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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

TDS Eating Disorders Megathread

Aww thank you girls <3<3<3 I wish my non-cyber world friends were as sweet and understanding as you all are <3

I took a two hour drive through some windy/dark streets and scared the shit out of myself... coming down always incites visions of shadow people and other creepy hallucinations... never going to let myself do that again, as much as driving helps me clear my mind that was just dangerous and fucking stupid.... :|

Wrote out some long rants (sorry n3ophy7e! <3) which makes me feel a bit better now that everything doesn't feel like it's bottled up and cooking inside my head... and cried on my drive/in the shower here which makes me feel a little less crazy. Am still furious/livid with this boy, but feelings pangs of sadness wishing he was here making me feel like a fool, as I think I've basically figured out what's going on there and it just re-inforces my hopelessness in getting better.... but being alone in my apartment is not condusive to doing well right now :(

And feel like shit physically, exhausted but can't sleep, body aches, burning up, and the depression is wrapping itself tighter and tighter around me as I imagine what tomorrows going to be like.... why do these things I do to make myself happy end up making me the most miserable/depressed person on the Earth? :|

Given up on getting anything productive done and am hoping for a five hour nap with some pills before work..... and never ever want to make myself vomit again, I don't know how/why that happened... my reaction to getting angry at the boy was to self-induce vomitting like I was ducking his punch :(
 
Rant any time darling <3 :)

mrs_mia_wallace said:
my reaction to getting angry at the boy was to self-induce vomitting like I was ducking his punch :(
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This hit close to home for me, I remember that thought process.

And it's great you never want to do it again sweetheart, it's an awful AWFUL thing to get yourself in to. Not worth it.

*hugs* <3
 
mrs_mia_wallace said:
.... but being alone in my apartment is not condusive to doing well right now :(

And feel like shit physically, exhausted but can't sleep, body aches, burning up, and the depression is wrapping itself tighter and tighter around me as I imagine what tomorrows going to be like.... why do these things I do to make myself happy end up making me the most miserable/depressed person on the Earth? :|

Given up on getting anything productive done and am hoping for a five hour nap with some pills before work..... and never ever want to make myself vomit again, I don't know how/why that happened... my reaction to getting angry at the boy was to self-induce vomitting like I was ducking his punch :(
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*hugs mia* I hope you're feeling a bit bettter now. Please don't let yourself vomit as a solution again; it can quickly becomes a habit as you become complacent about it and see it as an option every time you eat. I've been struggling with it for years and wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. EDs fucking suck. I honestly don't think I'll eat a meal again in my life without counting calories, considering fat and carb content etc etc...

PM me if you'd like <3
 
claire22 said:
I have re-started another bad habit that I first acquired about 5 years ago.
Chewing food when I get cravings, enough to savour the taste.
Then spitting it in the bin/napkin. This is better than not eating and then binging though, which just ultimately leads to tears.
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Honey...that is just another form of disordered eating. Maybe its time to see someone.
 
drug_wench said:
thats no problem, pillthrill - as u now know i hardly had to go out of my way very much ;)
i think its admirable that u care so much for possible harm to other ppl

like fjones said, best idea for u, seeing as u technically dont really seem to hav an ED, ur just not hungry (like i say i hav this problem often too).....just eat

force urself to eat something for breakfast, even just some yoghurt and fruit
this will whet ur appetite for lunch as breakfast 'breaks ur fast'
then dinner shud b easy

if uve bn starving urself for a long time dont start straight in on the huge meals - or even try to
ur stomach will hav shrunk and will not b able to handle this
rather, build up slowly, week by week, on meal size, and eat very nutritious food
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I do very much care how things influence people. I don't want to set anyone back in any way.
I did that today. Sean was hungry and we started talking about food and made it. I sat down and after a few bites I was like "OMG this is so good. I guess I was hungry." But the issue there is, I will realize this and just eat way to fast and be sick and then next time... I'm like "Well I felt sick so maybe I shouldn't."
 
Sometimes I want to eat, but its usually late at night but I can't cook anything because everyone is in bed and they get pissed if I even run the mircowave. :(
 
What if you keep some nuts or dried fruit handy for times like that. I LOVE munching on almonds when I'm peckish :)

belarki said:
EDs fucking suck. I honestly don't think I'll eat a meal again in my life without counting calories, considering fat and carb content etc etc...
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Oh god, me too belarki *hugs*
Fucking sucks :(
 
Pillthrill said:
I do very much care how things influence people. I don't want to set anyone back in any way.."
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Then I suggest not posting supposedly "too thin" photos. I don't know exactly what you were trying help with that, it's basically the equivelent of posting a tweak photo in a crystal meth support thread.
 
I'm really sorry to hear that claire :(
You know you have the strength within you to pick yourself up again though. It was only so recently that you showed us all you could do it. You can do it again too, do you want to??
 
mrs_mia_wallace said:
Then I suggest not posting supposedly "too thin" photos. I don't know exactly what you were trying help with that, it's basically the equivelent of posting a tweak photo in a crystal meth support thread.
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I thought she was posting it to ask our opinion if she had an eating disorder herself. I might have misinterpreted.
 
We cannot interpret whether or not she has an eating disorder. It doesn't seem like she has a specific one, just does not eat appropriately. We cannot diagnose her, even she says she doesn't really have one, just a little trouble with food.
 
(agreeing with fjones) that was the impression i got too
mia, i think (i cant speak for pillthrill but) she just didnt understand till later wen she saw the responses how it affected ppl then she felt bad - i can vouch that she is, if anything, sometimes too caring

unless u hav an ED urself u dont understand these things after all - i mean claire showed her photos so i guess she felt it was ok to do the same
IMO, she is too thin in that original photo and wen she realised that it was affecting ppl negatively, she quickly NSFWd the photos
its just a misunderstanding
case closed?
 
Yeah no fighties, she didn't mean to do it - nor did I :) Sorry about any bad images I sent to people and I am sure PT is too.
 
i wasnt saying ur photos were negative claire btw - just not sure how pillthrills differ from urs in any way
u both look as thin as each other really in them!
but lets get back on-topic
 
claire22 said:
Yeah no fighties, she didn't mean to do it - nor did I :) Sorry about any bad images I sent to people and I am sure PT is too.
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No I don't mean it toward you hun <3... you suffer from an eating disorder and are open about it so I don't really think it's the same thing.... she doesn't... so her being too thin is kind of different....

I'm not trying to start a fight here, she just stated that she's trying to help and she doesn't have an ED so therefore doesn't neccesarily understand how images effect someone with an EDs mind0set. so I told her.

Sorry if I'm mean/was mean, I'm in a really bad place right now and I'm not in touch with my sensitive side.
 
No prob bella. I am not so great myself today. What's up with you? Hope you are okay!
I have started up old habits again like chewing the food for 2 bites then spitting it out.
I am living off diet coke. Am really fried right now too. Head feels bad.
Muscles ache. Need nutrients to function, plus the stimulation of my cardio system wears them out.
Why do I do this to myself?
 
claire22 said:
No prob bella. I am not so great myself today. What's up with you? Hope you are okay!
I have started up old habits again like chewing the food for 2 bites then spitting it out.
I am living off diet coke. Am really fried right now too. Head feels bad.
Muscles ache. Need nutrients to function, plus the stimulation of my cardio system wears them out.
Why do I do this to myself?
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http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showpost.php?p=6860346&postcount=148

:(

we do it because its the only way we know how to function.. make it through the day

are you managing to get any food down? :(
 
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