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Confess Your Drug Sins Here, 1 at a time.

Sold phenazepam to a woman about 10 years ago and got an angry letter later from a relative after she OD'd
Stole hydrocodone from my brother and from a step-nephew
Stole phentermine and phenmetrazine from a sister-in-law
Drove while tripping once to get a pack of cigarettes but that was less than a mile away...
Guess I have drove slightly intoxicated on other occasions.

None of those things in the last five years IIRC and I don't consider self-destructive drug use behavior to be a sin...
 
Photography was a hobby of mine years ago. I decided to get back into it fairly recently and was really happy with what I was doing. Within a few months I pawned my camera for dope money, after blowing through ~$20k the better part of a loan I'd taken out against my pension for totally non-dope-related purposes. This is in only about six months on dope. I am on bupe now. I am now living paycheck to paycheck which is ridiculous for my income bracket and my peers are driving nice cars, houses, etc. Even affording the bupe & the bupe dr I have to budget these days. I feel like such an asshole. And I very purposefully went back on dope, trying to substitute it for my serious alcohol problem and then get on bupe maintenance eventually, this plan worked to some degree, but, as will tend to happen, the dope got out of hand. I cannot believe how quickly I went from 2-3 bags to 2-3 bundles a day. Intellectually of course I knew this would happen, but I couldn't take it to heart and thus action. :(
 
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^
I'm sorry to hear that SKL. I always keep in mind that relapses happen and you can learn from them.
I hope you get better soon. <3

Tryptamine*Dreamer said:
Sold phenazepam to a woman about 10 years ago and got an angry letter later from a relative after she OD'd

None of those things in the last five years IIRC and I don't consider self-destructive drug use behavior to be a sin...
Click to expand...

Although I believe people make their own choices it must be difficult to be blamed for something like this. I supposed you were doing the same so it's a tough situation.
 
I have been using for almost 2 years now.. I'm in my late,40's and am more sexual now then I have ever been..I sleep with my dealer and it's mutual but in exchange for drugs..I'm ashamed but turned on at the same time.
 
Never mind being ashamed right now try to see that addiction after 40's can bring you with a lot of complications in your life. You won't have an entire life ahead of you like we used to and your body is not as strong or as self healing. This is the age we normally get problems easier and in a faster pace. It's more difficult to go through abstinence at this phase in life.

Suggest you give yourself a break so you can see things clearly and see how you stand. From the perspective of the dealers they always get the best of us -- not only financially speaking. They will always get away getting the best of us. Some eventually may become our friends but if he or she would really care you wouldn't be getting this from this person.

How are you in general? Do you feel you want to quit, do you have that strength in you?
 
Today was my first time carpet surfing. I actually found a very decent amount of meth. You shoulda saw the size of one of the shards. At least 50mg. Oh yeah was I ever happy. Now I can't stop thinking that every little crumb I come across is a fucking piece of meth. Disgusting shit.
 
Must confess that I had to borrow money again from family to cover my suboxone. As I said before this is absolutely crazy given my income bracket but I have loans to pay (taken out for whatever reasons but spent on dope), back taxes, large fees in a settlement that I don't really want to get in to, but a lot of other shit. So I borrowed money for which I'm really ashamed. I honestly think I'd be less ashamed if I went out and got the money by criminal means, doing an armed robbery crossed my mind, it's something I wouldn't have been totally new to, I'd been around it although not the one pointing the gun and shouting. That was a long time ago but I guess that's another drug sin to confess. So I dunno I guess the biggest thing to confess is that I consider crime less shameful than borrowing from family or more importantly letting anyone know that I'm broke. The only people that know I'm broke are my parents and bluelight.
 
I feel that with reference to many things I have done, including those that hurted my wife and my parents too. My mother in law once mentioned that she had the impression I was punishing myself too much and that's probably not effective I was actually much more hurt than they were when I had done my share of mistakes and misdoings in general. This will pass as you learn to forgive yourself, sometimes for some of the things we've done.

I've seen a lot of people with no relation to addiction whatsoever that had done way worse than most of us. And, not that they don't care, but they don't stop and realize they can't go on like that. All sort of good and nice people who made bad choices and live with them as nothing matters. The important thing is that you are realizing what went wrong from as we understand and seek for ways on how you could do better. By taking notice of what you have done, including all the things we all regret - we find our own pace and new patches we can choose to follow.
 
At least we finally got insurance to cover subs ... $300 to $7. That'll help. About cut my monthly medical expenses in half. That I can afford even living paycheck to paycheck as I am currently (since having gone broke doing dope...)
 
That's not bad. I forgot to buy my dog's food once. So I fed him with my own food.
 
i once faced a felony embezzlement charge caused by stealing to feed my iv coke and H habit from the little mom and pop place i worked at, got off with a minor charge cause i was 22 and they were family friends and didnt wanna see my life get all fucked up...my mom did and still does their insurance.

I semi recently got out of a very twisted sugar daddy sort of relationship completely based around slamming methamphetamine and sex. bondage, groups, all sorts of stuff. I realized at the end that i really just liked slamming...and that i will never allow someone who has supplied me, for free, to demand something sexual (or of any nature really) immediately after i get high on ANYTHING. I love sex and have had plenty of great times on most drugs, but i only when i wanted to, and thats how it will always be.

I have cheated on everyone ive ever been "exclusive" with (minus the previous relationship...weird) while drunk++

I was off suboxone for roughly 3 months before i came out of a .24BAC blackout drunk going into a ditch at 60mph. luckily adrenaline saved my life and i corrected neatly, slammed to a stop on the shoulder, and almost got rear ended by the officer chasing me down. An angel was there that day i feel, or something, might have been the officer because he was very nice and probably kept most of the MJ i had in the car because it was never an issue.

I introduced my H buddies little brother to IV when he was 15 and i was 21. He is dead now because of OD and is survived by a wife and less than 2yo baby. he was 23.

yeah that last one has forced me to stop this, however much healing power it has done...that and im gonna go tweak and swirl and do fun things that i like to do with a person I enjoy.

Thank you for this forum and this thread, been lurking for awhile :)
p.s. - i hope the one at a time thing meant posts and not actual sins, if so forgive for me yet another one, and dont worry i have plenty more stored for later, and new ones are made every day
 
We have our sins. I believe the goal here is try not to make the same ones and grow mature from those we did that harmed others.
 
I replaced all of my stepdads 10mg hydrocodones with 5mg hydros everytime he got a refill because I could get the 5's for the low, then flip em for more.
 
Stole Fent patches, Xanax, and loads of Norco from my stepdad, who was dying an extremely painful death from bone cancer. He never went without pain medication (there was an insane amount in our home), but I still feel guilty. I know that even if there WASN'T extra, I would have still stolen from him. He is gone now, and it bugs me to this day.

Didn't show up to court to fight for my kids. I was dopesick that morning and couldn't have made it if I wanted to. I just let my ex-husband keep our 2 daughters & 1 son without a fight. I live alone now b/c of it. I was numb and self-absorbed. Looking back, I think I knew in the back of my mind, it was the best thing. They NEEDED to live with their Dad, in a safe & stable home. Not with a Mom who was addicted to drugs & struggled to take care of herself. Sober & not using any longer, but I am still not yet allowed much communication. Losing not only my kids, but my home and my husband all at once - Highest price I ever paid as a result of addiction.

Emptied out my daughter's piggybank and sold her new "Wii" game console for $$ to buy pain pills. She found out what I did, and why. :( She refuses to live with me now and I hardly get to talk to her.

Did H shortly after bringing my son home from the hospital. Would get high while taking care of my kids, was married to a police officer and was a "stay-at-home Mom".Talk about a double life.

Stole pills from friends multiple times, and always helped "look for them" afterwards.

I was a despicable human being when I was addicted to drugs.
 
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I went into an orthopedic doctor's office and faked a shoulder injury to get a hydrocodone script. They did a bunch of range of motion diagnostic tests and I said, "Oh, yeah that hurts". "No, that one doesn't hurt." Went back for a refill several months later, and to ease any concerns they had about me being a drug seeker I told them casually, "Oh, I only take one or two per week". I'm not a particularly good liar so I practiced my lines pretty thoroughly beforehand.
 
Many years ago, seems like a lifetime ago now, Inwas lucky enough to get my psychiatrist to prescribe Desoxyn. A doctor prescribing Desoxyn is unheard of. It is pure methamphetamime. I was desperate because I was so miserable. He gave me a short amount of pills and it felt like heaven. I had never felt so good in my life. All depression was gone, I couldn't get enough.

I'm ashamed to admit that the next time he prescribed it to me, I fucked with the script. I think I added more pills to the script. I knew I was in trouble when I turned it in and the pharmacist made a phone call to the doctor probably. I just walked out of the store. Desoxyn is the best ever though. Pure meth in a pill. Don't try to go asking for it. Doctors are too wary to prescribe it. It's impossible to get.
 
Staying at my GF's college apartment. A two story house that had been cut up into 4 living spaces with a common area and restroom. I hadn't taken a shit in about 8-9 days due to heavy Heroin use. I found myself in Plymouth, NH, far away from my Mass. connects and any chance at getting high. Well, as I began experiencing sickness, my stomach starts churning. Then, all of a sudden, I feel it. It's time to shit, but this shit is more akin to being in labor with child.

There was one bathroom for the four residents, all girls. I'm sorry for the TMI stuff, but the shit I took had a life of its own and must've weighed several pounds. It was so mammoth, that it stood halfway out of the bowl, like some kind of nightmare Cobra. No plunger, no snake or anything like that in the aparment. I frantically tried to shove this thing down the toilet by force before my girl or any of her bitch friends realized what I had done. Eventually I pushed it all the way down the drain somehow and left, thinking, out of sight, out of mind.

About one hour later I hear "Oh my God what happened to the toilet!". I heard water pouring. I knew shit was on. I gather my girlfriend and we split in haste. Last I heard, 3 months later, they were still having plumbers come by to try and fix the toilet.
 
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