I stopped recently, and still think about it almost 24 hours unless I'm eating, in gym or wanking ( too many women in the past, masturbation is a more romantic blast) but otherwise it is continually occurring thought my lungs and mouth and nasal passages seem to call/crave for it, and the sniff (HCl, powder) ! All I did for last ten maybe fifteen years was ring dealers walk to dealers walk back, wash up to crack smoke and sleep other than drinking rum, I spent almost a whole year on here raving on about it like I was big and clever (grossly immature to say the least) then I thought why am I a member of a harm reduction forum??? I looked at myself proverbialy and physically in the mirror and said we really knew this was getting too much! It's time to stop being an idiot and stop the cocaine, no ifs no buts no excuses! The last bit I smoked was over 2.6g(+?) I chain smoked/steamrollered it non stop , looked in the mirror and then grabbed my smoking kit threw in the trash bin deleted my dealers numbers and blocked them and when I bumped into one of them I told them straight that I had stopped (brave bastard is me
) and also I bumped into one of the crew I was rolling with, customer of the other dealer I scored off and told him that I had given up, reckon he would of told the dealer that I have given up and that's why I they hadn't seen me as usual. I'm glad I managed to get to make the decision and stop, I was being a loud immature fool on here dribbling on saying it was great, what buzz etc etc etc as I say it took a year to wake up that I was on this great forum and the reason why. And great thanks to the bluelight members who helped me realise that I was being a prick especially sucking on the glass dick. You have helped me turn my head around from being over the edge to regaining sanity and stopping. If you are in the same place I was you might now of realised you are on here maybe without knowing but you really are here to give up. If I hadn't done i doubt I would be alive today as I was heading straight down to overdose country big style. I don't drink rum anymore or Irish cream or any other spirtits and just occasionally have a couple of beers, three or four bottles every four or more weeks and I have stopped smoking tobacco and stopped using tobacco snuff, even though I get nasal passage cravings for it still, I'm using Nicorette microtabs and other than when I am asleep or in the gym, have one microtab in mouth almost continually but I know I will eventually reduce the amount I use in time. I had my first cigarette when I was five years old, smoked everyday from the age of eleven until three and a half years ago when I then started the snuff powdered tobacco,) sometimes I smoked sixty plus a day , I seriously don't want to see what my lungs look like
And now I am eating steaks beef and lamb and burgers and takeaway regularly when previously all I ate was pasta and cheese, lentils and rice and stock and not a lot of it, I kept a lot of bodyweight still flab not muscle presume due to thyroid activity of some sort effecting my metabolism but as I say I am eating real food and going to the gym, watching continual YouTube videos on fitness and weight lifting to reprogram my brain and daily activity from the robotic scoring, cooking, smoking crack then repeat that I had weakened to. If you are on the edge or doubting that your use is under control do ask on here for tips/help I'm sure the veterans of bluelight can help you ,
to you
