Who else is worried about their future because of this drug?
Not now that I'm beginning to recover.
I was very pessimistic about my future when I first got put on Invega. I wasn't sure if I'd regain my full intelligence and creativity, and I adjusted my plans for the future because of that. I'm much more optimistic now. I'm planning to recover in full because that's the way it seems to be going.
I think my brain must have adjusted to being on Invega, because I'm getting withdrawal effects - insomnia, and I believe my brain will adjust again. It will just take a little bit of time.
When I was on Invega, I was basically waiting all of the time. Waiting for each day to end so that I could go back to bed and another day would be over, so that I'd be closer to the day when I'd be off it. I'm only three and a half months off, but I'm not waiting anymore. My days are better and more productive. I'm beginning to rekindle my interest in things like travel and I'm planning to do a lot of traveling next year. My brain is more active too - I've been processing the last few years and the events that precipitated my last hospital admission, and this feels like a worthwhile thing to do. I've also been doing a lot of research about psychosis and recovery.
I wish I wasn't put on antipsychotics, although my best friend is glad that I was. He doesn't think that I would have been able to recover without them, because I was too scared to talk about the things I believed. We've talked a lot about what we'll do if I start believing strange things again. He knows how I feel about medication and is supportive of my decision not to take medication now. Honestly, I'd rather have psychosis.
Years ago, people with schizophrenia were no more likely to take their own lives than anyone else, but now, one in ten people with schizophrenia commit suicide. I believe it's because of the medication. People usually do it when they're beginning to recover (from their psychosis) too. It's so sad.
If anyone out there is struggling with suicidal thoughts because of this drug, just keep going. Eventually, the drug will work its way out of your system and your beautiful brain will recover. Keep going until it does, because life, music, joy - all of it is worth it.