Cocaine doing coke alone

[jessepinkman779]

My God I need people that are awake to chat

 

[jessepinkman779]

I've had an enlightening night to say the least. Bad anxiety, guilt, shame all sorts. I think it genuinely is tine to get off the coke. I've recently reduced my Espranor from 12mg to 6mg over a 6 week period. I think! That 6mg extra Espranor is what was stopping those feelings from the coke. It must be that it's the only change I've had. Unless I've reduced my Espranor dosage too quickly. My prescriber said I was asking to reduce too quickly, but she said if was sure then she'd prescribe the dosage I was asking for.

I've got to pick my weekly diazepam prescription up today so that will help. My doctor doesn't trust me with a month supply of diazepam. I'm going to have a day off the coke and see how I feel. If I cope I'll try a second day and so on. It's been a rough night. I'm so conflicted though.Anyway I'm definitely going to try and stop after the night I've had. I don't want those emotions that's why I started smashing coke in the first place. I collect my 2 day supply of Espranor up today too so I'm going to take the 12mg in one dose to stop me feeling like this. It seems that all along it was the 12mg of Espranor stopping me feeling shitty on coke. Now I'm on the lower 6mg dose the coke is making me feel horrible. The pharmacy opens at 08:30 so I've got just over an hour and a half to wait to get my diazepam and Espranor.

 

[Ballu]

Well! It's a Tuesday night and I'm at it again.

My dealer is a longtime friend of mine. We grew up together. I told him it was washed, I wasn't being sneaky I'd have told him no matter the result. If my dealer is getting stuck with shitty coke I want him to know about it.

I'm funding this lifestyle thanks to being a very early buyer and trader of Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies. I mean very early. I still trade to this day. It's served me very well indeed. I took a risk in the early days and it paid off. That and my father who was hardly ever around as a child due to always being a work left me a significant amount of money and shares in his Wil. The cryptocurrency far outweighs what my father left me.

Back to my usage. I'm sat here at 1am high as anyone can get and all I feel is regret and selfies. I hate myself at this moment in time. I don't know if this will be the beggining of the end, but I'm certainly not happy with myself at the moment. I'll carry on sniffing tonight, but there might be a crack in my armour here for me to get out through.

I'm not going to sleep tonight so I may as well sniff more and see if I feel better. I don't think I will though.

Good old bitcoin. While I didn't get in on the early days, I was still fortunate enough to earn a significant amount from it. BTC is a long-term investment, as long as you can leave your investment in there and not withdraw everytime things look bad, you will win in the long run. At least that's been my experience. I don't really do much trading, but I add to my portfolio anytime I have some spare funds to throw at it.

Regarding your current feelings, unfortunately thats part of the game. You can feel super up and like you're on top of the world for days/weeks at a time, but eventually that crash comes, and depression sits in. It's unavoidable. The coke will help mask the feeling temporarily, but as soon as the high comes down, on comes the depression. What do you use to cope with the end of the night crash? Benzos? Opiates? I always used to like to have opiates for the end of the night, as they were the perfect counter for when I was doing coke.

The unfortunate thing about coke is, there is no detox for it. No detox will take you if you just have coke in your system. They want to see opiates, alcohol, or benzos in your system to accept you. And many rehabs want a referral from a detox to accept you. This leaves many people without a solution for getting accepted. Not sure if you've ever tried rehab, but they never worked for me.. and I tried countless different rehabs(mainly because family wanted me to, not because I wanted to). I always found myself hanging out with the people in the rehab, that were trying to score while in there. So total waste of time for me.

In the end, only the user can make the decision to get themselves clean. And even when you come to that point that you're ready to get off the coke, it's not an easy thing to accomplish.. but certainly not impossible. One of the major things you will need to do is have the willpower to cut off your dealer and drug friends, and lose their contacts. As long as you have a way to contact them, it will make it virtually impossible to ever got off the drug. Getting rid of their contact information is much easier said, then actually done. I get it. I would do things like get rid of their numbers, while keeping them added as a friend on Messenger.. which was me basically trying to keep a last ditch contact for them incase I changed my mind. There is no half way doing it. Gotta be willing to get rid of all of their contacts, and finding yourself an alternative thing to do to keep yourself occupied and busy. Having a clean friend that you can contact when cravings get too much, can also help. Truly hope you can shake the habit brother, we're rooting for you!

 

[jessepinkman779]

Good old bitcoin. While I didn't get in on the early days, I was still fortunate enough to earn a significant amount from it. BTC is a long-term investment, as long as you can leave your investment in there and not withdraw everytime things look bad, you will win in the long run. At least that's been my experience. I don't really do much trading, but I add to my portfolio anytime I have some spare funds to throw at it.

Regarding your current feelings, unfortunately thats part of the game. You can feel super up and like you're on top of the world for days/weeks at a time, but eventually that crash comes, and depression sits in. It's unavoidable. The coke will help mask the feeling temporarily, but as soon as the high comes down, on comes the depression. What do you use to cope with the end of the night crash? Benzos? Opiates? I always used to like to have opiates for the end of the night, as they were the perfect counter for when I was doing coke.

The unfortunate thing about coke is, there is no detox for it. No detox will take you if you just have coke in your system. They want to see opiates, alcohol, or benzos in your system to accept you. And many rehabs want a referral from a detox to accept you. This leaves many people without a solution for getting accepted. Not sure if you've ever tried rehab, but they never worked for me.. and I tried countless different rehabs(mainly because family wanted me to, not because I wanted to). I always found myself hanging out with the people in the rehab, that were trying to score while in there. So total waste of time for me.

In the end, only the using can make the decision to get themselves clean. And even when you come to that point that you're ready to get off the coke, it's not an easy thing to accomplish.. but certainly not impossible. One of the major things you will need to do is have the willpower to cut off your dealer and drug friends, and lose their contacts. As long as you have a way to contact them, it will make it virtually impossible to ever got off the drug. Getting rid of their contact information is much easier said, then actually done. I get it. I would do things like get rid of their numbers, while keeping them added as a friend on Messenger.. which was me basically trying to keep a last ditch contact for them incase I changed my mind. There is no half way doing it. Gotta be willing to get rid of all of their contacts, and finding yourself an alternative thing to do to keep yourself occupied and busy. Having a clean friend that you can contact when cravings get too much, can also help. Truly hope you can shake the habit brother, we're rooting for you!

Thank you for such a well thought out reply you couldn't have timed it better. I genuinely needed to hear/read that. I usually use Benzos, Diazepam in particular to come down. I haven't felt like this for a fair bit now. You're right - I've crashed. This must be how my family and close friends feel about my coke habit most of the time.

I'm going to be using diazepam and Espranor ( Burenouphrine ) to come down this morning, well in just over an hour's time when I collect my medication from the pharmacy. I'm prescribed 6mg of the Espranor but I'll be taking my 2 days supply in one go this morning so 12mg.

Thank you again for your reply. I genuinely appreciate it.

 

[Halif2]

“Jesse Pinkman” is a classic profile name…



Id love to try meth, but I don't know anyone who sells it here in my part of the UK. I've asked everyone I know to try and get some.

A bit of irony in a Jesse Pinkman who can't find any meth.

This 8 pages has been quite a journey and there's been a lot of really great insight about addiction and the trials and tribulations of trying to give up something that you feel you cannot live without. I relate to that all too well, but in my case it's opiates.

I agree with what you said, Mr Pinkman, about BL being a good place to chat with people who really "get it". It can be ranging from hard to impossible to find empathetic listeners anywhere else. Sometimes threads like this end up being strangely cathartic to read through, just because there's so much that I can relate to on a deep personal level. The things we go through, eh?

Drugged up rant over, thanks for considering this big ass wall of text.

That was a pretty high quality post for a drugged up rant, Danny the Dino. That and the next post you made - pretty interesting stuff and well expressed.

I wish us all the best of luck in our personal missions.

 

[jessepinkman779]

A bit of irony in a Jesse Pinkman who can't find any meth.

This 8 pages has been quite a journey and there's been a lot of really great insight about addiction and the trials and tribulations of trying to give up something that you feel you cannot live without. I relate to that all too well, but in my case it's opiates.

I agree with what you said, Mr Pinkman, about BL being a good place to chat with people who really "get it". It can be ranging from hard to impossible to find empathetic listeners anywhere else. Sometimes threads like this end up being strangely cathartic to read through, just because there's so much that I can relate to on a deep personal level. The things we go through, eh?



That was a pretty high quality post for a drugged up rant, Danny the Dino. That and the next post you made - pretty interesting stuff and well expressed.

I wish us all the best of luck in our personal missions.

Hahaha Jesse Pinkman who can't get any meth. That made me literally laugh out loud.

 

[CptCook]

I'm going to have a day off the coke and see how I feel. If I cope I'll try a second day and so on. It's been a rough night.

I wish you lots of strength. It's a good thing you had this enlightening last night!

I relate to that all too well, but in my case it's opiates.

If you don't mind me asking, what opiate do you use?
The last 4 days I've been boofing morphine pills, and man, I think now I understand why opiates are so discussed. Shit feels good, and the nodding... I just love the nodding.
Anyway, I will try and go today without it, as I feel my tolerance is already increasing, and my morphine supply is limited

 

[Halif2]

If you don't mind me asking, what opiate do you use?

I've been dependent on opiates/opioids for around 15 years so I've used almost everything, but mostly heroin.

I don't want to hijack the thread and I also don't want to spout platitudes about the dangers of opiates, but I have to say it...

To paraphrase a comment I've seen made before about opiate use/misuse: Opiates make a wonderful lover but a harsh mistress.

Anyway, I will try and go today without it, as I feel my tolerance is already increasing

Skip it today. If for no other reason, then do it to preserve the enjoyment that comes from irregular use.

Now, back to the Jesse Pinkman show!

It seems that all along it was the 12mg of Espranor stopping me feeling shitty on coke. Now I'm on the lower 6mg dose the coke is making me feel horrible.

That's one of the issues with stim use: some type of downers are pretty much required to balance things out and/or mitigate the horrific comedowns. Experiencing a stim crash with no (or very limited) sedatives is enough to scare most people off for a while, at least. There's a significant difference between 12mg and 6mg of bupe, and there's no doubt it was doing some heavy lifting to smooth out the negatives of the coke use. That's an insidious side-effect of regular stim use: It's easy to pick up a downers habit without really even realising.

Keep going with your reduction/quitting plans. Even if it just slows down your use a bit here and there, that's a win. No effort is wasted.

 

[Ballu]

I

Thank you for such a well thought out reply you couldn't have timed it better. I genuinely needed to hear/read that. I usually use Benzos, Diazepam in particular to come down. I haven't felt like this for a fair bit now. You're right - I've crashed. This must be how my family and close friends feel about my coke habit most of the time.

I'm going to be using diazepam and Espranor ( Burenouphrine ) to come down this morning, well in just over an hour's time when I collect my medication from the pharmacy. I'm prescribed 6mg of the Espranor but I'll be taking my 2 days supply in one go this morning so 12mg.

Thank you again for your reply. I genuinely appreciate it.

I genuiely feel your pain man. I've been there, and remember going thru the different phases.

Been thru the my family urging me and telling me I need to quit and me not being ready nor wanting to hear them keep repeating themselves. Been thru the stages of me feeling like I was tired of the lifestyle but not actually ready to quit. Been thru the being ready to quit, but not having the willpower to actually follow thru and put a stop to it.

I eventually got to that stage where quitting was the only thing that made sense. It's better if you can convince yourself to quit before you reach that last stage where it's either quit or die, or quit and lose everything, or quit or risk some other ill health issues. Rock bottom is ultimately the end path that most hard drugs lead us, and it's not an enjoyable spot to be in.. so if you can muster up the willpower before things get too bad, by all means hop on the train while it's still taking passengers.

Keep your head up.

 

[Auranova]

I’ve been following this thread long enough now that I’m starting to feel vested in jessepinkman’s recovery! There’s a lot of great advice in the recent threads here and I don’t know if I can add anything else other than some moral support and to elaborate a bit based on my shared experience.

I tried both meth and coke and initially preferred meth which felt more euphoric, but after 10 years of meth use I started to lose the magic; significantly increased tolerance, decreasing euphoria and comedowns from hell. It’s a miracle I kept using that drug it made me feel so horrible for days after.

Then I tried coke again. Although there was some stim cross tolerance, the euphoria was now way better than meth and I loved the shorter duration which actually allowed me to sleep better. I realized that sleep deprivation was the most significant component of my comedowns. That and dehydration. Ironically, the worst parts of the comedown were not due to the drug itself, but to things that I actually had some control over. I gorged on coke initially; a gram a day for a while, but then moderated back to periodic use, like I did with meth. How did I do this?

There’s several things that have so far kept stims from ruining my life and they are all equally important. First, I always acknowledge to myself that stims will take my life one day if they control my use and not the other way around. I really don’t want to die! Second, and this may seem counterintuitive, but I don’t try to convince myself I need to quit and never use coke again. I love coke so much that the thought of quitting forever is a hard pill to swallow and can have the reverse effect of making me think “fuck it”. It’s a bit like trying to convince yourself you’re never going to have sex again - good luck with that. Instead, I use it more as a reward system. If I take a day off, I call that a small victory and reward myself with some coke the next day. If I fuck up and break my pattern (which is inevitable), I feel bad but I don’t beat myself up. I’m just human. I focus on the overall small, repeated victories. By giving your body breaks, you are also reducing the stress on your body and the likelihood of drug induced illness down the road. A big win. More on this later. Also keep in mind that if you manage to go from daily use to every other day use, you have just reduced your habit by a whopping 50%! If you succeed with that first step, it is you who is now starting to control the drug, not the other way around. If you make it to this stage, the next step is to add an additional day off, and so forth.

There’s a catch to all this, without which your efforts will invariably fail. It’s critical how you spend your days off. You MUST reward your body with other things that give you some of those feel good chemicals, dopamine or endorphins. If there is anything you love to do, plan for it, and do it. If there isn’t, take a chance on something new. Hell, go skydiving or bungee jumping on your day off. I guarantee it will give you a rush. And more confidence in yourself. Go to your favorite restaurant, or go see an action flick. Even going for a run or a long walk will give you some endorphins. Exercise and a good diet are critical things. Maybe even try a new non-addictive drug. If you haven’t tried LSD, it can knock your socks off and allows you to look at your life from an entirely unique perspective. It sounds like you’ve got sufficient funds to try many new things and that’s a huge leg up!

Reconnect with a friend or take a risk and try to make a new one. Doing active things with a friend is a huge distraction in addition to social support. The bottom line is, if you don’t have something good to do on your day off, you are guaranteed to relapse to daily use. It’s the harsh reality of addiction.

If you manage to increase the break time between use, and to fill that time with meaningful things, something amazing happens. Feelings of depression and helplessness start to fade and you will wake up one morning realizing you feel better and more motivated than you can remember. It’s an amazing feeling that can snowball and becomes something you value and look forward to when you relapse.

I haven’t achieved the perfect balance and I’m certainly no model for drug use or drug recovery, but these things have worked for me to a large degree. I hope you find something helpful in here. I am so rooting for you.

You got this jesse

 

[jessepinkman779]

I’ve been following this thread long enough now that I’m starting to feel vested in jessepinkman’s recovery! There’s a lot of great advice in the recent threads here and I don’t know if I can add anything else other than some moral support and to elaborate a bit based on my shared experience.

I tried both meth and coke and initially preferred meth which felt more euphoric, but after 10 years of meth use I started to lose the magic; significantly increased tolerance, decreasing euphoria and comedowns from hell. It’s a miracle I kept using that drug it made me feel so horrible for days after.

Then I tried coke again. Although there was some stim cross tolerance, the euphoria was now way better than meth and I loved the shorter duration which actually allowed me to sleep better. I realized that sleep deprivation was the most significant component of my comedowns. That and dehydration. Ironically, the worst parts of the comedown were not due to the drug itself, but to things that I actually had some control over. I gorged on coke initially; a gram a day for a while, but then moderated back to periodic use, like I did with meth. How did I do this?

There’s several things that have so far kept stims from ruining my life and they are all equally important. First, I always acknowledge to myself that stims will take my life one day if they control my use and not the other way around. I really don’t want to die! Second, and this may seem counterintuitive, but I don’t try to convince myself I need to quit and never use coke again. I love coke so much that the thought of quitting forever is a hard pill to swallow and can have the reverse effect of making me think “fuck it”. It’s a bit like trying to convince yourself you’re never going to have sex again - good luck with that. Instead, I use it more as a reward system. If I take a day off, I call that a small victory and reward myself with some coke the next day. If I fuck up and break my pattern (which is inevitable), I feel bad but I don’t beat myself up. I’m just human. I focus on the overall small, repeated victories. By giving your body breaks, you are also reducing the stress on your body and the likelihood of drug induced illness down the road. A big win. More on this later. Also keep in mind that if you manage to go from daily use to every other day use, you have just reduced your habit by a whopping 50%! If you succeed with that first step, it is you who is now starting to control the drug, not the other way around. If you make it to this stage, the next step is to add an additional day off, and so forth.

There’s a catch to all this, without which your efforts will invariably fail. It’s critical how you spend your days off. You MUST reward your body with other things that give you some of those feel good chemicals, dopamine or endorphins. If there is anything you love to do, plan for it, and do it. If there isn’t, take a chance on something new. Hell, go skydiving or bungee jumping on your day off. I guarantee it will give you a rush. And more confidence in yourself. Go to your favorite restaurant, or go see an action flick. Even going for a run or a long walk will give you some endorphins. Exercise and a good diet are critical things. Maybe even try a new non-addictive drug. If you haven’t tried LSD, it can knock your socks off and allows you to look at your life from an entirely unique perspective. It sounds like you’ve got sufficient funds to try many new things and that’s a huge leg up!

Reconnect with a friend or take a risk and try to make a new one. Doing active things with a friend is a huge distraction in addition to social support. The bottom line is, if you don’t have something good to do on your day off, you are guaranteed to relapse to daily use. It’s the harsh reality of addiction.

If you manage to increase the break time between use, and to fill that time with meaningful things, something amazing happens. Feelings of depression and helplessness start to fade and you will wake up one morning realizing you feel better and more motivated than you can remember. It’s an amazing feeling that can snowball and becomes something you value and look forward to when you relapse.

I haven’t achieved the perfect balance and I’m certainly no model for drug use or drug recovery, but these things have worked for me to a large degree. I hope you find something helpful in here. I am so rooting for you.

You got this jesse

This is a great reply. I've taken screenshots so I can read it over again. It's very encouraging.

I managed to have one day off yesterday. But today I bought a baller, I'm not buying anymore tonight though, once it's gone it's gone. I'm going to take your advice and just do coke every other day that's solid advice. My dealer has asked me if I want to start going to the gym with him, he said he's cutting down the amount he sells me significantly. We've been friends since we were about 7 years old. He only sells to me because he knows if he doesn't I'll get it off someone else and it could be mixed with anything. He said at least he knows what I have offered him is clean. But starting right now he's cutting down the amount I have and how regular I can have it. He said in you friend before your dealer. So he wants me in the gym to help get me on the straight and narrow. It's a weird fucking situation my dealer trying to get me off the coke, well he just wants the amount I have and how often I have it to be reduced. We've kost a couple of friends to overdose in the last few years and my dealer said he doesn't want me being next. He sold me a baller today but I'm only allowed 1 gram tomorrow or Sunday it's up to me which day I have it but 1 gram. So if I have a day off tomorrow I can have my 1 gram on Sunday. Having 1 gram will be tough in its own but if my dealer is worried about me then it's time to take a long hard look at myself. Today I've taken 600mg of pregabalin. Snorted about 5 75mg pregabalin and I'm working my way through a baller. I feel fantastic this time. I am having a day off tomorrow though. Then I'll have less than I usually have on Sunday.

Your reply was fantastic, thank you so much and I wish you all the very best.

 

[Auranova]

So glad you found my post helpful. Your dealer/friend sounds like a decent guy. That’s good harm reduction to stick with a source that provides good quality product and also has your best interest in mind.

Have a great day off!

 

[jessepinkman779]

So glad you found my post helpful. Your dealer/friend sounds like a decent guy. That’s good harm reduction to stick with a source that provides good quality product and also has your best interest in mind.

Have a great day off!

Thank you again.

 

[lost weekend]

I never new how addictive coke was ,I only ever took it at nights out and because of the huge amounts of booze the next day was awful,but what I've found if you don't drink its not that bad .I can feel my self slipping into a dark place ,I used to only take it twice a year now its on school nights.i picked up 2 gims last night and hid it from wife now I can't find it ,I've turned the house upside down.managed to get a sympathy one tonight so that is currently what I'm doing ,alone which I prefer .not good signs .I hope they turn up and not in my wives high heel shoes or something. Oh god if I could have my life back.i also lost my wallet which has my sparky card and everything else at chip shop ,or walking home from it but I know it's just cards in there or that would be a disaster

 

[lost weekend]

This is a great reply. I've taken screenshots so I can read it over again. It's very encouraging.

I managed to have one day off yesterday. But today I bought a baller, I'm not buying anymore tonight though, once it's gone it's gone. I'm going to take your advice and just do coke every other day that's solid advice. My dealer has asked me if I want to start going to the gym with him, he said he's cutting down the amount he sells me significantly. We've been friends since we were about 7 years old. He only sells to me because he knows if he doesn't I'll get it off someone else and it could be mixed with anything. He said at least he knows what I have offered him is clean. But starting right now he's cutting down the amount I have and how regular I can have it. He said in you friend before your dealer. So he wants me in the gym to help get me on the straight and narrow. It's a weird fucking situation my dealer trying to get me off the coke, well he just wants the amount I have and how often I have it to be reduced. We've kost a couple of friends to overdose in the last few years and my dealer said he doesn't want me being next. He sold me a baller today but I'm only allowed 1 gram tomorrow or Sunday it's up to me which day I have it but 1 gram. So if I have a day off tomorrow I can have my 1 gram on Sunday. Having 1 gram will be tough in its own but if my dealer is worried about me then it's time to take a long hard look at myself. Today I've taken 600mg of pregabalin. Snorted about 5 75mg pregabalin and I'm working my way through a baller. I feel fantastic this time. I am having a day off tomorrow though. Then I'll have less than I usually have on Sunday.

Your reply was fantastic, thank you so much and I wish you all the very best.

How much is a baller .sorry not up to date with these things

 

[lost weekend]

Good old bitcoin. While I didn't get in on the early days, I was still fortunate enough to earn a significant amount from it. BTC is a long-term investment, as long as you can leave your investment in there and not withdraw everytime things look bad, you will win in the long run. At least that's been my experience. I don't really do much trading, but I add to my portfolio anytime I have some spare funds to throw at it.

Regarding your current feelings, unfortunately thats part of the game. You can feel super up and like you're on top of the world for days/weeks at a time, but eventually that crash comes, and depression sits in. It's unavoidable. The coke will help mask the feeling temporarily, but as soon as the high comes down, on comes the depression. What do you use to cope with the end of the night crash? Benzos? Opiates? I always used to like to have opiates for the end of the night, as they were the perfect counter for when I was doing coke.

The unfortunate thing about coke is, there is no detox for it. No detox will take you if you just have coke in your system. They want to see opiates, alcohol, or benzos in your system to accept you. And many rehabs want a referral from a detox to accept you. This leaves many people without a solution for getting accepted. Not sure if you've ever tried rehab, but they never worked for me.. and I tried countless different rehabs(mainly because family wanted me to, not because I wanted to). I always found myself hanging out with the people in the rehab, that were trying to score while in there. So total waste of time for me.

In the end, only the using can make the decision to get themselves clean. And even when you come to that point that you're ready to get off the coke, it's not an easy thing to accomplish.. but certainly not impossible. One of the major things you will need to do is have the willpower to cut off your dealer and drug friends, and lose their contacts. As long as you have a way to contact them, it will make it virtually impossible to ever got off the drug. Getting rid of their contact information is much easier said, then actually done. I get it. I would do things like get rid of their numbers, while keeping them added as a friend on Messenger.. which was me basically trying to keep a last ditch contact for them incase I changed my mind. There is no half way doing it. Gotta be willing to get rid of all of their contacts, and finding yourself an alternative thing to do to keep yourself occupied and busy. Having a clean friend that you can contact when cravings get too much, can also help. Truly hope you can shake the habit brother, we're rooting for you!

It's the psychological problem ,recently I've found I just want to be alone and that can't be good .the ease of getting it is a huge problem that
I'm going to have to address on the plus side if there is any I'm drinking alcohol far less if atol.ill sit with the same beer all night

 

[lost weekend]

I'll end it there nobody wants to read the ravings of a person who by virtue of the substance is self absorbed, just on that fact I've been at a party sober when everyone else is sniffing and the conversation is baffling to say the least,everybody wants to get there point of view across or tell a not so interesting story that always involves them in same way. It's gotten to the point where I've politely had to say "sorry what are you talking about"

 

[jessepinkman779]

I'll end it there nobody wants to read the ravings of a person who by virtue of the substance is self absorbed, just on that fact I've been at a party sober when everyone else is sniffing and the conversation is baffling to say the least,everybody wants to get there point of view across or tell a not so interesting story that always involves them in same way. It's gotten to the point where I've politely had to say "sorry what are you talking about"

Keep chatting I'm online and doing coke alone too. A baller is 3.5 grams.

 

[jessepinkman779]

I never new how addictive coke was ,I only ever took it at nights out and because of the huge amounts of booze the next day was awful,but what I've found if you don't drink its not that bad .I can feel my self slipping into a dark place ,I used to only take it twice a year now its on school nights.i picked up 2 gims last night and hid it from wife now I can't find it ,I've turned the house upside down.managed to get a sympathy one tonight so that is currently what I'm doing ,alone which I prefer .not good signs .I hope they turn up and not in my wives high heel shoes or something. Oh god if I could have my life back.i also lost my wallet which has my sparky card and everything else at chip shop ,or walking home from it but I know it's just cards in there or that would be a disaster

Oh shit! I hope your wife doesn't find it.

 

[lost weekend]

Keep chatting I'm online and doing coke alone too. A baller is 3.5 grams.

I must have 3 in house somewhere but can't find 2 of them.even if I didn't mislay them last night I would have tanned a g any way so no big deal .could you do all that in one night ?