Well, at one point not very long ago at all I was with most of the responses in this thread. However, that was before I'd spent any time sober. Now that I've got 11 days (I know it's not much) of complete sobriety under my belt I view things a little differently. It's been shitty, but I was kind of out of control and forced to. I'm in an outpatient rehab program for xanax and oxycontin abuse mainly. My parents forced me to go (every day for 6 weeks) after I seizured, took a hospital visit, then detox, inpatient, etc.. to be able to live under their roof, which I need right now. It's mandatory to go to 2 NA meetings a week and the program does random drug testing. If I fail I get kicked out of the program and my house.
Eleven days is the longest I've gone in 5 years. All of this shit will really fuck with your brain chemistry after this long, but I'm sure you all are aware. I'm not saying I'm quitting everything, but after I get out of the progam I'm only going to attempt to only smoke bud on weekends and use the occasional psychedelic. I'm still undecided about the pharmies. I should probably stay off them completely considering I'm an addict, but if I'm ever comfortable with my ability to moderate, then we'll see. Certainly not soon, unless I relapse, in which case nobody here will know. I probably won't be able to post about it before I get kicked out.
Anyways, I know it's really fuckin hard, but I suggest everyone spend at least five days or so completely clean if you've used every day for an extended period of time. I've learned a lot about myself in the past week or so that I didn't even know. Not because of the program or NA or any of that shit, but just because I'm not fucked up and have had time to clean out my system, get a clear head, and do a bit of thinking. For a long time I haven't even really known myself, who I am. When I start using again I'm definitely going to moderate much more than I was before, for myself. I need a little bit better grip on reality and kind of enjoy learning things about me that I haven't known because I've been to fucked up and cloudy headed to notice for the past 5 years. Now, ciggarettes are another thing. I never really smoked ciggarettes, but after smoking herb daily for this long I feel the need to be smoking something. I'll eventually stop, but I'm not even going to try right now.
Anyways, I'm done ranting.