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December '14 -- SL Getting & Staying Sober Thread

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Smoky said:
Music can be a high in itself.. It really is important to unlearn old behaviors, so there is room to grow and live our feelings without need to use substances. Yes, alcohol might be better than dope, but if you're questioning it now, I would say don't use anything… and see how you feel before making a decision. You might be pleasantly surprised. Also, have an exit available. If you are really uncomfortable… and get triggered give yourself the option to leave ahead of time.
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I´m not quite sure I can be high on anything without opiates. I did learn new behaviors but that was due to my necessity to adapt to my work and to my family etc.
Felt very forced to do so..
 
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I understand. I will never be able to equate a natural endorphin high with opiate high. I still don't get much of a high like I used to at concerts, or activities but I do get to feel the music, and the Joy is somewhat back in my life. Other times, not so… but it's a process indeed, for me.

You say you felt forced. I'm sorry about that, by family .. society? Necessity. I forced myself to quit. I just had to… I was about to lose everything again …
 
Pantsman is still running in the long haul. 10 months on the 14th. No benzos, no H.

These mushrooms are looking entirely too appealing though. Someone please offer some words of wisdom.

Good job to everyone BTW!
 
great job on 10 months! I can't wait to be able to say that.

Mushrooms... the problem is, it's a drug. It's reminding your brain of that whole "want to feel good? take this chemical!" thing that you worked so hard to get over. And our brains latch onto it again so easily, you know? Shrooms aren't physically addicting, but why do you want to remind your brain of the addictive loop it was stuck in for so long? Shrooms a few times, and then it's "I forgot how nice it is to take something and feel instantly better, I bet some H or xanax would feel even better", and boom, you're in active addiction again. So I'd leave the shrooms be, personally, unless you really know yourself and know you can treat them differently and respectfully and not let them take you down a bad road.
 
^ truth
For me anything to take me out of myself that is mind altering I must very very cautious… so cautious I probably shouldn't consume if I am questioning it to begin with. Maybe I could do some other drugs and be okay, but I'm terrified of going back to Heroin, any opiates, so probably will just abstain.
 
24 more down good people<3

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Heyy everyone!! Well I've still been using... haven't managed to make it past a day or two yet :/ But I'm hanging in there, and still trying... I'm not gonna give up!! The problem for me has been money, I guess... it's a huge trigger for me, probably my biggest one, and lately I've had it to spare. However, the guys I was working for up north have now decided they aren't going to pay me the rest of what they owe me (unless I send them nude pics, of course)... so needless to say, I'm never gonna see a cent of that money. The situation is really upsetting, yeah, and I feel pretty fucking livid about it and powerless and backed into a corner somewhat... but at the same time, it's difficult not to recognize that it's also a definite blessing in disguise. Cuz this means that I'm now out of money completely, which means that after I finish what I have I won't be able to get more. Not unless I wanna hustle, and I don't... that's not me anymore, it's not worth the stress and hassle running around trying to gather up enough cash by doing shady shit like panhandling or stealing or whatever else. That was me a little over a year ago, and it's nothing I'm proud of. I would genuinely rather be sick before going back to that, and I've done exactly that, many times, until money came around legitimately... so that's not even a concern for me anymore, I already know from experience I won't get desperate. It's funny how it took becoming a heroin addict to learn about acceptance and letting go and forgiving myself/others... seems like an oxymoron, lol, but I guess being a heroin addict has been a blessing in disguise in it's own strange way too ;p

Anyway, even though I've been using, I just wanted to check in and say hi :) Of course my plan is to try again once I finish the little bit I have left. I figure I'll wait to do it until around 11 or so tomorrow morning... that way I won't be too sick yet by the time evening rolls around and I'll still be able to fall asleep and stay that way throughout the night (my symptoms don't start getting noticeably bad until 20 or so hours in)... then I'll just try to sleep in for as long as I can, and by the time I wake up, if all goes well, hopefully I'll only have to wait a couple of hours before it's time for me to take a Suboxone. Seems like a pretty solid plan to me!! If all goes well I'll be able to say I'm over the worst of the withdrawals by this time next week. I'm pretty excited about getting clean, but I know once the withdrawals hit I might feel differently lol. I definitely have the desire to do this though, and I won't rest until I conquer this shit for good!!

By the way, BlueSaffron, it's great to see you doing so well!! I've always rooted for you and admired your strength :) All of you guys on here are awesome people... you motivate the hell out of me <3 <3 <3
 
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17 days today :) It's amazing, I never thought I would get here. 2mg sub today, FINALLY kept myself from taking that 3rd mg. My friend said to stop taking it in staggered doses - whatever I'm going to take that day, take it all at once, at the same time everyday, so that's what I'm trying to do.

Up and down mentally, as always. It's really hard to not feel like myself. The physical part is nothing cos of the subs, but the mental, especially the anhedonia... it's really annoying just sitting there not able to think of ONE thing to do that would bring you any type of pleasure or happiness. And that's how I feel sometimes. Thankfully, not all the time, though. Sometimes I"m like "yeah, i feel so good, this is going great, I'm winning the battle"... and the very next day I'm like "its never going to work. I cant do this. I'm miserable". 12 hours later I"m ok again. I guess that's getting clean.


Hey xburtonchic! Nice to see you here, and thanks :) whats your sub taper plan like? I had a plan but i deviated a bit... going to stay on 2mg a couple days and then go to 1 for a couple, then try skipping days, going to .5, ect.
 
44 days off suboxone

Still bad insomnia, suicidal thoughts.

The thoughts are really bad today, very vivid and it makes me realize how sick minded I really am. I wish there was a way to just be normal again. I think I will struggle with suicidal thoughts for my whole life.
 
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Having a really though time.
Yesterday i got diagnosed with a new depressive episode, despite being sober for such a long time (i used alcohol 2 times in 4 months) and being on 2 antidepressants.
Its such a letdown, i am giving it my all, doing all i can do, but still the depression comes back.
We upped the mirtazapine to 45 mg and i wil get a second opinion, perhaps its seasonal depression, or bi-polar..getting so freaking tired of it, when does it stop.....
 
BlueSaffron said:
great job on 10 months! I can't wait to be able to say that.

Mushrooms... the problem is, it's a drug. It's reminding your brain of that whole "want to feel good? take this chemical!" thing that you worked so hard to get over. And our brains latch onto it again so easily, you know? Shrooms aren't physically addicting, but why do you want to remind your brain of the addictive loop it was stuck in for so long? Shrooms a few times, and then it's "I forgot how nice it is to take something and feel instantly better, I bet some H or xanax would feel even better", and boom, you're in active addiction again. So I'd leave the shrooms be, personally, unless you really know yourself and know you can treat them differently and respectfully and not let them take you down a bad road.
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I was told several times that any medication or whatever you take that makes your synapses of rewarding get started, you are basically relapsing and soon to be on opiates again.
 
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njirem said:
Having a really though time.
Yesterday i got diagnosed with a new depressive episode, despite being sober for such a long time (i used alcohol 2 times in 4 months) and being on 2 antidepressants.
Its such a letdown, i am giving it my all, doing all i can do, but still the depression comes back.
We upped the mirtazapine to 45 mg and i wil get a second opinion, perhaps its seasonal depression, or bi-polar..getting so freaking tired of it, when does it stop.....
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The thing about trying to get a name for what is happening is that all drug users may be bipolar and depressed, suicidal. We are easily labeled due to our neuro imbalance.
 
I'm sorry Njirem,
Good thing is using alcohol 2 times is a lapse.. It didn't return you to full blown using again. I've never done that. Every time I picked up in the past, within 3 days I had fully relapsed… back to using morning afternoon and evening.

Basically it didn't take control over your life…. you just had alcohol 2 times, and are not back in the full cycle.. which is amazing to someone like me. Hang in there.
:)
 
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