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EADD - Spanking the monkey / self gratification / special weird stuff ?

The last one's never really any good is it? When the raw, flayed worm burps just enough watery gruel to moisten your top knuckle and you're suddenly exhausted, dejected and starving hungry.
 
jancrow said:
The last one's never really any good is it? When the raw, flayed worm burps just enough watery gruel to moisten your top knuckle and you're suddenly exhausted, dejected and starving hungry.
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Not to mention filled with shame and disgust at your own physical grossness and beastly appetites, plus total disbelief at the pathetic, vengeful and hackneyed power fantasy that served to propel you through the last few minutes of vigorous, breathless self-stimulation.

Thornskin said:
I'm so stoked my first post was on masturbation 8)
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Hey, it's a great way to start! And if you're anything like me then every third or fourth post will probably be about masturbation too. ;)
 
There was a rumour, I think from Bo Selector, going around my school that there was a thing called the 'wank wall'. Which was basically a point at which, around the 7th wank of the day, you'd simply pass out. Obviously I tried it, and was pretty pleased that I surpassed that number being the dumbass 14 year old that I was. Even more obviously, I was in no position to say to people talking about it 'naa that's bullshit, I blew that record out of the water yesterday'.
 
jancrow said:
(And anyway, Wikipedia's down)

I think there'll be less arguing on the board today because of it.
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its only a javascript redirect, disable javascript in your browser and its still there.

NEVER TRY TO LEAVE ME AGAIN WIKIPEDIA
 
I blame this thread for putting ideas in my head.

The other night I was sitting at home relaxing. I had a glass of wine, took some drugs, read some erotic stories, made myself laugh and, you know, one thing led to another... I seduced myself, I ended up in bed making sweet, sweet love to me and for some reason I decided to put my finger up my own arse. I think it's supposed to stimulate your prostate, yes? Well, it made no difference at all, apart from giving me a smelly finger! Actually I've had a girl put her finger up my bum (unbidden) when we were having sex and it made no difference then either, so I really don't know what I was thinking. Thanks BL!

The weird thing is, my finger didn't even smell that bad, didn't smell like shit, more like sweat. How's that? Is the rectum self-cleaning?
 
I imagine it secretes mucus which runs down the inside carrying away anything that's stuck. Then I imagine it hangs around near your anus til a turd thunders through and pushes the whole lot out.

This is complete speculation.
 
jancrow said:
I imagine it secretes mucus which runs down the inside carrying away anything that's stuck. Then I imagine it hangs around near your anus til a turd thunders through and pushes the whole lot out.

This is complete speculation.
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Well yeah, sometimes I pooh a little mucus, that's true.
 
jancrow said:
I imagine it secretes mucus which runs down the inside carrying away anything that's stuck. Then I imagine it hangs around near your anus til a turd thunders through and pushes the whole lot out.

This is complete speculation.
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Post of the year.

Edit - 10 minutes later & "a turd thunders through" is still making me laugh =D
 
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you can't just stick it up there. you have to stimulate the right place. i've found an anatomical diagram to help you.

male.bmp
 
chinup said:
you can't just stick it up there. you have to stimulate the right place. i've found an anatomical diagram to help you.

male.bmp
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Yeah I thought I would have to feel for something, like inside my lady friend's vagina there's a roughish spot which I think is her g-spot but to be honest it doesn't fucking work either. Anyway I did have a poke about but I'll try harder next time.
 
knockando said:
IActually I've had a girl put her finger up my bum (unbidden) when we were having sex and it made no difference then either
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A conspiracy by women's magazines in the late nineties and nothing more.

Not content with making women hate themselves, they attempted to lure heterosexual men into being complicit in their on humiliation through the practice of digital sodomy. It's best to respond to such an intrusion by shitting all over the offending hand.
 
deko said:
I once bashed one out during sunrise stood on a trig point

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangulation_station

Right here.

http://maps.google.co.uk/?ll=51.56242,-3.338913&spn=0.000583,0.00142&t=h&z=20&vpsrc=6

its the little white thing in the middle of the above map.
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I didn't comment on this when I first saw it but it made made me laugh. I used to tramp up and down the Pentland and Moorfoot hills, sometimes with my dad, other times with friends, sometimes alone, and trig points were just part of the landscape. I never realised their potential for self abuse. =D

Perhaps you misheard when your dad said it would be good physical exercise to go hill walking. He said WALKING!
 
SamhainGrim said:
A conspiracy by women's magazines in the late nineties and nothing more.

Not content with making women hate themselves, they attempted to lure heterosexual men into being complicit in their on humiliation through the practice of digital sodomy. It's best to respond to such an intrusion by shitting all over the offending hand.
Click to expand...

not if the 'offending' hand is your own.

women shouldn't be trying to tell menfolk anything about their own bodies.

however

some menfolk I've 'talked' with are in full agreement that there are 'benefits' to cavity searching in this region and wholeheartedly confirm and attest to the joys of their own thoroughly investigated 'personal research'. no wimmenz involved. ;p

not that I know about these things, but possibly index digits just might not always be up to thee job. it also takes confidence and direction and a sense of purpose to be able to investigate such theories. I don't have a phd in exploration, possibly only a diploma, but I've been regularly encouraged to keep on studying by close converts

erm, um, I know what I mean :o

knockando said:
Yeah I thought I would have to feel for something, like inside my lady friend's vagina there's a roughish spot which I think is her g-spot but to be honest it doesn't fucking work either. Anyway I did have a poke about but I'll try harder next time.
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no need. it's a just a rough-ish spot, as you rightly described imo. Cosmopolitan would have you believe it's the centrifugal point of female existence, but I think that's a poorly crafted lie to plaster over the cracks that erupt from the inevitable outright jealousy some of we females feel, when we realise that we're totally shortchanged compared to men biologically, when it comes to physical pleasure receptors.
[oh please forgive me for such Blasphemy, Saint Germaine of Greer :o]

thank fuck it's possible to halfway compensate for such travesties via development & exploitation of one's imagination.
 
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Dr Marmalade.
Remember Dr Ruth on American chat shows in the 80's? Now she would
Put you off sex for life she was like
an unused wookey extra from star wars.Dr marmalade has got some
Verbal Viagra though wink wink nod
Nod :)
 
Just for those young uns who dont know who Dr Ruth is, this sweet little old lady used to give sex tips:D She says she wants it this big!!
Westheimer-Ruth.jpg
 
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