Coming off Invega/Xeplion (paliperidone) injections v11

[invegaloner]

One thing I was thinking when I was feeling negative emotions so heavily was like no wonder people get suicidal, it was unbearable at times and I would be thinking of every single thing I’ve done wrong in life especially when I was younger and didn’t know better, I would compare my life to others and just be in negative thought loops that had me hitting some really low vibrations so I would be constantly trying to snap myself out of it and be gentle with myself. Even if I were to never recover, suicide isn’t an option for me cause I have my child to look out for but i understand how going through this sort of thing could push someone to feel like that

I was suicidal before my hospitalization and it’s not an option for me either because of how my family reacted… I still feel awful for it… in psychosis I thought my life was going to end very soon no matter what I did which didn’t help either. I was also in those negative thought loops thinking I was an awful person because of things I did when I was younger. I’m still upset that I “chose” to get invega injections but feeling less emotion is better than feeling heavily depressed and suicidal. I still have some symptoms of depression but I keep reminding myself my life isn’t as bad as I make it out to be and just focus on getting my work done.

 

[anonymoususer777]

One thing I was thinking when I was feeling negative emotions so heavily was like no wonder people get suicidal, it was unbearable at times and I would be thinking of every single thing I’ve done wrong in life especially when I was younger and didn’t know better, I would compare my life to others and just be in negative thought loops that had me hitting some really low vibrations so I would be constantly trying to snap myself out of it and be gentle with myself. Even if I were to never recover, suicide isn’t an option for me cause I have my child to look out for but i understand how going through this sort of thing could push someone to feel like that

Thank you for sharing this, this drug does throw you into a negative thinking loop and one has to remind himself/ herself to snap out of it.

At this point and the way you are feeling right now, do you see your recovery in sight?

 

[InvegaAnon]

It doesn’t come back.

Stop it, do not tell people that.

 

[anonymoususer777]

Stop it, do not tell people that.

Is he right or not?

 

[lukeflowz]

As of now, I have zero motivation but this can’t stop me from doing what I have to do.
Gym session, a walk around the lake, positive food choices to try and combat this poison in my body. I still have about 5kg or so to lose to be at my pre invega weight. I just hope for the love of god that I can beat this thing.

As there are lots of recovery stories, people still don’t recover for whatever reason. I hope sincerely I can recover as invega leaves my system. To those asking about motivation, don’t sit and wait for it- set a routine and follow it like a robot and wait for invega to leave your system.

I made the mistake yesterday to lie in bed all day and pace around the house instead of getting out and doing things and the first thing I noticed was how suicidal I felt. I almost felt paralysed on the bed and I couldn’t move, except for the occasional pacing.

Today I’ve forced activity and although my mood hasn’t improved, it is just enough to keep the suicidal urges away.

The best I can do logically is accept the damage that has been done and continue to live life, while taking steps to boost recovery. For example- supplementation, exercise, cooking, cleaning , grooming we have to force ourselves to do these things even if there is no “motivation”

To hell with akathisia and anhedonia, but I have faith that I’ll heal from these in time.

 

[demileigh]

I thought about suicide abit to. Especially when i first got out of the psych ward. But as i had had cotards syndrome and thought i was already dead being actually dead didnt seem so fun. But i in my own rather hedonistic way decided to live to get fucked up.

First thing i did when i got out of the psych ward was call up my old coke dealer for a few g's. I started banging to much coke at one time. I was shooting a 1/3rd of a gram sometimes and seizing up then my dad found me after a seizure with blood runnng down my arm and he called the paramedics. It was not a good scene. It didnt make me quit though when i got home i banged up more coke and again had a mini seizure.

I only quit when i finally got off the abilify and also got put back on morphine

Deciding to live to get fucked up and going through all that is better than not living or not wanting to live at all. I think a lot of my life I was using substances to escape feeling how depressed I really was so it doesn’t surprise me that withdrawing from such heavy weed smoking put me into psychosis, reality hit me a bit too hard and I couldn’t take how broken my heart was from everything I’d been through. I would still rather be injected with invega than be in psychosis thinking someone was in my roof wanting to hurt my son and that people I knew were trapped inside the tv, psychosis is fkd. Weird to say but I’ve quit smoking weed now, quit cigarettes and am now 2 weeks off quitting vapes, still not fully recovered from invega but am doing a whole lot better than I was before invega (actually better than ever) in terms of addiction, am quite surprised with myself.

 

[demileigh]

I was suicidal before my hospitalization and it’s not an option for me either because of how my family reacted… I still feel awful for it… in psychosis I thought my life was going to end very soon no matter what I did which didn’t help either. I was also in those negative thought loops thinking I was an awful person because of things I did when I was younger. I’m still upset that I “chose” to get invega injections but feeling less emotion is better than feeling heavily depressed and suicidal. I still have some symptoms of depression but I keep reminding myself my life isn’t as bad as I make it out to be and just focus on getting my work done.

Try to practice forgiving yourself instead of feeling awful about it, being gentle with yourself can go a long way.
I’ve found giving myself things to look forward to big and small, helps heaps with depression symptoms

 

[demileigh]

Thank you for sharing this, this drug does throw you into a negative thinking loop and one has to remind himself/ herself to snap out of it.

At this point and the way you are feeling right now, do you see your recovery in sight?

Most welcome
I think telling yourself 3 positive things/thoughts once one negative thought enters your mind is a good trick… I also done a lot of gratitude journaling in the beginning and would write down 3 things I was grateful for everyday… some days I would be writing how I was grateful for how smooth the bike path I walked along daily was, some days it was gratitude for the people in my life… there’s always something to have gratitude for, even if it’s just the small things.

Recovery is definitely in sight

 

[paranoid android]

Deciding to live to get fucked up and going through all that is better than not living or not wanting to live at all. I think a lot of my life I was using substances to escape feeling how depressed I really was so it doesn’t surprise me that withdrawing from such heavy weed smoking put me into psychosis, reality hit me a bit too hard and I couldn’t take how broken my heart was from everything I’d been through. I would still rather be injected with invega than be in psychosis thinking someone was in my roof wanting to hurt my son and that people I knew were trapped inside the tv, psychosis is fkd. Weird to say but I’ve quit smoking weed now, quit cigarettes and am now 2 weeks off quitting vapes, still not fully recovered from invega but am doing a whole lot better than I was before invega (actually better than ever) in terms of addiction, am quite surprised with myself.

Glad your doing better now. And yup i would take invega over psychosis as well. That shit was traumatizing

 

[InvegaAnon]

Is he right or not?

No. People recover from this shit all the fucking time. Thinking and talking like this here causes people to become hopeless and commit suicide. I'm not fully recovered, but I don't think I have brain damage. I think I had a severe neurotransmissional dysfunction. I feel very nearly like myself and I don't have any reason to believe I have forever lost the remaining 10%. I continue to slowly improve even two years after my injections.

Being overly negative and fearmongering in this space can have deadly consequences. Stop telling people they are permanently damaged, because they are so obviously not. I am so obviously not. That mindset harmed me severely because I took something I thought would help and I got PSSD. I was recovering quite well and I could feel weed, then I read this thread and ruined my year+. My invega/prozac addled brain had to sift through panic inducing nonsense time after time only to discover "oh it's probably fine actually". I'm lucky I was capable of doing that, a lot of people aren't capable of doing that normally for fuck's sake.

@paranoid android If anyone tells me I'm never going to recover please just delete it. I do not need to see that right now, I'm feeling depressed out of nowhere.

 

[lukeflowz]

Does anyone else have trouble when it comes to following plots in movies and TV series, as it seems since these injections I've taken a hit cognitively. I've never had this issue in the past and its troubling me. To those who recovered- did you lose your ability to follow movies/tv series and gain it back.
Partially it is a focus problem, as I struggle to give the show my full attention as I suffer a blank mind from invega.

 

[Matthew01]

Does anyone else have trouble when it comes to following plots in movies and TV series, as it seems since these injections I've taken a hit cognitively. I've never had this issue in the past and its troubling me. To those who recovered- did you lose your ability to follow movies/tv series and gain it back.
Partially it is a focus problem, as I struggle to give the show my full attention as I suffer a blank mind from invega.

Yes I do,I can't movies or shows and I struggle from a blank mind

 

[demileigh]

No. People recover from this shit all the fucking time. Thinking and talking like this here causes people to become hopeless and commit suicide. I'm not fully recovered, but I don't think I have brain damage. I think I had a severe neurotransmissional dysfunction. I feel very nearly like myself and I don't have any reason to believe I have forever lost the remaining 10%. I continue to slowly improve even two years after my injections.

Being overly negative and fearmongering in this space can have deadly consequences. Stop telling people they are permanently damaged, because they are so obviously not. I am so obviously not. That mindset harmed me severely because I took something I thought would help and I got PSSD. I was recovering quite well and I could feel weed, then I read this thread and ruined my year+. My invega/prozac addled brain had to sift through panic inducing nonsense time after time only to discover "oh it's probably fine actually". I'm lucky I was capable of doing that, a lot of people aren't capable of doing that normally for fuck's sake.

@paranoid android If anyone tells me I'm never going to recover please just delete it. I do not need to see that right now, I'm feeling depressed out of nowhere.

I agree 100% that being overly negative and fearmongering in this space can have deadly consequences… we all need to be as responsible as possible with the energy we bring into this space, if I was told at certain points that I was permanently damaged I could have easily gone on a downward spiral or even snapped. As much as this is a place for us to express ourselves, it’s also a support system and needs to be treated as such, we are not permanently damaged and saying shit like that can be really harmful. I hope you feel better soon @InvegaAnon

 

[demileigh]

Does anyone else have trouble when it comes to following plots in movies and TV series, as it seems since these injections I've taken a hit cognitively. I've never had this issue in the past and its troubling me. To those who recovered- did you lose your ability to follow movies/tv series and gain it back.
Partially it is a focus problem, as I struggle to give the show my full attention as I suffer a blank mind from invega.

I just finished spending days glued to Netflix and it was awesome. When I was on invega I would watch some tv with my son and I was kind of just zombied out or would just have something on the tv as background noise but when I came off the injections I was struggling to watch anything because i couldn’t concentrate on it, even the thought of watching anything on tv was excruciating because of how blank I was in the mind so I just gave in and stopped watching tv. Back to being able to watch tv as per usual now

 

[rawbanana]

I don’t understand how some of you are fully healing in mere months. I’m 10 months out and I feel some progress but not nearly enough… I still can’t cry and my brain doesn’t work like it used to. I’ve gained 30 lbs and my body has changed so much too but I’m mainly worried about my brain.

 

[toughdaysahead]

I appreciate you updating us, what helped aid your recovery?

Iam on my phone so I will have to reply individually sorry.
I don't really know. I guess just trying my hardest, even though I was chemically depressed, I still lived my life as normal, went to work, still listened to music even if it didn't sound great etc. I vape nicotine everyday as I have for the past 4-5 years. Being young as well helped I think. I had no success with st John's wort. Any other substances only provided short term relief for a few days. I also stayed physically active this whole time.

 

[toughdaysahead]

Co

COngratulations on your recovery. would you remember the dosages of your shots? If i understand correctly, You had sudden recovery by month 8 and a week? Did you exercise or do something that caused your recovery?

It was 2 loading shots at 156mg a week apart followed by two more 156 mg shots spaced out over a month each, followed by two 100mg shots. So actually 6 injections.

 

[toughdaysahead]

@toughdaysahead Did you experience experience emotional numbness or anhedonia , zero motivation, sexual dysfunction or low libido and recover from all that too?

Yes, I experienced all of that, minus sexual dysfunction, although I actually stopped producing semen for ages (orgasm without ejaculation) so I assume the drug made me infertile for a bit. Whilst on the drug and months 1-3 off was the worst for all these side effects. I would say I had chemically induced depression and my physical body felt like it had depression too.

These forums were and are a godsend for people in this situation like me, I appreciate all the support shown here but for the sake of my MH and moving on, I am finished here. I wish you all the absolute best.

 

[mona21]

Don't suicide sister, even if the thought is tempting as muslims we can't. In sha Allah you will heal.

In Shaa Allah I hope I do heal , but with each passing month my hope for healing is reducing. I know its a sin to suicide, but honestly if I dont heal , what other option is left for me. Living like this is miserable, I just really hope before I commit suicide Allah heals me. And if healing isn’t possible death seems better. But i would still wait till 12 months or push to live till 18 months . Allah is the most merciful , I want to believe Allah will forgive us for suicide in this suffering. But I really wish I had a fair chance in life, and this didn’t have to end like this.

 

[mona21]

Yes, I experienced all of that, minus sexual dysfunction, although I actually stopped producing semen for ages (orgasm without ejaculation) so I assume the drug made me infertile for a bit. Whilst on the drug and months 1-3 off was the worst for all these side effects. I would say I had chemically induced depression and my physical body felt like it had depression too.

These forums were and are a godsend for people in this situation like me, I appreciate all the support shown here but for the sake of my MH and moving on, I am finished here. I wish you all the absolute best.

At what month did emotions and motivation return? Are your orgasms and semen back to normal now after 8 months?