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Cocaine doing coke alone

Passable_rock said:
and how long does that last you? 3 days is great and I agree with what the other said; quitting a drug is always gonna be boring and depressing at first. I'm slowly learning how to get bored again myself, it sucks lol but I feel like it's gonna be a rewarding process.
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It's nearly all gone. It will last until about midnight
 
another 3 days without it is awesome! :multicolorheadbang: You just saved £514! Why don't you buy something nice for yourself? Something you enjoy but usually can't have because you're spending it on coke, like a reward!
 
That's cool that you have done less congratulations! As said previously you have some cash now, you can treat yourself to a meal out or a great takeaway, I have been off crack since about the 7th August this year after 15 years of it, (had dabbled with other narcotics back in early 1990's)I know the situation your in. I personally went straight to the stores loaded up on food for home first, steaks, I hadn't had steaks for years the last 10 years all I had was pasta and cheese, rice and lentils and stock no meat no fruit or vegetables but now I am eating like a king and getting takeaways etc, feel so much happier and positive being free from cocaine, I have started the gym at 50 years old so that is another positive step you could aim for aswell, good luck and again well done, you'll thank yourself for tapering down and off or stopping fullstop no tapering. I made the decision to but it took a while to get to the point where I smoked the last bit, threw the pipes in the trash and deleted and my dealers numbers, advice is to do the same thing, it takes a while after but you start feeling free and more in peace with yourself. Cocaine is like a cheating partner when you are not cheating, you still stick for a while with forgiveness but realise that that cheating will continue so to respect yourself divorce the crappy cocaine, it's expensive brain and body rotting shit I didn't think that for years then realised it, always come on bluelight for advice friendly chat and support etc all the bluelight crew are great, and good luck 💙🙏💙
 
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Ex-Cracker said:
That's cool that you have done less congratulations! As said previously you have some cash now, you can treat yourself to a meal out or a great takeaway, I have been off crack since about the 12th September this year after 15 years of it, I know the situation your in. I personally went straight to the stores loaded up on food for home first, steaks, I hadn't had steaks for years the last 10 years all I had was pasta and cheese, rice and lentils and stock no meat no fruit or vegetables but now I am eating like a king and getting takeaways etc, feel so much happier and positive being free from cocaine, I have started the gym at 50 years old so that is another positive step you could aim for aswell, good luck and again well done, you'll thank yourself for tapering down and off or stopping fullstop no tapering. I made the decision to but it took a while to get to the point where I smoked the last bit, threw the pipes in the trash and deleted and my dealers numbers, advice is to do the same thing, it takes a while after but you start feeling free and more in peace with yourself. Cocaine is like a cheating partner when you are not cheating, you still stick for a while with forgiveness but realise that that cheating will continue so to respect yourself divorce the crappy cocaine, it's expensive brain and body rotting shit I didn't think that for years then realised it, always come on bluelight for advice friendly chat and support etc all the bluelight crew are great, and good luck 💙🙏💙
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Thank you for your reply. I treated my mom to a new iPad today and it felt great. Then I bought a gram. Overall I'm winning though. It's great to chat to people such as yourself who completely understand.
 
jessepinkman779 said:
Thank you for your reply. I treated my mom to a new iPad today and it felt great. Then I bought a gram. Overall I'm winning though. It's great to chat to people such as yourself who completely understand.
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That's great, I'm sure she was impressed and thankful, super progress and yes such things do feel great! I'm sure I speak for everyone on bluelight in respect to that we are all here with problems or getting out of problems and everyone is friendly and open to chat to help each other 💙
 
jessepinkman779 said:
Thank you for your reply. I treated my mom to a new iPad today and it felt great. Then I bought a gram. Overall I'm winning though. It's great to chat to people such as yourself who completely understand.
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“Jesse Pinkman” is a classic profile name…

Wanted to let you know that you should be proud of yourself for reaching out and being authentic. It’s much easier to hide reality when you do not have to be accountable…meaning from behind a screen. People want to tell you what to do, how to do it and when to do it. Addiction is not the same for anyone, experiences with substances are not the same for everyone nor is any other mental health disorder. No one can explain a feeling unless they have experienced it themselves. Addiction is no different. If there is no direct experience it’s even more difficult to relate to. More than 25 years has given me a lot of experience with it…
 
I've had a gram today and just ordered another one. But that's still a massive improvement. My dealers supplier needed someone to try some new stuff for him yesterday. He was offering a fair amount for someone who knew quality to try it. I declined the offer. I don't want to be around amounts like that and be tempted. I also don't want to get be in contact with my dealers supplier because then I have access to even better quality and that would be too tempting. I don't want to get involved with people buying KG's either TBF. He was offering me a Q of an Oz to try some for him and that Q would of gone straight off the kg block. It's hard enough without having access like that. Plus, if the stuff was shit I'd have had to say so in front of the seller. F that. Overall I'm doing good. And all you guys on here have helped massively. No one I know understands. My uncle is on my back about using coke, I've told him how much I've cut down and him being on my back will push me the other way. I've politely asked him to leave me to do it at my own pace.


You have all been great. My dealer keeps offering me special offers on more weight trying to get me having more. It's not working. I'm craving it all the time, but small amounts ease that craving. I'm paying 100 a gram or 10 a point
 
jessepinkman779 said:
I've had a gram today and just ordered another one. But that's still a massive improvement. My dealers supplier needed someone to try some new stuff for him yesterday. He was offering a fair amount for someone who knew quality to try it. I declined the offer. I don't want to be around amounts like that and be tempted. I also don't want to get be in contact with my dealers supplier because then I have access to even better quality and that would be too tempting. I don't want to get involved with people buying KG's either TBF. He was offering me a Q of an Oz to try some for him and that Q would of gone straight off the kg block. It's hard enough without having access like that. Plus, if the stuff was shit I'd have had to say so in front of the seller. F that. Overall I'm doing good. And all you guys on here have helped massively. No one I know understands. My uncle is on my back about using coke, I've told him how much I've cut down and him being on my back will push me the other way. I've politely asked him to leave me to do it at my own pace.


You have all been great. My dealer keeps offering me special offers on more weight trying to get me having more. It's not working. I'm craving it all the time, but small amounts ease that craving. I'm paying 100 a gram or 10 a point
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Your doing well that you have cut down, give yourself a pat on the back for doing so. And good on you to have the mental fortitude to say no to being a tester for the supplier of your dealer a lot of people would of been well happy and had the discounted larger amount for testing the kilo I would of done the same as you and dodged being in contact with the supplier especially in such ways thank yourself for it, no doubt you would of gone beyond dangerous and taken yourself nto a deep place, there's nothing wrong in paddling on the surface having a line or two and minding your business than having a plunge in the deep end, things could get out of control very quickly and surprisingly easily.
Your on bluelight talking about your usage /addiction which is a bold step and your being honest with yourself that you want and need help and are brave enough to ask questions for help with your usage. If you think about the supplier testing the kilo situation and you have admitted that you don't want to be involved, telling yourself to calm your contact with the dealer, tell yourself that they are that undesirable stepping stone from a situation/situations that you understand that you don't want to be in, possibly better get any peices of paper/notes with the dealers number/s and burn them or tear up and flush down the toilet or throw out with the trash bin. Delete the dealers number/s and block their number, if you psych yourself up and do it!! 😀 you will feel great accomplishment and freedom😎 it took me a couple of goes to do it when I stopped but I done it and I felt a tremendous high and buzz of achievement and it was giving a nice, big beautiful middle finger salute to the dealers etc with a " fuck off you using, deceitful wanna be mind control freak losers who don't care if I have a shit time or if I'm halfway or in the coffin rotting, as long as you have got the cash for your habits or possibly perversions
Breath deep and scream in your head/mind FUCK OFF DRUG DEALING WANKER or WANKERS even cuss under your breath similar hate and then delete their number/s
It's away of proving to yourself that you can go further to stop than just checking in on bluelight,
Theres nothing wrong or weak in trying in fact it's a brilliant strength and you have proved you have strength by coming on bluelight to chat and get support and guidance and advice. 💙
Hat's off as they say you deserve a medal 😀💙 🙏 💙 🥇
 
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Ex-Cracker said:
Your doing well that you have cut down, give yourself a pat on the back for doing so. And good on you to have the mental fortitude to say no to being a tester for the supplier of your dealer a lot of people would of been well happy and had the discounted larger amount for testing the kilo I would of done the same as you and dodged being in contact with the supplier especially in such ways thank yourself for it, no doubt you would of gone beyond dangerous and taken yourself nto a deep place, there's nothing wrong in paddling on the surface having a line or two and minding your business than having a plunge in the deep end, things could get out of control very quickly and surprisingly easily.
Your on bluelight talking about your usage /addiction which is a bold step and your being honest with yourself that you want and need help and are brave enough to ask questions for help with your usage. If you think about the supplier testing the kilo situation and you have admitted that you don't want to be involved, telling yourself to calm your contact with the dealer, tell yourself that they are that undesirable stepping stone from a situation/situations that you understand that you don't want to be in, possibly better get any peices of paper/notes with the dealers number/s and burn them or tear up and flush down the toilet or throw out with the trash bin. Delete the dealers number/s and block their number, if you psych yourself up and do it!! 😀 you will feel great accomplishment and freedom😎 it took me a couple of goes to do it when I stopped but I done it and I felt a tremendous high and buzz of achievement and it was giving a nice, big beautiful middle finger salute to the dealers etc with a " fuck off you using, deceitful wanna be mind control freak losers who don't care if I have a shit time or if I'm halfway or in the coffin rotting, as long as you have got the cash for your habits or possibly perversions
Breath deep and scream in your head/mind FUCK OFF DRUG DEALING WANKER or WANKERS even cuss under your breath similar hate and then delete their number/s
It's away of proving to yourself that you can go further to stop than just checking in on bluelight,
Theres nothing wrong or weak in trying in fact it's a brilliant strength and you have proved you have strength by coming on bluelight to chat and get support and guidance and advice. 💙
Hat's off as they say you deserve a medal 😀💙 🙏 💙 🥇
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Thank you so much for your kind words. I knew getting involved with a supplier wouldn't end well and possibly even end up having no choice whether I try it for him or not. I was tempted to try some cut straight of a kg in front of me, but I'm walking in the other direction. You're right they make out they care when we're spending but they don't give a fuck what happens to us. The supplier wanted to know the quality and how many times I thought he could bash it with it still being quality enough for people to be happy with it. A while back id of jumped at that chance. I'm going to block the bigger dealer I use and just have my odd gram off a smaller dealer. I'm not having much at all now though. My main dealer is getting blocked today. Thank you.
 
Ex-Cracker said:
Did you forget that you scored less? Take relief in the fact it's not as much as a gram!
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I'm trying to have as little as it takes to kill the cravings. A friend suggested weed to stop the cravings, but weed has never suited me. My partner is supporting me, but she's still not happy. It's insane how addiction grabs you isn't it? I didn't even see it coming, well I did I just didn't care. I thought I'd beat it easily, I kept telling myself I was just having fun. Then making excuses like my dad passing away, my mom being diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I used those things as excuses telling myself I deserved to get high and forget. I do like getting high, but it's not really a life choice is it. The last 2 years are just a blur, I've spent 2 years solid getting high every day. However, I'm winning the battle at the moment. My dealer has been a little less polite since I've cut down the amount I'm having aside from his specials offers he sends me such as a baller for £140 just for me or a Q for 250 for that day only. I've blocked him now I'm going to stick to the smaller time dealer until I get completely off it. He never bothers me until I contact him.

I wish family and some friends could understand like everyone on bluelight. Saying that it's me who's being selfish. I told my uncle if he tried it he'd see his depression disappear in minutes and that's what it does for me. I don't know how long it's going to take until I get completely off it. I keep thinking I could end up with some life changing or ending condition so why not enjoy myself now. My uncle who blocked me months ago unblocked me and hour ago asking if I could get him half a kg of weed on loan for a week, I sorted it by having the bill on my head. Told my uncle and he said great. Then blocked me again for being on coke. But he was happy for me to get him 18 Oz/ half kg of weed for him. Things like that piss me off. I fell like he thinks I'm ok to use when he needs help, but when I need him he's nowhere to be seen. I was willing to take that on my head for 1 week and he blocked me again. Half a kg of weed is serious business around here, and I sorted it for him no questions asked because I trust him. Then he blocked me for having a bit of coke today. Amazing how some people will use you isn't it.

Thank you all again.
 
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