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Confess Your Drug Sins Here, 1 at a time.

Luckily I am a heroin addict who hasn't had many friends die.. Would like to think I saved a few lives actually.

But a couple months ago this girl who did dope like once a week and I gave rides to.. She would always snort it.. But then one day she says she wants to iv it and won't buy any unless we shoot her up. Well she was drunk and I was with two other ppl driving.. I chose how much she could do because I was worried about the alcohol and her low tolerance. So I give her a tiny bit. She said she didn't get a rush and wanted more but I outright refused her and she didn't have a rig so I knew she was done..

Well then she snorted some and was pretty out of it by the time we got to her house. I walked\ carried her all the way to her bed n said bye..

Next morning I find out she's dead. Must have done more dope after I left or just had major respiratory depression and face planted on a pillow.. Idk the specifics but she's gone and I got kicked out of her funeral because a friend I went with was a known heroin addict.

She was really cool too.. Like hot but really down to earth n smart n I feel like a fucking asshole for even taking her because I was a broke addict and needed my own fix..
 
Here's an other one. When I first wanted to try heroin, I met that junkie bitch and asked her where I could buy some. She offered to sell me a piece, I told her "ok, show me". She shows me the piece,I take it from her hands and leave. She was shouting, I told her to shut her mouth or I kill her(which I wouldn't do, tbh). Of course she didn't shut up but didn't follow me either.
Later I learnt it's way cheaper than she tried to sell me so I don't even feel guilty.
And yeah, I was drunk.
 
I've utterly destroyed, through neglect, junkie filth, occasional wall demolishing fury and violence, paranoid searching for wires, whatever, two subletted apartments/long term airbnb-before-airbnb-was-a-thing type arrangements when totally fucked up on drugs and booze and stuck the owner with the tab. that's probably the worst, to be honest. well, in a certain way; height of raw assholery, and toward civilians, yeah, well, at least I much as, I guess, you know, and it's all kinda vague see, but
 
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Have left my sister's house oversees without even saying good buy.
We did not speak to each other for years.
 
Considering I've been using IV opiates for over 13 years now, I'm pretty ok with the fairly short list of bad things I've done, and just as short list of things I didn't stop.

-Twice in my life I couldn't pay a good friend back for a front, one for a 1k and one for 200. By far the worst direct action.

-A girl cheated on me so I cheated back, but I went really over the top with the revenge cheat. She got really fucked up and fucked an ex at a party, then I fucked a girl she really hated in our bed while she was in the hospital nearly dead from endocarditis after giving her all the drugs that were my gfs to pay for it. Really feel I went way too far on that one. It definitely didn't help that the evening was continually interrupted by my gfs family blowing up my phone to scream at me like it was my fault she had endocarditis and because I didn't tell them what happened (gf said SHE told them). I taught her proper injecting safety and gave her clean needles but noooo she has to go needle sharing and not being sterile anyway, AND she was already an addict long before we even met.

-I lie to my family all the time about why I need money, but only feel a little bad about it because well I only say it's for fun anyway and they have plenty of it. Does it *really* matter that the $200 is for dope and not clubbing?

Then there's the things I really should have done something about...

-Very good friend was on a cocaine death spiral. Every day shooting obnoxious amounts of coke either almost ODing or actually ODing every time. Talking multi-gram shots of fire coke that sent me puking off 50-100mg shots. I really should have helped him, but instead cut all contact just because I didn't want to be there when the police inevitably showed up because EMS had to keep taking him to the hospital for cocaine OD or because he kept shooting holes in the roof with an illegal gun in a suburban neighborhood with houses all around, no matter how much I screamed at him to put the fucking gun down. He did eventually just get arrested (unrelated charge; popped for forging medical paperwork to get oxy scripts) before he died fortunately... still, I should have done more.

-I just looked the other way when a friend kept letting his tiny dog lick his fingers after handling crushed oxy until the poor dog wound up addicted to oxy too. Got so bad they just start chopping pieces of pills so the dog didn't get dopesick, which did happen when they ran out and seeing it literally made me tear up. I had already gotten enough backlash after I bitched about how he was frequently so high he couldn't pick up his middle-school aged son from school or drive him anywhere else, which I just wound up doing myself half the time when his dad found out I actually gave a shit. What was I gonna do, he was a critical business partner. Shockingly well adjusted and good kid though, considering his father, 2 brothers, uncle, aunt, great aunt, grandmother, and grandfather were *all* serious drug addicts (some to oxy, some to oxy and coke/meth) I also did business with, and his mother was also a drug addict and so severely mentally ill she couldn't complete a sentence and never left the bedroom, ever, in the 3 years I was around the family. Sure I was an addict too, but I'm generally very responsible and never too high to act normal and drive besides late night partying once or twice a week. So I gave the kid my number and told him to just call me if he needed a responsible adult for something.

All that is a long time ago tho, past 7 years I just live a normal life where the only person who even knows I still use is my connect I see a few times a week for a few seconds.
 
Saw my friend dying of an OD but was too busy trying to hit a vein. He's dead and nothing in the world will bring his back, perhaps I could have. Quite a sad moment of my life.
 
Damn sorry to hear that man that's rough.

But boy do I know that feeling of nothing distracting you from hitting a vein. Nothing that terrible since no one wound up dying, but one time I was working the front desk of a huge residential building, at night so me and my partner were the only staff with any authority there so were acting management. Well I was already kinda screwing him because I was due back from my break 20 minutes ago but was in the bathroom on a vein hunt. But then the fire alarms went off. That meant a whole bunch of panicky people we had to deal with, on top of the alarm itself and the fire department. It malfunctioned fairly frequently, so I just assumed it was on the fritz again and continued my vein hunt. But sure enough, 10 minutes later I thought I smelled a little smoke. But I was committed now and sure as shit wasn't going to go deal with things without getting that dope into my veins and figured it was probably something minor. Finally hit a vein after 10 more minutes, walked out the bathroom, and the halls were FILLED with smoke. It was a major fire. Got back upstairs to find a total shit show, countless firemen and EMS in the lobby... at least a dozen FDNY trucks had arrived with an equal number of ambulances, tons of residents freaking out because they weren't allowed to come back in if they were coming home, or allowed to leave if they were home. And my poor partner was freaking the fuck out because on top of just having to deal with all that alone, the fire fighters were flipping out on him because they needed an escort that could quickly open doors for them, and only me and him could even access the master keys let alone know which of the 2 dozens keys opened which door, and he absolutely couldn't leave the desk because of having to manage the scared residents and nonstop phone calls.

Once I did get back upstairs tho I sprang into action, and later when the top level management got there all they saw was me kicking ass at handling the crisis. Partner was cool enough not to mention I was MIA for the first 20 minutes of the fire and 40 minutes over my lunch break time, but damn my vein hunt put him in a rough spot and make things a lot worse because of FD not having an escort with access (to the residential masters too, which were locked up tight, and even most desk staff didn't have access on their own, only 3 of 12 of us were trusted that much, which always made me laugh being one because holy hell if anyone ever found out a dope addict had unsupervised access to the apartments of hundreds of extremely rich residents...) and knowledge of the master keys- fires spread fast that could have easily turned deadly, the doors in that building were so tough it took them several minutes per door to bust through with an axe until my partner got down there to start opening doors in seconds, the fire of course being in an area with tons of locked doors. Someone could've died, I could've gotten fired, hell even I could have died because I was trying to hit a vein while other parts of the floor I was on burned... instead I got nothing but endless praise for handling it so well.
 
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At the end there are just about anything we'll do thinking that later people will forget or not give the importance the subject deserves. Sometimes there these tiny things you do imagining it won't affect the other but you end up doing just the opposite.

I remember my wife asking me a couple of times if it was everything okay with me and I said of course, as usual. Did not want to make her concerned or worried. But obviously with time she eventually found out and felt betrayed because she had to correct her own sense of perception which was absolutely right, but out of love she put herself behind in trying to believe me.

It's easy to figure how she had felt when she confirmed everything she suspected. A relief to her own perception and true interpretation of the facts but the sadness of having to deal with a husband that had betrayed her trust. Acting by instinctive and being right is a blessing for some people and I feel we can't take that away from them.
 
On my first high I literally kissed everyone. The next day was all about apologizes.
Didn't know what was yet to come.
 
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bomber said:
Drunk, I kissed an other girl in front of my girl.
Click to expand...

I did that once. At college I was with this girl I was close to hooking up with and her sister was visiting for the weekend... ended up making out with her sister, totally fucked things up with her.
 
Once in a party at work I decided to make a speech. I was drunk and had taken few other things so very full of myself as well as full of 'shit'. What was suppose to be a classic major fuckup turned to be a great speech, not that I remembered any of this on the following day, but people congratulated me for the fine words I had told them about the year, the employees and thanking our superiors, etc. I felt bad about it for as long as I can remember and for the first time in my life I decided to quit for my first time.
 
I've been on a several week binge [booze] and have hardly even taken out the garbage; it's petty bad tbh.

Felonious Monk said:
I did that once. At college I was with this girl I was close to hooking up with and her sister was visiting for the weekend... ended up making out with her sister, totally fucked things up with her.
Click to expand...

iirc I did this too, and they were twins. and no, it wasn't a case of mistaken identity, totally different hair, etc.

I also was staying with this girl who I'd been in love with (at least in the background of my feels) for years in college, sleeping in her bed and all, for the better part of a week; then I hooked up with her best childhood friend one night when she had to turn in early for work; her best childhood friend was probably physically closer to my ideal 'picture in my head' of the woman that I want but meant nothing to me emotionally, I didn't even really know her real good (she was a year or two ahead of us in school and ran with a slightly different crowd, whatever) drugs involved, booze of course, and some keta and coke

the next morning, of course, the first chick is like it'd be good if you packed your shit and were gone by the time I come back from home oh and btw I have a boyfriend [who I guess she was thinking of ditching for me but oh wait nvm whoops lol]
 
When I slam meth I get myself too fucked up from redosing to frequently. I chase the rush you get for the first few minutes when it's iv'd

I've had some pretty bad physical symptoms and severely over amped.

Its much better utilised when dosed appropiatley
 
Lied to that one person that had always been there for me, to that only person I could be myself, and to to only one I did not want to disappoint. People forgive but most of them do not forget imho.
 
I have been addicted to opiates for years, I can tolerate 600mgs of Oxycodone, any more and I can start to "feel" the drug. That's sad. Anyway in all this time I have NEVER been or experienced opiate withdrawal....looking forward to that month or so.
 
Introduced two different friends to IV opioids. They are both dead from IV now, one from an OD the other from endocarditis
 
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