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Cutting v. 2

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^That was a really lovely post, I'm not sure why. But it made me feel good :) Thanks rag doll. <3
 
zombiesarepeaceful said:
I feel like shoving a needle in my arm.
Just for th ehell of it you know. I can't cut anymore and my drugs are killing me. Sorry for that useless blurt of information
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Hey! Don't give up! Maybe you cant see it right now but there is a life for you. The sky is still blue, the waves are crashing on the beach, and the gentle wind will sooth and caress your face! You may not know right now but theres a whole world of happiness and experience waiting for you. Life is a gift, seize the day and know! Know that you are a worthy and loved human being! You can leave the drugs behind, I know I did when it was killing me and rotting me from the inside out. I was at rock bottom. You are too right now, but things can and will get better. Please don't give up! -Much Love The Bushdoctah
 
The following is spoken out of ignorance and a desire to help if possible. It is not meant to be hurtful.

I don't understand the appeal of cutting, but I know very little about it. When I was young "cutting" meant farting.

I assume it's done to attract attention - I can certainly relate to that from my own youth. Why not just dye/fashion your hair in a unique way, or come up with a clothing style? For a couple years in school, I dressed like a "droog" from "A Clockwork Orange" (complete with cane, white dress shirt and pants, black bowler hat and eye makeup).

I look back on those rebellious, "look at me!" days with a very red face, but somehow, I pulled it off at the time.

The drugs helped a great deal.

Anyways, I'm looking for more info regarding the "why?" of cutting, and suggesting an alternative for those looking to quit (not specifically to dress like Alexander DeLarge, but to snag up on a style your peers and older people would find very different).

Peacelove and true respect,
Aldousage
 
Check out the last thread for more clarification as to why people cut. Some might do it for attention but its definitely not for the majority. I cut a lot in the past and people still ask me about my scars. I guess I don't blame them but its pretty damn embarrassing when asked in public. Getting attention like that was never wanted by myself and many others I know on this board who have cut or still cut. <3
 
I think some people who cut might be doing it for attention, but not consciously realizing that fact.

That's just a personal theory based on my knowledge of similar psychological disorders - I don't mean it as an insult, nor an across-the-board definition.

If - when I was dressed like an oddball from A Clockwork Orange - I were asked if I was doing it for attention, I can't imagine that I would answer with a yes. "I don't care if people look at me or not!", would've been a likely response (as I'd start to walk away, twirling my cane and whistling Beethovens 9th symphony).

Today, looking back with different eyes and a different mind, I know that's exactly why I was doing it. And hey, it worked.

Peacelove,
Aldousage
 
In today's world there are ppl that want attention, or go along with fads. But there are people that feel real pain that they can't express by any other means. It actually is listed in the symptoms of some psych disorders. Again, I wish I could find the talk I used to give on suicide/depression and cutting to give you some info from that. If I find it I will.
 
Last night was an interesting one. A few months ago I was depressed and wanted to cut. So I cut myself on my leg and it turned out to be such a "good-looking" (for want of a better description) scar that a month later I felt like cutting again so I added another one alongside it, exactly the same length and width. It was quite skilful I must say, to get them both exactly the same.
And last night I added a third one. I wasn't even depressed or anything, I just wanted to "complete" it. Like a tattoo.
It looks pretty good but the third cut isn't quite as perfect as the other two.

Sorry if this seems really sick or twisted but I seriously view it like a tattoo or professional scarification.
 
AmorRoark said:
Check out the last thread for more clarification as to why people cut. Some might do it for attention but its definitely not for the majority. I cut a lot in the past and people still ask me about my scars. I guess I don't blame them but its pretty damn embarrassing when asked in public. Getting attention like that was never wanted by myself and many others I know on this board who have cut or still cut. <3
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Here is the information you were speaking about.

(Cutters: you are not alone) has some useful links and info. :)

Aldousage said:
I think some people who cut might be doing it for attention, but not consciously realizing that fact.

That's just a personal theory based on my knowledge of similar psychological disorders - I don't mean it as an insult, nor an across-the-board definition.

If - when I was dressed like an oddball from A Clockwork Orange - I were asked if I was doing it for attention, I can't imagine that I would answer with a yes. "I don't care if people look at me or not!", would've been a likely response (as I'd start to walk away, twirling my cane and whistling Beethovens 9th symphony).

Today, looking back with different eyes and a different mind, I know that's exactly why I was doing it. And hey, it worked.

Peacelove,
Aldousage
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^ That is not always the case. I know for a fact so people can't control themselves, and the release it gives is undescribable.
 
Ive been cut-free since may but theres almost not a day that goes by i dont think about it. I always forget what it feels like and i encourage myself to do it again to remember. the only thing i regret are the scars on my thigh simply for the fact they are permanent.

I just need to be doing things to alter my state of being. im never happy at baseline.

btw my name fictitious thinking comes from cutting.
 
bahaha, I quit wearing long sleeves at work cause I got sick of sweating my ass off back in the kitchen..the scars are fading anyhow. Fuck it. Whoever doesn't like it can suck my dick.
 
Lol, yeah, its gone alright so far. I think mostly everybody had seen my arms at one point or another, when I was washing dishes or whatnot or just took one look at me and thought yeah, emo kid (jk). My manager looked at me odd but I think she's just surprised I had the balls to uncover my arms, I'm surprised I did too. I only had the balls cause I was high as hell, but I"m not going back to wearing sleeves.
 
zombiesarepeaceful said:
Lol, yeah, its gone alright so far. I think mostly everybody had seen my arms at one point or another, when I was washing dishes or whatnot or just took one look at me and thought yeah, emo kid (jk). My manager looked at me odd but I think she's just surprised I had the balls to uncover my arms, I'm surprised I did too. I only had the balls cause I was high as hell, but I"m not going back to wearing sleeves.
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Yeah, even though you might not (or might?) be proud of the scars, they're a part of you.
My family and friends have asked a few times about the scars on my arms and I have always said that they are various cat and dog scratches (I was a vet nurse). I know that most people don't believe that but no-one delves further in to it.
 
Its hard. The desire for cutting is stronger than any desire I've had for drugs sometimes. I really want to stop. I don't want people to stare or ask, I don't want to come off more unstable than I am. I just can't seem to let the emotions out. Shit, I could cry for hours but it offers no help, doesn't help that if someone sees me they think ifs for other reasons, other than MAYBE I'M UPSET, like a normal human being...thats a whole other issue. But I tries punching a wall, drew blood but didn't help. I tried scratching with a pin, trying not to have the attention and scars, didn't work and the razorblade was dull. I'm starting to think that I'll never be able to overcome this. I'll always be "damaged".
 
Pillthrill said:
I'm starting to think that I'll never be able to overcome this. I'll always be "damaged".
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Absolutely NOT Pillthrill. You will overcome it. I know it seems hard and it's been going on for so long, but you can and will recover. Don't give up hope <3
 
Just get rid of all the sharp things in your house. only use plastic silverware. if you need scissors or a better knife or tool simply ask a neighbor to borrow it for a minute.

That way, even if you want to cut yourself, You Can't!

This is a serious problem I would say many drug addictions are much less severe than this.
 
I just cut myself again after 6 months. and i dont find anything wrong with it. im sick of treatment of sick of bullshit my life never gets right or better
 
FictitiousThinking said:
I just cut myself again after 6 months. and i dont find anything wrong with it. im sick of treatment of sick of bullshit my life never gets right or better
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Yep I feel this way about the cutting that I do at the moment (see my post towards the top of the page). I'm not sure how to think about it actually! Is it good that I don't feel bad about doing it, or is it worse because I don't care about what I'm doing to myself?? Confusing! :\
 
i think i enjoy pain

whenever i cut myself part of the rush for me is definately the pain. but then afterwards i take a spray with alcohol in it and drown it and i enjoy that even more. im a little confused at this point with myself.
 
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