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Dark times! Kicking Suboxone cold turkey

Justinmoore78

Justinmoore78

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Joined
Aug 15, 2016
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164
In highschool I was a pothead (hated pill users) somehow started doing the old school ocs and after they changed I switched to the Roxy 30. Not much after I was doing about 8-15 a day off the street so you can understand why I switched to heroin. I was close to the biggest h city in America so finding it was never a issue. 8 years I maybe gone 1 day without using. I decided to quit, moved to my parents far far away from everyone (no friends, quit job) and started a methadone treatment. For 1 year exactly I was taking 120mg every day and I was doing whatever I could to get the money. So now I'm broke , got kicked out of the clinic and I found 20 8mg Suboxone strips I got for a steal. I took the first one on day 2 , got really bad shivers (crawlers) but it was fine after that. Now I took my last piece 4 days ago and I feel absolutely horrible! I can't eat, drink, can't sit still, I'm having severe suicidal thoughts, my eyes hurt from not sleeping for 3 days now I just dont know what to do. Today I sat in my room with a gun in my hand crying (not like me) what do I do? I read hundreds of people's story's of inspiration and schedule with all this fancy stuff and I'm not doing it that way. I'm literally going out of my mind. Any suggestions? I can't talk to my family because they dont understand it. My father past away a few months ago so the last thing my mother (who doesn't even take Tylenol) understands. What do I do? If it's this bad already what's tomorrow bring? Am I withdrawing from methadone or Suboxone?
 
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Sorry I'm new to this I just want to also say if your a rookie in the game of opiates, quit now! Please! I had a great life before opiates and have lost everything! That road will go down quick! Learn from someone else's mistakes if you can.
 
shit man you went through a very fast taper of course you are gunna get hit hard, unfortunately the acute phase should be done in about 2 weeks or so, then you will have to deal with PAWS for many many months.

Im not trying to come off as an asshole and scare you but I'm trying to be realistic here and help best I can. Is there any chance you can get into a suboxone maintanance program? Is that an option for you? you are in for a rough time with the PAWS and ORT programs have the best success rates over abstinence.

do you really really want to be clean? If so then continue pushing through, get some comfort meds like pot, xanax, maybe even meth if ur into that, gabapentin, take hot showers. If you are not fully dedicated to this than I would go back to using.... anything is better than being miserable, staying clean is NOT a reason to be miserable in life...
 
Everytime I try and type my messages disappear lol hopefully I don't have like 6 of the same message. I moved to Tn from NJ close to Camden so in the hills now I know not a single person. I did have like a joint 40 Xanax and a few crystals that I brought with me when I came here but of course the person I am did all that within days so I'm outta options lol. I didn't know it was gonna be this bad, I thought I could wing myself down with the 20 Suboxone and id be ok. I never really went without it the whole time in years . I wanna say I moved because I wanted to quit and because I was heading to put prison, homeless or worse so I don't want to work to pay for something like Suboxone isnt a option right now trust me I'd do just about anything to be rite again ! I know I'm in for a ride I just hope it doesn't kill me . Thanks for responding
 
Day 6 and I kinda cheated? I don't know how but so luckily stumbled upon 2 bunavial yesterday from the girl who works at the corner gas station I guess she could clearly see me struggling lol. So yea I was so sick I took 1 whole piece! Bad idea! I was throwing up all night! The withdrawal went away like the cold sweats , body crawling, anxiety, head cold symptoms but maybe from not eating sleeping or drinking much in 4 days I drank a big cup of soda and after got really sick, couldn't keep even water down although i kept drinking it and throwing it up. I was so dehydrated. Now it's morning , finally slept only woke up once and I'm still a little wheezy but much much better. I'm going to try and cut my last bunavial in 4-5 pieces and take only when I severely need it. Hopefully it helps. Cheers!
 
Look man, in the first instance you've given yourself precipitated wds. I'm not sure what Bunavial is, but guess it's some form of bupe.

Now, if you're still suicidal you need to go to the nearest ED.

Sitting in your room with a gun in your hand is not normal, nor what any of us want to hear'

I'm sorry to hear of your fathers passing,& that mum doesn't really understand,- but you need help, whether it's a new ORT program or something else under the care of drs, please, you need to go to the nearest hospital ASAP!

I hope you hear my words, it's about caring for YOU!

I'm glad you reached out more than once, that shows us you want help & you want an answer,- so please go now for help!

Rtp ❤️
 
Thank you for your kind words honestly. Unfortunately for me the state of Tennessee it's a little harder unless I go to a phyc ward I think they admit you for 48 hours in er give you very low dose of anxiety medication and release you. Specially somone without insurance. They don't care if you live or die they just look at you like a addict and send you away. I will be ok I have had and still have very bad depression already I'm not sure but I think if I was going to do it I would of that day. I still think of the people I do have in my life and I feel better. It's total hell. Addiction is a disease and will kill you either way so if it gets worse I will try and seek medical help IF they will give it to me. Thank you again you have a good heart.
 
Bunavial is a new kind of Suboxone apparently made so you can't shoot it (which I never shot Suboxone) I think it's really new like last year.
 
Yeah, I have a good heart & know they addiction is a disease but I also know I got better!

I actually just called a Tennessee clinic right now. They were arse holes, I could tell by the way the snarly receptionist said' the dr will prescribe what he feels necessary'.

So keep that on your back. A girl from australia called Tennessee to help you!

I can't promise much else but I will promise to be there for you!!

Rtp
 
Wow! That actually blows my mind! It just goes to show there's good people still in this world ! Thank you, you rock! Stay in here you have opportunity to save some lives?


And yes, the clinic's here are total ass's it's like they literally only care about your money than your life witch to me is pretty freaking sad because no matter who you are, every life matters to somebody even if that person doesn't know it.

Thanks again your awesome! ????
 
Thankyou!

I will go to the end to save ones life, sometimes there's very little we can do,- sometimes a lot!

After speaking to fancy nancy, us BLs can do so much More for you to help you get on the right road & the correct meds!

Rtp
 
Yea its pretty awesome to have people like you guys around that is no lie. Just sucks I was at the clinic I was getting better but they put you on such a high dosage it's so hard to get off them they had me on 120mg of methadone and if you miss 1 payment they take you down every day for 4 days and your totally out! It's a very large drop so now I'm trying to cold turkey it again. I'm ok right now I took a bunavial yesterday and have 1 more I'm sure I'm delaying the process but the physical and emotional stress just at day 4-5 was unbearable I can't imagine day 7-8- and so on. I'm sure theres worse pain out there but done and seen some crazy things in life and this haunts me more than anything!
 
You've gotta maintain that mental attitude,- that there's ppl worse off,- familes sleeping on cars.

Ppl who can't walk due to pain,

Ppl like me who can't use their dominant (right), hand as I was knocked down in a hit & run. Now my hand burns as though it's on fire, cannot do anything about it!

Rtp
 
If I go back to NJ I could get my old job back and try but I lived so close to Camden it's the number 1 murder/drug city in America I'm afraid I'll go back to the dark side and do h that's the only reason I moved here. I can't get a job withdrawing hers I thought it was gonna be so much easier and it's not. It's hard in my situation I can't even say half the stuff I did to stay (not sick) I'm pretty much on my own for now I'm that matter. I do have a lawsuit in progress from a prior motorcycle crash that I should win any day it's been almost a year and although it was her fault I don't say 100% unless it's in my hand. Until then Its hard to find work out here when your sick hard to ask your mom for money when her 34 year old son has to already move back home with his head in his ass. I dunno I guess I gotta think more positive. I've always been very strong not too many things scare me but the unknown that's what gets me the fear of not knowing what's about to hit me. The emotions that come out when your withdrawing of all the demons and people you hurt in your life of selfishness is hard to take. But it comes and goes so ill deal with it best I can.
 
My mom is the type of person that thinks God will fix anything and my dad actually died of mercy due to the addiction to pain meds so she doesn't have any tolerance for it and simply doesn't understand. I love her but it's hard to ask for help to me her letting me come home is already alot.
 
Hey Justin, I can relate to nearly everything you just wrote about how you're feeling now. Sadly, I can't think of anything to suggest though because I don'the even know what to do for myself.

I crashed BAD yesterday (not by using) but by not answering calls or texts, ignoring the world, and staring at the walls thinking not so good thoughts.

And I can't take any ssri's...in the past I've had atrocious side effects from nearly all. Recently I was even prescribed Cymbalta which is known to create little side effects for most. Wasn't the case for me.

And God, yes it's so hard to see due to lack of sleep. I even googled if lack of sleep can kill me. Yet in the past I never googled "Can I mix a few drinks with oxycodone and xanax"....and sometimes with methadone too? I creates some deadly concoctions, that's for sure.

Methadone (I wrote more about it on my other thread back to you) seems to be neverending due to the half life. And like I said my sister was taking 180mgs a month for the last 10 years and oxycodone and she failed the one and only test she got within those 10 years....don't know how her PCP got away within never giving her one....Anyway he gave her 30 10'a, wrote on her discharge "opiod contract terminated" and sent her on her way. My concern is she's always had suicidal tendencies but I don't know how I'm going to help her when I can't help me.

Anyway, if I hear of or find something that helps me personally, I'll definitely let you know. I know everyone says exercising but when you're in such a deep depression you just don't even want to move let alone exercise. Yet I'm quite sure it works for some. Keep in touch.
Much love <3
 
How ya holding up? Just remember you have folks rooting for ya. Fkin disgusting that they can withhold methadone or subs. Here in Canada everyone has the clinic paid by our healthcare card and with no drug insurance it's $5 a dose. If you don't have $5 welfare will pay it. I don't have to go to the clinic much anymore just to do a urine once a week and I keep a few $5 bills incase I see someone there sick with no money(I think welfare to pay takes a day or 2). I know what dope sick feels like and I HATE the way the USA uses you guys to profit. Wtf?!?
Sorry rant over lol
Keep ya chin up and smuggle into Canada lol. I got room :)
 
Lol thanks sorry I wasn't on much today same deal with notsoprettyinpink just a rough day but I'm making it. I was born and raised in Detroit so I know all about Canada its alot easier for sure but you still wanna quit so it's not easier mentally. Sucks to because I know alot of people that have children get free childcare and abuse the system. They get free Suboxone i guess I gotta have another child. (Jk)

I'm gonna go out tonight and try and meet some new friends because I have none yet , just my alcoholic beverages neighbor lol. But it's better sitting In the house. I also took actions in disposing certain things around me I dont really need anymore and I'm ok right now. I do still have a Suboxone and 2 kps left I'm actually surprised I haven't taken anything in 2days but its starting to hit me now fairly quick. You guys really help alot I'm not know kidding 100%. Helped me so far! For that I am in your guys debt.

And yes I went 6 days without sleeping and eating it was horrible! By the time I did eat I had to force it down and I threw up all night it was horrible. And your eyes need rest like your body obviously. You start seeing shit that isnt there, headaches the whole nine. All in all addiction sucks and I wish I just stayed to smoking weed like I use to. But you live and learn. Thanks again you guys I really appreciate you!
 
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