yes i do believe in God i have ups and downs literally one second ill think "i dont need drugs right now" ten seconds later there is a fentanyl patch in my mouth. i have several things stopping me from suicide. the thought of hell, no kids yet and no siblings or first cousins so its up to me to keep the family name, and im a pussy. also it would kill my mom if i died. but hey if its unintentional then who gives a fuck all my friends well most have everything i just mentioned i dont. im broken i know this, and also sober and i am more pissed about the fact my grandparents do not have any pills for me to steal (im a piece of shit i know) then the things mentioned above. pretty sick eh
Man I know how you fee. I'm 24 bro and I haven't had a girlfriend in 5 years as well. I've had some chances but with all my issues from previous relationships combined with me being a bipolar drug addict I just can't bring myself to commit again. All my friends are dead, in jail, or live far away. My little brother and mom are in a different state and I never see them. And for the first time in years I don't have a job right now!
So I know where your coming from. Its easy to get into a self-destructive spiral when you feel you don't have any support. Who cares anyway right? But the thing is thinking like that will trap you in a cycle of failure and addiction. Being in a relationship, especially at 19, could be the worst thing that ever happened to you. An ex-coworker of mine was married with a kid at 18 and seemed to have it all. Well at 25 she left him after years of a struggling relationship. He rarely sees his kid and I'm sure would love to drown away the pain. Enter alimony and child-support. Now he can barely afford drugs and he's gonna have a lot less money and time for dates. He settled down too early and could have done way better picking a partner and going to school instead of working in kitchens. But that doesn't have to be your life.
I know it seems like the most important thing right now I know it did to me. But it ain't. Get a job, finish college, and most importantly do you. The girl WILL come if you got your shit together. If you just work at some shit restaurant and put all your money and energy to drugs you'll have a lot harder time getting a girl when you get to my age.
Since 19 I've got a DUI, wrecked my car, dropped out of school, got my scooter stolen through drunken negligence (still making payments),and did drugs for years never sticking to a job too long (had at least 20 at this point). Moved states twice to try and run from myself. I've fucked up so much shit since I was your age with that same mentality. I didn't have much family support and without an SO I just couldn't see the point in trying in life. But whenever a girl would come along I'd be too afraid of getting fucked over again.
Its a famous quote from Scarface "In America you get the money first and then you get the girl." Its sad but there is some truth in it. You don't necessarily need money but you need to be moving yourself in a positive direction. You need females to see you want something from life. Would you want a girl that ran to a fentanyl patch every time things got tough? Or someone with their shit together a bit? Well it works both ways.
Since you can't immediately get a girl you like put that on the back burner. Get a job and move forward with your dreams. For some reason if your not looking for a relationship it will find you every time.
Good luck dude and if you ever need someone to talk to PM me.
The trick is finding a balance between ignoring them just enough that they find you different from all the guys who do nothing but heap empty praise on good looking females (as good looking females are used to, because guys will tell unattractive women that they're pretty if we want to get in their pants enough), but not ignoring them to the extent that they think you dislike them personally (and subsequently find some other dude to bolster their egos).
