Photo i took a few weeks ago.
The light is there! just keep heading towards it!
Been struggling a lot lately with making friends. I have my girlfriend which i met in recovery, however i haven't really met anyone else i see myself being good friends with and it really sucks. It's also difficult in that my girlfriend went to santa cruz for school, i see her every weekend at the very least, but its made me realize how little friends i have besides her. I suppose it's actually a good thing right now, because if she was still at arms length 24/7 and i don't make any new friends it could become codependent really quickly.
I have a really hard time putting myself out there and meeting people. I can talk real shit with people, things that matter in my life or the world that i know about - but i can't do small talk.. at all. I can't have simple mundane conversations with people 98% of the time. I don't know why... I just have nothing to say. Nothing comes to mind. This is by far the most difficult thing i have been struggling with, more difficult than not using itself. In my addiction it didn't matter - The people i was surrounded with, we always had common ground in drugs. Using, selling, whatever. Because of this and the fact that i did nothing that wasn't drug related from when i was 16 till 22 and video game addiction for years before that, i missed out developing key social skills i think. It really sucks. And if you can't have simple mundane small talk conversations with people just joking around shootin the shit, then you can't make friends. 98% of the time when i meet someone at a meeting or whatever i never get more then a minute or two past introducing ourselves before I'm not really saying much and they say something like "well good meeting you" and walk away.
I went to a new meeting tonight, haven't been to a meeting in a month or two cause i was getting discouraged, but i know that won't help either so i went to one tonight finally and met with my sponsor for the first time in a while earlier this week. started step 8 and whatnot so I'm back to working a program and i've been staying sober, but i really need to figure out social skills and make some friends cause I'm pretty badly depressed about this right now.
deleted everyones phone numbers when i got sober, and starting over from scratch is fucking hard when you have no social skills.