Father of a heroin girl - in jail for possession

[icelated]

My daughters boyfriend is out of jail. He pleaded guilty, and had 10 days in jail, and 10 days work crew and one year probation. There is a no contact order on my daughter, and he is fine with that. While in jail, a couple of guys knew her and told him that while she was in treatment she cheated on him. I am not sure all the details. So, he wants nothing to do with her. He told me they will give him a lie detector test to see if he violated that no contact order.

I am not sure what to do anymore. I think her lawyer is trying to get her a diversion, and that's why they haven't gave her a plea yet. I am not sure if that is right for her since i think she will use when she gets out. She will use the fact that she cant see her boyfriend anymore as an excuse. Not once did she ever tell me that she will never use again while shes been in jail. She did tell me that she will never go back to jail and that's the same thing that she had told her mom. However, she swears to me that she said that to me, but i know she hadn't. Therefore, i gave her her lawyers number and i said you call him and you work it out with him.

Her boyfriend called me at 1:30 this morning and now i cant sleep. I feel really bad for this guy and i dont think my daughter did him right. He told me that she had said before that she has accepted the fact that she will always be an addict. I know that they teach you in treatment that you will be an addict for life so maybe that's what she means.

At this point i dont know if she will plead guilty or take a diversion.
Her pre trial is on Friday and i know she wants a diversion but also wants to plead guilty and get the hell out of there. I am also tired of trying to dictate what she does. I dont feel like i am helping her any.
Thanks for all the reply's. I will keep you informed.

 

[paranoid android]

Fucking hell your in a rough spot right enough. For her b/f well he could be telling te truth or lying on if he cheated on her. Who knows really and if she believes what she hears in prison she has alot to learn yet in life. Ive never heard such complete and utter bullshit as i did while in lockup and i was only 25 at the time. Though growing up around criminals all your life you learn pretty fast that they often exagerrate or just lie about what they did. Often for no reason to i guess it just comes natural after awile i dunno.

As for her i would tell her not to take the guilty plea. Sure she wants out on the street quick so she can get a hit but she has to look past that in order to worry about just how bad a guilty plea on anything can fuck up your future. I once ended up in jail on much more serious charges then your daughter is up on and i was probably looking at abit of prison time if convicted but nowhere near the 15 years the stupid legal aide lawyer said i could get. I was not born yesterday and you don't get 15 years for murder here let alone what i was charged with 8) . They threw a shitty plea deal at me (plead guilty with no jail time and the possibility of getting your record clean or sorta after 5 years) but i told them to shove it. Everyone including my own lawyer and mom told me to take it but since i was innocent (ya i was actually for once) i said im either beating those charges or going down. I was heavily hooked at the time on oxycodone and clonazepam both prescribed and i knew there was no chance of getting either in provincial pen so i was actually hoping in a fucked up way to get sent to federal if convicted.

But yeah inspite of giving my mom and lawyer a heart attack when i said no to plea deals (my lawyer thought it was way too big of a gamble) and ispite of my own drug habits i was actually quite proud of myself. In fact when my final hearing came up i was feeling very good while everyone else was nervous as fuck. I felt very very good when the judge through out all 5 charges and there is no lie when im telling you that no drug beats that feeling. I was not high that day at all (i wanted a clear head for in the court room) but i sure felt very fucking high when leaving the court room. Not until did i get home much later did i get high when i realized the threat from myself was much greater then any prison. That did not stop me from chucking down abunch of benzos and oxy and going on the nod. Such is life i guess.

Anyway i guess what im trying to say in my own fucked up incoherant way is that if theres hope for the likes of me theres certainly hope for your daughter. Most people said id be doing a long prison stint or dead by now but i proved them wrong . If only for now mind you.

 

[starEkstasis]

hi corey (icelated) i will possibly not be popular 4 saying this havin' read all the previous posts, including your own, but her partner/previous partner - do you know what she wants to do with regard to him? i know it's key to her recovery she has time apart from him and that if she gets back together with him whilst he is still using - that it is likely she will re-use and you will be back to square one, in a way. but also, knowing girls - her emotions and heart will tend to rule her head and i just wondered how strongly she feels for him. coz if he is important to her, even just at the moment, fighting that and you making it a condition in any way of your relationship with her, or your acceptance of her, or helping her/supporting her that she forgets all about him forever - could drive a wedge between you that will be difficult to change in the future. I am not advocating you be soft, far from it - firm in fact, and clear. but that doesn't mean that you make your love conditional. and if she is Set on this guy - she will always find a way back to him and if she links you with chaining her, and him with freedom , this may be why she will always return to drugs, in rebellion in a way. i hope that gives a thought, at least. i, as a non-user, fought my family to stay with a drug user, we split for 2 years, then when we re-met he de-toxed successfully after 9 months of his own volition. only then could we successfully live together. previous attempts didn't work. if she happened to be quite serious about him, or anyone in the future it's a big carrot to her - an incentive that to be clean means she can have a successful relationship. i know that probably seems pie in the sky and not important - but a big motivation and driver in her life is this guy/relationship. i know coz he makes drugs accessible and desirable to her again. but it could just be the guy too... Maybe find out how serious she is about him? and what the chances of them both de-toxing or another alternative is for her to de-tox and wait for him - on her own, clean. esp if he is not committed to her (yet) compared to drugs, or he is still in his drugs career and would not de-tox. even if she doesn't stick with him or feel for him longterm - this understanding and carrot might be another way of reaching her and giving her some other ambition in her life other than whatever drugs give her. being clean and able to engage in healthy relationships can be a positive light at the end of the tunnel for young women.

 

[icelated]

@starEkstasis,

It was the court that slapped him with a no contact on my daughter. I am not keeping them apart. she is 21, and i could never successfully achieve that. The courts told him that he cant contact her but last nite he called me and is missing her. So, i dont think they will abide by that rule. Its a shame too because for them to be successful they need to. Bad thing is they both have to go to treatment and they will probably end up at the same place. They are not only fighting a drug addiction they are fighting co dependency as well.

 

[Atlien3]

Honestly if I was in jail I would be eating better than I am now lol

I think that was his point, when i started on the needle i was a BIG guy, i went from 310lbs (im 6ft4) to 235 in 8 months

 

[Draigan]

Heroin Father, I gota tell you man, and I know you don't want to hear this (as I remember last time you became irate when tds tried to convey this to you,) but I think you just have to take yourself out the situation. When my mom finally cut me off, it really fucking made me feel shitty about myself and gave me a lot of desire to quit. If u just leave her to do her own thing, shell have a harder time, but will also most likely have more desire to quit.

Does she use cocaine?

Shes an adult now. You cant keep rescuing her!

Sorry man

Argh I identify with your situation. Do you have like 2 grand to spare? cuz I can honestly only see one thing having a chance at working right now. Well 2 if she magically has a change of heart, but she needs to stay off the dope long enough to find a dif kind of happiness, or to at least be able to envision a different type of happiness, before that happens.

Ok my idea is that you put her on a plane and send her to the middle of tim buck 2, but somewhere where there is lots of beautiful life without drugs. Something to remind her of what she is missing, somewhere where she can reflect. Its all about the reflection man. Reflection is saving my life. Looking back at what REALLY happened and how I can change it in the future so that I dont have to go through that horrible routine again!!

 

[starEkstasis]

hi corey

@starEkstasis,

It was the court that slapped him with a no contact on my daughter. I am not keeping them apart. she is 21, and i could never successfully achieve that. The courts told him that he cant contact her but last nite he called me and is missing her. So, i dont think they will abide by that rule. Its a shame too because for them to be successful they need to. Bad thing is they both have to go to treatment and they will probably end up at the same place. They are not only fighting a drug addiction they are fighting co dependency as well.

hiya, thanks 4 reply, sorry i didn't read all the detailed posts about your daughter's boyfriend so i was a bit behind in my post. I just want 2 say I think you are doing an amazing thing to be trying so hard for her. I hope she appreciates it at some point and I'm sure you feel you have to try, at the moment. It must be hard and you seem to be the contact point now for her boyfriend too. having been at the butt end of my fella wen he was bad on heroin it's gutting 2b in love with one & it must be hard 2b a father of one, or mother. somehow u got 2 keep a clear head for yourself and not get sucked in too much. i will keep everything crossed someone is looking over you and your daughter and her fella coz he is an inevitable part of this too. and it works out however it is meant to. Star

 

[Dr.Genome]

I just wanted to tell people that i put her on suboxone before(twice). I spent hundreds of dollars in doctors visits and the prescription. It did no good for her. she wasn't taking it and probably selling it to get high. She has also tried methadone to stop but ended up abusing it.

Ah I see. Yeah for ANY solution to work, whether that be suboxone or ibogaine or other, the addict actually has to genuinelly want to stop. It is sad that this situation has not brought her to this point. I guess she will just have to experience what "rock-bottom" really feels like for herself to finally wake-up.

 

[K-Dazed]

Like Draigan said, you really need to take yourself out of this situation. It's really good, IMO, that you didn't bail her out and that you got a lawyer. You said that if she uses when she gets out, you're cutting all contact off with her. Make sure you STICK to that. There really isn't anything more important for your mental health ATM than to stick to not contacting her if she relapses. I know it may be hard, because she is your kid, but it will help out you, and potentially her, in the long run.

 

[stuckinaloop]

I was quoted $5-7.5k for a lawyer to fight a "conspiracy to posses a cds - schedule II." & "conspiracy to distribute a cds - schedule III"

He said depending on how things went it could go as high as $10k

If this is her first offence, I dunno what its like in washington state, but here in NJ she would likely get PTI (pre trial intervention) for a possession charge lke that.

Hello everyone,

You may remember me from previous posts awhile back regarding my daughters addiction. If not, Quesions for heroin addicts - http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=429556 and Father of a heroin girl
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=470194

Anyways, she was busted for possession of heroin and paraphernalia(needle) a class C felony, along with her boyfriend in Washington state. I am not sure what the amount was, i am assuming just enough to get high. she usually panhandles to get high so im hoping it wasn't much. This is her first offense.

She has a court appointed attorney at this point and has court / pre trail on the 20th. Her inmate are telling her to plead guilty and that she will only get 20 days. I told her to plead not guilty and we might get an attorney. At this point i am glad i didn't bail her out and i am trying to let her own up to her own addiction. Has anyone been sentenced for possession of heroin? Whats your experience? I feel like she is getting bad advice by pleading guilty. Her lawyer told her to plead not guilty. I am trying to track him down and talk to him.

She called me tonight and said she plans to plead not guilty. not sure why this change of heart i guess she must have talked to a different group of girls since she said they moved her to a new pod. I am hoping they will release her on the 20th. Not sure if we will need to get an attorney for a first offense like this? Also, i am not sure what the cost could be either for an attorney? over $5,000?

any input is much appreciated.

Corey

 

[stuckinaloop]

Do you think your enabling her by helping her out? How come your making things easier on her? Maybe jail time will give her something to think about and some good meals....

Yeah because being imprisoned with a bunch of other heroin addicts and getting a felony/jail time (when her record is clean as a whistle) is going to help her out big-time!

She'll probably come out of jail, get the best job ever and never touch dope again.

Mad smart.

hey man so basically i only got arrested once for possestion of a controlled substance i ahd 2 10 dollar bags on me when i got to bookings they put me in the felony cage but i hired a private lawyer which cost me $2500 i got a really good deal thru a family friend cuz he was a big shot lawyer to he got me out with no bail and my final charge was a violation for disordurly conduct not even a misdemenor so if you can afford to spend a couple grand that would be nice cuz u dont want ur daughter to have a felony on her name for the rest of her life i was scared to even have a misdemeanor on my name but thank god it was droped all the way down to a violation just as long as i didnt get in trouble for a year

One of my best friends did the same shit, he had prescription fraud charges and got a lawyer...knocked his shit down to disorderly conduct (from a felony).

Same year he gets a 'conspiracy to possess a cds sched II (oxy)'..uses the same lawyer, gets this felony dropped to ANOTHER disorderly persons.

Which I think is awesome..he avoided 2 felonies (even tough disorderly's are misdemeanors)

 

[Draigan]

It helped the basketball diaries kid out lawl

 

[icelated]

I got some bad news guys. she didn't want to do drug court / deferment and pleaded guilty and got 10 days jail and 10 days work crew.We will know more when she goes back to court next thursday. She had spent 14 days in jail. I told her that i wanted to pick her up when she got released tonight. She agreed that when she called me i would come and get her. She re affirmed this several times over the past 2 days. Well, she called me and said she was released. She told me that her friend Andy ( which is a heroin addict also and was just recently charged with H possession and just went back in fora dirty UA) surprised her and picked her up and that his mom had a big dinner for them. Yeah, what does she think i was born yesterday? So, now i know why she didn't want the deferment. I also put money on her commissary. Will they cut her a check right then if she doesn't use it? *im starting to feel like its my fault * The judge told her she had to be back on Thursday or she will be charged with bail jumping and he said that was more serious that her original charge. dont look like she will make it to that because im totally sick of dealing with this. Shes on her own, lets she if she can be homeless and find her way down to the courthouse next Thursday! She cant stay here if she is using. She also sounded like she used. Im devastated. I dont know what to even do with myself right now. I have totally lost my daughter. Obviously, she doesn't want help! I have tried everything i could do to help her. What more could i do for her bu to stop helping her at all? Its been 2 years and we are no closer to her getting clean! The only thing i havent tried is walking away and not talking to her anymore until shes been clean for along time. As far as i can tell alot of the parents i talk to have done this the kids straighten out. I have been sober for 10 years now and i feel like getting shit faced.

 

[Draigan]

Shoot man... sorry to here that. I put my mom through hell with my addiction. Similar sounding situation. Only thing that got me to quit was to see how upset everyone was with me... I really hurt a lot of people, and it was incredibly painful to deal with.

 

[artaxerxes]

^ Mods, please delete this heinous spam in this thread. You wretched piece of shit. This man is losing his daughter and you have the nerve to post this vile shit? The sales link isn't as bad as the thoughtless, vapid aphorism. Die in a fire.

***

Corey, it does sound like everything you've been thinking and what the lawyer said is true: she wants to keep living the life. It hasn't hurt her bad enough yet. She's young and she still thinks she's having fun. I am so sorry you're going through this. But I think it's time to cut off all support. She has to start to really feel this.

There's already been a huge amount of solid advice in this thread, so I'm just going to send you some words of support. This must be insanely difficult for you, but try not to relapse yourself. Don't hurt yourself any more than you're already hurting.

Really sorry about this, man. It's got to be one of the hardest things for a parent to go through, especially having gone through this hell in one's own life and knowing exactly how it ends. I worry about this situation with my future kid.

I hope she shows up for her court date. But if she doesn't, it make be another step towards her really feeling the consequences and the shit of the life without having a loving, financially-giving pillar of support behind her. Yeah, this can get real ugly (and I hope it doesn't), but considering her attitude towards how she's living, how else is she going to become so uncomfortable that she has to change?

peace, e.

 

[icelated]

Update... She came home after i wrote that last post. she looked fine. I am still working on getting her over to her moms for a drug test. Her mom is a nurse. She has agreed to take a test. We will see what happens. As for now she can stay here until i know shes using or not.

 

[carrion Doll]

^ The sales link isn't as bad as the thoughtless, vapid aphorism. Die in a fire.

LOL, your freakin awesome.



Cory, I wish you and your girl the best. I really hope she can turn it around and make your proud. just know your a good dad who did the best he could with a really bad situation.

 

[starEkstasis]

hi cory, i cried i have 2 admit wen i read ur post saying it had all gone as bad as it cud - kinda in a way wot a lot of ppl said she wud do, those who know from experience on heroin.

Overall, you know I sincerely believe we can have a lot of hope for her. I think she will do ok and get through at some point. She must WANT TO TRY FOR HERSELF. Genuinely - Even if she doesn't think she can or have a single clue where to start, or feel like in her body, mind or spirit she can. But that wanting to is what she needs to burn in her now - even if she does do - it kinda of for you, and her mom. but wants to. that helped me thru mental illness - i picked myself up in a way coz my mum begged me to try. and i felt like death rolled over by a car flat out on the tarmac and stretched so thin all the way up the road, so thin I barely existed. so to pick yourself up wen you have got that low, as she will have, is so hard - well you know. and you are her guiding star ... x good luck, again. whatever, it's not ur fault - and you must know this, please - your goals and trying to control and anticipate the outcome - that can be your and possibly her undoing like fighting the tide or push water upstream. i will ask for some help for you so you are guided to be as chilled and steady and strong as you can be and it goes the ways it's meant to - as quickly as it can, not drag on and go round and spiral down before it comes back up, coz that's so draining. like i said, if she wants a boyfriend, or the ex, and a real fulfilling FUN life, again, which she will remember somewhere inside her - she will have to wait for it - and make it work again. it's like she's turned the clock hands backwards on her life and taken the batteries out too. she's got to want to put the batteries back in the clock herself and start those clock hands going in the right direction again. but do your best, as i am sure you will, to stand by her knowing that this is a life situation, a tough one, not actually the her that is still inside her.

 

[junctionalfunkie]

"Yes you who must leave everything that you cannot control;
It begins with your family, but soon it comes around to your soul."

-Leonard Cohen

 

[Draigan]

^ Mods, please delete this heinous spam in this thread. You wretched piece of shit. This man is losing his daughter and you have the nerve to post this vile shit? The sales link isn't as bad as the thoughtless, vapid aphorism. Die in a fire.

***

peace, e.

lol dude what the fuck are you talking about? Was there like some post under mine or something?