doofqueen
Bluelighter
well if they see them high thats a different story don't you think? oranges and apples hunny 
-
-
AADD Moderators: andyturbo
Drugs around children?
- Thread starter PsychoKitten
- Start date
onetwothreefour
Bluelight Crew
^^^ huh? wasn't blueadonis just pointing out the flaw in your logic when you said that a parent doing drugs in front of a child (regardless of what drug it is) is advocating the drug use? i know you don't do it in front of your child, so remember this is still all hypothetical, don't take it personally.
now, as i've said in this, and other threads, i think a certain level - depending on the many variables - of drug use around children can be acceptable. imo, there's not a helluva lot of difference between someone being responsible and having a couple of drinks and having a couple of cones, as long as the adult is aware, and still able to care for the child.
but i can still see that doing so in front of said child *is* advocating it (in most cases) in their eyes. christ, kids nearly *always* look up to their parents - even the most useless, irresponsible parents are still role models for their kids, so regardless of what you say, it's your actions that are teaching your kids the rights and wrongs of the world.
it's just up to you to decide what you want your child to be learning, but to think that a child (really, anyone under the age of ten) is *entirely* capable of independant thought (in as much that they are not at all influenced by the opinions of their parents) is silly, and just totally naive.
now, as i've said in this, and other threads, i think a certain level - depending on the many variables - of drug use around children can be acceptable. imo, there's not a helluva lot of difference between someone being responsible and having a couple of drinks and having a couple of cones, as long as the adult is aware, and still able to care for the child.
but i can still see that doing so in front of said child *is* advocating it (in most cases) in their eyes. christ, kids nearly *always* look up to their parents - even the most useless, irresponsible parents are still role models for their kids, so regardless of what you say, it's your actions that are teaching your kids the rights and wrongs of the world.
it's just up to you to decide what you want your child to be learning, but to think that a child (really, anyone under the age of ten) is *entirely* capable of independant thought (in as much that they are not at all influenced by the opinions of their parents) is silly, and just totally naive.
doofqueen
Bluelighter
huh? i don't get what your saying or maybe i did misundersand what blue adonis said :/ and i'm not taking it personally ( i wish people would stop saying that to me...i just have my opinion on the topic so i state it...just becauise i am a mother doesn't mean i take it personally, it just means i have alot to say on the subject matter)
He was talking about parents actually doing drugs in front of their kids and i pointed out that kids are not always aware of it (if it's hidden or covered on purpose)
and as far as monkey see and monkey do...i think this is variable really. The child must know that there are "grown up" things and "kid" things. The child must have an awareness of who is allowed to do what (and that comes down to the perspective and rules you have taught your child)
Example...i let my son hear swear words. He will hear it on tv, movies, friends and even in the school yard. He will realise that they are not nice words to use and maybe want to use them to stir up and make an experiment about what will happen if he does because he will get the feeling that they are 'taboo' Instead i am open to that sort of vobab in front of him but have taught him the difference of "grown up" and "kid" stuff and you will not (an havent since he was three) hear a swear word come out of his mouth because he knows that he is not allowed to use them.
He was talking about parents actually doing drugs in front of their kids and i pointed out that kids are not always aware of it (if it's hidden or covered on purpose)
and as far as monkey see and monkey do...i think this is variable really. The child must know that there are "grown up" things and "kid" things. The child must have an awareness of who is allowed to do what (and that comes down to the perspective and rules you have taught your child)
Example...i let my son hear swear words. He will hear it on tv, movies, friends and even in the school yard. He will realise that they are not nice words to use and maybe want to use them to stir up and make an experiment about what will happen if he does because he will get the feeling that they are 'taboo' Instead i am open to that sort of vobab in front of him but have taught him the difference of "grown up" and "kid" stuff and you will not (an havent since he was three) hear a swear word come out of his mouth because he knows that he is not allowed to use them.
anna!
Bluelight Crew
imo, there's not a helluva lot of difference between someone being responsible and having a couple of drinks and having a couple of cones, as long as the adult is aware, and still able to care for the child.
Well, except that you can't passively drink, but you can passively smoke. Any kind of smoke around kids is a big no no, IMO.
raverchik
Bluelighter
my opinion
Im going to lightly touch on the topic here.
Given I am not a mother but I have a 5 year old sister and 4 year old brother.
I think that drugs have NO place around children.
There is No need for drug use to be advertised/used around children and No matter what anyone says children are influentual and impressionable and If drugs are made to look like a natural part of life then thats what they will see and take on board.
As other posts have said When I have children I doubt I will be doing drugs and If I do it will be very rarely and when my child is else where and not knowing of my doings.
Given a child is going to be exposed to drugs at some point in their lives isnt ground for an excuse to expose them awarely.
Once again there is not need to expose children to drug use. If you can prevent children from drugs as long as possible then why not do it.
*note* this is not an attack against anyone I have breifly read through the other posts.
I dont have time to write anythiing else.
I also think every mother does the best she can for her child.
Im going to lightly touch on the topic here.
Given I am not a mother but I have a 5 year old sister and 4 year old brother.
I think that drugs have NO place around children.
There is No need for drug use to be advertised/used around children and No matter what anyone says children are influentual and impressionable and If drugs are made to look like a natural part of life then thats what they will see and take on board.
As other posts have said When I have children I doubt I will be doing drugs and If I do it will be very rarely and when my child is else where and not knowing of my doings.
Given a child is going to be exposed to drugs at some point in their lives isnt ground for an excuse to expose them awarely.
Once again there is not need to expose children to drug use. If you can prevent children from drugs as long as possible then why not do it.
*note* this is not an attack against anyone I have breifly read through the other posts.
I dont have time to write anythiing else.
I also think every mother does the best she can for her child.
onetwothreefour
Bluelight Crew
^^^ why wouldn't we keep our kids away from drugs as long as possible...? er, because perhaps some of us realise the positive effect that they can have on people's lives, and i will encourage my children to explore that *if they want to*.
oh, i totally agree - i would never endorse smoking actually *in front* of kids, just the being stoned part
fuck, i grew up hating my mother (well not actually hating, but you get the idea) for smoking cigarettes in front of me, so i'd never subject children -or anyone, for that matter- to passive smoking. it's stupid and just plain rude.
Originally posted by anna!
Well, except that you can't passively drink, but you can passively smoke. Any kind of smoke around kids is a big no no, IMO.
imo, there's not a helluva lot of difference between someone being responsible and having a couple of drinks and having a couple of cones, as long as the adult is aware, and still able to care for the child.
Well, except that you can't passively drink, but you can passively smoke. Any kind of smoke around kids is a big no no, IMO.
oh, i totally agree - i would never endorse smoking actually *in front* of kids, just the being stoned part
fuck, i grew up hating my mother (well not actually hating, but you get the idea) for smoking cigarettes in front of me, so i'd never subject children -or anyone, for that matter- to passive smoking. it's stupid and just plain rude.
anfalicious
Bluelighter
A few people are bringing up the role model issue.
I think a lot of people have serious issues with their own drug use. I would not do anything I wouldn't want my kids to do (makes you really think about the choices you make in life eh). When my kids reach the age where they want to start experimenting, I want to be there to make sure they don't fuck up too badly. This could apply in heaps of situations, whether it be teaching your kids responsible drinking habits (which not many parents do unfortunately), making sure they educate themselves before they even get anywhere near any drugs, having "the talk" with them BEFORE they become sexually active (and doing it properly, not just saying 'sex is bad, don't do it') or teaching them how to drive a car PROPERLY.
Having a child around so young gives you a really different perspective on life. I am always taking note of my emotions and how I respond to things, to remember how I feel at all stages of my life (well, I've always done this really), so that when my kids get there, I will still be able to remember what it was like. I've done some absolutely fucking moronic and dangerous things in my life (my injury list is pages long), but by being taught to be inquisitive and understand how things work, along with always being given the opportunity to make my own mistakes, whilst still being guided by my parents, has meant that I haven't killed myself yet.
I agree with your sentiment here, but I think it highlights what I believe to be the biggest problem with parents. Not many parents I've ever seen take the time out to listen to their kids. My partners son is 2 and if you let him make his own decisions about things, rather than screaming at him to stop, he almost always makes the right choice. If you're always telling kids what not to do, rather than spending time working out why they want to do things, then guide them towards making their own choice, then the only decision making abilities they will grow up with will be to do the opposite of whatever their parents tell them. Kids aren't stupid, respect them and their opinions.
I think a lot of people have serious issues with their own drug use. I would not do anything I wouldn't want my kids to do (makes you really think about the choices you make in life eh). When my kids reach the age where they want to start experimenting, I want to be there to make sure they don't fuck up too badly. This could apply in heaps of situations, whether it be teaching your kids responsible drinking habits (which not many parents do unfortunately), making sure they educate themselves before they even get anywhere near any drugs, having "the talk" with them BEFORE they become sexually active (and doing it properly, not just saying 'sex is bad, don't do it') or teaching them how to drive a car PROPERLY.
Having a child around so young gives you a really different perspective on life. I am always taking note of my emotions and how I respond to things, to remember how I feel at all stages of my life (well, I've always done this really), so that when my kids get there, I will still be able to remember what it was like. I've done some absolutely fucking moronic and dangerous things in my life (my injury list is pages long), but by being taught to be inquisitive and understand how things work, along with always being given the opportunity to make my own mistakes, whilst still being guided by my parents, has meant that I haven't killed myself yet.
I agree with your sentiment here, but I think it highlights what I believe to be the biggest problem with parents. Not many parents I've ever seen take the time out to listen to their kids. My partners son is 2 and if you let him make his own decisions about things, rather than screaming at him to stop, he almost always makes the right choice. If you're always telling kids what not to do, rather than spending time working out why they want to do things, then guide them towards making their own choice, then the only decision making abilities they will grow up with will be to do the opposite of whatever their parents tell them. Kids aren't stupid, respect them and their opinions.
Raz
Bluelighter
Geez, I can't believe I read the whole 5 pages in one go...yay me LOL...
First of all, big props to the parents...if one thing's clear from reading this, it's that everyone who has kids and has posted in this thread is absolutely devoted to being the best parent they can be, and I think that rocks. I was with my ex for almost 5 years and got to be "Uncle Trav" to his two kids for that time...they knew I was his partner and they gave me the same respect as any step-parent would get. So while I'm not presumptuous enough to say I know what it's like to be a dad, I do feel that I know what it's like to help raise kids, and it's not always easy but it's very rewarding.
Now...I think there's a definite line between USING drugs and ABUSING drugs. I think I'm fairly safe in saying that everyone here will agree that the idea of actually giving drugs to your children is fucking stupid. I also think I'm fairly safe in saying that's not really got anything to do with the issue of drug use AROUND your children.
For my part, I'm not comfortable with it. I don't even like drinking in front of kids, because I'm not comfortable with the message that I feel it puts across. Bear in mind that this is my personal opinion...I know people who've used drugs around their children, their children know, and their children are none the worse for it. It's just something I'm not comfortable with doing myself.
I don't think drugs are bad, but I do think they're something which needs to be taken very seriously. And like anfalicious said, I think a lot of people aren't prepared to put the effort into harm minimisation that they should to be able to use drugs safely around their kids. I know that if I have a couple of drinks, my judgement is impaired enough that I'm likely to have a couple more, and before I know it I'm drunk. I'm not saying everyone is like this, I'm just explaining my own reasons for my views. Maybe it just comes down to selfishness: I'd rather not indulge at all than to have to place a defined limit on my indulgence.
I do think that kids should be educated about drugs as soon as they're old enough to start noticing them though...if more kids were raised to have a healthy attitude regarding drugs, their effects and their dangers, maybe we wouldn't have the problem with drug abuse that we do in the world today..
First of all, big props to the parents...if one thing's clear from reading this, it's that everyone who has kids and has posted in this thread is absolutely devoted to being the best parent they can be, and I think that rocks. I was with my ex for almost 5 years and got to be "Uncle Trav" to his two kids for that time...they knew I was his partner and they gave me the same respect as any step-parent would get. So while I'm not presumptuous enough to say I know what it's like to be a dad, I do feel that I know what it's like to help raise kids, and it's not always easy but it's very rewarding.
Now...I think there's a definite line between USING drugs and ABUSING drugs. I think I'm fairly safe in saying that everyone here will agree that the idea of actually giving drugs to your children is fucking stupid. I also think I'm fairly safe in saying that's not really got anything to do with the issue of drug use AROUND your children.
For my part, I'm not comfortable with it. I don't even like drinking in front of kids, because I'm not comfortable with the message that I feel it puts across. Bear in mind that this is my personal opinion...I know people who've used drugs around their children, their children know, and their children are none the worse for it. It's just something I'm not comfortable with doing myself.
I don't think drugs are bad, but I do think they're something which needs to be taken very seriously. And like anfalicious said, I think a lot of people aren't prepared to put the effort into harm minimisation that they should to be able to use drugs safely around their kids. I know that if I have a couple of drinks, my judgement is impaired enough that I'm likely to have a couple more, and before I know it I'm drunk. I'm not saying everyone is like this, I'm just explaining my own reasons for my views. Maybe it just comes down to selfishness: I'd rather not indulge at all than to have to place a defined limit on my indulgence.
I do think that kids should be educated about drugs as soon as they're old enough to start noticing them though...if more kids were raised to have a healthy attitude regarding drugs, their effects and their dangers, maybe we wouldn't have the problem with drug abuse that we do in the world today..
neverwas
Bluelighter
pekkie said:
...I guess there are people here who are going to have a different opinion and have different ways on how to bring up their children, which is life I guess. I probably wouldn't do things the way you've done them, but that's just me. I haven't had to go through what you've had, but from what you've said here I think so far you haven't done too bad a job.
...after reading all the posts in this thread heres my 2c...
when i was a kid i was constantly exposed to drugs. be it pot, pills, acid or anything really. i grew up with a brother somewhat older than me that my father adopted out of a youth homeless shelter. so i haveakways been exposed to it. did it change me when i was young? not really. i never wanted to go and try any of it. yet while im not sayin i havent, i didnt have any desire to as a kid. my parents had strick rules when we were growing up as to the keeping of chems and drugs inside the house while kids were around. that was a big no no.
i still have that stance today. there are no drugs to be kept inside the house or aorund kids. it can only lead to accidents happening.
doofqueen hun, i know through personal chats with you that you do take your son to bush dance parties and he really enjoys himself. you arent under the influence of anything when you have him with you either...
its an experience that not many kids get to enjoy. (goin to dance things like this) i also know that when you do take him with you there he is with a bunch of people you know and trust so you are not the only one looking after him. i also beleive you are a responsible adult who cares deeply for her son and the very fact you are questioning this shouldnt even come about.
the quote from pekkie pretty much sums up my thoughts on drugs and kids etc...every parent brings their child up a different way. different beliefs, values, thoughts and lives.
nuds
Bluelighter
*sunflower* said:
Samadhi
Bluelight Crew
Doofqueen, that is awesome! I think that is one of the greatest lessons a child can learn. I daresay your little fella is going to be one grounded, well-rounded individual. I applaud you.
Mr Samadhi and I are thinking of having a baby next year. I have quite a few piercings and tattoos (one quite noticeable one on my back. I've had people say to me when the subject of chid-rearing pops up "but what example will you be setting your child?"...to which i reply.. "i'll be teaching him/her that just because mummy has jewelry in her face and pictures on her body, doesn't make her a bad mum/person". Also, when we make the decision to try for bubbas, there won't be any drug use for months prior and that will continue for a long long time after bub is born.
On the subject of drugs around children... There are parents i know that don't have drugs in front of their kids, but will sometimes have to come home the next day and take care of the kids, sometimes on little sleep. They are tired, yes, but they're not scatterbrained or "in leave of their senses" . Quiet roar hit the nail on the head... Also, someone said something about how bad it is to be around "munted" people when sober... this happens alot with me, as i don't very often indulge anymore...the people i choose to indulge with now, incidentally, are all parents, and in all honesty, you hardly know that they're on anything. The only indication is that they're eyes are slightly "starry", their walls have come down and they're smiling a hell of alot, so yeah, it's easy for me... never hard or a chore...then again, maybe i've just lucked out with the people that we spend a majority of our time with.
Regarding me being chopped around kids, i don't feel comfortable. I think it's because i relate to kids very easily anyway (if we're around kids, i'll usually end up playing with the kids rather than talk all that "adult" stuff
) so for some reason, i become a little edgy, i don't start "acting like a child" ( i never really have on e anyway). On the flipside though..i think it would be completely irresponsible to come home to your kids when you're 3 days old, having consumed crazy amounts of drugs and are suffering from serious sleep deprivation on a regular or even irregular basis...but in my opinion, that kind of drug use is hardcore...and if you're taking drugs in such a fashion, kids should not even come into the equation.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")