Deleting Me Off This and That

[mikumiku]

My Boyfriend and I, who have been on a break since March 9th through March 25th of next week, haven't talked at all. He's posted on and off his feelings online, and did text me once but I did not reply to it. Then I started seeing things to happen, he deleted me from Skype messenger, and then deleted the photos of me, and the photos of him and I on his Facebook page. It still says we are friends on Facebook as well as it saying we are in a relationship. But he's already deleted these things, what if he continues to jump the gun, and do more, when him and I aren't breaking up, and we are going to talk again and make things work, but yet he is doing this, what to do?

 

[pofacedhoe]

so you two are not communicating and now he is trying to wipe you from social media?

whats the problem? what do you want to achieve from this situation?

 

[Lysis]

Maybe he thought you were done when you ignored him.

For some people, it's easier to deal with a breakup when they delete everything that's a reminder. I do that too.

 

[mikumiku]

I am not ignoring him, I told him, that we were going to take this break and not to communicating with each other, and to just focus on our own lives, do whatever we want go hang with family, friends, get work done etc. So he knows what to expect. But he is the one jumping the gun here, doing all of this, I am not doing anything.


My friends are pointing out that if I contact him right now, before the 25th, that I will loose credibility with him, making me look like an idiot. I should be consistant in what I say. If I cave in and talk to him now, my Boyfriend won't take me seriously and he will loose respect for me.


So looks like I have to wait until the 25th to talk to him.

 

[Airmid]

I am not ignoring him, I told him, that we were going to take this break and not to communicating with each other, and to just focus on our own lives, do whatever we want go hang with family, friends, get work done etc. So he knows what to expect. But he is the one jumping the gun here, doing all of this, I am not doing anything.


My friends are pointing out that if I contact him right now, before the 25th, that I will loose credibility with him, making me look like an idiot. I should be consistant in what I say. If I cave in and talk to him now, my Boyfriend won't take me seriously and he will loose respect for me.


So looks like I have to wait until the 25th to talk to him.

It's not always wise to listen to your friends whom, I'm guessing are around the same age/experience as you. Sounds to me that this so called 'break' (note you haven't said what caused this) has proven to be ill thought out. He's a young guy, probably got all his mates egging him on to get 'laid' and you're sitting on your hands, biting your lip and becoming more and more anxious and if you're being honest hurt. I think confrontation at your earliest opportunity is imperative. Fuck 'credibility' and fuck pride. He's basically 'air brushing' you out of his life and not exactly subtlety. He could be deliberately trying to hurt you and goad you, fine, he has..now you need to know. What is going to be achieved by waiting five days?...Think you may well regret that if you care about him. "pride comes before a fall" and I can assure you it does. Sounds like he's either in pain over you or he's had it altogether. Ignore what other people say it's not their relationship or emotions on the line. Hope you act correctly and Good Luck

 

[mikumiku]

It's not always wise to listen to your friends whom, I'm guessing are around the same age/experience as you. Sounds to me that this so called 'break' (note you haven't said what caused this) has proven to be ill thought out. He's a young guy, probably got all his mates egging him on to get 'laid' and you're sitting on your hands, biting your lip and becoming more and more anxious and if you're being honest hurt. I think confrontation at your earliest opportunity is imperative. Fuck 'credibility' and fuck pride. He's basically 'air brushing' you out of his life and not exactly subtlety. He could be deliberately trying to hurt you and goad you, fine, he has..now you need to know. What is going to be achieved by waiting five days?...Think you may well regret that if you care about him. "pride comes before a fall" and I can assure you it does. Sounds like he's either in pain over you or he's had it altogether. Ignore what other people say it's not their relationship or emotions on the line. Hope you act correctly and Good Luck

Him and I are taking this break, because all we have done lately is fight, EVERY SINGLE DAY, each time it got worse and worse, and it got so bad, I almost fainted two different times due to all the stress of the fights. So thats why I indicated this break, so we could relax and focus on ourselves etc.

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

I am not ignoring him, I told him, that we were going to take this break and not to communicating with each other, and to just focus on our own lives, do whatever we want go hang with family, friends, get work done etc. So he knows what to expect. But he is the one jumping the gun here, doing all of this, I am not doing anything.


My friends are pointing out that if I contact him right now, before the 25th, that I will loose credibility with him, making me look like an idiot. I should be consistant in what I say. If I cave in and talk to him now, my Boyfriend won't take me seriously and he will loose respect for me.


So looks like I have to wait until the 25th to talk to him.

I don't think there's anything wrong in contacting him. You're still "on a break". On a break doesn't mean ignoring each other, right? If he did all this and it's bothering you and worrying you.. you should talk to him about it. Just be like, hey, I noticed that you deleted all of our pictures... is everything ok? Are you alright? We are still on break till the 25th... I just want to check in and see how you're doing.

If you think that by talking to him, you're going to lose "credibility" and "respect", well, then, you've got bigger problems. :/

 

[mikumiku]

I don't think there's anything wrong in contacting him. You're still "on a break". On a break doesn't mean ignoring each other, right? If he did all this and it's bothering you and worrying you.. you should talk to him about it. Just be like, hey, I noticed that you deleted all of our pictures... is everything ok? Are you alright? We are still on break till the 25th... I just want to check in and see how you're doing.

If you think that by talking to him, you're going to lose "credibility" and "respect", well, then, you've got bigger problems. :/

Well I contacted him last night and this is what happened....

At 10PM I called Brian, it went straight to voicemail, I then texted him and no reply so he blocked me. I then texted his mom and asked her to ask him to call me, no reply from her. So then I went on Skype, re-added him there and no response there. So then I tried Facebook, and messaged him there, and then also contacted his friend Jesse. The chat between Jesse and I went as follows;


Natalie: Hey tell Brian to call me right now please thanks


Jesse: Why?


Natalie: He blocked me and won't accept my calls. But I am talking to him right now on FB trying to get him to call me


Jesse: What do you want to talk to him about?


Natalie: I miss him and love him and just want to talk to my Boyfriend, is that so much to ask.


Jesse: Corn toss?


Natalie: huh


Jesse: Nevermind not going to help you out


Natalie: 0k


From there I left Jesse alone because he was being a real asshole. So then Brian and I chat on Facebook and this was our conversation;


Natalie: Can you call me, I tried calling you


Brian: You ok


Natalie: call me right now


Brian: No


Natalie: why not. I want to talk to you is that really hard to accept


Brian: Sorry


Natalie: Brian please talk to me I wanna hear your voice, I miss you, please talk to me


Brian: What's going on?


Natalie: Call me so we can talk please


Natalie : Brian missed a call from you.Call Again


Natalie: Brian please talk to me. I love you and miss you and want to talk to you, please talk to me. Brian don't you love me and care for me anymore? I am not going to be upset at you, I just want to talk to you, and talk about us, and our future together. Please call me.


Natalie: Can you please answer me.


Brian: Text


Natalie: Where? Here or phone


Brian: Here


Natalie: Do you still want to be with me?


Natalie: Brian missed a call from you.Call Again


Brian: What about our future


Natalie: Are we still together?


Brian: You tell me


Natalie: Your the one deleting me, removing photos, and blocking me, so to me, it says you have moved on, just not removed me from Facebook


Natalie: I wanted us to take this break, because my health was at risk Brian, our fights got so bad, I almost fainted twice, and felt really sick. Thats why I went to the doctors and needed some time to myself. I needed to relax and relive the stress and see if I can feel better if we didn't talk or fight.


Natalie: I wanted to talk to you tonight, early and see how you were doing and tell you I missed you and hear your voice, and see if we can get together and really talk things over
Thats why I need to know what is going on with you, do you want to be with me or have you moved on or do you want to move on, please give me an answer, what do you want to happen


Brian: Protect your health


Natalie: Ok. Well what about us, what do you want to happen?


Brian: It's up to you


Natalie: I want us to be together: Can we please talk on the phone


Natalie: I love you


From that point, he hasn't talked to me since, so not sure what to do or think really. But what do you think?

 

[My3sons]

I think it sounds like this break was your idea and you ignored him when he reached out to you. Why should he talk to you when you want to talk to him? Is that fair? Its ok that you ignore him but then demand he talk to you? Sorry but i think the whole "my health is at risk" is completely ridiculous and way too dramatic for my taste. no offense but I would be done with you too. If my boyfriend ever told me "i need a break for my health. I am almost passing out when we communicate." I would laugh in his face and think he was an enormous vagina. Its childish and if you really can't communicate with out passing out, time to move on and work on yourself. Don't play games though and try to cast him out and reel him in at your whim. Not fair

 

[Airmid]

TBH I'd say it's over. When taking 'a break' there are never any hard and fast rules so no one has really done anything 'wrong'. When you saw your Dr did you discuss symptoms etc? were you for instance getting panic attacks during the conflict and arguments etc. I agree with My3sons in many aspects and it dosen't sound as if you are ready for a relationship at this given time. At the end of the day things didn't work out it's just that you've found that out now rather than waiting another 4 days. All couples argue and have disagreements but it sounds like this was too extreme for both of you and just was not meant to be. Try not to focus on regrets and 'if things had been different' they are what they are. You now have unlimited time to look at yourself and your life without some kind of time bell tolling. He's probably hurting as well and the arguments were probably doing his head in as well. People cannot just be picked up and dropped at our own whims. On a personal level and possibly something to do with my age I think social media is crap and without looking someone in the eye and learning to read body language it's a fuck up. LOL you'll be fine but do try and learn from this experience please and one day, there's no rush things will fall in to place and hopefully you'll be happy, nothing is ever perfect, we just have to make the best of things and use the tools we've learnt to guide us

 

[mikumiku]

TBH I'd say it's over. When taking 'a break' there are never any hard and fast rules so no one has really done anything 'wrong'. When you saw your Dr did you discuss symptoms etc? were you for instance getting panic attacks during the conflict and arguments etc. I agree with My3sons in many aspects and it dosen't sound as if you are ready for a relationship at this given time. At the end of the day things didn't work out it's just that you've found that out now rather than waiting another 4 days. All couples argue and have disagreements but it sounds like this was too extreme for both of you and just was not meant to be. Try not to focus on regrets and 'if things had been different' they are what they are. You now have unlimited time to look at yourself and your life without some kind of time bell tolling. He's probably hurting as well and the arguments were probably doing his head in as well. People cannot just be picked up and dropped at our own whims. On a personal level and possibly something to do with my age I think social media is crap and without looking someone in the eye and learning to read body language it's a fuck up. LOL you'll be fine but do try and learn from this experience please and one day, there's no rush things will fall in to place and hopefully you'll be happy, nothing is ever perfect, we just have to make the best of things and use the tools we've learnt to guide us

Well him and I did talk last night and he did unblock me from the phone, so maybe he will talk to me again. We are still together, we never broke up, just took some time for ourselves. I am hoping things will work out for us.

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

Hm, based on that conversation, he doesn't seem interested in continuing the relationship with you. I don't know. If you guys were fighting so often, you fainted twice, have some medical issues, I don't know... is it meant to be? Maybe you guys just aren't compatible. Relationships shouldn't be THAT hard.

I would just write him a long message, just explaining everything, start to finish. I mean, I personally think he's being a dick. If my bf talked to me like that, I'd be like, DONE, I'm not chasing you. You don't want to make an effort to be with me or even talk to me, BYE. He sounds really immature. His feelings are probably hurt, but he doesn't need to act like a dick, especially to you.

 

[Mysterie]

i think he felt hurt by you wanting to take a break. now he is getting back at you, and this is his way of hurting you (deleting photos, deleting your skype etc.)

based of your conversation you posted, it comes of as very needy and insecure to me, he might come around in time, but for now i would just let it rest. it doesn't sound like the relationship was going well if you were constantly fighting.

 

[spacejunk]

To me this whole situation reads in a way that
a) doesn't look promising, in terms of your relationship
and
b) makes me think you would probably be happier without him in your life.

For the sake of your own happiness and wellness, i think you would be better off not trying so desperately to get the sort of response from him you're looking for.

 

[mikumiku]

But I need to know if him and I are alright, and I want to be sure he's alright but yet he keeps refusing to talk to me. Here's an update on our chat

From that point, I called him yesturday and he unblocked me from the phone but wouldn't accept my calls or video calls, so I made a 2 minute video, crying and asking to talk to him and how sorry I was etc. He didn't talk to me until hours later through Facebook by telling me "We've been together for more than a year and nothing has changed I do love you vary much.".


I replied by saying "I love you" and then asked him "When can we talk on the phone again?" No reply. And he won't re-add me on Skype messenger either.

I tried calling him on the phone but he still has me on blocked. Our chat continued on Facebook briefly though,


Natalie: Can you please talk to me like the way we use to talk, I am calling this break off. I want to talk to you like before, I really miss and love you so much and want us to talk to each other again. Please.


Brian: I think I got food poisoning


Natalie: I am sorry, I still want us to talk


Natalie: Brian please, what do I have to do to get you to talk to me, I will do anything


Natalie: I know I hurt you by doing this break, I am sorry and feel hurt and pain too. I want to make things better and want things to go back to the way they were or for us to just have a fresj start. I just want to talk to you again. Please give me another chance and forgive me. I love you so much and care for you as well. I want us to be happy please let me back into your life.


Natalie: You don't have to be afraid of me. I am better now, I am going to start going to see a new therapist real soon, as well as going to group therarpy and get anger management, take meditation or yoga classes, exercise, really make myself a better person and treat you better. I am a whole new person and love and care for you so much and want you to let me talk to you again.


Natalie Perez: Everything that you want and need is what matters to me. We will do whatever you want from here on out. You don't have to worry about me and my wants and needs. I want to focus on you and want whats best for you and what makes you happy. What do you say?


Brian: After you go to your therapist


Natalie: Why?


Natalie: Can't I talk to you for 5 minutes? I want to make sure your ok and we are ok, please.


Natalie: Brian, your really hurting me more by not wanting to talk to me. Please let me be happy and talk to you. I really need this right now. Its all I want, please I love you and care for you, I am begging you. Please.


Natalie: I can't go to therapy without getting to talk to you first. Not talking to you is killing me inside and hurting me so much. Please let me talk to you.


He has not replied. I am really stressing out here and I hate that he is treating me like this. I want us to talk again and yet he won't do that.

 

[Mysterie]

i don't think it is healthy for your wellbeing to be so dependent on a relationship with 1 other person, just focus on looking after yourself, the more you smother him now, the less interested he will be.

thats my interpretation. he is playing games, don't engage.

 

[mikumiku]

But if I don't talk to him and leave him alone, he may think I am not interested.

 

[Lysis]

It's not a good sign when the friend won't even pass a message like "hey dude your gf called." Seems that he wants to be left alone. Maybe he'll talk to you in the future, but right now you should just leave him alone. You tried. He didn't respond positively, so you have to accept that he probably doesn't want to talk to you.

 

[mikumiku]

Yeah I guess so.

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

Yeah, sorry girl but you can't force him to talk to you. You reached out, he doesn't want to engage, and has made that extremely clear... multiple times....I think you should back off, respect his wishes, and focus on yourself.