I've been thinking about this guy (who I've never met or really interacted with, and who wouldn't know me from shit) a lot since I came across this post - I guess what I want to try to do here is offer some genuine hope.
Before that, tho, as has been said by others, it comes down to "God"/the ultimate power/fate as to what happens next, and whatever does happen will happen for a reason that will ultimately be for the best. Some cultures celebrate death - personally I often feel (and from what I've seen of Phreex's posts he seems a similar spirit) like some
thing with the capacity for boundless feelings/acts of love and beauty trapped, beyond my control, in the flawed 'human' state. I have a gut feeling that "death" will simply be an evolution towards the higher state I know lies within me and within everyone, and I for one would be pissed off if my friends didn't find some respite from their natural grief to celebrate when it happens to me. That may be inappropriate, but today's been one of those days where everything has just fallen into place, and I guess I have faith that whatever comes out here is for good reason too.
Anyway, the hope thing - a few years ago I (intentionally) took an overdose that it is virtually impossible an elephant, let alone a human, could live through. I was on life support in a coma for three days, the doctors wrote me off and advised my father to let them pull the plug, cos I wasn't going to come out of it and even if I did I'd be forever fucked. (Sound familiar?) My heart stopped (for how long I'm unsure - I think the best part of a minute) and
started again without any medical intervention. My one memory of a very traumatic awakening was a doctor saying "you're a very lucky young man, because I don't think it was any of us that saved you in there".
I could go into all of the psychological shit this evoked, but it's not appropriate here and (I think) has already been done elsewhere. I just wanted to post this as living proof that someone who has been where Phreex (Dave) is right now has made it back against all odds and for whatever reason. That is the way it was meant to be, and I spend a lot of time wondering what the fuck it is I'm supposed to be doing here - whatever happens to Phreex (remembering that the 'impossible'
isn't and that death is not the end of the energy and consciousness that he embodies) will be what is meant to happen.
...and I honestly hope and pray that whatever the outcome, he finds it infinitely more tolerable than the circumstances that lead to this happening to him in the first place.
Good luck, buddy.. and if (when, hopefully) you read this, I hope we can compare notes
[edit: just fixed a reference to PhreeX where I inadvertently spoke of him in the past tense.. sorry!]
[ 09 March 2003: Message edited by: lsd303 ]
