Coming off oxycodone and small H habit

[Dogma123]

Thank you all so much!! Reading these makes me tear up a little since I can't talk in real life about my actual problem. I moved in with my grandmother who had breast cancer and I couldn't tell her I had a opioid problem. It would kill her mentally.

She's really old school and she thinks I'm acting weird cause of me smoking weed.

Anyways before the new this was before my last post UPDATE: that night I took the codeine pill I took loads of other drugs to make it stronger. Soma, Ativan, etc. A girl I've been talking to called me at 10:30 and told me to stay the night. It's been 3 weeks since I had some and we all know how that goes. My grandma didn't want me to leave she even cryed which made me feel much worse we'll she could tell i was high and wouldn't let me leave but of course in my drugged out mind i left.

Got to the girls house and forgot that she texted me previously that she was on her period and she hates oral. So there's that's. Barely got a god damn handjob which pissed me off , all of this leading up to my post at around 3 am the other night.

Came home took 7 Oxys it didn't affect me .. That pissed me off so I took a few somas and Ativan and the rest of the crown I had, only a shot or two. For some reason didn't sleep that night.

So no sleep and still fiending I went on my look around the house. I found where my grandma stashed the weed she took from my while I was in 8th grade. This was 6 years ago.

Yea I smoked it because I remember that strain being really good. I got really high surprisingly ,
Then bad news.. My grandmas husband comes home to tell me how he felt about me leaving the other night. We'll he crossed the line. ( take into consideration he does not own the house, nor blood relative and only lived here a year and a major dick)

I hadn't sleep stil and I was only high off weed I think but He got me so mad I blacked out and I guess I took a bunch of drugs and made everyone mad.

This morning I woke up took my last 7 Oxys and I didn't even notice the slightest effect (really odd for me) so I went back to sleep. I made some money off the rest of them so I wouldn't be broke and addicted.

So now I'm back at day 0 . Sorry for the long and possibly nonunderstandable post. I just woke up and had a shit ton of caffeine. So no pain pills left for me to take now I'm off to call the recruiter.

However I was about to go this morning to get cheap Roxie's but since I just got money I don't feel like blowing it All. I can finally get my oil changed How is everyone's day going ?

UPDATE:::: horrible news I guess... The guy I was going to to Roxie's with just said he could get some fire h that was really potent and I can't stop thinking about that feeling .. Wtf is wrong with me . I'm only 18 I shouldn't fucking want to do this nor even think about it

 

[Bropiace]

Now listen,

Here is what I read between the line.

You got a fuck top situation, you deal with emotional roller coaster and you are impulsive.

From what I understand your grand-mother loves you and care for you. She might not understand how benign weed is and that she should give you some space when you want to get out but I am sure she is trying her best. She probably voice her concerns to her husband that wanted to just do something about it. No matter how he went about it, with or without tact, I do think it was probably well intentionated.

I am ADD and I remember being 18. You act on intuition and impulse and you don't necessarily understand everything that goes on with your own emotions. It takes time and it's normal.

If you moved to your grand-mother it might means you dealt with some shit at home with your parents, it might means they are dead or something else but to me its just means that you are dealing with though shit. My mother died of cancer when I was 17 and my father killed himself. I know how it gets and I know it fucks you up. If you cried reading this (and I remember crying when expose to compassion) it seems to me that everything adds up to this :

You are in emotional pain. It is normal. You are probably doing your best. Try not to forget that most people around you are doing to. But still that is not the point. The point is sooner are later you will learn that life is unfair, that you get the results of the will you put into things and that ultimately it is you and you alone that can change your life for the better of fuck it up beyond recognition.

And you are at a very dangerous crossroad at the moment. Opiate does ease all of this. But it comes at a price I am telling you you are not willing to pay.

So that will probably be the best advice I can give you. Stop seeing the friends you have that can hook you up on H or that uses opiates. You know you are impulsive and you know they can expose you to temptation. You want to join the military, START TRAINING NOW. It will go a long way to ease the internal turmoil that you feels and keep you occupied. It will also make you more relaxed. Less stressful. You need to realize how dangerous opiates are for you at a point were you are vulnerable. Trust me, if you are half as smart as you look you will make friend easy that don't do dope. Anyway, training will help with how you feel, it'll help you feel better (not as good as on opiate but good enough). It is obvious to me that you are craving a break from all those shit you feel and who wouldn't. But you are in the danger zone now so you better man up and make the right choices. No one else will do that for you.

Do not hesitate to come back here and talk, to not guilt trip either. Guilt is the most useless feeling ever. Focus on the good. Try helping your grand-mother with something, anything, get happy to see how grateful she is. Focus on the good, experiment with what helps and do that. Actively look for what makes you feel better and do it.

Good luck and be careful. Nothing is wrong with you. Your situation is and it is for you to make it as much better as humanly possible.

 

[Dogma123]

You were right about a bunch of those things but I won't get into that right now. Just spent $40 and loads of gas for barely anything and this stuff only lasts like 30 mins. Probaly fent but it's not that strong so idk.Not even worth it. I actually just got off the phone with the recruiter and I'm going to MEPS In 4 weeks . So it's time to cut back on everything.

Thanks for the support. All you guys are great . I have work tommrow and tommrow will be day #1 again.

I will update plenty and I will make sure to update after I get out of basic training. Maybe I can give hope to someone one day that they do have the power to change their life. Everyone be safe out there.

 

[Cliffy78]

You were right about a bunch of those things but I won't get into that right now. Just spent $40 and loads of gas for barely anything and this stuff only lasts like 30 mins. Probaly fent but it's not that strong so idk.Not even worth it. I actually just got off the phone with the recruiter and I'm going to MEPS In 4 weeks . So it's time to cut back on everything.

Thanks for the support. All you guys are great . I have work tommrow and tommrow will be day #1 again.

I will update plenty and I will make sure to update after I get out of basic training. Maybe I can give hope to someone one day that they do have the power to change their life. Everyone be safe out there.

Great posts bropiace, I agree. Doggie dogma, my brother, it's time to make it happen dude. It's time to make that change. Dude the fuckin oxy ain't working no more man, that's not good since u got an h connect. Temptation is a bitch man, I definitely understand. The hole is only getting deeper now though. Each time u start over it gets harder and harder so ime/imo you need to choose a path and stick with it before it's too late. I'm only saying this because I see a lot of myself at 18 in you bro and you don't want to end up where I am man, it's a dark place and there's no coming back from it. Your grams loves the shit outta u and you hurt her bro, think about that for a moment. No matter what bro u gotta do this man, it may be your last chance. No one can do this except you dude. I know shit is hard right now and your an emotional guy but it's time for you to take control. Just think about ur Grandma and make her proud, time to show improve bro. These fuckin drugs are wack when u got so much to live for and look forward to. Your not a tore up 40yr old dude your fucking 18, oh man what I wouldn't give to sit where your at knowing what I know now. Take advantage of this chance bro, please. Day 1, let's do this! Were here for u man. Either way ur still my boy and I won't think no less of u even if your shooting up on the train tracks begging for change but that's not what u want outta life , let your dreams be the guide to the final chapter of your story, if not then you know what will be brother. Keep posting and keep positive, a positive attitude is so important when trying to kick, mind over matter man...

 

[Dogma123]

We'll I finished the last of what I had this morning before I left for work and it didn't even really give me a buzz. I got ripped off and I'm glad I did because If it was good id probaly get more. So tommrow will be the official day #1.

I messed up cause I already took most of my comfort meds already but I can do this. It can't be that hard since my habit is small. I'm really looking forward to the day I can enlist in the navy and be drug free

There will be no more opiates for me. I can't control my use with those anymore. I will update each day and let you all know the progress I'm making! I'm hoping to be completely drug free by the end of next month. Thank you cliffy and all you guys! You will help me a lot in this journey

 

[Cliffy78]

No problem bro, I'm very happy to try and help in whatever way possible. I wish there was more I could do. I know how it is when the days get so long and monatanous that the only thing you can think of is scoring and getting your mind off all the bullshit we gotta deal with. We all deal with similiar issues, I gotta run but I'll reply in a bit ttyl bro

 

[namnoc16]

I was in the navy and I tell you if you think joining the military will sober you up you are mistaken. I'm not saying don't join it's awesome and I've done a med cruise and seen some really cool places but there are drugs there as well. I was on an amphib(LSD type of ship not the drug) and we had marines and seals on the ship and those marines would smoke dope and once over sees buy all kinds of steroids(OTC) and other illegal in the states shit. My shipmates weren't much better ,we used to drive from Norfolk to Philly(probably could have gotten in Norfolk but Philly was my stomping grounds,10 hour round trip) and cop dope. Not to mention when we hit port everyone from C.O. on down would get smashed drunk .Anyway I ended up getting an OTH discharge for drug use and it sucks because it stays with you forever.

I'm just trying to tell you if you want to join great but clean up first don't think because you join you'll get sober because there are other like minded individuals thinking the samething and if you link up(addicts tend to find other addicts) all bets are off. Military isn't a magic elixir!

 

[Bropiace]

Everyone is spot on on their advice.

It is not next month you need to be drug free it is today (well at least opiate free... I don't care what others say, if smoking weed helps you stay off opiate, use and abuse at will. Not sure tho if you need a clean drug test to get into basic training). Anyways, you do not need to share what you don't feel like sharing. I only wanted to tell you what I perceived between the lines.

I love what Cliffy said, we won't think any less of you whatever happens. It's just that you do have this chance. And I know it's fucking hard. But the truth is it gets only harder and harder and harder unless you get your shit together. Please seriously consider stop seeing those friends who still party and can hook you up. Anyway once you get in the Navy you won't be seeing them anymore. Please also consider get into training. Start running and lift right now. If you put your mind and your heart in it there will be only good things coming out of it. You will be in better shape when you join the Navy and you will be glad you are. In the meantime it will keep you occupied, it'll do good with the boredom, it will calm you and make less impulsive, it will above anything else makes you happier, you'll get some type of rush out of it. I won't be as using but at least it will give you some form of bliss. So basically this will help termendously.

In any case, we are here. You got support. Now take your life into your hands and do something good for you.

Oh yes and Namnoc is right, lots of drugs in the military. It is better you get your shit together now than waiting to join, by then you will hopefully be clear about what you want and what you don't.

 

[namnoc16]

Bropiace he will need a clean urine or they will send him home as a matter of fact don't even mention drug use or you'll have to get a waiver before entering.

 

[Dogma123]

Yeah I meant a month as in weed should be out of my system in a month. Thanks a lot for the advice. He said it'll be 3-6 months until I ship so I should have my mind right by then.

I really don't even want to do any type if drugs anymore honestly. I started way to young at 14 drinking hard every weekend then smoked everyday mostly through high school.

I just got off probation 3 months ago so I haven't been doing stuff for as long as before so I think I can do this pretty easy. I will keep updating thank you guys so much!!

I'm usually posting when I have a little free time for work so that's why it may seem I'm leaving a lot out and I am. I don't want to say too much but if someone wanted to PM me I'd be glad to tell everything but you get the jist of it. Thanks again

 

[namnoc16]

Its been awhile and I can't remember but you might have to give a urine at meps when you go for your ASVAB and physical.

 

[Dogma123]

I do that's why I'm waiting until the thc is out of my system. He said since I did so good on the pre test he will just send me to MEPS so I do all that stuff so I'm ready for it! How was your experience overall in the navy? Any life lessons learned and stuff like that? How old were you when you went it?

The only thing left that I take mostly everyday is Kratom. I know I know, but it's really small amounts and hardly ever more than once a day. I usually take 4-6 grams at one time everyday. But I'm lowering that pretty much everyday.

I'm feeling good about this and I can't wait to wake up next week clear headed and not just wondering which drug I'm going to take. (Hopefully will be off Kratom in 2 more weeks. Just a slow taper)

And I forgot to add this at first but my drug use started at 13 actually. It slipped my mind but in 7th grade my mom would take me to school but she would always get coffee first. Being a curious young kid I looked in her purse and got a few 1 mg Xanax. That's how it all

 

[namnoc16]

I was 20 and I turned 21 in boot camp,all that went through my head was damn I could be at the bar right now. But boot camp is real easy after the initial shock wears off,shit you get paid to workout(of course there is a dick screaming at you),folding and stowing your uniforms and obeying orders. You will have to go into the tear gas chamber though and you must take off your mask and get a good deep breath of it.That was rather unpleasant!

 

[Dogma123]

I'm looking forward to it anyways lol I just need something different in my life. Did you visit many countries? I just hope I get to go to many places.

I watched the movie Trainspotting last night and it was pretty damn good. I loved the ending. Is their any other movies that would help with positive thoughts that you guys know? Thanks !!

 

[namnoc16]

I wouldn't watch any movies having to do with using while you're trying to get your shit together.Shit I watch pulp fiction and it still makes me want to shoot up.

On my med cruise I went to Rota Spain,Odessa Ukraine,Constanza Romania,Istanbul Turkey,Toulon France,Bari Italy,Rhodes Greece and few others.It was like 12 ports in 6 months.

 

[Dogma123]

I meant like uplifting movies, sorry I worded that wrong. I hope I get to go to a lot of different countries!

 

[Bropiace]

It's a nice goal and I would assume once you are in the navy you will be able to talk aroud about which position to apply or what you can do to travel a lot. You should not be disappointed.

I remember seeing a very cool movie based on a true story about the tsunami in Asia with Ewan McGregor (the main protagonist in trainspoting). Its called "the impossible". I really liked it. Maybe you will to. Its also inspiring as strengh through adversity. Maybe you can give it a try and let me know if you liked it.

I ve talk a few time about how I feel you should start training. I d like to know what you think of the idea and where you stand about that.

 

[Bropiace]

After writing my last post, I was on my way to another website I recently discover. It's a guy that have a Videoblog about a lot of interesting topics basically revolving around bettering yourself and improve your life in different ways. Personally I really dig his no bullshit, no nonsens, nondogmatic, very practical approach.

If you think it might interest you here is the link : http://actualized.org/

The reason I suggest it is that things in life I already figured by myself that the guy explained were spot on. The things I learned I liked. I know I would have loved being expose to some of those concept younger. Don't worry it's not a sect or some kind of gimmick. It's all free and in my opinion well worth my time.

I though it might interest you, or anyone reading this for that matter.

 

[namnoc16]

I can't think of any uplifting movies at the moment but I remember when I was in A school(training for your rate) they showed The Basketball Diaries and I was like you are fucking kidding me.

Young man straighten yourself up(you'll save yourself a lot of pain) join the navy and enjoy life. Some of the best times in my life was when I was in that shithole Norfolk VA(talk about ghetto the whole city is one) because right down the road is Virginia Beach and to be early 20's living by the beach is awesome(so many girrrllllllllssssssssss). Even during the winter Virginia Beach is loaded unlike most of the resort towns,the population is like 400,000 in the offseason. Or if you do west coast it's San Diego I've been there twice and it's fucking unbelievable. You will serve yourself well to get sober now trust me.

 

[Dogma123]

Thank you for the link I will read check after I get off work. I have been wanting to get back into working out for a long time now. I used to but then drugs became my hobby lol.

I've realized I just need to man up and push through this and get on with life. I'm tired of seeing the same people all the time and the same routine everyday. I need to sweat out this thc so I fuxking join already.

I'm going to buy a few home drug tests before I go to MEPS just to make sure because I cannot fuck up my only chance of doing something with my life. Thank you all so very much