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Cocaine doing coke alone

jessepinkman779 said:
I've given up giving up. I know how childish and selfish this must sound, but I fucking Love coke. So, I'm doing about half oz per week at the moment, well that's what I did this past week. I just Love it and I can't cope with the cravings for it even when I just cut down. Maybe I'll try in the new year, but I can't see it. I'm either not ready to cut down or stop, or I'm a lifer, or it'll take my life some day I just don't know. It's all I want to spend my money on, I always have to have some either on me or in the house or I can't rest. I'm in drug therapy, but my therapist can obviously see I'm not going to stop. I'm not sure why I go to see her, Well, I am - She'll stop my Espranor if I don't go. However, I'm halfway to solving that problem. I've cut down from 12mg to 6mg in 4 weeks, down to 4mg tomorrow. She'll probably still want to see me when I'm off the espranor regarding the coke. I have explained, politely to her, that I like coke too much to stop. I'm guessing she's just box ticking, either that or she really believes she can get me off coke. She keeps telling me what most coke is cut with. I watch mine get cut of a kg block so it's as clean as I can get it. I haven't told her that. Me and my dealer have a deal 1. I watch it cut off the block 2. If there isn't time for that the first time he cuts my coke I take my custom elsewhere. And he doesn't want to lose customers like me.

It sounds like you've been to hell and back and lived to tell the story. Your heart problems do scare the life out of me. I did have a CT angiogram earlier this year and everything was fine. However, heart problem do run in my dads side of the family. I don't really worry about my heart. I do however worry about other things like cancer etc, So at those times i just snort more and forget.
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I know the feeling, I felt the same way about any drug that I was using at the time. I had a love for it more then anything else in life, I put it first. From my 20s to my 40s, I would say I probably used everyday of my life, other then the times I went to jail or if I was in rehab. But as long as I was a free man, I wasn't going a day without using. Life felt boring being sober.

Well at least you're being honest with yourself about how you feel about everything. Something I've learned over the years is, no one can make you get clean if you're not truly ready. I remember going to rehab when I was younger, to please my family..but in reality, thats all it was for.. to please them. I didn't want to be in rehab, I wasn't ready to get clean, and it didn't work for me any time that I did go. I normally would use while in there, or as soon as I got out. So you kind of just gotta wait until your at that stage in your life that you're ready. You will get there one day. Stay strong.
 
Ballu said:
I know the feeling, I felt the same way about any drug that I was using at the time. I had a love for it more then anything else in life, I put it first. From my 20s to my 40s, I would say I probably used everyday of my life, other then the times I went to jail or if I was in rehab. But as long as I was a free man, I wasn't going a day without using. Life felt boring being sober.

Well at least you're being honest with yourself about how you feel about everything. Something I've learned over the years is, no one can make you get clean if you're not truly ready. I remember going to rehab when I was younger, to please my family..but in reality, thats all it was for.. to please them. I didn't want to be in rehab, I wasn't ready to get clean, and it didn't work for me any time that I did go. I normally would use while in there, or as soon as I got out. So you kind of just gotta wait until your at that stage in your life that you're ready. You will get there one day. Stay strong.
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Thank you. At this point in time I can't ever see me stopping, I genuinely Love coke that much. I'm thinking of going on holiday to Columbia in January to try some of the very best in the world. I think life is too short not to.
 
jessepinkman779 said:
Thank you. At this point in time I can't ever see me stopping, I genuinely Love coke that much. I'm thinking of going on holiday to Columbia in January to try some of the very best in the world. I think life is too short not to.
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Trip to Colombia sounds like a good time. Do they still produce powdered cocaine out there? I remember watching a coke documentary from Colombia a while back, and I remember they were using cocaine out there, but it wasn't in the powdered form. It was in some other form that im not really familiar with out here in the US.
 
jessepinkman779 said:
I've given up giving up. I know how childish and selfish this must sound, but I fucking Love coke. So, I'm doing about half oz per week at the moment, well that's what I did this past week. I just Love it and I can't cope with the cravings for it even when I just cut down. Maybe I'll try in the new year, but I can't see it. I'm either not ready to cut down or stop, or I'm a lifer, or it'll take my life some day I just don't know. It's all I want to spend my money on, I always have to have some either on me or in the house or I can't rest. I'm in drug therapy, but my therapist can obviously see I'm not going to stop. I'm not sure why I go to see her, Well, I am - She'll stop my Espranor if I don't go. However, I'm halfway to solving that problem. I've cut down from 12mg to 6mg in 4 weeks, down to 4mg tomorrow. She'll probably still want to see me when I'm off the espranor regarding the coke. I have explained, politely to her, that I like coke too much to stop. I'm guessing she's just box ticking, either that or she really believes she can get me off coke. She keeps telling me what most coke is cut with. I watch mine get cut of a kg block so it's as clean as I can get it. I haven't told her that. Me and my dealer have a deal 1. I watch it cut off the block 2. If there isn't time for that the first time he cuts my coke I take my custom elsewhere. And he doesn't want to lose customers like me.

It sounds like you've been to hell and back and lived to tell the story. Your heart problems do scare the life out of me. I did have a CT angiogram earlier this year and everything was fine. However, heart problem do run in my dads side of the family. I don't really worry about my heart. I do however worry about other things like cancer etc, So at those times i just snort more and forget.
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Ah well at least you managed to greatly reduce your usage temporarily, so that's a win! What is now is what is now and you can decide to try once more in the future, hopefully sooner than later ^^

:lowrider:
 
Ballu said:
Trip to Colombia sounds like a good time. Do they still produce powdered cocaine out there? I remember watching a coke documentary from Colombia a while back, and I remember they were using cocaine out there, but it wasn't in the powdered form. It was in some other form that im not really familiar with out here in the US.
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Please provide the name of such documentary.
 
Ballu said:
Trip to Colombia sounds like a good time. Do they still produce powdered cocaine out there? I remember watching a coke documentary from Colombia a while back, and I remember they were using cocaine out there, but it wasn't in the powdered form. It was in some other form that im not really familiar with out here in the US.
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I clearly haven't researched enough. Me and my mate are arguing over Columbia or Peru. I just want to try some as close to source as possible.
 
Stassi202 said:
My history of using drugs is so extensive that it’s too much to deal with. I kicked fentanyl cold turkey 2 years ago but crack has me by the throat
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I feel your pain. Last time i tried crack I decided to cut the grass at 3am. The neighbours were not pleased at all. Coke has got me big time though. I've lost track of how much I've had in the last 12 hours. Good, clean crack is very nice though. I just dabble with crack, I prefer to snort my coke.
 
Ballu said:
Trip to Colombia sounds like a good time. Do they still produce powdered cocaine out there? I remember watching a coke documentary from Colombia a while back, and I remember they were using cocaine out there, but it wasn't in the powdered form. It was in some other form that im not really familiar with out here in the US.
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I think you might be referring to flake that's scrapped off a rock in flakes not powder.
 
jessepinkman779 said:
I feel your pain. Last time i tried crack I decided to cut the grass at 3am. The neighbours were not pleased at all. Coke has got me big time though. I've lost track of how much I've had in the last 12 hours. Good, clean crack is very nice though. I just dabble with crack, I prefer to snort my coke.
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try to keep track of your use if you can, I keep a google doc open with my last lines, meds taken and what time. It helps me space out usage and preserve my gear, plus knowing if my usage is increasing day by day. though that may not help for you cause everyone's different.
 
ninewhilenine said:
try to keep track of your use if you can, I keep a google doc open with my last lines, meds taken and what time. It helps me space out usage and preserve my gear, plus knowing if my usage is increasing day by day. though that may not help for you cause everyone's different.
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Thats a good idea i'll try it. My dealer has left an oz with me tonight and tomorrow night, then hes going to weigh whats left to workout the cost. As you can imagine I'm like a kid in a sweet shop. I've stopped inviting so called friends round so they get free coke and I get company. I'd rather do it alone than with fake friends. It's just too expensive to share isn't it.
 
Yeah I do coke alone cuz I have no one to do it with, except one guy who doesn't always have the money to buy it. I never share it even if someone asks lol. Coke isn't a party drug for me anymore, and I've become a loner over time using opiates, even tho i quit those years ago.

I definitely have a mild addiction to coke, but it's nothing as bad as opiates. Those grabbed me by the balls and didn't let go for over 10 years. But alas, I'm still a fiend.
 
Just an update: I'm still using a large amount, although still not an oz a week. a Friend washed some up for me to kinda gauge the amount of actual coke in my coke, he was impressed, I was happy and my dealer now thinks I don't trust him. I do trust him I was just curious. I hope you're all well.
 
jessepinkman779 said:
Just an update: I'm still using a large amount, although still not an oz a week. a Friend washed some up for me to kinda gauge the amount of actual coke in my coke, he was impressed, I was happy and my dealer now thinks I don't trust him. I do trust him I was just curious. I hope you're all well.
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How did your dealer end up finding out that your friend washed and tested the coke? If you don't mind me asking, how are you supporting this lifestyle? Are you working, or just blessed with good finances? Wishing you luck in one day finding sobriety if that's truly what your goal is, until then enjoy the powder. 😁
 
frogluvr said:
Currently on coke and im getting bored, anything fun to do while it lasts? I usually enjoy ketamine and weed alone but this is def a more social experience and I don’t have anyone to yap with. thanks!
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Yeah, thats been me all day today too. Ive been playing games on my phone and cleaning. Just smoked a joint and feeling pretty good. 🫠🙃
 
Well! It's a Tuesday night and I'm at it again.
Ballu said:
How did your dealer end up finding out that your friend washed and tested the coke? If you don't mind me asking, how are you supporting this lifestyle? Are you working, or just blessed with good finances? Wishing you luck in one day finding sobriety if that's truly what your goal is, until then enjoy the powder. 😁
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My dealer is a longtime friend of mine. We grew up together. I told him it was washed, I wasn't being sneaky I'd have told him no matter the result. If my dealer is getting stuck with shitty coke I want him to know about it.

I'm funding this lifestyle thanks to being a very early buyer and trader of Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies. I mean very early. I still trade to this day. It's served me very well indeed. I took a risk in the early days and it paid off. That and my father who was hardly ever around as a child due to always being a work left me a significant amount of money and shares in his Wil. The cryptocurrency far outweighs what my father left me.

Back to my usage. I'm sat here at 1am high as anyone can get and all I feel is regret and selfies. I hate myself at this moment in time. I don't know if this will be the beggining of the end, but I'm certainly not happy with myself at the moment. I'll carry on sniffing tonight, but there might be a crack in my armour here for me to get out through.

I'm not going to sleep tonight so I may as well sniff more and see if I feel better. I don't think I will though.
 
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