Drugs around children?

[PsychoKitten]

Since this thread was taken off topic, I thought to create a thread where everyone can share their thoughts on drugs around children.

I believe drugs and children are two things that should never mix.

People can do whatever they like I will not have my children around people whilst they are using drugs. I don’t judge others for doing it – after all, it’s their kids, but there is no way in hell I want my child in that atmosphere.

I rarely use drugs now and if I am still using them when I have children, it will be on nights that I have gone away for a weekend without my kids so my child does not have to see me high or coming down.

I believe it is not a normal experience for children and therefore don’t want to expose mine to it. I don’t believe in getting high in front of other people’s kids, in fact that’s part of the reason I dislike doofs – I can’t quite believe parents would put their child in that environment.

Before you get your panties in a wad I suggest you remember that everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and quite frankly I don’t care if you think mine are wrong, I’m happy in the knowledge that my kids won’t be subjected to an environment that I do not feel comfortable having them in.

If I am in an environment where people are getting high around their children, I choose to leave; I don’t enforce my views on anyone else but do not stay in a situation that I feel uncomfortable with.

So, what do you guys think? Will you subject your children to an environment where people are taking drugs? Will you take drugs in front of your kids? Is it ok to do it in front of other people’s kids and not your own? Why?

Keep the flaming to a minimum guys – I know it’s one of those topics that will get heated discussion but can you at least make an effort to share without attacking?

 

[doofqueen]

The only time i do do drugs is when i am away from my child. I take him doofing occasionally (he's been to five in the last fifteen months...it's not often) and he adores it. Granted their are people that use drugs at doofs but i am responsible for him and always look after him. It's not like everyone is that off their face that they don't know what they are doing....it's not a rave.It's an environment that i am comfortable in and is a big part of my life and i choose to share my life with my child and not work him around it. I trust everyone there, they are like my family. He never sees drug use and when a child is at a doof people are extra careful with this issue.

Drug use will be seen on the street, on tv, in movies and even in schools. I can't keep him in cotton wool. If he isn't exposed to it slightly and then discovers it i think he will be more likely to want to try something then if it was out in the open. When the time comes i will have a drug talk with him and be completly honest about all aspects of it and give him all relevant information required.At the moment he is too young and doesn't need to know and doesn't see it.

I feel safer having my son at a doof then i do on his school playground with all the bullying and judgmental behavoiurs and the whole hierachy and social class system.

"I can’t quite believe parents would put their child in that environment." <---- and if this isn't judgmental i don't know what is

alcholism runs in my family. My mother is a drunk and i remember seeing her passed out on the floor several times and even when i moved out of home my sisiters used to call me in tears about the same thing. Just because it's a legal "drug" doesn't make it any better then one that isn't legal. I am not a junkie and i don't and wouldn't subject my child to any danger. Anyone who thinks i would is a fucking moran and thats MY OPINION

Anyone that is part of the doof scene will agree with me that doofs are a fine place to take your child to.

 

[PsychoKitten]

do you really have to take everything as a personal vendetta against you and the way you live your life?

You've done a kickass job raising a kid practically on your own, glory in the fact that you've done well - don't keep thinking everyone is judging you because you have a lifestyle that doesn't fit theirs.

That's people you know - you will never find someone who agrees with you 100% on everything. There's no need to take things up like a personal cause just because people don't agree. We know you love doofs, we know you enjoy taking your son there.

I don't happen to like taking drugs around kids or seeing kids around drugs - it makes me feel uncomfortable. I don't think they're bad parents, i just wonder how it doesn't worry them. It's the same way I wonder how people can let their 8 year olds walk home from school on their own or how people can let their 5 year old kids play in the street.

Call that judgemental if you like but I don't sit and preach to the people who do it about how my way is better, if I'm feeling too uncomfortable I remove myself from the situation, it's not my place to shove my opinion down the throats of others, we live our own lives in our own way.

 

[Ice_o]

Each to their own i think..

if or when i become a parent, i'm not going to do drugs in front of, or any where near my child. i don't think the kid should be totally excluded from drugs; after all it's a part of life to indulge in.
i have known some people that grew up seeing their older sibling/s doing drugs and they have turned out better off then me, although, it's not right for a child to see their mum or dad racking a line on the kitchen table or any extremes like that. It depends on how the parent handles it really and how far they'll go. it also depends on how the kid (how old are we talking here) would react to it.

As for being on drugs around kids.. if it's someones little brother or sister (say 12) and it's ok with them (depending on their background). i don't think it's a such a bad thing (taking into expection of the little brothers family, history, background whatever)

I agree with DQ on the doof issue. i know i'm very cautious when there is a child at a doof. i don't see it as a bad thing to take kids there, as long as the kid's having a great time. what they don't know wont hurt them

 

[haste]

I'm also of the same belief, as a father, that drugs and kids don't mix. I don't care what other parents do, it’s not my concern, my concern is my son (any other kids I might have in the future).

For me to be a responsible parent, I feel that I need to keep my son out of such environments - there is plenty of time later on in his life that he will naturally come across such things - I don't need to expose him to it. And no I'm not sticking his head in the sand and sheltering him from the real world - we are talking about an 8 year old - I want his early years to be exactly that, early years. I like to think myself an open and knowledgeable person, with a great relationship with my son - hopefully when the time comes he will feel open enough to discuss issues with me - I experienced this with two of my nephews and a niece when they ventured into the world of substance use. My parents sheltered me from that world, but within in me they instilled a self respect for myself and a questioning mind. That’s what’s kept me safe.

I don’t agree with having kids at doofs, but that’s me. I know allot of people promote such events as "family orientated" gatherings, but I think allot of what lies underneath is being clouded by such ideals - very much the same way the "rave" scene was clouded with the ideal of PLUR. I’ve been to enough bush doofs to understand what’s going on – the high majority of people are on mind altering substances – this state to me does not promote responsible parenting – whether the parent is in such a state, or you are exposing the child to people in such a state.

Now my opinion is not limited to just illegal substances, alcohol is included – I don’t expose my son to any events that include huge amounts of people drinking. I don’t have drinking sessions at my house when I have my son – I don’t want him to see me in this state, nor do I want him to be exposed to anyone in such a state. Again there is a time and place for him to experience all these things.

My son doesn’t need to be exposed to such elements or events for him to be a “free thinker” “new age kid” – it’s the ideals and openness between him and his parents, his education and upbringing that will give him such abilities. I believe in letting kids be kids, it’s too short a period in their lives to be thrusted into an adult’s world – and anything that has a big component of drug taking is an adult’s world, I don’t care how much you dress it up with “peace, love and sunbeams”.

There is no rule book to parenting – it’s pretty much the deep end from day one – no matter how many parenting books you read or advice you seek. Your responsibility is for your child and as a parent you learn as you go. What works for one parent doesn’t work for another – and having said this, what works for one child doesn’t necessarily work for the other. I think the important thing is that, as a parent, you are in tune with your child to be able to judge what’s right and what wrong.

Because this is a hot topic let me re-emphasize – these are my opinions only and not a judgment on anyone.

Respect to all parents, it not an easy job

 

[phase_dancer]

In regards to PsychoKitten's post, I've met many with similar thoughts, or ideals as they mostly turned out to be. I say this because it's very easy to state this to be your intent, but if honesty and openness are to be your life principles, then it will probably not be so secretly concealed. I do know parents who have "successfully" concealed any drug taking. But most kids know anyway, and it's these kids I've noticed are more likely to get into drugs as well as be secretive about it. - monkey see, monkey do?

It's also impossible to predict with any certainty how kids will affect you and your possible drugs taking at that time. People who aren't prepared to compromise whatever's needed in those first few demanding years usually need some "conscience relief", even if use becomes something different down the road. For others - us - drugs (except pot for me) were all but abandoned during the preschool phases. Life was absolutely blissful. Drugs were rarely missed, and besides, the 24 hour schedule didn't really entertain the idea as being desirable.

But many factors contribute to this, not least your economic stability and stress handling abilities. (I am so lucky to have the best stress diffusing partner). Some people feel they need drugs more at this time than at any other. A friend had her 3rd child after being an exemplary mother of 2, one age 12 at the time. Now nearly 4 years later, the emotional turmoil experienced after she admitted she didn't want another child has completely changed her life, her sense of values, everything, including her previously conservative views towards everyday use.

I see timing as therefore being very important in maximising your personal management skills.

Being involved in Rock and Roll and then dance party promotions and productions, before RaveSafe in 1999, our kids have been brought up in a rather different environment, having been exposed to all manner of related areas, other than of course being given or offered any drug. Personally, I am totally against the idea of young people taking drugs, but when the age arrives, if the desire is there, experimentation together with correct management is another thing all together.

We have been involved in Harm Reduction work where our kids have seen every side of drug use, particularly the unappealing. Their interest has generally been limited to when the topic has come up with friends, where they will come home to see if what they've heard was correct. So they have both been well informed along the way.

The fact is that kids will catch you out, but if you don't place emphasis on the drug taking part of socializing, kids tend to not sense something is naughty enough to catch their interest.

Such a model is not for everyone, but so far it's worked for us. Our oldest is 20 and our youngest is 13. neither at this stage in life has any particular attraction for drugs. Just make sure if you do decide to foster an open trusting relationship with your children, that they see the *good the bad and the ugly* of drugs. From what I've found, sensibility from honesty usually wins out.


Disagreement, etc welcomed and expected. Just my view, different perhaps but not necessarily better than others' opinions

 

[doofqueen]

do you really have to take everything as a personal vendetta against you and the way you live your life?

You've done a kickass job raising a kid practically on your own, glory in the fact that you've done well - don't keep thinking everyone is judging you because you have a lifestyle that doesn't fit theirs.

That's people you know - you will never find someone who agrees with you 100% on everything. There's no need to take things up like a personal cause just because people don't agree. We know you love doofs, we know you enjoy taking your son there.

I'm not taking this as a personal vendetta, i am stating my opinion of the topic and it just so happens that it varies greatly from the majority of this board most likely due to the fact that my upbringing and lifestyle varies greatly from alot of people here so my experiences will have something to do with my views

I personally do not think that i am raising my child to grow up quicker then he has to and also want his younger years to be his younger years. He is very much a child with child like thoughts but is also very mature and well balanced and level headed. His ideas may differ from his peers and i believe it's a good thing because when he has ever had a question i didn't just feed him information (ie my views) but rather showed him that their are alot of opinions in the world and opened the door for him to discover for himself hense teaching him free thought and making up his own mind. I am not basing this on taking him to doofs but rather our communication between us. Most children i know that are around his age (ie his friends that i have met) seem to be orientated with money and "things" and are completly spoilt and only look out for themselves (as most kids do anyway...it's a natural thing) I have been fortunate enough to have raised a child who concentrates on other aspects such as being giving , tolerant , well aware, well spoken , articulate, appreciating beauty in the world rather then the next cool playstation game. Materilism is a horrible thing and i'm very proud that my son is not into that at all.

I think too many children are raised to think a certain way and only feed information. I like him to be well informed on all world topics that he shows interest in. I shelter him from things that i believe is not right for his age and that he is not emotionally and mentally ready to discover about but everything else is all open for him to learn about.

As i said he doesn't know about drugs. He is too young to see it.

I was raised by strict catholic parents and just about everything was hidden from me and when i started to find things out i was more curious to try, see and do all these said tabboo things and completely rebelled. So for me living a sheltered life is a bad thing. I believe children should be aware of what is going on around them. I am not his boss but his guide in life.

 

[list]

firstly, i LOVE doofs and the whole atmosphere of outdoor parties. but i HATE it when people bring kids or pets (but i guess that's another topic).

i don't believe young children should be exposed to any sort of drug taking, including excessive alcohol drinking and passive smoking. when i was young, my mum often had parties at our house. i hated seeing all the adults drunk and being loud and obnoxious, vomiting, coughing up blood, smoking constantly, seeing some people on speed. it was very disturbing and traumatising for me, particularly because i was such a shy kid and all this activity was so far from what i was used to.

if and when i have kids, i will never be high infront of them, and i will not let other people be high around them. i feel very uncomfortable at doofs when there are kids around because i think that it is unnatural for them to be in a place full of adults off their faces. but of course, that is their parents' choice and none of my business so i don't judge the parents for bringing their kids to these events because they obviously don't have a problem with it.

just my point of view. i don't like to force my opinions upon others, just as i don't like opinions forced upon me. so in the end i guess it's "each to his own".

 

[onetwothreefour]

personally, i will continue to use drugs if i ever have children. in fact, when they reach the right age (whenever they're mature enough to cope) i will encourage them to educate themselves, and if they want to explore drugs, they'll have my backing, support, and advice. i don't know if i'd take them to a rave, but i probably wouldn't have too much of a problem with it - i would only do so if i was able to provide them with a reasonable idea of what to expect, and answers to questions like "why's everyone hugging each other, daddy"

but then, i'm not a dad yet, and i don't plan to be anytime soon, so i'm sure i've still got a lot to learn.

 

[*sunflower*]

No-one has the faintest clue of what kind of parent they'll be or how they'll raise their children. That much I do know. That doesn't mean that a person's own morals and values aren't valid pre-parenthood, it just means that until we're parents, we probably can't say for sure how its all going to turn out.

I'm the product of drug taking parents. I grew up with hippy parents who partied a lot (both young parents), smoked pot occasionally (and drank a lot! Alcoholics now that I think about it). The pot wasn't a problem. The alcohol was, to the extent that they were both abusive to each other and me at times.

I take only a few recreational drugs these days but will probably take them on and off even as I get older as I grew up in an alternative environment and am somewhat of a free thinker myself. I'm also a very careful, responsible drug user. I am not a responsible drinker sometimes. I drink far too much at times and can get pretty loud and out of control.

This is not a rec drugs -v- alcohol debate. They are both bad for you - I'm merely playing devil's advocate. If you get the gist of my ravings here, what I'm say is that me being exposed to drug use as a youngster hasn't done me any harm but exposure to excessive drinking possibly has.

Doofqueen. Your son sounds healthy, happy and very much loved. Thats more than a lot of people have.

Peace.

 

[quiet roar]

I would like to know why you feel this way psychokitten. "I don't feel comfortable" doesn't quite explain the why.

I have chidren and smoke weed daily, therefore if I was to not be around children when doing drugs, I would have to send them away to boarding school. I have toyed with the idea of going to a bush doof with them but I do feel a little wary because a lot of the punters are very wasted, and although I wouldn't worry about thier safety, I also wouldn't want to answer the questions that would no doubt follow. Also, having children there would create responsibilities of feeding, putting to bed, making sure they don't get lost etc. therefore less fun for me.

However, I do occassionally have a night out on ecstacy, and sometimes both me and my wife will go out (when we can arrange babysitters). And although the best scenario is when they are at the grandparents (so we get uninterrupted next day sex), circumstances sometimes dictate that we wake, or come home to, a house with children. I have never seen this as an issue. Maybe because I am never really wasted but rather coming down nicely off MDMA, so the only problem is tiredness. I really doubt the kids notice anything different at all.

You seem to believe drugs are bad, which you are welcome to believe, but I think it comes down to the way you behave and not what you are on. Similar to what sunflower wrote, I am a far messier sight when I am drunk rather than when I am on pills, coke, weed.

 

[haste]

quiet roar - are you stoned around your kids? Do you smoke in front of your kids?

Not an attack, just a curious.

*EDIT - no need, just re-road your post

 

[anna!]

Never, never, never, NEVER NEVER NEVER. EVER. I won't even drink alcohol around my child. And if it's only my husband and I, I won't let him drink alcohol either (he's the only one with a driver's license and I don't want to risk being stuck at home because he's been drinking, should something happen to one of us or baby). I think it's inappropriate, stupid and unnecessary. I've watched people do drugs around their kids (or other people's kids) and it makes me sick to my stomach.

Then again, I had a very bad experience with drugs, and I see most drug use as being "bad" (I also don't do any drugs anymore). I would never do any drugs around my daughter not only for my own health and safety, but so that she didn't think it was okay to do so. Especially with our family's mental health history - which I plan to explain to her (and hopefully I'll pick the right age to do so, so that she doesn't a) try to prove me wrong or b) freak out and live her life in fear).

I can't understand parents who will be high or coming down around their kids. I honestly can't. How can you feel that you have 100% control if there was a life-threatening situation? How can you feel that you're setting a good example for your kids?

 

[quiet roar]

I do smoke around them but I don't get stoned anymore whether they are around or not. I smoke a small joint after dinner that relaxes me rather than knocks me out (I refer to it as herbal valium). I have never hidden it because I roll cigarettes, so I figure that they won't know the difference (I smoke outside). However I have been thinking lately that I am going to have to be more discreet, as my eldest is now 8. Phase Dancers post just reinforced that thought.

I think you need to clarify the type of use (abuse) here. I remember as a kid, loving it when I was at a party and the parents would loosen up. That said, the adults would never be more than tipsy (or a little pissed). There was only one family friend, who was an alcoholic, that was ever messy. Similarly, my kids love it when we entertain. But again, nobody is passing out, throwing up, or whatever - we are just well loosened. When we do throw a more raucous do then we ship the kids off for the night.

Oh, and none taken.

 

[onetwothreefour]

i think quiet roar hit on the most important things - "I think it comes down to the way you behave and not what you are on". because, as we all know, some people are going to act like fuckheads even if they're stone-cold-sober, and others can handle themselves *fine* even if they've just railed fifteen massive lines of k. okay, possibly an unrealistic example, but ya know what i mean.

i believe that if a parent is responsible, then they know their own limits - if this includes being under the influence while around their children, then so be it, as long as they're still capable of taking responsible care of them.

 

[anna!]

i believe that if a parent is responsible, then they know their own limits - if this includes being under the influence while around their children, then so be it, as long as they're still capable of taking responsible care of them.

IMO, that's not the point. There are many factors that can affect the way a substance affects you. You could have a virus or the beginning of a cold or something and not know about it, in which case the substance will affect you differently. Or, you could have drugs that aren't the quality they usually are when you get them, and they could affect you differently.

I don't think it's worth taking the risk. There's just no reason to take drugs around children.

 

[haste]

quiet roar - thanks for that, I guess I was trying to clarify the extent that you were getting stoned but didn't explain myself

By the way - this is turning into a very good thread, keep up the good posts!

 

[quiet roar]

I can't understand parents who will be high or coming down around their kids. I honestly can't. How can you feel that you have 100% control if there was a life-threatening situation? How can you feel that you're setting a good example for your kids?

Now that is getting awfully close to offensive, but you're obviously neurotic so I will let it slide.

Who is ever in 100% control?
How can you lead your life in constant anticipation of the worst happening?

 

[anna!]

..calling me obviously neurotic, on the other hand, isn't offensive?

I don't claim to ever be 100% in control. But I like to feel that I'm as much in control as I can be when I'm around my daughter, and I don't understand people who intentionally jeopardise that control by doing drugs.

I don't live my life in constant anticipation of the worst happening, but I do understand that bad things happen and I want to be able to come out the other side with my kids as unscathed as possible.

To me, altering perception (which is what drugs do, no matter how small the alteration may be) is a hinderance of your ability to be at your best in a bad situation.

 

[PsychoKitten]

Originally posted by quiet roar
I would like to know why you feel this way psychokitten. "I don't feel comfortable" doesn't quite explain the why.

Why? Because I believe children (especially young children) should grow up without having to watch their parents or people around them in a state like that. Have you ever watched someone who is really high when you’re sober? They usually look pretty stupid and they sure don’t act responsibly.

Obviously there are exceptions to the rule but basically it comes down to this:

how do you know?

How do you know that you are going to act in a manner that is in the best interests of your child when you aren’t sober (and yes, this includes alcohol)? How do you know how other people will react once they have a drug in their system (again including alcohol)? How do you know that your actions won’t have some harmful consequence 10, 15, 20 years down the track?

You don’t. Hell you don’t know if your actions whilst sober are going to help produce a stable and healthy, well balanced child – throwing drugs into the mix can’t help.

It’s no different from the way I feel towards people who let their kids walk home from school. People have this “it won’t happen to me” mentality and the fact is you don’t know – it might just happen and is it worth the risk?

A child is a precious thing and as parents you do your best to make sure they stay safe and grow up to be good people that have the skills to go out there and make their own life, you don’t take risks with children.

As to why I remove myself from the situation if it’s happening? Simple – I don’t preach, do what you want with your life and your children but I don’t have to watch something that makes me feel uncomfortable.

I’m a drug taker; I certainly don’t believe drugs are bad I just don’t believe that they should be taken around children. I’ll admit that it’s more so in large quantities but it’s easy to forget that small quantities can also screw up your judgement.


RE: phase_dancer

It’s not so much concealing drug taking and I have no plans to hide from my children any of my past drug use, I just don’t plan to be high around them.

Doing drugs is one thing, having your child watch you tripping is another.