December '14 -- SL Getting & Staying Sober Thread

[CfZrx]

I am not very ill anymore, but today I chose to not get high (so far) even though i broke down and contacted the connect after a bad night last night. Woke up and decided why throw away all this hard work? you done anything like this CaptainH?

 

[Captain.Heroin]

41 days off suboxone today

And I am HAPPY because I haven't had suicidal thoughts today! First day I can say that in over 40 days

I am not very ill anymore, but today I chose to not get high (so far) even though i broke down and contacted the connect after a bad night last night. Woke up and decided why throw away all this hard work? you done anything like this CaptainH?

I had 7 months under my belt and still chose to get back on suboxone; I am thankful to have met someone who has helped me get back on my feet.

I am really proud of you man for deciding that it wasn't worth throwing away all the hard work

If I could go back in time and not have relapsed, I would be close to a year off suboxone (my last quit day was dec 19, 2013)

You have no idea how badly I wish I was approachin my 1 year instead of 1 and a half months

Well done guys. I've noticed you around bluelight a lot Captain.Heroin (I'm a longtime lurker). I hope you can get where you want to be in life, you've helped a lot of people I'm sure. Keep up the good work man.
I've been off poppy tea since the 17/11/14, and off oxy since 29/11/14. On suboxone 4mg everyday now (since 1st dec), it's only been a week but I can already tell this drug's gonna cause problems when I try to stop. Atleast I'm off full agonists, and have been since my last oxy on the 29th. Longest I've gone without full agonists since I started using them regularly so that's a positive I guess, kind of embarrassing though.

Congrats on having over a week off full agonists man! Don't feel embarrassed. You should feel proud.

Only 3 mg sub for the 2nd day, & im feeling it tonight- sniffly, hard to enjoy anything, and i probly wont sleep much tonight. I wanted 2 more mg so bad a few hours ago, but you know what? FUCK THAT. Didnt touch it. Its 11pm now & would be stupid to take it this late. Going to try to get by on 2mg tomorrow. I want off it, I'm serious. I want off all drugs. I want to feel again.

And while im on the subject, fuck "PAWS". Paws are what my godpuppy has-four of them. I expect to be back to normal by January.

im going to have some hot chocolate with a metric ton of marshmallows and go to bed on my 3 mg. goodnight all.

I am proud of you Blue!!! You have really inspired me and I hope that all goes well for you today.

24 more down good people

NSFW:

I never was into porn that much, but in the last two years i became a regular consumer. Regular consumption of this shit clearly can have negative consequences. I have found that it really is like a drug in that tolerance is clearly involved. The change in parameters needed for stimulation end up affecting aspects of normal sexual relations. I dont think I have a porn addiction going on yet, but if I continue to view this shit it might not be that far away. So im done with that shit for good.

Quitting the tobacco on or before the 1st. unitentionally went almost 24 hours yesterday and was feeling pretty batshit crazy. Yeah its going to suck. But it needs to happen and its never going to be a good time or get any easier.

I have to say that is has been fucking great not withdrawing from anything in years. Just need to knock this one last drug outa my universe and with a little luck and planning i will never face another substance withdrawal on this blue ball.

Hope everyones doing great.

You sound really serious and congrats on going almost 24 hours, that is impressive - most people do get moody in that timeframe without it.

Have you considered Chantix? I have heard great things about it

 

[CfZrx]

Thanks a million man! It's the kind of day I just needed some support I have to learn how to not give in to caveman brain,lol. Thanks for reminding me ...gonna pop a weed pill and edit my podcast instead of schleppin around tryin to get dope!

 

[maxade]

I really wanna see Smashing pumpkins live but hard going sober
My favourite band.
I don't see how it will be a slip up because it'll be something like Alcohol and I rarely drank when using.

 

[neversickanymore]

Music is actually much better sober. I know your going to call me crazy, but I even stopped getting all fucked at shows years before I cleaned up.

Your first show sober may be hard. But after that it gets much easier. What ended up making it very easy for me was that in staying sober i got to see what everyone else really experienced all show. It was clear that I was having a much better time. The same thing happened when i bounced in a bar for awhile. I had to stay sober as this bar got pretty wild and I needed to talk with the cops when something went down. I got to see how pathedic and wretched getting tanked in a bar actually is. Never frequented bars from that point on.

I would try a few shows sober, you might be surprised.

If you end up driving a bunch of drunks around all the time, get them to start buying your tickets. If they compaine inform them they are getting a steal of a deal. Nothing like listening to 5 wasted ass people tell you how to drive when you dead sober leaving the show. The world just comes at them to quickly and their crippled brains can't process it fast enough, but their mouths seem to be set on some sorta very loud garbage auto pilot.

I was driving five friends home from a show that was two hours away and I shit you not they literally were all having private conversations with themselves, but everyone thought everyone was conversing with each other. I bring over the ear headphones now.

If I deal with that shit these days and we are staying at a hotel.. I bring the pain in the morning. Yep if drunken clowns give me hell at night.. I make sure to wake nice and early. Open all the blinds, crank the tunes.. any bitching or temper tantrums from hungover toddlers and the pain intensifies.

Really I would give it a shot sober. I think you may like it.. the music sound better too

 

[maxade]

True. I barely remember shows when i've been on something.

 

[w01fg4ng]

Yeah try going to the show sober. Music is a natural high, and yes you might be tempted to go over board with drinking and/or drugs but that is a challenge you are facing day to day am I wrong?

I think your question is a pretty classic example of how people have to re-learn how to live or even enjoy life sober. It's a standard issue that all of us go through with addiction I believe.

This year I have learned that it goes well beyond the scope of sobriety for me. It extends to life itself for me. I love music, and I always have enjoyed listening and even making music but there is another activity in life I enjoy that threatens my life itself. This activity is mountain climbing. Even with many years experience, I see myself making the same classic mistakes that every serious mountain climber makes...and it's a risk to my life.

Mountain sickness came very close to taking my life this summer. I remember lying in my own pool of vomit thinking, "I don't know if I like this anymore". I remember feeling ashamed that I can't do the one thing in life that I always enjoyed doing sober...I couldn't even do it right. I was a failure. I wanted to give up...on everything. I didn't though. I am recovering.

I am in recovery. I am in recovery from life itself. It's not just the drugs that will kill me I have to remind myself. It really is life and it really is natural to die, so why not enjoy this little bit of time left doing something I actually enjoy...like music, or mountain climbing.

 

[Vaya]

This is true! I've been into the electronic dance music culture for years and years and have never been to a show under the influence... I found very quickly that, although I used to enjoy getting high on all types of substances immensely, I never needed it (nor appreciated it) in the presence of live music and the people

 

[Smoky]

Music can be a high in itself.. It really is important to unlearn old behaviors, so there is room to grow and live our feelings without need to use substances. Yes, alcohol might be better than dope, but if you're questioning it now, I would say don't use anything… and see how you feel before making a decision. You might be pleasantly surprised. Also, have an exit available. If you are really uncomfortable… and get triggered give yourself the option to leave ahead of time.

 

[neversickanymore]

Also, have an exit available. If you are really uncomfortable… and get triggered give yourself the option to leave ahead of time.

Very good advice here. I would even have one planned the first couple time you hit shows. Hard to come up with a plan if the crave sets in so its much better to have one set to go.

 

[maxade]

Yeah i'll be put to the test before it.

 

[Erikmen]

Why would you get high if your are not as bad as you would have wished?
Can´t you hold for another 24 hours?
You can do it!

 

[Erikmen]

41 days off suboxone today

And I am HAPPY because I haven't had suicidal thoughts today! First day I can say that in over 40 days

I had 7 months under my belt and still chose to get back on suboxone; I am thankful to have met someone who has helped me get back on my feet.

I am really proud of you man for deciding that it wasn't worth throwing away all the hard work

If I could go back in time and not have relapsed, I would be close to a year off suboxone (my last quit day was dec 19, 2013)

You have no idea how badly I wish I was approachin my 1 year instead of 1 and a half months

Congrats on having over a week off full agonists man! Don't feel embarrassed. You should feel proud.

I am proud of you Blue!!! You have really inspired me and I hope that all goes well for you today.

You sound really serious and congrats on going almost 24 hours, that is impressive - most people do get moody in that timeframe without it.

Have you considered Chantix? I have heard great things about it

So you are feeling better, isn´t that great? It "only" took 41 days for you not to think about suicide.

As I have always said, you need your own time and at the meantime focus on being patient.

I´m not even closer to being a good adviser, but I never give up.

Good that you have someone. That´s a guarantee things will get better specially if you are doing the right thing.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

So you are feeling better, isn´t that great? It "only" took 41 days for you not to think about suicide.

As I have always said, you need your own time and at the meantime focus on being patient.

I´m not even closer to being a good adviser, but I never give up.

Good that you have someone. That´s a guarantee things will get better specially if you are doing the right thing.

I can't go a whole day without suicidal thoughts. I am ready to give up.

 

[maxade]

Why would you get high if your are not as bad as you would have wished?
Can´t you hold for another 24 hours?
You can do it!

what you mean?

 

[silas GUY]

come on captain listen to your inner doctor ! if you truly want to give up then you most likly need transitioning meds ! Gabapentin or something to help the depression and suicidal tendencies !

 

[Anthony718]

I've been addicted to oxycodone for three years now. I want to be free. I'm 24 I'm in a construction union and my life is spiraling downward. I've never hated myself so much. I hate these pills I can't stop thinking about them. I promised myself today will be my first day clean. I need to finally do this. I just need someone to talk to while I do this I guess.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

come on captain listen to your inner doctor ! if you truly want to give up then you most likly need transitioning meds ! Gabapentin or something to help the depression and suicidal tendencies !

I don't think anything will help.

 

[BlueSaffron]

Thats the depression talking CH. It's insidious, it makes you not want to fight it. Even if you dont think it will work-what do you have to lose by trying? If it doesn't work it doesn't work, you can try something else it helped a friend of mine a LOT, and he didn't have to stay on long, just enough to stabilize.

Besides, you have someone special in your life who cares for you. Thats always a reason to fight another day.

 

[phactor]

7 months for me today! Grateful to know I cannot do it alone. I also rarely want to use anymore.