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Divorce

I'm fairly certain the laws have swung in favor of the female, for all the sexist reasons the laws were created for in the first place.

I tend to agree that many women know how to manipulate information to serve their own interests, and not out of a desire for fairness.
 
Courts prefer to give the kids to the woman, this is true. They have to draw the line somewhere. I'd be interested in knowing the stats on who makes the majority of the income in most cases. My experience is that the man does, and if the female gets the kids, you can't support the kid without supporting the mother. That's just how it is, including welfare. Unless the mom is a junkie or is just a horrible person, I don't know the big deal about it, unless she purposely tries to keep the kids. I don't agree with talking trash about the dad or trying to keep the kids from the dad.

I don't think I'll ever change my mind on divorce issues. My mom had 0 skills, and she deserved more money than she got from my dad. If the woman stays home for most of her life with the kids, then I'll never sway from believing she deserves financial support from the husband, but there's no point in bleeding a rock. If the guy is poor, there's not much you can take anyway.

Spoken like a true self-entitled gold digger
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Damn skippy. If she stayed home her entire life, she needs support. You can't throw a 40 year old woman with 0 skills into the work force. She'll never make it.
 
This is another reason why women should be financially independent or at least have a career to fall back on if they choose to be a stay at home mom before marrying and reason #51 why I am childless :)
 
^^ Lysis
Then it would be better for women to learn some skills no? I get where you're coming from but plenty, if not most women in the western world, including mothers, have working and transferable skills they can apply to a job. I'm sure in the US, like here, there are ways for women from all walks of life to educate themselves so they don't have to be dependent on anybody and can proudly earn their own living, making a good example to their children. I know that can't happen in all cases but I believe it can in most.

So they don't have to be labeled 'gold diggers' and such ....

My parents' truly horrible marriage and subsequent bitter, backstabbing divorce didn't stop me from getting married. But it did make me sure to marry somebody I knew well and could trust. My opinion of marriage is a lot of people marry their partners because they're worried they won't meet someone else or they want to have children and feel time's running out. I understand that, but down the track things will go very bad very quickly if you've married the wrong person and you have a child or children, in terms of that person turning out to be a nasty or combative person.
 
Then it would be better for women to learn some skills no?
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What do you expect a girl to do when she's 18, has two kids, and no skills? "Shouldn't have gotten pregnant" isn't really a solution here. Let's say the guy tries to do the right thing and marries her. Lets say his salary is enough to support them, so she can stay home and take care of the kids.

You can't say "well, she should have..." that's not the issue and that fixes nothing. The fact is that she's 35 now, has 2 kids to support, and the guy has built his career with her at home. He now wants to leave for whatever reason. She deserves financial support. Now, if she's smart, she goes and she builds her own career or gets an education, but the initial problem is that you can't throw someone who supported you when you were a peon to the side and expect her to be able to support herself and two kids. It doesn't work that way, and for that reason, he needs to pay.

ETA: If that's gold-digging, then so be it. I don't believe so, because the girl didn't go seeking out a rich guy for the money. That is not my description of a gold-digger, but I'm ok with it, if that's what it is. lol
 
I was referring to today's young woman when it comes to fall back skills. In my mother's day, getting married and having babies was her job. Although my parents has babies first and got married 30 years later.
 
^^ My mom was raised the same way. My whole family was that way. I'm the first person in my family to graduate college. My family was traditional, so I have no idea how I broke out of the mold. My sister has a good job too, although she really doesn't have a career. She just has a good job, but she still pulls half the salary for the household. Maybe it's changing. I still know/see plenty of women who stay at home with the kids.
 
Lysis said:
What do you expect a girl to do when she's 18, has two kids, and no skills? "Shouldn't have gotten pregnant" isn't really a solution here. Let's say the guy tries to do the right thing and marries her. Lets say his salary is enough to support them, so she can stay home and take care of the kids.

You can't say "well, she should have..." that's not the issue and that fixes nothing. The fact is that she's 35 now, has 2 kids to support, and the guy has built his career with her at home. He now wants to leave for whatever reason. She deserves financial support. Now, if she's smart, she goes and she builds her own career or gets an education, but the initial problem is that you can't throw someone who supported you when you were a peon to the side and expect her to be able to support herself and two kids. It doesn't work that way, and for that reason, he needs to pay.

ETA: If that's gold-digging, then so be it. I don't believe so, because the girl didn't go seeking out a rich guy for the money. That is not my description of a gold-digger, but I'm ok with it, if that's what it is. lol
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I don't believe I implied "well she should have ... ". I just don't believe women should be or are victims. And I wasn't talking about your mother really, more so women now. The gold digging comment referred to the comments above you, that certainly isn't my opinion but it is the opinion of quite a few men out there.

Women aren't victims, or they shouldn't be. Men and women cause a breakdown in a marriage and should be making decisions together. I know it doesn't always work out that way but I see no benefit in a woman staying at home indefinitely after the marriage has broken down, taking money from a bitter ex-husband who resents supporting her. How is that helpful to that woman or her children?

I grew up with a mother who depended on an aggressive, arrogant, misogynistic father - it just gave him more fuel to criticise her, luckily she came into her own when my parents broke up and started her own business.

I always said from a young age I would never be like my mother so educating myself and finding a good career path was never an option, it was always what I was going to do.
 
Miss_vanilla said:
I always said from a young age I would never be like my mother so educating myself and finding a good career path was never an option, it was always what I was going to do.
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^+1

I feel my mom did a great job of raising me to be independent without ever saying don't do it the way I did.
 
Since my mother is deceased, I'm fine with stating the truth - my mother became involved with her divorce lawyer while she was taking my father to the cleaners. My father suffered damage to his business and his heart. My mother suffered from schizoaffective disorder, she got involved in a cult, and eventually I was taken away from her custody by the state. My father, for all of his faults, adored his only child and stepped the fuck up when he needed to. I am forever grateful for my Dad. He is a fantastic parent.

My mother was insistent on being a mother and a wife. She was piss-poor at both. My mother was better at mathematics than parenting.

I am a college graduate with a career, and well able to provide for myself. I have never been married and I have never had a child. I have traveled, I have found acceptance within myself. Yet I do have trouble with relationships as I did not learn from my mother how to be a mother. Men say I am too independent. I'm not budging.

I can only speak as a child of divorce with two divorced exes who made an incredible impact upon my life, one of which is still in the picture, along with his two children of divorce. I treat both the boys as if they were my own. When their father and mother argue, I just stay the fuck out of it and their father gets to hear it when the kids aren't around. I first learned the meaning of anger when my father and mother argued over me.

What goals I have in my life do include being a wife and a mother. I'm flying solo - and liking it that way - for now. I offer myself as an example that had my parents stayed together... I'd probably be destroyed. Instead, I concentrate on not repeating the mistakes of others.

Maybe I'd have done 'better', but I pat myself on the back that I have done better than OK.
 
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Those of you who have divorced or going through the process....


did you see other people before the divorce was finalized?
 
I love you Lysis, but I think you are sugarcoating a reality that may be hard to swallow.

I have seen so many men run through the ringer by vengeful ex spouses, lovers, and/or girlfriends. It is more common than you think. It really is.

I actually know of two women who lost custody of their children because they are just unfit to be anyone's parent. One isn't even fit enough to be in any kind of stable and loving relationship. She is a straight up self-absorbed drunkard and self-deceiver.

:)
 
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Perpetual Indulgence said:
Those of you who have divorced or going through the process....


did you see other people before the divorce was finalized?
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Yes. Once I'm done, I'm done, and I want to have fun. If I'm the one who is done, I suppose I'm heartless at that point. If I find someone else, I do not see the point in depriving myself of a possible fun person. I don't throw it in the other person's face. I don't want to do anything like that, but I suppose I am selfish in that I don't want to avoid someone for another person.

I have seen so many men run through the ringer by vengeful ex spouses, lovers, and/or girlfriends. It is more common than you think. It really is.
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I suppose I am prejudice in this respect. I have a real soft spot for single mothers. It's strange, because I really side with them, but I'm terrified of being one of them. I just think that if some girl gets pregnant and the guy promises "oh, baby, I will take care of you and we will live happily ever after," and she goes for it, the girl gets the raw end of the deal when the guy decides he wants to fuck around years later. She gives up everything to take care of the home, and then she is thrown away and expected to survive.

I don't think I'll change my mind about this one.
 
the state can put you in jail for bigamy, or presumably for theft by taking if you refuse to relinquish common property in the event of a legally recognised divorce. note bonum "threat of violence by the state is leftist talk for "compelled by police and courts by threat of fine, arrest, and jail time, and probably a beating if you resist.

Its a stretch, but I understand why people would be reluctant to be legally married in the first place.
 
Lysis said:
I suppose I am prejudice in this respect. I have a real soft spot for single mothers. It's strange, because I really side with them, but I'm terrified of being one of them. I just think that if some girl gets pregnant and the guy promises "oh, baby, I will take care of you and we will live happily ever after," and she goes for it, the girl gets the raw end of the deal when the guy decides he wants to fuck around years later. She gives up everything to take care of the home, and then she is thrown away and expected to survive.

I don't think I'll change my mind about this one.
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that's hardly the only reason marriages break down. :\
 
I'm very sorry to hear that mate.

My past divorce was pretty smooth but there was no children or assets involved.

Hearing from friends, no matter how much you trust your mrs or think everything will be ok, get it done properly, through the courts, with a lawyer as quickly and efficiently as possible and move on!

All the best mate.
 
L2R said:
that's hardly the only reason marriages break down. :\
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Maybe not typical, but still possible and it does happen. Whether or not there are other issues, cheating is a big issue, so I would say it is one of the big reasons. Of course there are other issues at hand for someone to fuck around, but cheating is the catalyst for the divorce.
 
Lysis said:
I suppose I am prejudice in this respect. I have a real soft spot for single mothers. It's strange, because I really side with them, but I'm terrified of being one of them. I just think that if some girl gets pregnant and the guy promises "oh, baby, I will take care of you and we will live happily ever after," and she goes for it, the girl gets the raw end of the deal when the guy decides he wants to fuck around years later. She gives up everything to take care of the home, and then she is thrown away and expected to survive.

I don't think I'll change my mind about this one.
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This goes equally both ways. Its not about guys are bastards or women are bitches, its more that many people are shallow and immature.

You really should re-consider your views on this, it will give you a complex. Don't worry that your partner is a man, just concern yourself that you choose a mature one.
 
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