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Divorce

No worries Slush. I am a tough ole bird.
Now I need to learn how to make a fire so your man could teach me :)
Let's plan on beers here sometime this winter or I will freeze my ass off!
 
PI, Lefty and Xeno <3 Much love and strength your way.

I've never been married, but have been through breakups of relationships that were like marriage without the piece of paper - live-in relationships that felt like divorces. My own parents divorced when I was 7. My mother took my father to the cleaners as to both $$$ and custody of me (she deserved neither :|). As C0TB stated, it is difficult and painful, but there does come a point where reconciliation is no longer a feasible option. Neither of my parents remarried. I was shuttled back and forth across the country growing up, which was probably the toughest part.

My best advice to you who have children involved is not to fight in front of them - duke it out in private. That goes for anyone with children involved, but particularly those divorcing.

Realize also that we (children of divorce) don't all grow up to be epic messes. My parents were piss-poor role models in many ways and my relationships have been complicated. Yet for the most part, I came out ok. ;) All of you will, too. Definitely take your time getting into new relationships, you gorgeous people. You'll be in more demand than you realize once your divorces are finalized. And feel free to drop me a note if you want to vent.
 
We signed/notarized the separation agreement and quickclaim deed form(to remove him from the house deed) today.
He also came into the bank to remove his name from my checkings account he never uses.
We went out to dinner. Chatted about the future logistics.
He leaves Wednesday.
We are filing for divorce in 6 months without lawyers and making this as low cost/no drama as possible.

I do want him to be happy. I do want him to be successful. I always have and always will.
 
After 7 years, the least a man can ask for is his own child, no? Maybe his love for you was so profound that he wanted to create his legacy in your womb.
 
Alex007 said:
After 7 years, the least a man can ask for is his own child, no? Maybe his love for you was so profound that he wanted to create his legacy in your womb.
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It would be their child. It is not a matter of "his seed" and "her womb" for everyone. Assuredly, people fall in love, but children are not a necessity for all people. I don't subscribe to the paradigm of a man planting his semen in my uterus in the patriarchal sense.

I also don't see how this is relevant to this discussion.

I am neither for or against having children. I am an adult daughter of divorced parents, one of which is deceased. I would like to have a child whether it be by adoption or conception. I adore my two non-official stepchildren more than my non-partner. I would be privileged to give them a half sibling; that's up to me to decide. It is not an issue presently.
 
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I can appreciate your view, Alex. I love the romantic idea of creating a child with him. We would be exceptional parents.
The reality is I am 39, NEVER wanted children (he knew that), and coming into financial freedom.
Travel is very important to me as is a lot of ME time.
A child would suck away my goals, IMO.
 
thanks for the kind notes of support. it seems the declaring of my serious intentions has sparked some motivation on her part. we are working on it, but only time will tell. <3

<3 ms pi
 
Perpetual Indulgence said:
I can appreciate your view, Alex. I love the romantic idea of creating a child with him. We would be exceptional parents.
The reality is I am 39, NEVER wanted children (he knew that), and coming into financial freedom.
Travel is very important to me as is a lot of ME time.
A child would suck away my goals, IMO.
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I totally understand now, I really appreciate your response. I have a girl cousin in the same situation as you, and she too doesn't want to have a child because it would get in the way of her career, and right now things are very difficult for her and a child would make it all the more difficult. I wish you the best in your career and travel, God be with you.
 
Lysis said:
Oh god...
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nothing wrong with what I said, she understood it. I see divorce as the last of last resorts. You guys are making it sound like it's the greatest idea in the world, i just wanted her to consider it from a man's perspective. She did, and I totally understand what she is going through. I wish her the best
 
it seems the declaring of my serious intentions has sparked some motivation on her part.
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hahah, dammit to no imageshack in china... is that the serious business pic?

<3's to you all
 
Alex007 said:
nothing wrong with what I said, she understood it. I see divorce as the last of last resorts. You guys are making it sound like it's the greatest idea in the world, i just wanted her to consider it from a man's perspective. She did, and I totally understand what she is going through. I wish her the best
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I don't think anyone here has even come close to suggesting it's great. My comments were that it's the best if the other person does not support you, and there are issues that cannot be resolved. No one should be forced to stay in misery, even if they are married.
 
If you want to escape the gynocentric collectivist family law in Western nations there is a new trend (however very minor) emerging. Depending on the level of Sharia creep in your country, men in England are "converting" to Islam and then getting a favourable divorce (keeping his kids and assets) by filing in one of the many Sharia courts in the country (don't you just love guys that think outside of the box?).
Better yet, save yourself all of this hassle by not marrying at all. Why enter an inherently biased and inequitable legal contract that is backed up by the threat of violence by the state? She has all of the cards. Buyer beware.
 
Oh jeez. Girls don't hold all the cards in marriage. Unless you're a housewife for 20 years and the rich guy goes out and bangs his secretary, there isn't much to take from a guy.

I agree that marriage isn't needed, but people have to find that out for themselves, and there certainly isn't anything wrong with someone who wants to get married and live happily ever after. For some people it works out, and for others it doesn't. We need to stop thinking like the 1900s and thinking that breaking a marriage is that horrible for some kind of morals. Divorce sucks and marriage can be great, but it's like any other contract: sometimes, things don't work out, and there is an exit clause with divorce.

It gets messy with kids, because people use their kids to get back at the other parent, mine included. My sister and I didn't turn out horrible from divorce, but my mom sure as hell wanted me to hate my dad too, and she succeeded in telling me lies for a while, but once I got older and figured it out, that hate turned on her. Kids are the hard part, and that's the only leverage a girl has when shit doesn't work out, and sometimes, she is stuck with the kids and the deadbeat doesn't pay his child support, so getting fucked over goes both ways.

I think once you've been there and done that, you figure out how unimportant it is and you get much more selective next time before you go down that road.
 
I've never been married, but my parents were unhappily married for years. For me as kid at the time, it was a huge relief when they finally pulled the pin
 
Girls don't hold all the cards in marriage.
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Sure not all, however the legal power differential is not near 50/50.

Texas legislators have changed a law that prevented victims of paternity fraud from challenging child support obligations. Think about that for a minute.

A man has little chance of keeping his kids, let alone getting equitable access to them. False abuse allegations of the children seem to only ever come from the woman (this fast tracks divorce proceedings and gives her more cash). There is no punishment for making such false allegations. Personally, I'm for making people serve the time that the person they made false allegations against would have served. Using the state to commit acts of violence against an innocent individual is tyrannical.

Unless you're a housewife for 20 years and the rich guy goes out and bangs his secretary, there isn't much to take from a guy.
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Spoken like a true self-entitled gold digger, if he's not making it rain it isn't worth it. If there are assets (and there always are, unless you married a junkie), she can use the law to get at them (and most do). There is now a new marriage law on the horizon where the assets are transferred at the point of marriage (no waiting for the divorce, saves time this way).
 
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