Coming off Invega/Xeplion (paliperidone) injections v 12

It feels so strange to never get tired now, I have to just intentionally go to bed and sleep

I don't get hunger or thirst signals either, nor the sensation of being full
 
It feels so strange to never get tired now, I have to just intentionally go to bed and sleep

I don't get hunger or thirst signals either, nor the sensation of being full
I don't really feel tired either—just a slight drowsiness late at night. My sleep schedule is still completely off, and I can't fall asleep before midnight. My sense of hunger only started coming back recently, and even then it's very faint. I don't know when all of this will recover, but I'm really hoping to see some kind of progress, because this isn't living—it's just existing, or a poor imitation of life.
 
Perhaps this experience is meant to teach all of us to appreciate our emotions and the freedom to express them. I realize now how carefree I was before all of this happened—getting involved with the wrong people and placing my trust in those who didn't deserve it. Looking back, I think I would have been the happiest person in the world simply living a quiet, peaceful life. Back then, I had no idea how precious it was just to be healthy, not to spend months waiting to recover. I was so happy, and it's heartbreaking to realize that I didn't truly understand or appreciate it. Instead, I wasted my energy worrying about trivial things. I guess you only truly understand the value of something when you have something to compare it to. This has been the most painful lesson I could have learned
 
Why suicide attempts fail most of the time? Must be that sadistic fuck skydaddy's way of torturing people.
The survival instinct is a stubborn thing. I hope all of us can hold on until the end of this. We just need to be patient—suicidal thoughts are a known side effect of many antipsychotics. I truly hope that one day we'll all be genuinely happy again, and that this experience will be behind us
 
Perhaps this experience is meant to teach all of us to appreciate our emotions and the freedom to express them. I realize now how carefree I was before all of this happened—getting involved with the wrong people and placing my trust in those who didn't deserve it. Looking back, I think I would have been the happiest person in the world simply living a quiet, peaceful life. Back then, I had no idea how precious it was just to be healthy, not to spend months waiting to recover. I was so happy, and it's heartbreaking to realize that I didn't truly understand or appreciate it. Instead, I wasted my energy worrying about trivial things. I guess you only truly understand the value of something when you have something to compare it to. This has been the most painful lesson I could have learned
It put you in a horrible place. But please remember you have people on your side who care about you and want to help you. There are medicines and practices that can help you, and even if they don't we're still here for you.
 
I really want to kill myself so bad but i'm scared of surviving the attempt. Ever since invega, my creativity is gone and I can't use drugs to escape because I can't get no effect. I promised myself I'll give it ten more months before ending my life. I wish I can get a answer right now. Like, either give back at least part of my life before invega or let me die. This is really torture. My ptsd gets worse everyday. NOTHING IS FUCKING HELPING, I JUST WANNA FUCKING DIE.
I feel ya, I'm on 17 months & counting, two frickin' injections, I've lost everything, I'm me but not me anymore, totally destroyed, suffering horrifically, every second of every day, no joke, I can't take much more either & am also afraid of trying to kill myself & not succeeding. I don't truly want to be dead, my faith is completely gone too, but I can't live this miserable life much longer...

What the hell are we supposed to do?!
 
I feel ya, I'm on 17 months & counting, two frickin' injections, I've lost everything, I'm me but not me anymore, totally destroyed, suffering horrifically, every second of every day, no joke, I can't take much more either & am also afraid of trying to kill myself & not succeeding. I don't truly want to be dead, my faith is completely gone too, but I can't live this miserable life much longer...

What the hell are we supposed to do?!
Never kill ourself and start to exposing it, brave ones are needed
 
Never kill ourself and start to exposing it, brave ones are needed
Yeah, I used to be highly spiritual, not religious, but a Jesus guy, believing in the coming of a final battle between good & evil, yada-yada. I never would've considered suicide as an option.

Now, I truly agree with Right to Die advocates & empathize with the brutally afflicted. When the suffering is so persistently horrific, we should be able to choose when we're ready to go.
 
Yeah, I used to be highly spiritual, not religious, but a Jesus guy, believing in the coming of a final battle between good & evil, yada-yada. I never would've considered suicide as an option.

Now, I truly agree with Right to Die advocates & empathize with the brutally afflicted. When the suffering is so persistently horrific, we should be able to choose when we're ready to go.
Same never considered suicide as an option before this, they create biggest horror of our lifes and call it help, but i can use that energy and create biggest mainstream case and write a book how i healed cptsd etc... But i live with abusive parents due to my psyche still being in pieces therefore affecting my ability to work so it makes me live in fight or flight constantly which after all the hell i been through makes me suicidal extremaly, my parents are so demonic that still dare to use psychiatry past as a way to try to intimidate me, still controling and still infantilise me. Most of these psychiatrist do not recognize who is a victim and who is abuser
 
Almost 11 months update
I am feeling about 60 percents recovered now, and I can finally feel the dopamine coming back. The brain fog is totally lifting up everyday, which is such a massive relief. I know it will still take half a year, or maybe plus, to fully recover.

It will probably take a year or more to become a 10x programmer again, if it is even still possible—but I am at peace with that pace.


This time, I am going to make things differently. I am definitely not going to abuse Vyvanse anymore. In the future, I will only take a low dose together with guanfacine, and possibly some mood stabilizer, because I think high dopamine makes me a bit manic sometimes.

Anyway, I just wanted to share this so you know that there is a real hope. Stay strong people, we really can get through this!

 
Same never considered suicide as an option before this, they create biggest horror of our lifes and call it help, but i can use that energy and create biggest mainstream case and write a book how i healed cptsd etc... But i live with abusive parents due to my psyche still being in pieces therefore affecting my ability to work so it makes me live in fight or flight constantly which after all the hell i been through makes me suicidal extremaly, my parents are so demonic that still dare to use psychiatry past as a way to try to intimidate me, still controling and still infantilise me. Most of these psychiatrist do not recognize who is a victim and who is abuser
Yeah, psychiatry is surely a grotesque profession. I got misdiagnosed & mandated this monstrosity of a drug. I was holistically oriented, into health & wellness & fitness, totally opposed to these poisons. Even though I knew they were bad, I never could have imagined a medication & subsequent withdrawal could do this level of damage. And it appears to have permanently changed my brain. Maybe not, but I can't endure much more of this abject misery. I'm not remotely the same person. I can barely function. I used to be so competent & capable. I've lost almost everything.

Sorry you're going through hell too. I admire your drive to overcome this mess & write a book about your nightmare experience. I used to write prose & poetry. I was also a singer/songwriter, played guitar too. I don't have the creative motivation or inspiration anymore, not even close. I spend the entire day like a tortured zombie, fixated on the TV which I'm not really able to engage with well, but it passes time, which is meaningless now, because each day is the same, nothing but misery, second by second, no relief from the grief, no joy or pleasure at all. WTF?! Peace Yogi.
 
I feel ya, I'm on 17 months & counting, two frickin' injections, I've lost everything, I'm me but not me anymore, totally destroyed, suffering horrifically, every second of every day, no joke, I can't take much more either & am also afraid of trying to kill myself & not succeeding. I don't truly want to be dead, my faith is completely gone too, but I can't live this miserable life much longer...

What the hell are we supposed to do?!
I'm sorry to hear about your situation...
Reading your posts reminded me of my first 2 months. But it seems so unusual that you're still experiencing this level of suffering after 17 months.

Do you still have the typical symptoms like anhedonia and genital numbness? Can you feel substances like caffeine or nicotine?
 
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