the actual "ego death" part was after having a few too many bong hits, and changing the music to pink floyd. everything just became a little too intense. my friend and i couldn't communicate to each other. the most we could mumble was "that's soo weird!" i felt like i had overdone it, like i may never come back. i felt insane, and i pictured myself having to tell my family, friends and gf what i had done to myself. at first i was fighting it, but then i decided that the best i could do was accept it and see if i was normal again in the morning. i eventually came down and thanked my friend for helping me through it - by basically doing nothing. if i had been with someone else who kept questioning me or asking if i was ok, it may have gotten more ugly.
I've experienced something very similar to this, on a mushroom trip with a group of friends. Once the peak hit us there was just no way any of us could communicate with each other at all. For nearly the whole time we just staggered around the house not saying a word to each other and all I remember are solemn smiles and overwhelmed looks. I never really felt panicked but I remember feeling extremely unsettled.
So I just realized then that during the same trip, after what seemed like an eternity of this nothingness between everybody, I lay on the couch and faced the ceiling. I couldn't look at anything because every time I tried to focus I would just think
everything about that object, and I mean it felt like every thought that could ever relate to that thing.
The reason I couldn't talk to anybody was because I was applying this same extreme analytical mindset to each and every word and expression and movement that they made. I thought that lying down and not giving myself anything to think about would help this, I was also just purely overwhelmed.
When I lay down I started to realise that my thoughts were also an inner dialogue made of words, and then I started analyzing
those. An extremely fast 'logic' started to unravel, in which I tried to make sense of not only my thoughts, but my
thinking, and all the words that made up my thinking. In hindsight, I was considering the mental awareness of my consciousness, and trying to make sense of what my consciousness
was. This seemed to go on forever, I remember writhing around on the couch groaning. It seemed to be a tunnel of analyzing and consideration that went deeper and deeper into my own head, I was scared, I was frantic. I couldn't make sense of it at all. And then, when it just couldn't get any worse or confusing, it made sense.
I don't even remember the revelation or the conclusion that I came to, I don't even think there was one, maybe it was just an overwhelming sense of 'I AM.' but I sat up and turned to my friend with watery eyes and said: "I get it, man, I just understand now, I'm zen, I'm at peace," or something along those lines. And I truly felt that, I could hear a beautiful chiming ringing in my ears that was sharp and soft at the same time, it felt like ohm.
It's very hard to explain, it feels like there's a lot more but I don't know how to put it into words. Since then I've learned a lot about psychedelics and heard phrases like 'ego-death,' which I've become very interested in. But I've only just now realized that this might have been what I experienced.
Sorry for such a long post, what do you guys think?
