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Drugs and Family

i have a 19 moth old right now.. and i couldn't tell you what i would do if she started using drugs because right now anything i say would be hypocritical. luckily, i don't think she's gonna be smokin' weed or anything anytime soon so that gives me time to clean up and think about it. my husband and i use drugs now, but never ever in front of her, near her or even when she's awake.. we wait until she's sleeping to do anything and i've gotten to the point where i can't even get as high as i want to for fear something might happen in the middle of the night and she will need me in my right frame of mind. i've been like that since she was born.

my dad was a violent pot head and my mom was the dictionary definition of co-dependent.. so my childhood was insane to say the least and that created two kids who couldn't be more of opposites, me being on the 'bad' side of that coin.

the good news is that me and my husband have enough life experience to teach her right from wrong as it pertains to drugs because we've both been to all three places that drugs take you and back. just because we've made it out alive so far doesn't mean she will be so lucky.

i've quit meth and am about to get back on suboxone so i'm hoping that the road to recovery is in the future. i will tell her that i'm going to always love her but i'm not going to love her to death (literally) and i will always be here to offer her treatment if she wants it but if she's an addict and has no room for getting help then i have no room for her in my house.
 
oh yeah, and 'recreational' use is fine to me and if that happens, i would much rather her do it with me knowing then hide it.. but there IS a fine line between recreational and addiction and that's a situation i'm just gonna have to be there to find out where that line is with her.. if she even decides to venture that way.
 
The only comments I have to say about this is I am a proud mother of a 4 year old boy. I am married to the father of my child whom which has never even smoked week. I am a full blown addict. I'm an iv user of pills. Used to be heroin but not inna few years. It's all a big secret. No one in my family knows I use. My track marks are hidden on my feet and inner thighs. My son has never seen me or walked in on me shooting up. I don't get wasted during the day. Just after he goes to bed. I recently went on methadone again bc he is getting older and really how long can this go on till he finds out mommys an iv drug addict. My answer is not long enough for him to find out. I've been doing good so far back on the program. He knows I go there but calls it the doctor with the window not the clinic and has only gone there with me one time.

Hopefully by the time he gets to the age where he starts to or wants to experiment I'll have the answers he needs. My husband and I have an amazing relationship despite my addiction. We communicate very well and our home life is fun. My son is s very very happy kid and shows no signs of bring problematic. I just hope he doesn't have the addict gene. I know all the signs and things to look for if he is using any type of drug. My dad eve passed away from alcoholism. I don't want my son to lose mommy to a drug over dose. Plain and simple. When the time comes I'll be older and wiser and have better answers and ways of dealing with my child.

As far as what I put my parents thru or at least my mom is a whole other story and have made my amends with her and have a great relationship with her and my sister who also is not an addict/alcoholic is my best friend.
 
I don't want kids, so that hopefully won't be an issue for me. I certainly wouldn't want to be an enabler, as cool as I might think drugs are, since kids are especially impressionable, but if they grew up and did drugs when they were in their late teens or twenties, well I can only give them the scientific evidence and let them do what they wish. One of my parents knows of my drug usage and is very understanding of it, respecting the fact that I'm an adult and choose to use every once in a while.

Honestly the whole stigmatization of drugs is so wrong, I wish this didn't even need to be discussed like it's so horrible in modern society. :\
 
disposition said:
i've assessed and reassessed having kids. i think they're destined to be congenital addicts much like me:| that's my shitty outlook for this afternoon.
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I figured the same thing would happen to my kid when my wife & I had a kid 20 yrs ago. Our son doesn't drink, smoke, use dope, & doesn't even smoke weed. Now, he loves being around stoners, as he says we're fun to be around...don't argue or fight like boozers & he finds weed smokers the most level-headed of anyone. I tend to agree. So, it just goes to show ya that even if the parents are pot smokers, it doesn't mean their kids will also be. I was into pills heavily...booze heavily...cigs heavily...& weed? Not a drug, imho. Weed is the 1 substance that is the least addicting. Our son doesn't do any substance, is 1 hard-worker & I couldn't have asked for a finer son.
Recently, I was hospitalized for 2 weeks. I've never been hospitalized or had a surgery since my tonsils & adnoids were removed 53 yrs ago. Now, I've been a daily toker since 1969 (42 yrs & hopefully 42 more). Never had to quit for any reason & didn't know how I'd react to no THC for 2 wks. It never bothered me in the least & even when I came home from the hospital, I decided to finish the antibiotics (another 5 days added-on) before partaking in my favorite hobby.
People who say weed is so addicting, are the kind of people who have 0 will-power. Just don't do any. It's not physically-addicting. Cigarettes & booze are more addicting than weed. I was a heavy drinker for 25+ yrs & was a ciggie smoker for 35+ yrs. Quit both with no help. It's really if you're ready to quit or not. If you're ready to quit, it's easier than you think. Just keep the will-power going & the self-control in check & you oughta be alcohol & tobacco free before you know it. Now, if you're a VERY HEAVY drinker, stopping the booze without weaning, could be dangerous. My advice would be to consult your physician 1st & let them know what you're trying to do.
Did I swerve off-topic? :?
 
I'm glad that when I do have kids and they go through their teenage years that I will be able to tell the signs of them being on something. My experience of drugs will be very useful in my parenting years. If my kid ever comes home and keeps itching himself and his pupils are small I will know hes on something. My parents were always cool with me drinking when I was a minor. They understood that I was a smart kid and very responsible. And they understood I have tried weed and never was disciplined for doing it. Luckily my parents were cool and being an aggressive parent didn't turn me into a rebel kid!
 
Twitchsta said:
Mel22 & adillonm , if thats the case will either of you be telling your kids about your history with drug's or will you be keeping it from them??
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I will be keeping it from them. I see no reason to tell them, unless they pick up a habit or start using and I cannot stop them..then and only then would I try and use my knowledge and experience to educate them, and hopefully reduce the amount of danger they are placing themselves in.

There are many horrible consequences and risks that go hand in hand with drug use (not that I need to elaborate on this any further), and I never have and never will like watching anyone I care about put themselves in danger by using drugs. IF I have children, I imagine this feeling will only be amplified. I want them to stay away from it all.
 
anything to do with cannabis is generally OK; parents smoking it, teenagers smoking it, whatever

Tobacco not OK, if you're a parent it's a bad example

Cocaine, heroin; there is a serious problem

MDMA, speed, alcohol; not for young teenagers and only within non-bullshit moderation

psychedelics happen; can actually be beneficial if used wisely. not to be encouraged by parent, but if asked by kid they should be educated about them
 
Parents hate everything apart from a few drinks on a special occasion. Although, they know full well i've been using. I often get the "what have you taken" or disappointed looks. Calling me an addict etc, often sends me into a depressive spiral. But after re-evaluating my situation / use, i realise i really don't have a problem at all. Conflicts me whether to listen to my parents or my own logic
 
My parents grew up in the late 60's and 70's, they're both musicians and artists, and I know they've both had their fair share of experiences with drugs. As far as I know they've both smoked weed (mum still does, dad does very rarely), taken coke, speed and lsd, as well as both having tried heroin once or twice. While they are split up, they're still quite close friends, and openly talk about their past drug use in front of me. As far as I know, they haven't really touched the harder stuff for at least most of my life, if not longer.

My sister and brother also have tried drugs, while I don't talk about it with him (we're not very close as he is almost 14 years older than me), I know that my brother has experimented with weed, mdma, cocaine etc while still maintaining a very functional life. My sister however was quite a heavy drug user, and an amphetamine addict from her teenage years up until her early 20s, when she ended up going to rehab and having to really detox and remove herself from the lifestyle she was living. These days she rarely uses drugs but will very very occasionally have a small amount in a recreational environment.

My parents have never really given me a 'talk' about drugs or alcohol, but I think the way that they talk about it (which I would say is in a neutral light, neither good nor bad) has definitely impacted upon the way I view the use of these things.

I know that if I was exhibiting signs of having a problem with substances, that my parents would be extremely supportive and do almost anything possible to make sure that I got clean and became a healthy and happy person. I am certain about this because it is exactly what happened with my sister, and she is extremely successful, happy, healthy and well grounded these days.

The thing that I think is most important, is that my parents, and family are knowledgeable and aware of drugs. They know that they can be a positive and fun experience, but they are also aware of the downsides. I also remember my father once saying that he didn't mind if I touched drugs, as long as I waited until I was 21 and fully developed.

While I'm still quite a while away from having kids, I really believe that the best stance a parent can have is to fully understand what it is that their child is (or could be) involved in. I don't think that discipline by itself will work, but that keeping educated, keeping your children educated, and making sure that you do have an open environment where they feel comfortable talking about these things, is very important.
 
Having said that, I'm generally quite private with my family, so they're not really aware of any of my drug use. I think the only person who really has a vague idea is my sister, only because I know exactly what she's talking about whenever she mentions MDMA etc.
 
I recently opened up to my mom about some my drug use other than Cannabis and Alcohol, basically just my psychedelic use of LSD, 2C-B, and Ketamine along with mentioning having tried MDMA and Cocaine (even though its been a lot more than tried). I explained to her how psychedelics have been a positive force in my life, from saving me from suicide to learning how to control my anger. We didnt really talk much about it, but I hope one day in the future I can sit down with her and go in depth with her why I believe these chemicals are really benificial. She knows Im not an idiot and that Ive educated myself on substances before putting them in my body, even though that wasnt that case when I first started using drugs years ago. Never mentioned BL, and dont think I ever will.
 
Yeah, my mom does not quite understand harm reduction, and I think she would freak out if 1)She found out I even went on this website, and 2) If she saw I was also a moderator. Luckily I have a nice and righteous speach stored up in my mind for that occasion...

I've pretty much fucked up my mother's view's on drugs. I'm gonna turn 24 in a week, and I've been messing with heroin,cocaine,benzo's and stims since (or with cocaine before)I was 18, and unfortunately, I've been caught way more time's than I would like to admit (though living at home will tend to do that.) At this point my mother is a firm believer in the twelve step programs, as she goes to Al-Anon (not just for me, my dad's got his issues too....). Unfortunately I actually see hardly anything eye to eye with either of my parents anymore, and find myself holding back the rolling of my eyes, or the biting of my tongue when either of them speak. I've definately laid some of the groundwork for these relationships that are truely gaurded and filled with suspicion, there is no doubt about it...However, that doesn't mean I like it.
 
My dad drinks beer and my mom won't touch alcohol (due to her dad being an abusive alcoholic). My mom's brother is an alcoholic and her other brother is addicted to painkillers (I think prescribed opiates).
So anyway, my mom is scared because of that. My dad is slightly protective of me in general (he believes I haven't had sex yet ... that kinda thing) so he is scared for that.
I just tell them I do MDMA and weed, that's all. Keep my M use to once every couple of months. They wouldn't want to hear about my coke or oxy or psychedelic usage.

I don't live with my parents and they know I'm doing well for myself, have a decent job, all that. So they don't really bother with me too much. If I go bankrupt or something like that, or bad things happen because of drugs (I'm not telling them about the ODs I've dealt with on my own, with my bf) but I've never had to go to the hospital or anything. So, I'm sure they worry about me, but they don't do much :p

If I had kids, I would teach them about responsible drug use!!
 
my parents didnt really accept it at all , then kicked me out at 15 , took me back at 17 and accepted it but tried to constantly get me off drugs , other than that they became quite accepting as long as it wasnt in the house (never got caught) .

personally i would accept my childs drug use so they would tell me and i could keep an eye on it , also id smoke pot with them and stuff but no needles like i did , if they did id accept it though and do what i could to help and be understanding .

i was living with a prostitute that would use drugs around her kids all the time , mostly pot though . although a few times they walked in on her using needles which was totally unnacceptable .

using drugs has strongly swayed my view on children using drugs , and has hopefully equipped me to be a successful parent if that time comes .
 
Would you let your kid do drugs ?

if you had a kid would you care if he/she did drugs ?

I wouldnt care if it was just weed/psychedelics with the occasional opiate or benzo here or there.
 
I would strongly advocate that they wait until 18 or so. Finish high school, then travel and do drugs for a year, then go to college.
 
I would be proactive (sports, extracurriculars, etc.)in keeping them from using drugs until they are at least 18. A child's mind is constantly developing and drugs stunt that development.

If I found that my child was doing drugs I would do whatever it took to get them to stop, and I take drugs.

It is not about being a hypocrite it is about knowing what is healthy for your child.

Drugs lower inhibitions and are therefore dangerous to kids because of their already poor impulse control.

I can go on if you would like me too.

This is a harm reduction forum and you are probably part of the minority but I could be wrong.
 
Yeah i would give them the 100% truth about drugs, the good ones, the bad ones, and why. but i would try my very hardest to make them wait as long as possible over 18, but 21 would be even better. The only thing is that i defiantly didnt wait that long :/
 
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