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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

cutters - you are not alone. (merged)

to those that do still cut, please do get help. no matter how old you are or where you are in your life, there are better ways to work things out than cutting/burning/biting/scratching.
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like what? stuffing your face and smoking about 10 fags like my best mate does? The majority of coping methods are bad for your health or other peoples if you go lashing out that them, so whats so bad about self harm? Part from leaving scars and it beign socially unacceptable.

Personally id rather have scars than lung cancer and obesity wouldnt you?
 
i personally have chosen lung cancer...if i cut as much as i smoke, i'd be out of space for more cuts by now...
 
id rather not die from months of eternal pain wasting away and having to breathe with an oxygen mask than you very much - i seen my grandad go through it and its somewhere i dont want to go (granted i do smoke, but not loads unless im wankered)
 
i'd just take constant pain and oxygen masks for a few months rather than feel like the worst kind of shit immaginable mentally for the rest of my life...thats just how i feel when i cut...i'd commit suicide before i got to 30 if i still cut on a constant basis...
 
its more like...when i cut, is when im feeling HORRIBLE...nearly suicidal...and it really just leads to me feeling more and more hopeless...self...god whats the word...conscious. selfconscious...about my cuts, scars...everything. if i felt like that on a very long-term basis, i would almost definately kill myself...some cutters are more OK with it than others...i used to do it ALOT and burn myself too...now when i do it, i think "fuck, i thought i'd never do this again". i just dont think life is worth living when you feel like that 24/7. just my opinion tho.
 
life does get better, you must get moments when u think ''its not so bad'' Cutting does make me feel better - and i dont give a fuck who sees it, but i dont exactl parade it about....some are more self conscious than others yes but thats no way to feel down - cutting is your coping method, your told its bad by society thats it, its not bad - all the misconceptinos around it are bad
 
well the thing is, i dont cut anymore...well...very rarely. its not society thats telling me its bad, its ME, because i sincerely dont want to do it anymore...i dont want the bloodstains on my shirts..dont want to go thru a box of kleenex every other day...dont want to have to buy hydrogen peroxide in bulk etc. it makes me feel better...but only for a few minutes for each cut...i was digging thru one of my notebooks/doodlebooks and i found something i wrote back when i used to cut constantly...kinda sums it up for me. wanted to share it cuz its about as close as i've ever gotten to explaining my cutting.

To whom it may concern
This poem is very real
It's just an explanation
Of how I think and feel

I love to feel the rush
Of the sharp steel on my arm
Love to see the blood
While doing bodily harm

Noone understands me
Or the things I do
I don't know how to tell them
I really wish they knew

My feelings are hard to handle
From everywhere they flood
So they come out differently
In the form of blood
 
wow guineaPig :\

Thanx to everyone who was brave enough to admit what they do, and for trying to help other ppl through this, and for taking time and having the pashents to explain to the ppl who were oblivious to this problem, ppl like me :\
 
I cut for the very first time early this morning. the experience, well, it was something that I cannot describe with words. The pain of life is taken away for those few minutes, but it comes back. It comes back worse, with more self pitty and despair. The loss of slef worth is something that is terrible. something that has happened to me lately. Cutting seems to make that all go away. I want to do it again. now.


(added a few hours later)
I went back, and did it a second time. I feel no guilt this time, and amended my words above to show that. I don't know why i thought it was such an awful, self depreciating thing. I can't explain why, and I don't know, but this makes things better.

another thing that makes life easier for me is writing, and thats why I am sharing this. It's more of a personal outlet for myself than expecting much response. I just hope that through my writings, I will be able to share my experience with someone. I hope that someone lets me into thier experience, someone in the same spot I am in right now. Sharing that is all I want, sharing something.
 
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yeah dude, just stick to drugs. way better release imo. the vast majority of my cutting has been done A)before i started doing drugs or B)when i just didnt have any
 
Thank you all for your concern. I did do something about it, and think that the situation has been greatly improved due to circumstancial changes aswell as medication. I found it to be an extremely....sick and twisted, kind of pleasureable, way to release. I know it's a slippery slope, I have not done it again. Now that I know what it's like, I'm going to do my best to keep myself out of those situations. I can prevent myself from getting that far.
 
Eerily, feel like I'm in the *exact* same place I was a year ago. I'm starting the same job on the same day as last year and my mutilation is causing me great amounts of anxiety.

Last summer I got a lot of questions about my scars from the other lifeguards and managers. This was difficult for me since I was in a work setting. I didn't know how to react exactly. This year I think though some of the old scars have faded a bit they're still there and the noticeable new ones added to this makes it pretty obvious what is going on.

Because of this anxiety I've moved my cutting from my arms (and sometimes) wrists to my stomach. It's more difficult for me to cut there beign that it's more sensitive but it works the same.

I guess there's nothing that I can do about my co-worker's reactions to my scars so I might as well just relax about it.
 
what would you want to see in a cutters board? something that is not here? genuine question, I havent read the whole thread from the start personally, so tell us and we can see if we can do something for you - maybe not a board as such, but the size of this thread shows it is a hot topic and a serious thing and proves you are not alone!!! but yeah, any suggestions are always good.

:)
 
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