LivingLegends, that poem really described the way I used to feel when I cut myself.
Well, except maybe for this part:
LivingLegends said:
and any scars that remain will not be shadowed by regret
I have really visible scars on my arms. I know it's one of the most stupid places to cut, and for about two, three years I would wear only long sleeves (keep in mind I lived in a place that was hot all year round). When I first started cutting I didn't realise it would scar so bad, and when the scars were already there, I decided to keep on cutting my arm because the skin was ruined and I had to cover it anyway, so why not continue there?
Some of the scars have faded now... still visible, but they don't scream out at you. others are still quite obvious, and I realise they probably will be forever. I've started being semi-comfortable wearing short-sleeved tops now, though I'll still semi-consciously hide them by folding my right arm over the left, or putting my arm behind my back, etc, when talking to people that don't know about it. I hate it that people can see my scars, partly because having a cut-up arm usually gives people an impression of me that I don't really like, and partly because it feels like they are seeing a really private part of me- I feel naked. I've learnt to live with my scars, like them even sometimes, but I want them to be my own. Also I hate it when people that I don't know well ask me what happened to my arm. Lying about it would be stupid (did that when I was younger though), but I don't want to talk about it either, unless I'm close to the person.
So. For all you others cutters or ex-cutters- what is your relationship to your scars? How do you deal with other people seeing them?