg (if i can even break it that small, if not I"ll try skipping days).

I'm just ready to be done with it all. I so want to be able to come in here and be like "First day no subs", "2 days no subs", ect ect. It's time to get this drug addiction over with and move on to the next part of my life.
 
BlueSaffron said:
I scored a couple more subs, so that'll last me til the 20th when my main guy re-ups, although it'd be awesomesauce if I actually tapered by then & didn't need it. I kind of want to just bite the bullet & get it over with, the longer it takes the more risk I'm going to use. I'm not thinking about using, but I just hate the no mans land between dope addict and sober - you're doing enough subs not to be sick, but you're trying to do as little as possible so you don't really feel GOOD, just not dopesick... that feeling makes me want to either get high or get clean.

Going to try to just do 1 mg tomorrow, do that for maybe 4 days then half a mg (if i can even break it that small, if not I"ll try skipping days).

I'm just ready to be done with it all. I so want to be able to come in here and be like "First day no subs", "2 days no subs", ect ect. It's time to get this drug addiction over with and move on to the next part of my life.
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Just go for it, worst case is if its too unbearable you got some more subs, regardless withdrawal is never going to not suck. I say just make the jump. Everytime I tried with subs I always failed cold turkeys have always been the most successful for me, by not wanting to go through the nightmare again. Get some benzos weed and lope and just do it.

I just noticed I am pretty much to 2 months clean now by looking at old text messages, I feel pretty good still think about using but know I don't want to go through all that shit again for who knows how many times it would be then. I know it can only get better now, stoked to most likely be working again, working out again, been enjoying outside..
 
Thou said:
Sorry to hear that Captain, you're a good guy and deserve to be happy.

All I can say is FUCK ETHYL-ALCOHOL.

I'm so done with it, 56 hours sober and the accute withdrawal is a nightmare even with 3mg klonopin, 2 grams gabapentin, 200 mg lamictal and absolutely NO DESIRE TO DRINK WHATSOEVER, which is new.

We need alternatives. The sad thing is if this were a cannabis friendly state I'd never touch the stuff. Ridiculous.
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After you get through the withdrawal, maybe you can move to a cannabis friendly state?

I'm really proud you've given up ethanol, even if it's only been a little over 2 days, that's still a huge accomplishment

can I ask what your patterns were like? how much would you go through?

I don't have a problem stopping alcohol abruptly so I don't consider it a personal problem for me.
 
hmmm what do i want to say tonight... not really much i guess. i really appreciate having the sobriety and TDS forums on bluelight.. sometimes it is good to come here and let some thoughts out. i am trying to find the most loving way to encourage myself to start working out. the voice (ego) in my head keeps trying to rationalize why i should never ever ever go to the gym and exercise, like i have to make a life decision about exercising RIGHT NOW! lol... it is so ironic how i think sometimes.

i guess all i can do is to look at life with a sense of humor, and aha! that is exactly what i wanted to say...

to everyone struggling, remember to have a sense of humor, and that if you take tough times as a learning opportunity, than those difficult situations are much easier to handle!

hope everyone is doing well, <3 bluesafron, CH, neversick, butron, duckie, thou, herbavore, erik, engineer, and everyone else!
 
Thanks for the support everyone!

Today I'm going to try to go a whole day without any drugs. I'm going to climb a small mountain in the foothills, in honor.
 
laCster said:
hmmm what do i want to say tonight... not really much i guess. i really appreciate having the sobriety and TDS forums on bluelight.. sometimes it is good to come here and let some thoughts out. i am trying to find the most loving way to encourage myself to start working out. the voice (ego) in my head keeps trying to rationalize why i should never ever ever go to the gym and exercise, like i have to make a life decision about exercising RIGHT NOW! lol... it is so ironic how i think sometimes.

i guess all i can do is to look at life with a sense of humor, and aha! that is exactly what i wanted to say...

to everyone struggling, remember to have a sense of humor, and that if you take tough times as a learning opportunity, than those difficult situations are much easier to handle!

hope everyone is doing well, <3 bluesafron, CH, neversick, butron, duckie, thou, herbavore, erik, engineer, and everyone else!
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When I had access to a gym in the past, I loved going. Try to find the best hours with the least people, get your mp3 player/headphones on, and start with the machines/weights/exercises you love best

Before you know it you'll wonder why you put so much thought into it in the first place :)
 
yah i am definitely going today even though i dont really want to... lol...

today i am struggling with finding middle ground per se. like i am not feeling bad or good, just kind of in the middle. that is the hardest part for me. when things are just constant, i run into that wall of wanting to use quicker.
 
So I met this kid and he was cool so I have been hanging with him. And today he comes to me and tells me he is fucked up on Roxie's . Like what the Fuck I always meet people with drugs ? And I really don't want to use drugs anymore. Should I still hang out with him? I know he has drugs but I am bored and kind of lonely and want to do something and not just be in my room I think I'm gonna dip pretty soon though. I don't hVe a good feeling
 
laCster said:
So I met this kid and he was cool so I have been hanging with him. And today he comes to me and tells me he is fucked up on Roxie's . Like what the Fuck I always meet people with drugs ? And I really don't want to use drugs anymore. Should I still hang out with him? I know he has drugs but I am bored and kind of lonely and want to do something and not just be in my room I think I'm gonna dip pretty soon though. I don't hVe a good feeling
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Sounds like my luck, don't stick around though, being bored is better than bring tempted. Join us no lifers sitting at home on Friday night.

On my front had a very promising interview today, i have to go back to interview with the other managers next week and do my drug testing, hope this job works out and i have a career again. Boring being home every day with nothing to do and no sober friends to chill with.
 
Looking at sexy pics ect on tumblr tonight, not thinking of dope at all, and i scroll to the next pic and its of a guys bare midriff from the side, he's got two big veins sticking out, and my immediate thought is

**TRIGGER WARNING**

.
.
.

"God that would be a good vein to fix in"




**END TRIGGER**

Will i never not think dope addict thoughts? Because fuck.
 
BlueSaffron said:
Looking at sexy pics ect on tumblr tonight, not thinking of dope at all, and i scroll to the next pic and its of a guys bare midriff from the side, he's got two big veins sticking out, and my immediate thought is

**TRIGGER WARNING**

.
.
.

"God that would be a good vein to fix in"




**END TRIGGER**

Will i never not think dope addict thoughts? Because fuck.
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yes those thoughts will stop after you abstain long enough. but you have to call out a craving for what it is, a self-hate induced lie. its a fucking lie. once i recognize what cravings are and start to stand up to them and say that they wont make me use, they dont seem as scary or mind-fucking or upsetting.

DuckieMan said:
Sounds like my luck, don't stick around though, being bored is better than bring tempted. Join us no lifers sitting at home on Friday night.

On my front had a very promising interview today, i have to go back to interview with the other managers next week and do my drug testing, hope this job works out and i have a career again. Boring being home every day with nothing to do and no sober friends to chill with.
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i dipped out pretty quick and i didnt use!! and last night i only had 4 drinks in 4 hours!! i didnt even get drunk fuck yah!!
 
Yes, the cravings will indeed diminish… It's just the brain wanting what it's used to. Once homeostasis is reached, it becomes more psychological and less invasive, less physiological. Thoughts don't come in sizes. They will come regardless (as there are many memories), but we don't have to let them take over.
 
^ hell yeah Iman.. two bills =D

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Almost 18 months to the day I put the fentynal down and decided enough was enough. I can't believe how things have changed and how good I feel! I just gotta keep on keepin on.
 
neversick----love that johnny nash song thanks but when I first saw it at 1:32 in the video I swore it looked like a poppy field "white poppies" to be exact, but then they showed a close-up of the flowers and no it wasn't.
 
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