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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Coming off Invega/Xeplion (paliperidone) injections v 12

KubiKook said:
Why do some of you guys insist on talking about your erections, etc. I am definitely not interested in hearing about that, dude. Otherwise, thank you for your responses, sharing about yourself, encouragement, etc. I can also appreciate your sentiments about your cat. Sorry for your loss. I have a beautiful Calico who had a perfect life at our mountain home before this debacle befell us.
The fact that I would talk about killing myself considering how much I LOVE my cat, says a whole lot about how horrific my suffering is.

I used to be highly spiritual too, never ever would have considered suicide as an option. I thought it would affect my 'journey' in the afterlife. Of course, I also know how devastated my family & friends will be. It's an absolutely horrifying position to be in. Yeah, I can appreciate the troubles you've gone through, I don't mean to diminish them at all, but 3 months compared to almost 18... Sounds like you got lucky. Did you taper? Mine was cold turkey. And very sadly, there's no evidence to support time ameliorating what has so badly corrupted my brain.

Thanks again for infusing your positivity into the 'picture.' I'm not aiming to be negative. Just realistic. I can't see the recovery. My condition has been too abysmal for too long. Waiting seems futile. We shall see... Peace, bro. And buona notte. I'm out for today. ~ Dan
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Oh sorrry TMI i guess.

Dude hang on if for no other reason then your cat. Also if you managed to go through ECT without getting long term side effects then why not just wait to see if you recover from the invega? You already beat the odds with the ECT. Honestly that is the stuff of nightmares. What does your doctor say about your side effects?
 
KubiKook said:
Does this anhedonia ever go away? Does anybody have aversions like I do, simple stuff like showering & shaving & grooming, even changing my clothes, it's ridiculous, all of these things are so troubling & unappealing. I used to be so fastidious with my appearance. Now, I'm a disheveled mess. What the hell happened to my brain?! I don't cook or clean, read or write, do Crosswords, go for walks, even movies & TV shows I loved, I can't connect to anymore. I'm mostly emotionless, here & there I weep for the loss of the old me & old life. Basically, I do nothing, I'm just mired in misery all day, every day. I can't really explain what it is... I'm in a fog in the deepest bowels of hell. I'm going on 18 months of this Invega withdrawal. How could this last so long? Is there any reason to hope?
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I promise it will go away and yes it will be the hardest thing you ever go through. Stay strong. I waa also a dishevelled mess and a slob. But thats not your fault. Its the drugs fault.
 
paranoid android said:
Oh sorrry TMI i guess.

Dude hang on if for no other reason then your cat. Also if you managed to go through ECT without getting long term side effects then why not just wait to see if you recover from the invega? You already beat the odds with the ECT. Honestly that is the stuff of nightmares. What does your doctor say about your side effects?
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My doc doesn't really get it... Now, she's pushing Lithium. And she downplays the toxicity of these two antipsychotics. I so wish I didn't get such severe insomnia, then I wouldn't have had to seek out a psychiatrist at all. This is an unimaginable nightmare for me, a hell I don't think even Satan himself could conjure. Yeah, I'm hanging, a noose around my neck, squeezing the f**king life out of me. We shall see if I can survive. This condition is surely not sustainable. My poor cat is suffering to. Having to leave our home has been absolutely awful. Anyway, thanks for caring...
 
IOSIP said:
I promise it will go away and yes it will be the hardest thing you ever go through. Stay strong. I waa also a dishevelled mess and a slob. But thats not your fault. Its the drugs fault.
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Thank you for the feedback & encouragement. Man, I hope you keep your promises... And soon. I'm at the end of my rope. No, definitely not my fault, thank you. The drug is surely the culprit.
 
IOSIP said:
Probably exisistence if its invega 🫠but it gets better
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invegaloner said:
This is kind of what I mean though… there are levels to depression. I’ve had depression that wasn’t “that bad” for a long time as well, and then I ended up attempting suicide. You’re never the same person you were in the past, it’s not impossible that your depression has gotten worse, you can do things to help though.

You’re supposed to get two loading doses less than a week apart, and then monthly after that. They didn’t tell me about the side effects but they did explain that. I also got mine 3 days apart.
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Got it about the loading doses. Yeah, this ain't normal depression. My brain is not the same. I know the difference. I really don't understand what the hell has happened. I guess it's chemistry.
All I know is that every second of every day is nothing but this ineffable suffering. Day after day after day of misery beyond imagining. I've always been strong & resilient. This sh*t is taking me down-down-down. When you no longer have all the things you used to hold onto, that used to get you through, what in the hell are you supposed to do?! F**k y'all...
 
Sorry y'all, I just lay in bed, sit on a chair or on the floor, and watch TV 'catatonically' all day, the writing & 'conversation,' even if only with myself, breaks the monotony & also gives me a slight sense of connection. I hope everybody who visits here is having the best possible day, maybe even some pleasure making its appearance upon the scene. Yeah, wouldn't that be nice. Later gators, Dan
 
Does the cognitive impairment ever get better? My 30th June shot @50mg really set me back and I feel like I'm getting dumber and dumber each day this past week. It's so scary because you're no longer able to have the consciousness you're used to having. Everything feels foreign to me and I feel trapped. Even a week ago I felt more my normal self but now I feel my brain is shrinking with each passing day.
 
Hey, just for something a little more lighthearted... This was me at my peak when I was a bodybuilder & boxer.

May be an image of 1 person and body building
 
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invegaloner said:
I’m not trying to say you aren’t suffering… I’m trying to explain from my experience with depression beforehand, and with anhedonia after invega. Again I have literally attempted suicide I’m not just talking to talk? I know what it’s like to feel pain and want it all to end. It does eventually go away. Invega has caused depression symptoms to worsen but it doesn’t mean you have to wallow in misery, that’s literally never helped anything. Because of my depression I’ve always struggled to take care of myself, it was worse after invega too. There was a point where I didn’t wash my hair for weeks. There are small things you can do. If you can’t shower everyday you can try to shower maybe every other day. Beating yourself up for not being perfectly healthy and happy as you used to be will also not help. Many people go through different life experiences that changes their day to day and perspective. Reward yourself more for doing the smaller things.
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Okay, back to seriousness. Yeah, I'm not aiming to diminish your experience with depression or your attempted suicide. Obviously, you were suffering to go to that extreme. As I've mentioned,
I am intimately acquainted with suffering, long-suffering. I've had chronic Lyme disease for 16+ years. I also went through many bouts of depression since I was a kid. I know depression manifests differently for different people & at different times. All I can tell you is THIS isn't even remotely similar to what I've experienced throughout my life.

I'm not "wallowing" in misery. In some inexplicable way, misery is wallowing in me. And around me. No matter what I do or don't do, it won't go away. This 'thing' that's been affecting my brain in this insane way since February 2025. It's an entirely different beast... I never had even close to this level of dysfunction, never had close to this level of dis-ability, so to speak.

Hey, maybe in some way you're right, it's some much more insidious manifestation of depression that wasn't part of my former nature (created by the severe chemical change of the Invega withdrawal). For this to last almost 18 months is absurd. I promise you, it's not my mindset or my actions or inactions that are perpetuating this. It's not about me beating myself up & fixating on perfectly happy or healthy, I assure you. There's no reward in anything. No feeing or connection to anything. Lots of aversions. I appreciate your story & your efforts to inspire some sense of hope.

Thank you.
invegaloner said:
I’m not trying to say you aren’t suffering… I’m trying to explain from my experience with depression beforehand, and with anhedonia after invega. Again I have literally attempted suicide I’m not just talking to talk? I know what it’s like to feel pain and want it all to end. It does eventually go away. Invega has caused depression symptoms to worsen but it doesn’t mean you have to wallow in misery, that’s literally never helped anything. Because of my depression I’ve always struggled to take care of myself, it was worse after invega too. There was a point where I didn’t wash my hair for weeks. There are small things you can do. If you can’t shower everyday you can try to shower maybe every other day. Beating yourself up for not being perfectly healthy and happy as you used to be will also not help. Many people go through different life experiences that changes their day to day and perspective. Reward yourself more for doing the smaller things.
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KubiKook said:
Sorry y'all, I just lay in bed, sit on a chair or on the floor, and watch TV 'catatonically' all day, the writing & 'conversation,' even if only with myself, breaks the monotony & also gives me a slight sense of connection. I hope everybody who visits here is having the best possible day, maybe even some pleasure making its appearance upon the scene. Yeah, wouldn't that be nice. Later gators, Dan
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Try this
 
KubiKook said:
Hey, just for something a little more lighthearted... This was me at my peak when I was a bodybuilder & boxer.

May be an image of 1 person and body building
Click to expand...


Damn bro you where jacked. Dont worry you can get back in that shape again. I was in horrible shape even after losing the weight from the abilify and invega. I started out lfting 25lbs dumbbells now i do reps with 215lbs on the barbell. My cardio is terrible though. Wish i had thwe cardio to do boxing. You must have been in awesome shape
 
Does the blank mind that invega gives ever get better? It's making the time go by so slowly as there's nothing in my mind to keep me occupied, so it feels like torturous boredom. I can't stand it!
 
Brendan Clark said:
Does the blank mind that invega gives ever get better? It's making the time go by so slowly as there's nothing in my mind to keep me occupied, so it feels like torturous boredom. I can't stand it!
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No thoughts, no ideas, no internal monologue, it's like my mind is total nothingness.
 
falsely diagnosed as paranoid schizopernic in a self defense case - as i defended myself got injuries from it went to a&e explained and also had to heal my own wounds they didn’t help - suddenly sent to a mental hospital saying i need treatment when i just needed help with housing here in the uk

suddenly now yesterday after 3 weeks of being here section 2 ends 17th july

i was injected assaulted to say as i told them last time i had these injections it caused me life threatening injuries yet they came to attack me to give it to me

i’m so lost for words and everything now im back here same time as last year how weird is that
 
my doctors are evil i had no symptoms of a paranoid schizopernic the whole med care system is a scandal, im here not able to even produce semen as when they attacked me with injection i had sex before so now all my semen is used to fight this poison

i’m weak no energy feel like a woman - discharge 18th apparently - it’s hard knowing i’m back to sq1 and docs and nurses are scum

literally assaulted this medication forced when i wasn’t chaotic i just refused pills a few times as it was causing jaw lock and nose block and couldn’t sit down but yet they inject me with it instead !!
 
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