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Coming off Invega/Xeplion (paliperidone) injections v 12

KubiKook said:
I feel ya, I'm on 17 months & counting, two frickin' injections, I've lost everything, I'm me but not me anymore, totally destroyed, suffering horrifically, every second of every day, no joke, I can't take much more either & am also afraid of trying to kill myself & not succeeding. I don't truly want to be dead, my faith is completely gone too, but I can't live this miserable life much longer...

What the hell are we supposed to do?!
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Everything you're describing feels very familiar to me. I also find myself thinking about death very often, wondering whether all of this is hopeless and whether I even have a future. Whenever that happens, I go back and read recovery stories. They give me a tiny bit of hope, but it never seems to last for long. I try to stay positive, but my thoughts won't leave me alone, and sometimes it feels as though there's only one possible outcome to all of this. I was misdiagnosed as well, even though I tried to talk about it. They didn't want to discharge me until they had given me the third injection. My life feels ruined. I keep trying to tell myself that this is only temporary, but sometimes I'm really scared. I don't know what will happen next...

What doses were your injections? I feel like that might also affect the speed of recovery
 
abefourth said:
It put you in a horrible place. But please remember you have people on your side who care about you and want to help you. There are medicines and practices that can help you, and even if they don't we're still here for you.
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My life has been a kaleidoscope of deeply painful and traumatic experiences. In 2020, I sought psychiatric help for the first time because I hoped I would finally be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and receive the right treatment. All the criteria seemed to point in that direction. I had a very different idea of what psychiatry would be like. I thought psychiatrists were like any other doctors—people whose goal was to help their patients recover and make their lives as comfortable as possible. I imagined I'd receive psychotherapy and spend time working with a psychologist. Instead, I discovered that psychiatric care in my country is still stuck in the past. Hardly anyone seemed familiar with borderline personality disorder, and they mostly focused on common diagnoses like schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, depression, and so on. Like many others, I was treated with antipsychotics. They didn't help me at all—in fact, they only made things worse by turning me into an emotionless robot. After that, I tried to treat myself, but it led nowhere, and eventually I found myself back in my psychiatrist's office. Now, I dream of only one thing—to wake up one day and feel like myself again, the person I was before all the hospitalizations. Right now, that future still feels very distant. I'm sorry for writing all of this. I just needed to get it off my chest
 
Tonight at 10 p.m., I'll be taking another cabergoline tablet. It'll be my fourth one. My doctor told me I'll probably need to take it for about three months. I've started having vivid, memorable dreams with actual storylines. For example, last night I dreamed I was standing next to one of those claw machines—the ones with a glass front that you often see at amusement parks, where you insert a coin and try to grab a prize with the claw. But in my dream, instead of stuffed toys, the machine was filled with chemical elements, each one placed inside a small cube and labeled. I was trying to grab radium, but my hand suddenly went numb for a while. After that, my friend and I were pooling our money to buy a chemistry book. It was incredibly expensive, and she was willing to pay more than half of the cost. Honestly, I have no idea what any of it means. It isn't even the first time I've dreamed about chemistry, and considering that I never liked the subject in school, it's pretty surprising to me. Has anyone else noticed more vivid dreams after starting cabergoline or during recovery?
 
Invegatorment said:
I'm sorry to hear about your situation...
Reading your posts reminded me of my first 2 months. But it seems so unusual that you're still experiencing this level of suffering after 17 months.

Do you still have the typical symptoms like anhedonia and genital numbness? Can you feel substances like caffeine or nicotine?
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Yeah, it's insane. I've had no abatement of symptoms. Thank you for the sympathy. Yes, I have anhedonia, not the genital numbness, although certainly no sex drive.

I have no interest in previously enjoyable activities, I can physically do stuff, but everything is so troubling, I can't stand showering or changing, don't cook or clean anymore, don't go outside, don't socialize, I'm in a fog, no impulse to eat or drink, don't like coffee anymore, no nicotine, pretty much nothing. I'm desperate, not wanting to die, but really no choice, this is too brutal.
 
InnerReturn said:
Everything you're describing feels very familiar to me. I also find myself thinking about death very often, wondering whether all of this is hopeless and whether I even have a future. Whenever that happens, I go back and read recovery stories. They give me a tiny bit of hope, but it never seems to last for long. I try to stay positive, but my thoughts won't leave me alone, and sometimes it feels as though there's only one possible outcome to all of this. I was misdiagnosed as well, even though I tried to talk about it. They didn't want to discharge me until they had given me the third injection. My life feels ruined. I keep trying to tell myself that this is only temporary, but sometimes I'm really scared. I don't know what will happen next...

What doses were your injections? I feel like that might also affect the speed of recovery
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Yes, this feels hopeless to me, my life is absolutely ruined, I can't live at home anymore, me & my cat are tortured in our new space, I can't imagine getting home again, everything it takes to manage a household & property, I (mentally) can't do any of it anymore, this is insane, the recovery stories don't help me, everybody's brain is different, my change feels permanent, and this is not a life that's sustainable, I'm not viable as a normal human being, I can't take care of myself, the future looks like some kind of nursing home or maybe worse, I couldn't bear that, I have people around me talking about the power of positive thinking, they just don't get it, it's not my mindset that's creating this complex, it's an abominable change in my brain composition, what a horror!

I'm not sure what my doses were. I think the second one was 234mg. Maybe 156. Either way, how can two injections cause such misery for such a long time?! I need a miracle & sadly, I don't believe in them anymore, my faith is completely gone, it was such a strong foundation of my life, what a grievous loss, so much loss, I used to be a charismatic, good-looking guy in good shape,
highly intelligent & highly conscious, very artistic, wrote many poems & songs, was finishing a book, landscaped my 1.4-acre property, built stone walls, planted so many trees, bushes & perennials, such color in season, attracting so much wildlife, how can this happen to us?!, and where's it heading?!, tragically & horrifyingly, I think for me it's gotta be suicide, don't think I can't survive this much longer. We shall see. Thank you for the message.
 
KubiKook said:
Yes, this feels hopeless to me, my life is absolutely ruined, I can't live at home anymore, me & my cat are tortured in our new space, I can't imagine getting home again, everything it takes to manage a household & property, I (mentally) can't do any of it anymore, this is insane, the recovery stories don't help me, everybody's brain is different, my change feels permanent, and this is not a life that's sustainable, I'm not viable as a normal human being, I can't take care of myself, the future looks like some kind of nursing home or maybe worse, I couldn't bear that, I have people around me talking about the power of positive thinking, they just don't get it, it's not my mindset that's creating this complex, it's an abominable change in my brain composition, what a horror!

I'm not sure what my doses were. I think the second one was 234mg. Maybe 156. Either way, how can two injections cause such misery for such a long time?! I need a miracle & sadly, I don't believe in them anymore, my faith is completely gone, it was such a strong foundation of my life, what a grievous loss, so much loss, I used to be a charismatic, good-looking guy in good shape,
highly intelligent & highly conscious, very artistic, wrote many poems & songs, was finishing a book, landscaped my 1.4-acre property, built stone walls, planted so many trees, bushes & perennials, such color in season, attracting so much wildlife, how can this happen to us?!, and where's it heading?!, tragically & horrifyingly, I think for me it's gotta be suicide, don't think I can't survive this much longer. We shall see. Thank you for the message.
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BTW, how long have you been going through withdrawal?
 
KubiKook said:
Yeah, psychiatry is surely a grotesque profession. I got misdiagnosed & mandated this monstrosity of a drug. I was holistically oriented, into health & wellness & fitness, totally opposed to these poisons. Even though I knew they were bad, I never could have imagined a medication & subsequent withdrawal could do this level of damage. And it appears to have permanently changed my brain. Maybe not, but I can't endure much more of this abject misery. I'm not remotely the same person. I can barely function. I used to be so competent & capable. I've lost almost everything.

Sorry you're going through hell too. I admire your drive to overcome this mess & write a book about your nightmare experience. I used to write prose & poetry. I was also a singer/songwriter, played guitar too. I don't have the creative motivation or inspiration anymore, not even close. I spend the entire day like a tortured zombie, fixated on the TV which I'm not really able to engage with well, but it passes time, which is meaningless now, because each day is the same, nothing but misery, second by second, no relief from the grief, no joy or pleasure at all. WTF?! Peace Yogi.
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Samaneri Jayasera on YouTube or Spotify, please turn this on for your own good, everything is frequency and hearing quotes of kundalini awakened people makes this hell more bearable.
 
KubiKook said:
Yes, this feels hopeless to me, my life is absolutely ruined, I can't live at home anymore, me & my cat are tortured in our new space, I can't imagine getting home again, everything it takes to manage a household & property, I (mentally) can't do any of it anymore, this is insane, the recovery stories don't help me, everybody's brain is different, my change feels permanent, and this is not a life that's sustainable, I'm not viable as a normal human being, I can't take care of myself, the future looks like some kind of nursing home or maybe worse, I couldn't bear that, I have people around me talking about the power of positive thinking, they just don't get it, it's not my mindset that's creating this complex, it's an abominable change in my brain composition, what a horror!

I'm not sure what my doses were. I think the second one was 234mg. Maybe 156. Either way, how can two injections cause such misery for such a long time?! I need a miracle & sadly, I don't believe in them anymore, my faith is completely gone, it was such a strong foundation of my life, what a grievous loss, so much loss, I used to be a charismatic, good-looking guy in good shape,
highly intelligent & highly conscious, very artistic, wrote many poems & songs, was finishing a book, landscaped my 1.4-acre property, built stone walls, planted so many trees, bushes & perennials, such color in season, attracting so much wildlife, how can this happen to us?!, and where's it heading?!, tragically & horrifyingly, I think for me it's gotta be suicide, don't think I can't survive this much longer. We shall see. Thank you for the message.
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I'm so sorry you're going through this. Reading your message, I can feel how much you've lost, and I understand why you're grieving the person you used to be. It sounds incredibly painful. I know it's hard to believe in recovery when you've been suffering for so long, and I won't pretend to know what your outcome will be. But I've seen people improve even after they thought nothing would ever change. That's one of the reasons I'm still trying to hold on myself. What you wrote about your life before all of this—your creativity, your home, your writing, your garden—it shows that those parts of you existed. Right now they may feel buried, but they are still part of who you are. I feel like my personality has changed too. I used to be a determined, confident, and outgoing girl who loved reading, spending time with friends, and astronomy. Now I've become someone who spends most of her time alone, feeling apathetic, with little desire to talk to anyone, let alone do the things I used to enjoy. I feel like I've become nothing more than a shadow—or a ghost—of the full and meaningful life I once had. I barely recognize myself anymore, even physically. When I look in the mirror and see tired, almost lifeless eyes, exhausted from the lack of good-quality sleep, it's unbearable. So I truly understand how you feel. It's terribly unfair.

I sincerely hope you'll tell someone you trust or a healthcare professional how overwhelming your suicidal thoughts have become. You shouldn't have to carry this burden alone. Thank you for sharing your story with me. From the bottom of my heart, I hope that one day we'll both be able to look back on this as nothing more than the darkest chapter of our lives, rather than the ending
 
Brendan Clark said:
It's crazy to think Johnson & Johnson make more than 4 billion dollars on Invega sales, they value profit over health.
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Crazy to think that corporations that falsify the records like Eli Lilly and Jansen Pharmaceuticals makes money on our suffering, i dont know about others but might too... Jesus said to never lie and they lie that people with dementia autism and disabilities are needing antipsychotics, and also i see dopamine imbalance theory which what i was acussed of, supposedly it was genetics for these monsters in my case not beating abusive father despotic narcissistic lying manipulative mother and bullying me 11 yo sister when im a kid. These monsters traumatize already traumatised people the brain damage is the worst part of it. Inshallah these fools will face God judgment
 
But keep in mind that the most beautiful moment of my life was given by psychiatrist so its not that all pharmacology is bad, none of you would not been on this forum if you would be forced 25mg seroquel for 2 weeks even if you not needed it, there are situation where they can be helpful but enlightened psychiatrist know they can permanently damage someone that didnt needed even minimal dose cause cptsd is not schizophrenia right? Pregabalin is very helpful for me and im going to psychiatrist soon, does anyone knows which psychiatric pill is best for dopamine production? Strattera Xanax?
 
InnerReturn said:
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Reading your message, I can feel how much you've lost, and I understand why you're grieving the person you used to be. It sounds incredibly painful. I know it's hard to believe in recovery when you've been suffering for so long, and I won't pretend to know what your outcome will be. But I've seen people improve even after they thought nothing would ever change. That's one of the reasons I'm still trying to hold on myself. What you wrote about your life before all of this—your creativity, your home, your writing, your garden—it shows that those parts of you existed. Right now they may feel buried, but they are still part of who you are. I feel like my personality has changed too. I used to be a determined, confident, and outgoing girl who loved reading, spending time with friends, and astronomy. Now I've become someone who spends most of her time alone, feeling apathetic, with little desire to talk to anyone, let alone do the things I used to enjoy. I feel like I've become nothing more than a shadow—or a ghost—of the full and meaningful life I once had. I barely recognize myself anymore, even physically. When I look in the mirror and see tired, almost lifeless eyes, exhausted from the lack of good-quality sleep, it's unbearable. So I truly understand how you feel. It's terribly unfair.

I sincerely hope you'll tell someone you trust or a healthcare professional how overwhelming your suicidal thoughts have become. You shouldn't have to carry this burden alone. Thank you for sharing your story with me. From the bottom of my heart, I hope that one day we'll both be able to look back on this as nothing more than the darkest chapter of our lives, rather than the ending
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Your situation definitely sounds similar. I'm sorry you're also going through such suffering. Thank you for your kind words & encouragement. It means a lot. I also feel like a shadow or ghost of who I used to be, and look in the mirror & see tired, blackened eyes with slight bags from the severe lack of sleep for many months. Unfortunately, after trying natural remedies, then numerous lighter meds, I was forced to take, not one, but two antipsychotics (Seroquel & Caplyta) to get 6-7 hours of sleep. How will I ever get off these drugs now?!

I have told plenty of people about the suicidality. Nobody knows how to help me at this point. The practitioner prescribing the meds is pushing lithium now. Is there any reason to believe lithium could ameliorate any of my ills? I would surely love if we could connect down the road & both be recovered from these nightmares we've been enduring. Thank you again for your thoughtful & heartfelt message. Sincerely & gratefully, Dan
 
Chanel_monster said:
I wouldn't be surprised if the psychiatry's goal is to kill or drive people to commit suicide.
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Yeah, the real MONSTER is Big Pharma. But these psychiatrists are surely culpable too. I would love to torture the guy who did this to me. There was absolutely no justification for prescribing this extreme poison. I was slightly manic when I arrived at the hospital. Honestly, I didn't need anything at that point. But if anything, they should've given me a much more benign med. F'n Nazis!
 
KubiKook said:
Yeah, these Nazi docs should definitely be charged with crimes against humanity. Thanks for the empathy. Much appreciated.
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As totally healthy man i will sue them and speak about what they done to me by forcing me antipsychotics on 3 diff hosiutalization where each one was against the law cause i was not danger to myself or other, i dont see how i could lose it
 
YogirisingKundalini said:
As totally healthy man i will sue them and speak about what they done to me by forcing me antipsychotics on 3 diff hosiutalization where each one was against the law cause i was not danger to myself or other, i dont see how i could lose it
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I hope you're successful. Sadly, it doesn't change all the suffering they imposed. I also have a good case, I wasn't a danger, was totally compliant with their program, yada-yada. But they're
likely to manipulate the facts, somehow create a need for that poison. I didn't even have one session with the psychiatrist, nurse practitioner or therapist, before or after my court appearance.
Definitely malpractice & mistreatment. Those Mother-F**kers should be in jail for what they've done to me, and the hospital should be shut down. The judge should also be liable for collusion.
 
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