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TDS Eating Disorders Megathread

Libby, I'll be honest. I don't think that looking towards others for "thinspiration" no matter what their size is healthy. It isn't helping you get any better and likely only making the ED worse. I know this and I will be no part in hurting other people. I can plead with you to consider that perhaps you want to get better and this certainly isn't helping you. But only you can control your own behavior and make your own choices. I only say this because I care and I hope you know that. <3
 
Ok Sweetie. just know I care. You know you can PM me at ANY time. I hope you can start to get beyond this, knowing that it is hurting you.
(Please know, I NEVER EVER meant to hurt anyone and I hope that all of you can forgive me.)
I do believe I have food issues with what I believe with a Anorexia in my past for a short period of time. I thought that perhaps that this would be the place to go. I don't think so. Although I just get harassed at the healthy living thread, that I'm negative, which I'm not. I'm doing a LOT better. And that I have made not changes, which I HAVE. And that this is the Healthy Living thread, not the "Help me eat because I can't help myself thread." Now I've dealt with it in a mature manner I believe...

I guess perhaps I need to just take it to the blog because there is no place for the inbetween person with food issues, but not an ED.
 
Pillthrill said:
Ok Sweetie. just know I care. You know you can PM me at ANY time. I hope you can start to get beyond this, knowing that it is hurting you.
(Please know, I NEVER EVER meant to hurt anyone and I hope that all of you can forgive me.)
I do believe I have food issues with what I believe with a Anorexia in my past for a short period of time. I thought that perhaps that this would be the place to go. I don't think so. Although I just get harassed at the healthy living thread, that I'm negative, which I'm not. I'm doing a LOT better. And that I have made not changes, which I HAVE. And that this is the Healthy Living thread, not the "Help me eat because I can't help myself thread." Now I've dealt with it in a mature manner I believe...

I guess perhaps I need to just take it to the blog because there is no place for the inbetween person with food issues, but not an ED.
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Pillthrill-- I'm sorry, I think I may have been quite harsh/rude to you in my comment (I'm a mean bitch when I'm coming down, not an excuse to take it out on you but the circumstances :(). I'm not saying you have hurt anyone in thread (we could all google images "anorexia" and get the same thing) so I don't want you to feel like you've done anything wrong. I understand your intent was to show the people in this thread that this was an unhealthy image and this was a healthy image, and to show it in a way that would cause us to see that healthy is much more appealing than sick. Unfortunately girls with eating disorders have a fucking WARPED view point when it comes to images (as you saw from the response). Girls in treatment will look at each other and be jealous of how thin they think the others are (girls that are forty pounds underweight, to anyone else would look disgusting). So I guess I was just trying to give you some advice/info but I'm afraid it came off bitchy and is just making you feel bad about yourself (which you shouldn't)... which is not what I hoping to do :(

Any of course you can always post in this thread regardless of whether you have an ED, drug_wench posts here often and her replies are always helpful... it's good for us ED people to get a perspective from someone who is a bit more normal with food :).. I think I just don't always respond to your posts because I'm just unsure how I can help you, I don'twant to just say "oh you'll be fine, just keep pushing" because I feel like that's nice to say but you're asking for specific help with an issue, but you're problem is more physical, not emmotional (you've stated you're not hungry so you don't want to eat, not that you hate eating/think you're fat and don't want to eat) so I just don't know of any advice I can give you, but I don't want you to feel like you're pushed out of this thread because you don't the "eating disorder" label on you :(
 
I never got to the point of anorexia. When I was little I was severely underweight because I had no appetite (picky eater, fast metabolism, other factors) and my mom would force-feed me glasses of milk and food which I would secretly throw in the garbage. When I was a teenager I got into raw-foodism and things like that, and I developed an obsession that has to do with a fear of chemicals. I basically felt like I was being poisoned if I didn't eat completely organic food. Apparently that's a real disorder. I grew out of it later on, because once I started doing more drugs I stopped caring what happened to my body - not really a good thing, it might be better to have that fear of chemicals back if I want to live healthier.

Anyway, now I'm at the same place PillThrill is - I have no appetite and find it difficult to eat more than a few bites at a time. I'm also "too busy to eat". I don't understand weight-obsession, but I do understand that anorexia is a form of control over a life that seems out of control, and a way to attain perfection in some form because nothing seems "perfect enough" - am I right on this?
 
^Anorexia serves a different purpose to everyone.... it's the same as drugs, I guess generally people would say "drug addicts use drugs because they don't like their lives and drugs make them bearable/better" but obviously we've all got our own reasons we use/are addicts. Same with eating disorders, there many different motivations/desired effects among anorexics.

Change that "perfect enough" to "attainable" though and you've got a common theme right there :)
 
found this in an old notebook, treatment center in '02 (eight grade I think?)

Good Bye Anorexia

You trapped me in a never ending rabbit hole
You promised me perfection, you promised me reality
You promised me a world of possibilities I never could have dreamed without you

You held me when I fell
You kissed my tattered lips, you nuzzled my broken heart
When the parties were over, empty glasses of punch, sore toes, disappointed dreams

Anorexia, I was yours.

My knight in shinning armor on a white horse, I thought
Disguised in self torture, self discipline, growling stomach for company
Numbers soaring far below any normal persons comfort zone

Diet pills, my allowance gone in hours
Laxatives and diuretics, my body exploding with self inflicted pain
The hang over from a day of binging, the wretched sound of gagging

Anorexia, I was yours.

I gave you prized hip bones, exploding ribcages, a collar bone to rival your lowest expectation
I gave you my thinning hair, my dying heart, my ill fitting old clothes
I gave you my dignity, my self respect, I gave you everything

I broke the hearts of those who cared
I lost the respect of those who watched
I cut myself from the living, the breathing, the walking

Anorexia, I was yours.

I gave you months in a white ceiling room, locked doors and padded chairs
My independence gone, mouth wash locked in nurses drawers
Private bathroom time eliminated, more self respect wrapped and tapped together just for you

I stayed with you until the tear stained end; I pulled you out of the dirt filled gutter
You and I, we had relapses and return visits together, this was no one night stand
You cried and promised it would be better; I took your words for truth

Anorexia, I was yours.

I let you come into my eyes; I let you put the looking glass under my eyelids
I trusted you in every aspect; I gave you all the control
You led the way down the rabbit hole

But my dear Anorexia, I have to let you go
I know the anger that will ensue, I know your Hades’ lover
Go find another tortured soul to dig your daggers in

Anorexia, I can’t be yours.

Good bye scales, books, numbers
Good bye antiseptic smelling hospitals, thin pillows and sheets
Good bye food restrictions, egg whites and saltine crackers
Good bye my blood stained rabbit hole, my hands are pulling through

Anorexia, I’m gone.
 
mrs_mia_wallace said:
Pillthrill-- I'm sorry, I think I may have been quite harsh/rude to you in my comment (I'm a mean bitch when I'm coming down, not an excuse to take it out on you but the circumstances :(). I'm not saying you have hurt anyone in thread (we could all google images "anorexia" and get the same thing) so I don't want you to feel like you've done anything wrong. I understand your intent was to show the people in this thread that this was an unhealthy image and this was a healthy image, and to show it in a way that would cause us to see that healthy is much more appealing than sick. Unfortunately girls with eating disorders have a fucking WARPED view point when it comes to images (as you saw from the response). Girls in treatment will look at each other and be jealous of how thin they think the others are (girls that are forty pounds underweight, to anyone else would look disgusting). So I guess I was just trying to give you some advice/info but I'm afraid it came off bitchy and is just making you feel bad about yourself (which you shouldn't)... which is not what I hoping to do :(

Any of course you can always post in this thread regardless of whether you have an ED, drug_wench posts here often and her replies are always helpful... it's good for us ED people to get a perspective from someone who is a bit more normal with food :).. I think I just don't always respond to your posts because I'm just unsure how I can help you, I don't want to just say "oh you'll be fine, just keep pushing" because I feel like that's nice to say but you're asking for specific help with an issue, but you're problem is more physical, not emmotional (you've stated you're not hungry so you don't want to eat, not that you hate eating/think you're fat and don't want to eat) so I just don't know of any advice I can give you, but I don't want you to feel like you're pushed out of this thread because you don't the "eating disorder" label on you :(
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Thank you for the above. I did feel a little unwanted and upset by your post. But I've also tried to accept that no everyone is going to like me, and posting more usually makes it worse. I'll just try to adapt my posts if I choose to post.

I'm often in pain, which can make it difficult for me to eat as well. Sinus problems also make it worse. I have my really good days and I have my bad days. Mostly bad as of late, 2 or 3 days with very little food or drink. What little I do is junk food I'm craving. Idk yogurt helps sometimes, I suppose because I don't really have or chew it or something...perhaps I'm over-thinking. I usually do.
 
mia, I thought I already replied to your poem but it appears I didn't?

I just wanted to say thanks for sharing it with us. You wrote very maturely for your age at the time!
 
mrjackjones said:
eating around people really upsets me.
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I'm the same way. In my case though it was more because I was self-conscious, and afraid that I'd lose control and start binging. I've only relatively recently been able to have dinner with friends, before I would either meet up after dinner (even if invited to a dinner party), or just refuse to eat. And then gorge myself when I got home.
 
Dave said:
I'm the same way. In my case though it was more because I was self-conscious, and afraid that I'd lose control and start binging. I've only relatively recently been able to have dinner with friends, before I would either meet up after dinner (even if invited to a dinner party), or just refuse to eat. And then gorge myself when I got home.
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Yeh I have real issues eating around people too. Especially when they have no idea you have a problem! I've accidentally offended people in the past by not eating the meal they had cooked me.... there's no way to just say hey thanks I appreciate the effort but the guilt I'd feel for eating that would far outweigh any pleasure.... It can make for some awkward situations! Being vegetarian helps a little as at least then people expect you to be picky with food.

I'm doing pretty badly. I haven't drunk anything since saturday but haven't eaten and kept down a proper meal either :( I sooooo want to grab a bottle on the way home from work and drink until I black out....
 
^One of the good things about being vegan. I would do it anyway for moral reasons, but I can't eat in restaraunts, period (calories and shame of eating in front of that many people) and all I have to say is "I'm vegan" and people back off.

I went on some kind of massive binge beginning late Sunday and continuing through last night. Ate to the point of feeling like I was going to vomit (but not). I don't know what that was about, I was only awake for an hour or so at four points throughout the day but somehow I managed to eat like half of what was in my apartment. But now I feel ashamed and guilty and shitty, and feel like my clothes fit tighter, weighed myself this morning and I gained six pounds... but that cannot be possible?

I don't know. I haven't eaten anything since I got up today (which was late afternoon). I don't want to eat ever again until those six pounds go away.
 
I'm off my anti-depressants which is great and all, but now I am completely 100% OBSESSED with my weight again. I haven't been this obsessed since I started the meds in the first place. It's so fucking exhausting :|
Constantly sizing myself up to everyone else I see and gauging how fat I am in comparison. Thinking of more and more hardcore routines I could get in to in order to lose weight. Obsessing over that biscuit I ate 3 days ago. Ughh here we go again!! 8)
 
n3ophy7e said:
Constantly sizing myself up to everyone else I see and gauging how fat I am in comparison. 8)
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First I want to say I in no way mean to sound insensitive to any of you- I wanted to respond the other day to another post but decided to hold back......after reading the above though I couldn't hold back anymore.....

Is this the main reason for eating disorders?
I assumed it was for most but thought that vanity couldn't be the main reason.....
Maybe some of you are trading one way of hurting yourself for another?

You are all beautiful.

It saddens me to hear each of you talk about yourselves as though you are only about your body or that being skinnier makes you more attractive.....
I can't imagine being in your situations and REALLY don't want to sound rude....
But this is all in your head. It all boils down to loving yourself. I think maybe looking inside would benefit you more than focusing on how much you weigh.
If you can love yourself for you- you will love your body.........
 
^
Ocean I know where you're coming from but EDs are so much more than that. Its such a complex twist of emotion and thought that it really can't be properly understood by a person who thinks about food rationally.
Overcoming an ED like anorexia and bulemia is more than telling yourself you're being silly and that you're great the way you are. There are so many more factors involved.
Sometimes the empty feeling in your stomach makes you so giddy and proud its like a hit of your drug of choice and just as addictive and damaging. The intense rollercoaster of highs and lows on a daily basis is painful but sometimes welcomed at the same time. Like playing with a sore tooth, pushing harder and harder against it even tho you know its doing you damage and will eventually snap but you just can't stop. It won't let you stop.

Bit of a rant there for my first post in here but I just wanted to try and explain that its not that simple.
 
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