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Cleantime/Sobriety Countdown

I have been popping too many pills lately, haven't taken any in two days. At least I'm not shooting up heroin. After being an addict for so many years it left me with depression and an anxiety disorder. I blame mostly methadone after being on it it for 1 year straight I was never the same after. I just can't seem to say no when I'm offered pills, though I have some control when I have pills, like I'll only take 60mg of oxy throughout the day just enough to kill the anxiety and the depression. Haven't touched a needle in 1 1/2 years so that's good. I also pretty much quit marijuana It just wasn't helping me. GL everybody
 
Today is day 11 of no full opiates. suboxone for four days at first, tho. Its boring as fuck and I cry all the time but I have a sense of peace atm. I feel like its going to be all right. quoting sgt. Joker -- "i am in a world of shit- yes. But I am alive. And I am not afraid."
 
12 days no opiates.

some benzo tapering still going on, down to 1mg twice a day...
and i smoked 3 joints on separate occasions when i couldn't sleep...

so i guess not technically clean....:\
 
Well after a month and a half clean I fucked up, eating bupe (after 19 months opiate free) and adderall and I almost drank, which would have been the huge fuck up, but didn't do that thankfully... It's just not even fun anymore, and I've got too much to lose, so here we are back at day one...
 
Day 0!

Caffeine, half a beer, and sertraline today. I am only happy and intellectually sharp (stupefied happiness, including that of sertraline, is not the genuine article) when I am taking no drugs whatsoever, including caffeine.

I relapsed on diazepam last weekend, so I spent this past week in hell, unable to sleep more than a couple of hours per night. I took no drugs from Sunday through Friday, but then Saturday night (yesterday) I caved in and washed 50mg of tramadol down with six or seven units of alcohol. I did, at least, manage to sleep -- and even dream.

I may or may not take any drugs tomorrow, and by Tuesday I want to be sober again. If I can't sleep, then I can't sleep -- this is the only attitude left for me to choose, because this past week has made it abundantly clear to me that indulging in even a single dosage of tranquilizers (benzos, z-drugs, or to a lesser extent alcohol) will set me back for the entire next week.
 
tomorrow im going to take a few months off of suboxone because i feel like my brain needs it. took 3mg today, 2mg tomorrow and then im going to jump from there (which i know i can do, ive done it many many many times..)

but this time i want to stay off suboxone for a few months atleast, or only take them when i have an absolute fiend state of mind for an opiate.
 
About 24. Relapsed on coke last week and started drinking again. Really bummed about it.

People sure don't make it easy, but om the other hand it's hard to sever ties when you gotm nobody else.
 
Five months today :)

I just popped in to note the date on my way out to shopping/dinner with friends. One of the best daily rewards in all of this is that the dog I got 2.5 years ago finally started making eye contact with me, at about the 6 week clean mark. I always thought there was something wrong with the dog - turns out, he sensed there was something wrong with ME (and he was right). It always bothered me that despite my love and attention, he would never look at me, never meet my eyes. He started by doing this quick flash of eye contact and then looking away...as the clean months have passed, he now makes frequent & sustained eye contact. It breaks my heart that he could tell on some level that I wasn't really there before, but he's still young and I will never not be there, 100%, again.

The only remaining physical symptoms of long-term withdrawal are a mild fatigue (which really just allows me to sleep HARD at night, which I kinda like) and the infernal sneezing. Five months of sneezing ain't no picnic. I'm down to about 3-5 times a day, though, which is a huge improvement from a month ago.

Five months. I might actually be a little proud of myself. Imagine that.
 
130 days! My longest period of sobriety since I started using at age 13 (15 years ago). 80 of those days were spent in jail....but they count to DAMMIT ;)
 
SIX MONTHS as of June 9. This clean-time anniversary has great meaning for me because in the depths of the hell of the first couple months of withdrawal, I promised myself that I would give it six months, and if I didn't feel better physically, but more importantly, emotionally, at the six-month mark, I would give myself permission to commit suicide. Here I am at six months, and I can honestly say that I feel better than I have, maybe ever in my life. I gave 10 years to opiates and I went to hell and back to get free, but that trip was not without its gifts...greater patience, less fear, and - perhaps oddly - a more entrenched appreciation for the beautiful and hilarious absurdity of the human condition.

This past month, in particular, has not been without its challenges in terms of general life crap being dumped on my head, but I'm here and I'm clean, 100%.
 
clementines_ghost said:
SIX MONTHS as of June 9. This clean-time anniversary has great meaning for me because in the depths of the hell of the first couple months of withdrawal, I promised myself that I would give it six months, and if I didn't feel better physically, but more importantly, emotionally, at the six-month mark, I would give myself permission to commit suicide. Here I am at six months, and I can honestly say that I feel better than I have, maybe ever in my life. I gave 10 years to opiates and I went to hell and back to get free, but that trip was not without its gifts...greater patience, less fear, and - perhaps oddly - a more entrenched appreciation for the beautiful and hilarious absurdity of the human condition.

This past month, in particular, has not been without its challenges in terms of general life crap being dumped on my head, but I'm here and I'm clean, 100%.
Click to expand...

Good work!! It just gets better and better :)
 
I got 8 days of taking no opiates today, and I'm feeling not too bad. I took a nuerontin earlier and that helped. I wake up with some crushing depression, but it lifts somewhat after a few hours. I started smoking marijuana more often and my alcohol intake has increased. It sucks being an addict, temptation is everywhere, I just can't get away.
 
The last time I did heroin was May 31st, so i've been clean 18 days from that. The last time I had suboxene was last Saturday, the 11th (7 days ago). I'm totally off everything and so happy! I was trapped for a year and a half because of that shit. The physical withdrawals were what kept me sucked in. I was always either on dope or suboxene. No more worrying about what i'm gonna do if I run out of subs or cant find dope. No more feeling sick the entire day if I don't do a shot or take a sub.
 
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