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Divorce

Thank you xeno. I have a birthday party planned for this Saturday which he is still coming to and paying for. I have a trip booked for Mexico at the end of March with friends.
I have a light at the end of the tunnel most days :)
 
^much love to you, PI. i'm sorry that you have to go through this, but you're one of the strongest women i know and i know you'll get through this even stronger. <3
 
I'm really sorry, PI. I was really hoping you guys would make it. You know we're always here for you to let off steam, since this is one of those things where you can't talk to family so much.

Do you really think he would try to fuck you over? I went the total friendly route. I wasn't actually officially divorced for years after we separated just because both of us were lazy. He was more cautious than I was, because he is a momma's boy and I know she was telling him things and telling him what to do, but in a way, some of the stuff he did annoyed me like when he wrote a heart-felt letter to me, I kept it as a reminder, and one day it just disappeared. I know his mom told him to get rid of it in case I did something. That along with coming into the house without telling me and just taking things really did get on my nerves, and the only fight we really had over it was I told him he can't just come into my house anymore uninvited or at least telling me. I felt bad yelling at him afterward, but when he chooses to leave, that's it and he needed to respect my space.

After a few years, he finally HAD to file, because he wanted to buy a house and he told me some law thing. When I bought my house, I just needed his signature to sign off, but supposedly in Georgia it's different. I don't know if he was lying to me (again, his mom put all kinds of BS in his head and one of our main problems was that he was a momma's boy), but it was an excuse to get it done anyway.

He even paid for my health insurance for years after we were divorced, but I never would have gone after him and I don't even think his mom could have gotten him to go after me, even though I'm sure she suggested it. You know him better than we do, but if you do go the easy route, it really is stress-free. For me, he moved out and I kept anything. We were the same deal. I made double his salary, so he couldn't even have afforded the place if he tried to take it.
 
I don't think he will fuck me over...now. I am unsure if he would change his mind when he is low on funds, living in his brother's basement, and maybe his family/friends saying I owe him. Who knows? This is why I want to secure a separation agreement and file it with the state before he moves back home. If he contests it at the divorce, then he is truly a loser.

I am not saying anything to my family or work until the divorce papers are filed. It is too much for me to let people who are close to me know what is going on. I know I will get through this. I have a solid friend group here and an active life. I cry at night sometimes and I haven't slept well in months. I need to remain emotionally devoid for now to feel grounded. I intend to send him a email with all the good things I am thinking. Right now it is the logistics...nothing more.
 
Yeah, I think we all go through the crying thing, even when you KNOW it's the right thing. It's not easy, even when you know it's right. I like the idea of the letter. Lets it out and you can tell him how you feel uninterrupted and without an argument or forgetting to say something you wanted to say.

I think his family just might be an issue. Just from my experience, they look at you as the bad guy and start putting shit into the guy's head. I never would have fucked him over, but the fact of the matter was I made most of the money and pulled most of the weight. I let him come in and take whatever he wanted, and I didn't bitch at all about it. However, after he made his first run, he told me he needed to get x thing, and then I would come home and realize weeks later a lot more went missing. I had to tell him to stop coming into the house.

My ex moved in with his mom too, and he lived there for years. He only recently bought his own place. We separated for different reasons than yours, but one thing that really stood out to me is when he moved out and left, I felt relieved. I feel like an asshole with how I went about it, but he wanted someone to make all the money, have kids and was not supportive at all when I wanted change in my life for my career and personal decisions. Not at all. We would have arguments, because I wanted to take a step backward, go to school, get loans and only work part time. He "was not going to pay off loans for me to go to school, so I needed to work full time and go to school part time." My thoughts were "who the fuck are you to tell me I'm stuck in a career when I make all the money?" Yeah, I was completely turned off and I that was that.

Anyway, you will get through it. I think the hardest part is just the change that goes with the guy being gone, but after a while you figure out that you are better off without someone who does not support you in your decisions. I don't want to get married again either. It's just not worth it IMO.
 
I doubt very much I will ever marry again either. I had no interest in it until I met him and that interest has soured. It was pretty good while it lasted. I appreciate our time together. I am a better person for it. I know this is true. He is the one who has a potentially long road ahead of him to rebuild his life. Good luck, bro <3
 
i took my ring off first of jan. i'll probably put it back on in the next week or so, but i think we are broken. I feel bad for the boy, but the situation is untenable. Also sent an email to her, just to record the date as the aussie process needs 12 months prior 'til you can lodge it.

que sera sera
 
Welcome to the club ((hugs)).

I am keeping my ring on until the divorce papers are filed in 6 months as we do not have children. I don't want to falsely advertise nor be tempted. I do not into to commit adultery as we will be filing for a no fault no contest divorce and I want to keep it that way.
 
in aus you can only divorce in no fault kinda deals, so it makes no difference here if someone fucks around.
 
Perpetual Indulgence said:
I don't think he will fuck me over...now.
Click to expand...

you don't think he will, but prepared for him to. i know you will, and it seems like you're handling this pretty tight.

just wanted to reiterate that people change during the divorce process and it can be ugly. especially dealing with someone that is mentally unstable, which i've seen you mention that your husband is.

sorry you're going through this, PI. like many in this thread, i've been there, so feel free to shoot me a pm as well if you need anything.
 
PI, I really give it 6 months. Within that time, he will try to come back. People don't realize how good they have it until they jump back into the dating world. Unless you're 15, telling girls you live at home is a huge deal breaker for most girls. Cutting through the younger idealist minutia, there are a lot of gold diggers and girls who have their shit together at his age, so he's not worth their time in either respect. He probably thinks he'll get anyone, but he is in for a rude awakening. Most women are looking for someone to support them. I know I'll take slack for saying that, but there are the young ideals and then there is reality that you don't see until the 30s. lol

You? You will be fine. You have your shit together, and some guy coming around is only an enhancement to who you already are. You aren't looking for support or someone to take care of you, so I think you'll find plenty of men who would love to have you as a partner.

@l2, I'm so sorry. I remember when I first took off my ring. It really meant something, and although I had kept it on for a while, I felt like it was finally done when I took it off. It was not a good feeling. You know you can always commiserate with us if you need it. :)

@xeno, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! Pfffffft, You didn't talk much about your hubby, but you have a wicked sense of humor and you're gorgeous. You deserve an upgrade!

@Chicken, thank you for chiming in. I think you bring some good advice on this subject for people who just don't know what to do. I really don't think the way I did it was the best way, because MOST people are going to take whatever they can. I pretty much just got lucky.
 
You guys are effin awesome. He will be living in his brother's basement lol. He said he is not worried about money...as he will be working construction for his dad which he HATED when we lived in CT. If he is not worried then why ask me to continue paying your car, insurance, health/dental for a year? The way I see it, agreeing to that will be cheaper in the long run. Take the stuff you want although paid for everything in this house. I will replace it in time. I am irritated that he is leaving unfinished home projects that I will have to hire someone to finish. He is also leaving me with 4 pets I never really wanted to begin with. Hmmm...perhaps I can take a couple of months off payments due to those costs? Never thought about that. Lawyer appointment Monday. He hasn't started packing and he is supposed to be leaving in 8 days.

Once he is gone...there is no coming back. I don't play that way. I have waited since Oct for this decision.
 
The first divorce was quite simple really, I got up one morning and she'd gone.
Her friend, who'd been staying with us, came out of her room and said something like "Oh, isn't it awful" and all I felt was relief.
I think the divorce became absolute years after. I remember her solicitors were called De'ath, Coffin and Nayle"

We've come close to divorce a few times in my second marriage, mostly my fault really, lots of heartbreak and feeling awful. Fortunately it didn't happen.
 
Just wanted to pop my head in here and offer some support to everyone currently going through what looks to be pretty messy times.

The only experience I have with divorce is from standing on the sidelines watching Busty's divorce play out - and to a lesser extent watching my parents marriage dissolve from a distance.

From my perspective, it's definitely not fun and is immensely draining on everyone involved.. However as already has been mentioned, it is usually for the best. From the darkness beauty will grow. You will all get to the place you want to be and you will be happier for these hardships.

Wishing all of you guys the very best. <3
 
^fortunately the thing's as massive as the moon..... or an evil space station. <3
 
I haven't been in to SLR for a little and the last few pages have rocked my world :( I know only too well how painful this experience is, so all I can do is send all my love to you <3 <3
 
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