t_xeplionhell
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 1, 2021
- Messages
- 1,758
"did I really recover" is not a real question.Don't blame yourself. Everyone has to get burned by the medical community somehow in order to learn not to openly trust it as we're taught to. We were just unlucky that this was our "burn".
hypopituitarianism is permanent depending on the cause. If your hormones are affected by medication it stands to reason that they will stabilize once the medication is removed. If you take synthetic hormones that may also affect your pituitary gland.
You will be okay Bojana. You should be almost to a place where you can notice improvement if you are close to approximately ten months. I wish this forum was more positive for you. You were always positive and I fear to hear this hopelessness from you.
UPDATE: I've been doing well. My baby is two months old and gives me the butterflies every day. Life is chaotic with four children but I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't really go out much right now because I'm still breastfeeding. I keep busy keeping house, running after the two-year-old, drawing when I can, and taking the older kids to sports. I recently submitted the paintings I achieved while pregnant to the city arts page.
I've had no psychotic relapse. My historic "cycle" is once every two years so I should expect one in summer of 2024. I'm going to try to have things set up with a respite house then. When I get too stressed I can see myself wanting to cope with spiritual delusion and delusion of grandeur, but I'm better able to talk about it with my husband now. Healthy releases are everything. He and I attend therapy once every month and a half.
Occasionally I think of this forum and how you all are doing. I think I finally understand why people don't come back once they recover. It's really hard to read and remember all of this true despair. It's also really difficult to grapple with the question "did I really recover?" Because 1. The experience of being on invega is so unbelievable that it defies reality 2. Recovery IS subjective and something you can choose not to believe in 3. The trauma caused by invega, not the effects of invega, will always have affected you and your life in a way. It's so much easier just to forget about it altogether. It doesn't help that half this forum are also junkies who are just wondering when they can feel a hit again.
I pray for all of you guys & the worst suffering on earth that you are experiencing. It's hard to believe in rebirth when you are literally experiencing being the living dead, but life exists past invega. The way is narrow but you can get there.
I've turned my messages off because I had some people from this forum harassing me about being dishonest about recovery that I didn't want to hear from. I also don't like to think about invega every time I check my email inbox. But just hold on - if I could make it you can too. Maybe it helps to think of invega recovery like Wesley's rebrith in the Princess Bride - a gradual reanimation. I think a lot of us are expecting something like a birth canal experience - a sudden alleviation - and this is not the case.
Every piece of recovery is obvious and can be simply measured, someone who fully recovers will know it.
Someone who lies to themselves that they fully recovered will also know it deep down, but that will eventually surface and result in suicide, very likely.