Okay so it's my seven month anniversary post and I have GREAT NEWS.
I went in for a PCOS diagnosis today. I have no cysts! And I have a dominant follicle, which means I'm going to ovulate this month. That means my hormones are going back to normal and it's unlikely I have hypopituitarism. Everything looks good. I'm relieved invega didn't make this suspected problem worse.
I still have high testosterone. I'm not concerned about that, I don't want to bring it down. I LIKE that I'm hormonally intersex. I'm nonbinary. I'm happy I don't really have to do anything about it, if my ovaries were unhealthy I would have had to.
So, I'm just chilling, not feeling like invega totally ruined the trajectory of my life anymore. I feel like my personal potential got hurt though. I'm glad I could still have a family some day. I'm trying to reconnect with an old friend I had a crush on, and I think she had a crush on me too. I don't know if I can still feel love like I did. Maybe I'll find out.
It's hard to say where I'm at in my recovery from invega. Prozac really fucked up my emotions and I can't feel deeply. The anhedonia I got from the Prozac is starting to wear off a little, like I can enjoy and pay attention to YouTube or TV. I can watch stuff again, yay.
My dog I had for 12 years died just yesterday and I only cried like three times about it. I'm normally more emotional when my pets pass away. I was expecting him to die for a couple years now, he held on for so long. I do miss him, my house is way too quiet without him. He'd push my bedroom door open to check on me and I almost expect it to happen still.
My sister told me she dreamed about seeing our Gonzo in dog heaven and said "It smelled like beef" and I laughed really hard at that. Of course it would!
I have a small amount of sexual pleasure that comes and goes. To feel pleasure, even a little bit, early on into PSSD is a good sign. The weird rough patches of skin on my genitals are staying away.
I'm at 80% cognitively, I have some memory problems. Lots of disassociation still, but it's not as bad as last month. Being social is easier. I need to try to be creative again, I think I have it in me.
Uh, like I said, it's hard to tell where I am in my invega recovery because PSSD fucked me up so badly.
As my tradition, here's another indie song I'm vibing with that I hope makes people feel better. We all float on.